lessy-my-depressy-and-stressy

[lessy-my-depressy-and-stressy]

Haven’t eaten or drank all day, but I got up to take a half ass bath so win-winni guess

[lessy-my-depressy-and-stressy]

So when my older brother went to prom with his girlfriend my mom asked the girl (she was driving because she wanted to and my bro isn’t toxically masculine) to drive to our house to not only pick him up but we have a very scenic 200yr old oak tree that she wanted prom pictures of. Anyway, they had like a 30minute photo shoot and my mom hugged both of them bye.

When I went to prom with my girlfriend (I’m a lesbian) my mom made me leave early (I was driving) and she didn’t get any pics of us at all. At the time I thought she just forgot, but it turn out that later when my grandparents (we live with them) asked where I was, she said at a friends house.

My mom claims she isn’t toxic and isn’t homophobic. My mom was asking my little sister (8 years old at the time) what she thought her future husband was gonna be like. My little sis said “What if I don’t turn out straight?” (I didn’t find out until 2 years later) My sis told me my mom said “Don’t worry. You will. I can’t go through that again.”

My mom always bought my brother things he was infatuated with and he really likes colorful attire like tie dye so she even bought him rainbow things. She barely buys me anything and has never (and probably won’t ever) buy me anything rainbow.

(My mom is a nurse) We we’re talking about some kind of hormone or gene you only get tested for when your pregnant or on dialysis and I asked her what she thought mine was (she new what hers were and I thought it could be sort of hereditary like blood types) and she responds “you’ll find out when you’re pregnant” and she just stared at me until I looked away...

My mom always asked my brother and my little sister who they liked at school or who their current boyfriend/girlfriend/crush was like. She never even bothered to pretend she cared about doing that with me.

My mom claims that she isn’t homophobic because she has other gay friends.

Is my mother toxic? Is she homophobic? Is she just loving me because I’m her child but she really doesn’t like this side of me?

I feel great the she accepts that I’m apart of the LGBT community, but she doesn’t like it.

I don’t know if it’s her fault though. I lived with my abusive dad for 11ish years and she lived with him about 14ish. He was super manipulative and made you see his way or no way. He was very homophobic.

Is my mom just trying to overcome this forced homophobic block? Does she really just not care for that side of me? Surely if I can overcome the tremendous amount of internalized homophobia, she can try as well.

What happens when I get a girlfriend or a serious girlfriend or I want to get married or I have a wife or my wife and I want to adopt? Is she just not gonna be apart of my life anymore?

Is my mother homophobic or is my anxiety making me think everything through too much?

She used to buy me flannels and now she doesn’t anymore... SURELY THAT ISNT JUST MY ANXIETY SCREAMING HOMOPHOBIA... right?

She claims she loves me, but if I’m gay and she doesn’t love that part of me... does she really love me? You love your straight child and give him a lot more than you do your gay child.

My mother claims she isn’t homophobic. My mother claims this because she has other gay friends. My mother can not tell you anything about her other friends partners or lives.

I don’t get it. I don’t fucking get it. I don’t feel loved! I feel like shit! What the FUCK am I supposed to do?

It took me years YEARS to even accept that I wasn’t straight and even longer to get up the courage to come out. She was super chill when I came out... was she chill because she didn’t care OR was she chill because she doesn’t fucking care and just ignored me and hoped I would change or just not bring it up?

She asked me if I would come out to my grandparents and I said “probably not. They might have different views and I want their love as it is” and she told me that was super fucked up to even think that. um... SORRY BITCH BUT YOU CHANGED WHEN I TOLD YOU AND YOU WERE BORN IN THE 80s AND THEY WERE BORN IN THE 60s SO SO FUCKING SORRY FOR BEING AFRAID THEY WOULD CHANGE

Like no cap my lil sis is the only reason I haven’t straight up murdered myself. (ADHD side note, if I was gonna kill myself I wouldn’t do it in a bland way. How about... noose around neck... jet ski addition 🤷🏼‍♀️... idk man sounds pretty dope to me. Maybe hang myself from a fan and right as I fall I turn the fan on so I have rag doll physics...)

Oml I definitely need a therapist. (One other ADHD side note, I saw a Tik Tok about Satan sending this girl his son as a partner... bitches I will GLADLY take satans daughter... like also horns and a tail would be such a 😳🙏😝) But what fucking therapist would wanna put up with my shit? Like I don’t want a therapist because I would feel bad they gotta deal with me. I’m like a burnt pizza that was left in the oven... you just accept it happened and then quickly throw it away and forget about it while trying again and hoping for a better outcome (HOLY SHIT ANOTHER ADHD SIDENOTE HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT GOLY HDIT MY MOM TOLD ME AND MY SIS THAT OUT OF ALL HER CHILDREN MY LIL SIS WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT WAS PLANNED what if after having me I WAS THE BURNT PIZZA and my sis was the TRY AGAIN FOR A BETTER OUTCOME BABY)

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Hit a deer and broke off my mirror. Mom doesn’t fucking believe me. She thinks I hit a mailbox or something. Now I’m fucking grounded and I have to pay for my car expenses.

