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why don't people in zombie apocalypse stories ever just wear suits of armor? you think any zombie is gonna get their shitty rotting jaws through this?

I'm gonna rip and tear my way through the zombie apocalypse completely unharmed because none of the undead hoards will be able to get through my plate mail

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Reblog to give the person you reblogged from the ability to finish their WIPs

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I had to find a picture of this 2017 article again because it's just so iconic.

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Okay so about the DB post. Do germans hate DB? Because danes hate DSB so so much (which i kind of think is unfair? at least in my experience) and we have this idea that DB is much better but this is the second time in like a month that i hear/see smth i think says the exact opposite. so can you like... talk a bit about DB? I'd like to know more 😅

Oh. OH. This might be the funniest ask I've ever gotten! 😂 Germans love to hate the DB! It is notoriously known for:

being late most of the time (especially on long distance rides)

therefore causing people to miss their connecting trains and reaching their destinations even later

just generally being bad at organisation and handling trouble on their routes

failing AC in summer

being surprised there's snow in winter

(the list goes on)

Generally, they're perceived to be a little ... incompetent at their job. When people have a journey coming up, they'll preemptively say something like: "wish me luck nothing goes wrong with my train ride". Mocking the DB is kind of a national sport and you'll find hundreds of memes about the DB's tardiness and bad handling of said tardiness. Here's a little selection from tumblr:

To be fair, German's do love to complain about everything and I guess it could be worse? Personally, I feel like other countries' train companies appear to be better managed, but that could be a case of "it's always greener on the other side"(?)

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why didn’t gandalf just carry the ring to mordor himself with these tongs

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lord of the rings bigatures my beloved

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Wait this is funny

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Because it’s the Ides of March and I’m a Romanophile, I feel compelled to debunk a bunch of wildly inaccurate things I keep seeing regarding the assassination of Julius Caesar.

The problem: Most people only know about the Ides of March from Shakespeare’s play, Julius Caesar. As lovely as the play is, it is horribly inaccurate, partially because Shakespeare wasn’t a historian. He was a playwright, and he didn’t care if he got his facts wrong, so long as it made a good story. Shakespeare’s one and only source was a Greek moralist called Plutarch, writing in c. 100 CE, a full 150 years after Caesar’s death. Plutarch a) didn’t like Caesar and wasn’t very favourable towards him, and b) was frequently inaccurate anyway. Which explains why so many of you are confused on what actually happened 2056 years ago. That doesn’t allow you to be wrong, however. So here’s me, fixing it.

Et tu, Brute? Nope. He didn’t say it. The only historian to record Caesar’s last words put it down as “And you, my child?” and he did it in Greek. Of course, a) the historian is widely known for propagating rumours b) he did 150 years after Caesar’s death, and c) even he said it was likely that Caesar didn’t say anything.

22 Senators and his best friend. Probably too late to kill this one, but I’ll give it a try. Caesar was stabbed 23 times, courtesy of the first recorded autopsy. But all of the reports of the assassination say that it was a frenzy, that there were many people crowded around him, and that they were stabbing so frantically that some of the assassins themselves were stabbed. So 1) You can’t say 23 wounds = 23 assassins. 2) Any reports that give numbers give much larger ones, between 40 and 60 people involved, not all of whom were Senators. (On a related note, only two of the wounds were fatal, both in his heart.)

Brutus. Dear gods Brutus. 1) Brutus was not Caesar’s best friend. 2) He wasn’t Caesar’s son either. 3) They actively disliked each other, hence why Brutus shoved a knife into Caesar. Brutus fought on the opposite side in the Civil Wars, was captured and pardoned by Caesar, who didn’t want to kill more noblemen than he had to. This turned out to be a bad idea, because Brutus ended up in contact with Cassius, who was probably the actual mastermind behind the assassination. Meanwhile, in order for Brutus to be Caesar’s son, he would have had to been sired while Caesar was 14, in political disfavour, and not in contact with Brutus’ mum.

The assassins were Good, Caesar Evil. Can we not? I know a lot of you are good enough at History to tell that this is not the best way to talk about anything, but seriously, I see Caesar as the bad guy a lot. Here’s a factoid for you: the people who disliked Caesar? Were plutocrats who wanted him to stop giving rights to the people. The situation was a lot more complicated than most people realize: both sides were gathering power, but one had one man in charge (Caesar), while the other had a group, and the one with the Dictator actually wanted to distribute the power more equally.

