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haha hi guys

this is a little awkward… haha hi all sorry for disappearing 0__o. I’m living in Seoul on an exchange right now &. my language courses don’t leave me much time for anything else — 25 hours a week + other assignments and classes! but if anyone would like to talk or write on discord, please feel welcome to add me on discord: bee#5931

#╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟

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this is a little awkward… haha hi all sorry for disappearing 0__o. I’m living in Seoul on an exchange right now &. my language courses don’t leave me much time for anything else — 25 hours a week + other assignments and classes! but if anyone would like to talk or write on discord, please feel welcome to add me on discord: bee#5931

#╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟ #whew

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*         send   META   +   a   word   ,   a   name   ,   or   phrase   and   i   will   write   a   head  canon   based   off   of   this   !!!  

#╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟ #ooo

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the first night in a new place is different & difficult. he knows this, but it doesn't remove his nightly anxiety. he knocks on her bedroom door & then steps back. " mom ... can i come in? "

SUNNY  CALIFORNIA,  all  beaches  &.  dreams  made  of  eternal  june  and  july.  it's  what  she'd  been  promised  by  catalogues  of  lenora  hills:  hopes  of  new  beginnings  and  blissful  abstraction.  anything,  it  seems,  would  be  better  than  another  day  in  hawkins,  another  day  in  the  house  with  lights  that  still  flickered  in  the  corners  of  her  gaze,  nights  where  she  swore  she  could  feel  a  breeze  ghost  her  shoulders,  begging  her  to  check  the  old  hole  in  the  living  room  wall.  there's  something  there,  her  head  would  scream,  only  quieted  by  routine  checks  to  assure  that  her  boy  wasn't  reaching  out,  crying  for  help.  

california,  an  escape  --  but  only  in  the  mind  of  a  heartbroken,  disillusioned  &.  pained  woman;  a  mother  looking  only  for  her  children's  safety.  

perhaps  this  was  her  icarus  moment,  new  house  still  cold  &.  smelling  of  fresh  paint,  citrus  cleaning  supplies,  and  nothing  like  their  one-story  home  in  indiana.  

❛  sure,  baby,  ❜   a  whispered  response  to  will's  quiet  voice.  already,  joyce  is  making  room  on  her  too-large,  too-empty  bed  --  comforter  still  stiff  from  its  plastic  encasing.  

❛  here,  come  sit  with  me...  can't  sleep?  it's  not  quite  as  warm  as  we  thought  it'd  be.  ❜   despite  her  own  anxieties,  the  sinking  realization  that  everything  is  still  wrong,  joyce  remains  quiet,  calm.  it's  for  his  sake,  will  and  jonathan.  it  always  will  be.  

@07rolled

#i'm so sorry for how long this took #but goshh.... GOSH!! i am. a byers family lover first and person second #i want to hug them So bad. #07rolled #╰ ——— ✧ 004. ╱ ⌜ inbox. ⌟

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apologies for inactivity bc i'm getting ready to move to korea in t-19 days...... but i will drop my discord here for mutuals, either to chat or write !

bumblebees#3495

#rb part 2 while i stress over visa paperwork!! replies and inbox responses soon i am so sorry ;; #╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟

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apologies for inactivity bc i'm getting ready to move to korea in t-19 days...... but i will drop my discord here for mutuals, either to chat or write !

bumblebees#3495

#so much paperwork #but writing on discord takes less outtta me #so i've been there. T__T #╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟

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anya's post about cali made me think about moving in general and how homes / families have such distinct smells -- how the byers home in hawkins was their home. smelled like joyce's favorite cigarettes and slightly-burnt cookies. vanilla or cinnamon air fresheners, brown sugar and lemon... and in california, it smells empty. sterile and unwelcoming and joyce tries her best, tries her best to make california home but never to mimic hawkins. that was the whole reason they left -- to escape hawkins and the horrors of the past years.

but that isn't all that hawkins is, because it was home, once. and california never smells the same.

#some rambles bcus every time i've moved this has made me #so sad #╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟

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she's brought a casserole.

steaming hot, pyrex dish still warm to the touch and aluminum-foiled top begging to be peeled open. it's a casserole, and joyce accepts it despite her worn features, despite the way her hands tremble and legs feel like they'll crumble beneath her because it's karen's casserole. it's karen, who she'd waited for outside of hawkins high school nearly every day, practically jumping out of her skin with something to share because she listens and she laughs — and when karen smiles, joyce is sure that angels walk among the earth's grounds and landed, somehow, in the passenger seat of her car in hawkins, indiana. karen, who'd let her stay the night when she could no longer pretend that everything with lonnie would be okay, that he was just having a rough day and joyce must've done something to annoy him, that she should've stayed quiet or come home earlier or scrubbed the counters to even more pristine condition.

she brought a casserole — from karen, to joyce, and it's never just a casserole, just a cake, just leftovers from some dinner that ted's insisted on hosting at the wheeler residence. it's brushes of fingertips and lingering gazes while exchanging gifts ; memories of whispers under summer stars and promises that fade but never disappear. it's understanding — shared understanding and bittersweet smiles that never spoil. karen brought a casserole and joyce knows she will stay in the doorway, politely — but she's there, kind and smiling like joyce remembers.

bathing in her smile brings a blue moon, august fireflies and september rains. in karen's sunshine - smile, joyce is calm.

#self rb #because jess is making me Feel Things in dms #</3 (but also... love them so bad)

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cara buono... you understand

#clearly i'm dissatisfied... Clearly #I HEAR YOUU #now make it canon! #╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟ #delete later. #love joyren sm.