My stepdad is gonna be so pisssd at me. He already doesn’t fucking love me now I go and do this.

Honestly I just wanna kill myself and be done with this whole life. I can’t do anything right and I’m so sick of even trying

She probably doesn’t even love me. She just uses me

“Do my homework” “take baby to school” “pick baby up” “clean the kitchen” “stop being so depressed” “go to the store” “watch the baby”

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Had a panic attack when I was alone and now the baby won’t get off my lap... not complaining just confused. He’s only bearly a year old and he’s not that good at reading emotions. I was thinking about getting an emotion support animal or therapy animal for all my problems... but after today I’m not sure I need to.

He hasn’t really even been trained that well. I thought him to sit, roll, stand, jump, spin, and stand/sit on my shoulders when I’m relaxing... but he still barks a lot and gets scared of minor noises. He did actually alert me before my attack began... somehow 🤷🏼‍♀️

I haven’t been feeling good all day but right as I was heading to the stairs (my room is upstairs and that’s where my hydroxyzine is kept) to get my meds he jumped up and put his paws on my legs so he was standing on his hind legs and looking at me. This is normal so I just told him to sit, but he didn’t. Again, not really out of the ballpark. Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 tries to get him to comply with a command. Well, I started getting worried on the third try that I told him to sit. When I told him a 4th time, he actually pulled on the hoodie I was wearing. I was like “fuck it” so I sat on the ground to see if he just wanted to check me out before I went upstairs.

As soon as I sat on the floor he hopped up on my lap and started licking my skin everywhere he could. He stopped and turned around on my lap and started looking everywhere except at me. And that’s when I felt it. It’s like out of nowhere my chest started to tighten and my lungs started to close up.

Now, I woke up this morning really anxious. When you have anxiety problems as bad as I do, it just fucking happens. Anyway, my panic attacks can be really bad. I’ve actually had one that lasted almost and hour and I passed out twice. Even with heavy medication I have at least 1 or 2 a week.

I was trying to calm myself down as it was happening so I could get back to cooking and go on with my day. Welp, spoiler alert, that didn’t work. Now usually panic attacks only happen at night or I can get to a secluded place because I don’t want or like anybody to see them.

So I’m sitting at the bottom of the stairs hysterical and gasping for air with a dog in my lap growling at any little movement other than what I’m making. I’m hoping my food in the oven doesn’t burn and I’m hoping my grandparents (nana and papa) don’t walk in on this mess of a person I am.

Well, Beau (my dog) hops up and I bearly register because again, I’m fucking hysterical.

I hauth i

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Let’s play my favorite game 😑

Am I asexual or did my new medicine lower my sex drive THAT much?

Am I gay or do I just want to be her?

Am I straight or is that dude just super nice?

Are they flirting or am I just that touch-starved?

Am I really hungry or is it my anxiety building?

Am I having a panic attack or is my anxiety just getting to a really bad point?

Am I about to cry or do I need to scream?

Am I about to start my period or do I have to shit?

Did I really see something or am I just that sleep deprived?

Are they being mean or am I looking into it too far?

Are they being nice or was that sarcasm?

Does my mom hate me or am I looking into things to far again?

Do I hate myself that much or is it all the daddy issues?

Does my stepdad want to actually love me or am I still scared of being abused again?

Do I wanna cook or do I just wanna eat?

Do I wanna practice shooting or do I actually wanna kill something?

Do I wanna clean or do I wanna watch more SPN?

Is she flirting with me or is she calling me sweetheart because we are southern and southern people do that?

Do I need to fart or do I need to shit?

Is that boomer a creep or is he looking at my colored hair?

Should I do something about the guy who catcalled next or just keep walking?

Do I want short nails or cat claw acrylics?

Do I just wanna soak for 40 minutes or am I about to have an anxiety attack?

Is that cop behind me judging my driving or is that just me projecting my own thoughts?

