lausterdomyamong

[lausterdomyamong]

Ok you answered the best, but who of the yandere Phantom Troupe members would be the worse to have your period with?🫣

Okay this is a fun one lol

Phinks: 6/10 Gets the wrong products every single time. He doesn't understand why there're so many kinds of things for menstruation. Once he said, "Can't you just plug yourself?" It's safe to say that he was delivered the icy glare of death before he understood that he had made a mistake. Do not attempt to teach him. Just... make him get what you need. He's pretty chill about it otherwise, so the most you get for teasing is him saying that he's not going to pick a fight with you because you're supposedly moody. Also believes that taking painkillers will make you weak. So yes, you don't get painkillers, only warm calloused hands as heating pads.

Feitan: 5/10 Can and will sniff you to confirm that you are, in fact, on your period. He stays away from you during the time for some reason. The things you need magically appear like how there's your favourite chocolate just magically sitting in the cupboard after so long. Feitan doesn't interact with you much verbally. Most of what he does is just keep his distance and stare. It's unnerving but he eventually stops when he realises that you aren't going to snap at him for everything. The only reason he is given a 5 out of 10 is because the only time he relented and tried massaging your abdomen for cramp relief, he sharpened his nails and 'jokingly' said that this wouldn't be a problem anymore if he simply removed the uterus right now. That was not a fun encounter even when compared to the expired ibuprofen tablets he has.

Nobunaga: 6/10 Claims he's doing some kind of noble deed attending to you during this time. It's annoying how he laughs at you when you're angry and calls you cute. It's even more annoying when he calls you a tomato sauce dispenser. Other than that, he's very laid back about it. The worst part about spending that time with him is how his perception of you changes a little bit. He starts treating you more like a cute little pet that he has to feed and cuddle other than the human being that lives with him. Will only let you eat chocolate if you share, more like hand feed him a little. Also invalidates anything you say with claiming that it's that time of the month so you're not in your right mind.

Shalnark: 7/10 Is very chill about it. He's understanding and patient with your moodiness. Shalnark also lets you explain whatever you need or want in whatever way you deem fit, as in letting you order stuff with the groceries instead of spelling it out. If he's in a good mood, he might even let you have painkillers. Otherwise you have to go and ask him for a hot water bottle. He jokes around a lot too and with his boyish smile, it seems even more bothersome than it should. His favourite joke is to call you a bottle of ketchup. Will 100% squeeze you from behind and call you his little ketchup bottle. Joking that you might feed him said ketchup doesn't work so don't bother trying that.

Chrollo: 7/10 Absolutely insufferable but a 7 out 10 solely because he knows his limits with the jokes. Chrollo makes you spell out in great detail what products you need. He even goes as far as to question your preferences. Why do you prefer one product over the other? Why do you want this certain type of pad? Why does its top sheet matter? Why not scented ones? Many, many questions but thankfully they're only out of curiosity. He has never dared to tell you that you're being dramatic because you're on your period but he does sometimes test the waters with things like, "I realise that you're going through hormones and such, but let's work this out like adults." Mostly very infantilising but hey, the pampering is welcome. At least the ibuprofen isn't always expired.

[lausterdomyamong]

Movie Night

It’s been years since I last wrote anything about HxH. Also modern au? Or not? But it has pop culture references here (and I never really watched the anime either lmao).

“So, um, what’s the first movie you’ve ever watched?”

Feitan glanced at you, slowly, like in those horror movies about possessed protagonists and you were the clueless side character. You knew he didn’t really watch the movie in front of you. You knew that he kept you in his peripheral vision after many pleas for him to stop staring at you so blatantly whenever you watched something. Not that you blamed him. This movie turned out to be boring. You didn’t even know why you spent so much time begging him to get his hands on a copy.

“Human Centipede.”

“Ah…”

Why weren’t you surprised? The answer sounded so predictable, so stereotypical of him you were almost disappointed. Or maybe you were just stupid to expect something different from a torturer slash murderer who was also your captor.

“How was it? Do you like it?”

You’d never watched it, but you heard about it. It was a classical torture movie, featuring a deranged surgeon sewing people’s mouths to the other’s… rears. Sometimes, you wondered what the actors thought when they first read the script. Were they disgusted? Were they laughing at the absurd plot?

“It was fine.”

Fine. Just fine. If your eyes weren’t failing you, you might even think there was a flash of boredom in there; a slight softening of his eyes. Apparently, the idea of people being forced to eat from another person’s rear wasn’t interesting enough for him.

“I see. As for me, it was the Mummy.”

Feitan raised an eyebrow. You didn’t tell him your favorite scene was when the newly awakened mummy chased the female character around because he thought she was his long-lost love. It might spark some… ideas on Feitan’s mind.

Still, it didn’t quite hide the small, pleased smile on your face.

“You really like it.”

“I do.”