Those speeches. Brutus was nowhere near Rome during Caesar’s funeral, for the plain and simple reason that he would have been very very dead if he had been. The 800,000 people living in Rome at that point loved Caesar and were extremely pissed off that he was dead. One of the things that is  correct about the play is that a poet named Cinna was stabbed in the streets for having the same name as one of the assassins. There is no way Brutus was in Rome to give a funeral speech for the guy he had killed. Antony probably also didn’t give any sort of rousing speech; the crowd didn’t need it. In fact, the most interesting thing to happen at Caesar’s funeral was the reading of his will, which revealed that Antony wasn’t Caesar’s heir, Octavian was.

I think I covered most of it. I’m sure I’ll have to reblog this next year, but it’s a start.

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so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

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Dark Souls advice x Elden Ring

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So it was that Ardent returned from the desert at the end of the world, and with it she brought still her mark of flame crowning her brow. Many dusks had passed before she had found her way back to the last threshold, where the shrine of Tor stood and the road she had walked began once more.

"Did you find your god?" he asked the young woman as she stumbled close and sought refuge in his altar's shade. Ardent shook her head, but not desolately so. "I am sorry."

"Don't be," she said and smiled. "I might just not need one."

This confused Tor so greatly that he appeared in form, rather than just a voice: the shrine gate rattled and the slates of the low roof clicked, as if he were scratching his brow.

"But will you not die, young Ardent?"

"I don't think so," Ardent said. "Not yet, at least." And she reached up and plucked the flame from her brow and closed her fingers around it, until it was but an ember, and then it was nothing. Unmarked by any claim but her own, Ardent stood up and looked back the way she came, across vale and mountain, lake and river, sea and steppe. Home seemed so very far away.

"What will you do now?" The god of thresholds asked, for claim or no claim, he recognized one on the precipice of decision. "Return for your home?"

"Not yet. I wandered the world in search of my god and came through many places on the way. I never stayed for more than a fleeting moment," she said. "I should stay a little longer each time this time around. I am in no hurry."

"I see," was all that Tor could say. Ardent smiled and stood up.

"Thank you for sharing your shade with me," she said. The flame that had burned on her brow all her life had begun to glow like newborn life in her eyes. And then, she walked on, heart and step lightened of the burden she had assumed to carry, but had chosen to cast off.

So, young Ardent walked into her future, of her own making and remained unclaimed by all.

A mark on your forehead identifies the god you must worship to stay alive, usually by joining its local church or temple. Your mark is unknown, meaning an old, forgotten god sponsored you. To survive, you must either find an old temple to worship at, or do the arduous task of building a new one

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Hogwarts houses are out. Unseen University disciplines are in. Choose your side

Indefinite studies

Recent Runes

Inadvisably Applied Magic

Cruel and Unusual Geography

Post Morthem Communications

Applied Astrology

Approximate Accuracy

Applied Anthropics

Extreme Horticulture

Liberal studies

Illiberal Studies

Morbid Bibliomamcy

Recondite Architecture and Origami Map Folding‎

Recondite Phenomena

Slood Dynamics

Esoteric Studies

Wooly Thinking

Op you forgot-

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Nicolas Demeersman aka Pretty Punk (b. 1978, Seclin) Worldwide ongoing Fucking Tourist series 2009-2014 Captures The Resentment Of Locals With A Simple Gesture. (Info with each pic)

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What is your Hogwarts house?

Im not a huge fan of Harry Potter anymore after ms.raging terf (especially because i live in the UK), read Earthsea instead!! : )

Has a magic school (briefly) and is better written imo. Even has a young boy/man scarred by an evil that is intrinsically tied to him that he must eventually face etc etc...

Enjoy this quote by Ursula K. Le Guin about Rowling:

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Sparrowhawk and the shadow

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GNU Terry Pratchett

pratchett will write an entire book about the grim reaper pretending to be santa claus while the grim reaper’s granddaughter goes about hunting down the dumbass who decided to kill santa, and then right when you think you’re done and the oddly pointed shenanigans are winding down he hits you with “humans need fantasy to be human. to be the place where the falling angel meets the rising ape,” and knocks you into next wednesday