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letmereadherbertwestfics · 4 months

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W*A*L*T*E*R S1E1: P*A*R*A*D*I*S*E

"I didn't know you liked Westerns, June." Walter said, the words slightly muffled by the popcorn in his mouth. June also munched on popcorn, her eyes trained on the tv in front of the two.

"I really don't, but one of my favorite actors plays the main gunslinger." She explained. Walter nodded, and was going to ask another question, but before he could get the words out, western themed music began to play on the tv, and a black and white cowboy appeared on the screen.

June and Walter quieted down, the only sound in the apartment bring the tv and the sound of their popcorn chewing. The western-style music was accompanied by the title card, large red letters reading Paradise. Then the title card faded into the show.

"What are you two doing?" Said the voice of Wendell, coming from behind Walter and June. The two replied with hissed shushes, both turning to glare at Wendell.

"Tough crowd." Wendell muttered as he moved from behind the couch, lowering himself into an armchair.

The three watched together as gunshots fired, horses whinnied, and men in big hats kissed women in big skirts. It was the most stereotypical western any of them had ever seen, and by the end of it Wendell was practically snoring in his seat. When the final scene faded out and the commercials began, he stood from the armchair with a groan.

"I can't believe you guys enjoyed that crap." He said, stretching as he headed for the kitchen.

"Crap?! Paradise is not crap." June insisted, following Wendell into the kitchen. "It might be cheesy, but it isn't crap."

"June, I love you like a sister. But that show was C-R-A-P. Crap." Wendell replied, making June scoff.

"Everyone's a critic."

While June and Wendell continued to bicker about the show's quality, Walter sat completely still on the couch. His mouth was slightly agape, bits of popcorn sticking to his bottom lip. He was staring wide eyed at the television, seemingly not having realized that the episode was over. And Walter continued to stare at the screen until he was snapped out of his daze by Wendell patting him on the shoulder.

"Well? Walter? What did you think of Paradise?" He asked, swinging his legs over the back of the couch until he was sitting next to his cousin.

Walter cleared his throat, wiping the popcorn crumbs away from his lips. "That was the best thing I've seen since Godzilla." He said in a tone that suggested he was deadly serious.

Wendell rolled his eyes and June grinned. "Whatever. I'm going to Baby Belle's." Wendell announced as he got up from the couch, grabbing his jacket and heading for the door. "Don't let the door hit you on the way out." June muttered, making Walter smile.

And as soon as Wendell was gone June dropped herself onto the cushion he had been sitting on. "So, what did you like about Paradise?" She asked Walter.

"Oh boy, what wasn't there to like? The acting was captivating, the writing was witty, the setting and the costumes were all great to look at...and the music, it was like...music to my ears." He gushed. Walter took a deep breath to steady himself before continuing. "And don't even get me started on David Kauffman, the way he plays his character was just mesmerizing. I get why he's your favorite actor now."

June was thrilled, and she and Walter spent nearly two hours talking about the episode they had watched. June also got Walter up to speed on the episodes he had missed, and they discussed predictions for the episode next week, and when Wendell reappeared in the apartment and saw the two of them still having the conversation he left in the middle of, he was appalled.

"How can you have a two hour long conversation about something as boring as that show?" He asked as he tossed his jacket onto Walter, as if he were a coat rack.

"Paradise is not boring!" Walter hissed, balling up Wendell's jacket and throwing it on the floor.

"Whatever, but if you two keep me up with your fangirling I'm going to disconnect the cable." Wendell warned before heading to his bedroom.

June chuckled before standing from the couch, stretching her arms and legs. "I should get going anyway. It's getting late."

"Oh, let me walk you to the door." Walter insisted, also rising to his feet.

----

"Allen, have you seen Walter come by here?"

Allen, the cook for Gary's, shrugged at June's question. "The guy is so short he could have walked right on by. I'd never know." He said, scratching his head with his spatula.

"Be nice. And don't use that spatula." June hissed as she walked away.

Walter promised June that he would come by on his lunch hour. Ever since their initial meeting the month before and the revelation of what Walter planned to do, it had become a ritual for June to invite Walter to lunch every day. It may have been a little savior complex-ish, but June doubted she could focus on anything in or outside of work if she didn't make sure Walter was keeping himself safe. At least until it had been long enough for her to not have to worry about that anymore. Which was exactly why Walter missing one little lunch meeting was so concerning to her.

After waiting for another half hour, June called the police Department's front desk. After three rings the phone was answered by Mrs. Petrie, the secretary.

"Hi Mrs. Petrie, it's June. Is O'Reilly in right now?" She asked, chewing on her bottom lip.