There was a momentary silence after that, not quite comfortable but also not quite awkward. You forced yourself to continue watching the movie, while glancing at the clock occasionally. Just half an hour more, and you could go to bed.

“We could watch Fubar, if you want.”

“What? Oh, um, no. Thank you.”

You’d never heard about that, but you knew you might regret watching it. After all, it was already proven that his taste in media was questionable at best and disgusting at worst.

Feitan smirked faintly, mischievously, from underneath his cowl.

“Good choice.”

You shot him a side eye.

[lausterdomyamong]

Hewwo babey uwu I was wondering, what sort of girl would get Feitan's attention? I am dead curious about this.

feitan Hmm...

feitan is kinda an enigma himself, but i think he’d be attracted to innocence. i see him being the type of person to ruthlessly tease his darling, always making underlying threats. he’d want to see his impact on his darling, and watch them progress from naive to the world to more hollow would be interesting to him.

i could also see him going for girls that dress cutely, or on the flip side; wearing daring clothes like himself. it depends honestly. he would tend towards shy girls, or girls that seem more submissive.

[lausterdomyamong]

slip

Feitan x Reader drabble // word count 1.5k

In which you dream about someone you shouldn’t, and talk in your sleep.

Tags/Warnings: yandere, kidnapped reader, mention of blood and gore (past and imagined), knives, implied noncon, implied threat of death (to reader), implied murder (not reader), reader is gonna be fucked up over this forever

A/N: first time writing this man, not sure how I feel about it but it’s either post or stare at it forever

As always - 18+, read the tags, if you don’t like the tags then don’t go below the cut. Thank you and enjoy.

There is a knife against your throat, and you barely know how it got there, much less why. You didn’t do anything. Didn’t run, didn’t try to shove your tormentor away, didn’t tell him that you wished he was dead, or worse. You wouldn’t have had the time to do these things, even if you wanted to. You hadn't been awake for a second before his hand stirred from where it had lain on your waist. And now - the blade twitches, slightly. It doesn’t press quite hard enough to make you bleed, but certainly enough to make you picture what would happen if it did. If it kept going, long past the point where red rivulets stained the threadbare sheets beneath you.

A small noise escapes your mouth. You get nothing in response. It takes time for Feitan to speak, when there’s something on his mind.

It’s taking too long, even for him.

Last night, you thought you were safe. He kissed you, after meticulously washing a stranger’s blood out from beneath his nails. He watched you fall asleep, kept a hand on you until exhaustion finally forced you to nod off in the early hours of the morning. The strange affection he gives you is worse than any cruelty you could imagine, but not nearly as bad as the thought that somehow, you’ve managed to lose it. There are no words in your mind, now, only scattered images of what might happen, what you might become, the barely-recognizable thing strewn out across the floor -

“What were you dreaming about?” Feitan’s voice is dull and quiet, as always. Like he’s asking you this over breakfast, and not on what could be your deathbed.

You don’t remember, and you don’t answer. There is no air left for you to speak. 

“What were you dreaming about?” he repeats. It’s almost the same voice, but there’s a hint of urgency, now. The barest hint - but you’ve grown used to interpreting the faint indications he gives you. “Talk.”

“I don’t”- You gasp, but seem to take in nothing. “-don’t remember”-

“You were talking when you were sleeping.” 

Statements like these are dangerous. He expects you to understand what he means, always. He does not like to elaborate.

“I…” You screw your eyes shut, try to forget where you are just enough to remember where you were. “It was night. In the dream. And I was…” Oh. No. You can’t say that part out loud. Never, ever, ever. When you open your eyes, your vision is blurry. They close once more, of their own accord. “I was sitting with someone. Talking.” Someone. Someone has no face, no name - you pray that he’ll let you leave it at that. That he won’t ask for more.

“You said…” His face is close to the back of your neck, and yet, you cannot feel his breath on your skin. “When you were sleeping, you said I love you.”

Your stomach threatens to infringe upon your throat. You curse your sleeping mind for giving you something beautiful to dream of, and for letting it slip out of your mouth. Beautiful things do not survive here, and your mouth is always better kept shut. 

“Who?” 

You’d think, in your present situation, that you wouldn’t have enough room in your head to feel terrified for anyone else. But you do. Terrified enough to try something stupid. 

You’re sure Feitan can feel the tension in your body, the instinctual way it readies itself for a fight (you would lose instantly) or an attempt at escape (you wouldn’t make it an inch). “It wasn’t about”- you choke on your own breath, try again. “It wasn’t about anyone real. Just a dream-person.”

“Bad liar,” he accuses. You do not protest. It was pointless to try. 

And yet, you try again. You know that your answer matters. Enough for you to force more lies across the blade that still presses against your skin. “Someone I used to date. A long time ago.” Really, it was only a few weeks before Feitan….found you that things ended. But time is subjective - it certainly feels like a long time has passed since then. 

“Oh.” If he suspects that you’re lying again, he doesn’t say it. But he does tend to leave a lot of things unsaid. 

