lexid333

[lexid333]

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL, but I love to write

I love to write. I'm surprised I even have friends on Facebook, because I'm always writing long ass comments on their posts. Unfortunately, that's just social media. I can type until my hand hurts, and it's not going to do anything for me. I can't become the next best selling author, because I can't write a book. I end up getting bored, and after working on a story for a month, I just stop. Wasted time. I like to journal, but there's 2 HUGE problems with that. I like writing things that other people are going to be able to read, so if journaling is a personal thing, then I lied... I don't like to journal. Also, if it was true journaling, then I would be able to write whatever. That's just not possible. I'd definitely have to censor what I wrote, totally fucking up the whole concept of journaling. So, I get to blog. Woo-fucking-hoo! I highly doubt anyone is going to be reading my blogs, because A). I'm nobody special B). I don't know how to promote my writings C). Ok, I don't have a C.... I want to write for some company or something, and get paid for it. "Freelancing" it's called. I've done mad research about it online, and to get discovered by anyone that would pay for my "blogging" is extremely difficult, expensive, and time consuming... I'm not paying for a job. Screw that. I'm going to figure out how to get paid for blogging and writing, and I'm gonna be famous. Just watch me. I'm just hoping that I'm as good of a writer as I think I am. Sadly, my blogs right now seem boring, and I believe that's because my topics aren't that great. If a company actually chose me to write for them, and gave me a topic, I'd write the best blog (or review, or whatever the hell they'd call it) that could possibly be written on their topic. I'm just driving myself insane trying to figure out how to get my foot in the door. I'm reading instructions from websites telling me to buy a domain, pay to be able to write on a blogging site, and cross my fingers. And for the money I spend, the sites will help get my name out there for companies to find my writings, but seriously, how many people are out there, doing the same thing? It almost seems hopeless. I'm not giving up though. My dream job is to be a lawyer, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'm probably not going to realize that dream. What I'm most likely going to end up doing is something like bookkeeping, or accounting. Something to do with numbers, and not too much more school or training. I just wish I took school more seriously. It's crazy how all the grownups were right, telling me to do well in school. Oh well, hopefully I'll have a decent career before I'm 50 years old. Yeah...hopefully.

[lexid333]

Hope I'm Not Raising a Sociopath

36 years old, still quiet, and still acting like it's all good. It's not. I have a 3year old, and I don't like kids. Honestly, I really don't care much for people, BUT, a mom would walk in, carrying her baby and all the women around -some guys- would be all over the broad, like they never saw a baby before, with all these lame cooing sounds, and "Oh, the baby just puked, isn't that sooo sweet? " Yucky. I never liked babies, didn't want to hold it, only looked at it if I had to. Don't know if that makes me weird, but I don't care. I didn't even know I could get pregnant. Was humping since I was 15, and never even had a pregnancy scare. Then at 32, in the most random way possible, I was told I was pregnant. I was extremely shocked and did not believe the person who told me. Having sex for 17 years, and I was with one guy off and on since I was 18. He REFUSED to wear a condom, and I trusted him. So, at 24 we get married -me and Mr Trusty, who's 5 years older than me. It was a rollercoaster, separated, found out I'm bisexual- you know "life." But at 33, I have the best daughter in the world. I don't care what anyone says, MY KID'S THE BEST. So yeah, I had to let everyone fawn over her, listen to the ohhs and ahhs, and all the lame advice. And being a first time mom, a bit of a hypochondriac, and throw in a little OCD, you know I had a lot of questions and concerns. But she's still alive, smart as hell, and extremely healthy. 3 and a half years now. She drives me crazy, and I'm basically raising her alone. All our family lives far, and I'm too anti social for any real friends. Besides, everyone else had their first kids in their 20's, when I was running around from New York to los Angeles, acting like I was gonna live forever and being as selfish as I could be. I heard of terrible 2's, but it's lasting longer. She can be terrible always. I just hope I'm not raising a psycho, but who knows. I still don't like kids. I love my kid, can't imagine life without her, but I'm not gonna coo or ask to hold anyone else's baby. Not too positive how Tumblr works, but I love to write and I'm assuming this is a blog app. Guess I could look it up. Not like it's hard to find information online. BLAH