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“   i love you .   ” <3

THE  THING  ABOUT  MOTHERHOOD  is  that  it  includes  mistakes,  inherently.  poorly  -  phrased  apologies  and  lapses  in  judgments,  quiet  apologies  over  morning  coffee  and  eggs.  

i  love  you,  and  i'm  sorry.  

i  love  you,  and  it  won't  change.  

and  when  the  world  comes  crashing  down,  all  of  dark  skies  and  stars  snuffed  out  like  candle  flames,  it  is  she,  mother  :  soothing  tender  hearts,  easing  shaking  hands.  

it  should've  been  her,  holding  jonathan  and  coaxing  him  to  eat  breakfast,  steadying  him  with  blankets  and  embraces  —  staying  awake  until  the  crack  of  dawn  to  make  sure  he  slept.  

son  should  not  be  mother,  and  yet  :  she  had  not  been  there  for  him  the  week  that  will  disappeared.  

never  once  does  she  regret  the  dogged,  frantic  search  for  will  :  holding  onto  bizarre  clues  and  persisting  in  the  face  of  so  -  called  crazy.  it  is  never  love  that  she  regrets,  never  fierce  instinct  :  but  rather,  lack  of.

❛  i  should've  been  there  for  you.    ❜    —  olive  branch  extended,  voice  hushed,  still  marked  with  all  the  intensity  she's  known  for.  ❛  when  will  disappeared,  i  mean.  you're  my  baby,  too.  i--  i  should've  been  a  better  mom.  helped  you  be...  be  a  kid  for  longer.    ❜  

shaky  inhale  and  she  wraps  her  arms  around  his  shoulders,  hands  interlocked  in  a  tight  embrace  of  days  and  weeks  and  months  and  years  of  apologies  that  fester  in  her  chest,  die  in  her  throat.  

❛  i  love  you,  too,  jonathan.  more  than  you'll  ever  know.    ❜

@hawkinsfreak  ﹠  found    family    prompts

#i need a jon and joyce hug asap cannot believe the d*ffers said No to winona's request... #because i feel like there's a lot of talking and healing that needs to occur #based on how jonathan has been like a guardian to will #and the pain and trauma they both carry... #but she loves him so so so much and #i love the byers family #hawkinsfreak #╰ ——— ✧ 004. ╱ ⌜ inbox. ⌟

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college dropout joyce… she went in the first place because she thought it was what she should do &. after all, her classmates all seemed to be pursuing further education &. she’d rather die than stay stuck in hawkins for the rest of her life. but it’s not what it seemed, the deadlines and pressure are too much —— she hates the stuffy pretentiousness of the english literature department and her personal relationships ( read: current roommate, karen wheeler ) are falling to pieces.

a year and a half and she’s out, moving back to hawkins because she craves the old comfort she used to desperately want to escape. back working at melvald’s, dodging questions about why she’s back &. instead dedicating herself to trying to fix her life through kindness to those in her life. even those who don’t deserve it.

#very unedited thoughtdump but... #holds out my hands.. #╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟

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i definitely did not forget my password to this account.... not at All..

#anyway . [jane voice] Hi. #imu all #╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟

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getting to inbox and drafts soon i just have not had a day off in forever 💔

#work…. derogatory #i make pizzas I think about joyce I sleep #╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟

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WHAT  TRAGIC  HORROR  CHARACTER  TROPE  ARE  YOU  ?

the  werewolf  :  there's  something  inside  a  werewolf  that's  sharp,  thorns  and  barbs  coiling  up  in  tight  knots  of  vine  even  on  their  best  days.  halfway  through  a  conversation,  you'll  forget  your  happiness  and  the  pain  comes  back  in  a  flash.  you  never  meant  to,  but  the  sharpness  has  done  harm  on  your  behalf.  it's  defensive.  it's  leftover  artillery  from  a  battle  you  spent  so  long  fighting  that  it  still  doesn't  feel  like  it's  truly  over,  does  it?  you  want  so  badly  to  be  soft.  to  take  the  hand  that  you  are  offered  instead  of  baring  your  teeth.  and  it  might  be  hard  to  believe,  but  you  are  soft.  you're  the  softest  one  out  there.  it'll  just  take  a  while  to  untangle  those  vines  enough  to  know  that  very  little  is  often  life-or-death,  and  not  everything  touches  to  hurt.

#╰ ——— ✧ 002. ╱ ⌜ meta. ⌟ #ooo

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okay i caved

i have a twitter for writing but you all make an ic twitter sound so fun

#╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟ #also! replies to messages later i am just so tired . work takes so much out of me it's ridiculous

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i have a twitter for writing but you all make an ic twitter sound so fun

#who would i be if not thinking about joyce 25/8 #╰ ——— ✧ 006. ╱ ⌜ out. ⌟

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what  kind  of  "i  love  you"  are  you?

love  you!  :  it's  the  "i  love  you"  we  use  every  time  we  finish  up  a  call  with  our  mom,  every  time  we  want  to  offer  our  friends  a  bit  of  encouragement,  the  welcome  home  kiss  on  the  cheek  we  give  our  lover  every  day.  it's  sending  them  pictures  you  know  they'll  laugh  at,  buying  them  strange  little  nothings  that  you  know  they'll  like.  it's  having  their  bagel  order  memorized  and  setting  their  birthday  as  your  password.  somehow,  their  name  weaves  its  way  into  almost  every  funny  story  you  share  with  others.  it's  brief,  casual,  it's  a  habit.  we  aren't  even  aware  we  do  it.  it  says  that  love  is  cradled  lightly  in  your  heart,  generously  given,  spilling  out  into  the  world  unbeknownst  to  you,  making  up  the  web  of  delicate  threads  that  hold  us  all  together.

tagged:  stolen! tagging:  everyone  <3

#oh this is soooo good #╰ ——— ✧ 002. ╱ ⌜ meta. ⌟