"No, actually, that's the problem." The secretary responded, sounding tired. "O'Reilly didn't show up for his shift and Sergeant Sowell is taking it all out on us."

June's heart dropped into her stomach. Not only did Walter not show up, but he didn't call in or tell anyone where he would be or why it was more important than work. That was enough to get her to immediately leave work, giving Allen a short explanation of where she was going before running three blocks from Gary's to Walter's apartment. It was also enough for June to walk right into Walter's apartment without knocking.

"Walter? Are you home?" She called out, sweaty and out of breath from the run but still making her way through the apartment. She caught her breath as she walked into the living room, her eyes widening when she saw the scene in there.

Walter was seated in between the coffee table and the television, swaddled in a blanket and looking unkempt. His hair was a mess and his glasses were on the tip of his nose, but he didn't seem to care about either, because his eyes were glued to the television. Which was playing Paradise.

"Walter? You feeling okay?" June asked, causing Walter to nearly jump out of his skin. He threw the blanket off of himself and turned around, but looked relieved when he registered that it was June standing there.

"June! Yeah, I'm okay. Why?"

"...Why? You didn't show up to work and nobody had heard from you all day. I thought you were in danger or sick or..." June trailed off, not wanting to say out loud what she was thinking. But Walter seemed to understand anyway, because he sighed heavily and turned the TV off.

"I'm sorry June. I guess I lost track of time." He said sheepishly.

June sat down next to Walter on the floor, pushing away a discarded bowl of popcorn. "What could have been so important that you forgot to go to work?"

Walter's eyes lit up and he motioned to the TV. "There was a marathon for Paradise that started last night. I figured since I haven't seen all the episodes like you have that I would watch it. Then we could talk about the show together." He explained.

June smiled softly, torn between being flattered at Walter's interest in a show she likes and angry that he had her worried sick so he could stay home and watch television. Deciding she liked to be flattered more, June forgave Walter without even telling him she was upset in the first place. Instead she just grabbed the popcorn bowl and took a piece for herself.

"Walter, it's sweet you're so interested in my interests...but maybe next time you could at least call in to work?" She suggested. Walter's eyes widened at this, and he slapped a hand to his forehead.

"Work! Oh Sergeant Sowell is going to have my butt for this!" He exclaimed, knowing this stunt of his meant the Sergeant was going to reprimand him heavily the next day. And if he even let Walter keep his job, it was going to take a lot of shift covers and skipped lunch breaks to make up for this. June knew this too, having heard enough stories of Sowell from Walter and Wendell to be afraid of a man she had never met, which was why she immediately began brainstorming ideas to get Walter out of hot water. Or at least to lessen the blow.

"Didn't you say that Wendell bribed Sowell to get out of trouble for being late?" June asked.

"Yeah, before Sergeant could get on to him, Wendell gave him a gift certificate to Jimboy's Tacos." Walter elaborated, not understanding where June was going with this at first. But once he did, Walter perked up. "Maybe if I do the same thing, he won't tan my hide for this!"

"Wow, great idea Walter!" June said with sarcasm that Walter didn't pick up on.

----

"Do you think he's dead, or Sergeant Sowell will keep him alive just long enough to-"

"Wendell you're not helping."

June and Wendell were waiting outside of the Police Department, having watched Walter go inside to speak to Sowell fifteen minutes prior. He had taken a gift certificate to Henry's Hamburgers with him, and all three of them hoped that it would be enough for Walter to keep his job. Or at least to walk out of the Department alive.

After another few minutes of waiting in silence, the doors opened and Wendell stepped outside. He had an unreadable expression on his face as he put his hat on and walked down the steps, towards an anxious June and Wendell.

"Well?"

"How did it go?"

Walter swallowed before smiling nervously. "Well...he liked the certificate. And I'm not completely off the hook, but a few extra shifts next week outta be enough to get Serg off my back." He said hopefully.

June and Wendell both let out sighs of relief. "Way to go Walter." Wendell said as he slapped Walter on the back, grinning.

"Thanks Wendell. Boy, let's hope I never have to go through something like this again." Walter said with a heavy sigh.

"As long as you learned your lesson, you shouldn't have to." June assured him as they all began walking in the direction of Walter's apartment.

"Trust me June, I won't pull a stunt like that ever again." Walter promised. And June believed him, until a few minutes later when she and Wendell realized that at some point they had lost Walter. and turned around to see him with his face a mere inch away from an appliance store window, which had a television on display. And of course, that television was playing Paradise.

"Walter!" June and Wendell snapped, making him snap out of his daze and scurry after them.

#my hand slipped #honest #special interest so bad I wrote a sitcom #Mash spinoff pilot that didn't get picked up I will always love you #mash 4077 #mash #radar oreilly #sitcom antics are my favorite

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