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My stepdad is something else y’all 😂

Stepdad: Have you told your mom happy birthday yet? Me: Um... what? No sir. Why would I? Stepdad: It’s her birthday?!?! Me: ...Yeah... in 6 more days... Stepdad: ...Are you sure? *whispers* She told me Tuesday Me: Maybe she said we will celebrate it Tuesday. Listen, all our birthdays fall on the same day every year. Mine was on a Monday so hers will be on a Monday. Stepdad: ...But... Are you sure? Me: Yalls 4th anniversary will be when? *laughing* Cmon dude. My main man. My main dude. Bro... yeah bro... it’s the 16th not the 10th. It’s on Monday not Tuesday. I love you but I can’t handle this Stepdad: Me: Wheezes

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I just pulled up at a small local gas store after picking up my little sister

We ran in to get her a drink and the girl at the register gave her the drink for free and we thanked her AND THEN my sister grabbed the drink and when she turned to me THE GiRL WorKInG WiNkEd aND Bit HeR LiP AnD SUGGESTIVELY SAID “see you later” AND WINKED AGAIN

OMG IM DEAD IM SO DEAD

IVE BEEN HAPPY ALL DAY

My depression hit me bad today and for some reason it just cheered me up completely and ive been thinking about it ALL DAY

Like and I actually look like crap

I got on no bra, messy bun, no makeup, baggy hoodie, camo hunting pants, and work boots.

WE GOT A WINNER

CAN I PLEASE GO AHEAD AND MOVE IN WITH YOU AND ADOPT KITTTTTIIIEEESSSS

JUST MARRY ME PLEASE

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It’s true, I was the roof

What happens when you scream out of your window in Sweden at night

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Anybody else live with a toxic grandparent ?

Me, minding my own business listing to music:

Grandma, walks in from no where: Why are you so depressed and shit? It’s ruining my fucking mood.

Me, actually have been diagnosed with chronic severe depression: Um... I’m sorry? I think I’m entitled to be sad or upset sometimes. We are both adults and I think we can talk reasonably. You hurt my fe-

Grandma, whilst walking out of the room: Whatever. I don’t care. Make some stupid brownies or something and take care of your sister. I’m busy.

Me: You don’t look busy...?

Grandma, still walking out the room: Well, I am. Really, it’s non of your business. I’m taking papa (my grandpa) and Jay (my lil sis) out to eat while your mother and her husband are own a date.

Me, feeling more sad because I’m being left home alone again: Okay baby, lets go get you dressed and ready to go out with Nana and Papa.

Jay: Aren’t you coming with us sissy?

Me, obviously trying to show how not distract I am: Sorry baby, I have... more work.. to do... I’ll see you later. Have a nice day! I’ll make it up to you later.

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My CRNA is trying to kill me. So is my Nursing Administrator. You know what, so are my teachers.

I’m dying

I am shook

What do you mean I have MTW 12hr shifts this week

Then TWR 12hr shifts next week

Then MTWR 12hr shifts the following week

Okay, sure, that’s fine. Clinicals are 2hrs away though.

Great. 4+ hrs of schooling. 8+hrs of homework. 4+hrs of driving. 12+hrs of work.

WHO NEEDS SLEEP

WHO NEEDS TO EAT

HEALTHY LIFE CHOICES - NEVER HEARD OF HER

THANKS! IK I TECHNICALLY ASKED FOR THIS BUT FUCK YOU, ME

[lessy-my-depressy-and-stressy]

Me, completing an EAQ about schizophrenia and realizing I have a lot of those traits:

Me: Maybe I have schiz...

Lucifer, beside me: Don’t be ridiculous. I would let you know if you had something wrong with you, babygirl

Me: Yeah, you’re right. It’s just been a long week

Lucifer, now petting my head: Good girl

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Not Many Things Feel Worse...

It feels so compromising when you can feel yourself getting bad again and there is nothing, nothing you can do about it. You start losing focus more and more. The things you enjoy become more and more dull. Your emotions are slowly nullifying. You talk less and less. You feel less and less. Your intrusive thoughts become louder and louder.

The worst thing though... your family’s happiness becomes annoying. Everything starts to become annoying. You don’t enjoy what you normally do. Your hobbies start to feel more and more like jobs. You get snappier each passing second. Every day goes by agonizingly slow. You push your family away subconsciously and consciously.

You know you’re getting bad again. Are you going to tell someone? No. Are you going to get help? No. Are you going to try and help yourself? No. Are you going to read self help articles and books? No.

What are you going to do? Nothing, and hope it goes away for a while, just like the last __ times.

[lessy-my-depressy-and-stressy]

Let’s get it boooiiiiisssssss

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i love pdfs

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*looks at bad selfie* art is subjective

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todays mood is making out. I want a tongue in my mouth right fucking now

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they should remake breaking bad but instead of making and dealing meth it’s a suburban white mom who makes soap and the same levels of violence, gore, and drama remain