“He”- You suck in a breath as the knife twitches again. The movement is not an accident. It’s never an accident - his hands are unnaturally steady, when he wants them to be. “He ended things. I don’t think he thinks about me anymore.” This needs to be true. He needs to believe that it’s true, or-

“But you still think about him.” 

Your stomach churns. “It was just a dream.” Technically not a lie, either. You’d have to say no for it to be a lie.

Feitan pauses for a moment. You’d have expected him to be furious, to take this out on you in some unimaginably awful way. Instead you hear a single sigh, feel it soft against your skin. “He let you go.” He sounds almost confused, his muted voice drawn out just enough to make his resentment clear. The knife turns slightly, and this time, you’re not sure if it was on purpose. “He must be stupid.”

You bite down on the inside of your lip, sharp and hard enough to tear a bit of the lining away. It’s awful when he says these things. Words that could be sweet, if you removed everything around them.

“I can’t control what I dream about,” you whisper, almost too quiet to be heard. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay.” He withdraws the blade, swings his feet off the bed - the floor, decrepit as it is, should creak when he stands, but it never does. “You don’t need to tell me anything else.”

You know better than to be relieved, so you turn over, to your other side, and fix your gaze on the floor. Watch him carefully, indirectly. You listen, your breath almost as silent as his, as he picks up his jacket from the end of your bed, puts it on. 

And he smiles. His face is covered, but you see it in his eyes. “I can figure out the rest.” 

The rest. 

Your heart hammers, but your blood stands still. Frozen in your veins. You know why he’s put on his jacket. Why he’s leaving. Where he’s going.

The knife still dangling from Feitan’s hand catches a shard of your reflection, a smudged picture of a terrified eye that disappears before you can look any closer.

The rest. Name, face, address - all too easy. There are clues in your confiscated possessions, in the place where you used to live. 

It’s as if the knife is still held to your throat. No. It’s as if your skin has already broken beneath it. You do not think in words. You think in gory pictures, infinitely clearer than the haze you see before forcing your eyes shut. Your blood, mixing with what you’re sure will be on that blade by day’s end. Skin-gushing-red-bones-out-something being buried, dirty hands returning to you, staining your face, your clothes, the things underneath, silent breath coming alive, painfully soft in your ear -

You open your eyes. You want to scream at him to stop, to stay. But your mouth stays shut.

“I won’t draw it out.” For a moment, he looks down, and you swear you see his face color. Like he’s said something overly sweet, and can barely stand it. “I promise.”

It’s enough to make it real. Enough to unseal your lips. “Don’t…” You should be yelling. But it’s all you can do, finding enough strength to make a near-silent, desperate appeal. “Please. You don’t have to. I’m not going to - to run. To him or anyone else. I’m not gonna do anything. I don’t - it was just a dream…”

“Stop.” His smile drops, eyes narrow. Voice even quieter than usual, deathly calm.

You go silent. Perfectly still.

“If you keep trying to save him, I’ll break my word. I already want to.” 

You forget how to breathe. 

This can’t be a choice you have to make. This can’t be in your hands. There are words in your head, finally, and you can’t say them. 

You have to say them.

“I’m sorry.” 

"Okay." He stares at you for far too long, unblinking. For seconds, or maybe hours, or maybe days - they’re all the same, to you, now. “It’s okay.”

No. He is unforgivably wrong. Nothing will ever be okay again. You’re in some other world, in your mind, and it’s going to take more than you have to yank you out of it. 

You can barely see him in front of you. His voice reverberates strangely in your head. But when he moves, it’s like your senses pull themselves together. You realize that your eyes are wet, that a tear is rolling down the bridge of your nose, that you can breathe after all, but only in ragged gasps…

“You look…nice…when you cry.” He drops his gaze once more, tugs up on the cloth that covers his face. His smile is back, creasing the corners of his eyes, and it is the ugliest thing you have ever seen. “Wonder if he thought that, too.”

[lausterdomyamong]

Shalnark’s Actor just being Shalnark 👾📱

He’s great, I love my little manipulator being bullied for being a creep. I should post my Shalnark headcanons soon like how I did my Chrollo ones. I love the entire Troupe but Shalnark is my favorite leg.

Also wanted to note, this same actor also played Wing in the performance!

[lausterdomyamong]

I should make an in depth “biting the phantom troupe” headcanon post. I just want to gnaw on them.

[lausterdomyamong]

How easy are they to manipulate?

Synopsis: Between some of the Phantom Troupe yans, who'se the easiest versus the hardest to manipulate?

Warnings: yandere content (duh), gender neutral reader, chrollo is annoying (as always), dubcon mentioned/implied, physical abuse mentioned.

1471 words. continuing with the soggy feitan agenda , incl nobunaga, phinks, uvo, feitan and chr*llo

{ Easiest }

Nobunaga:

Nobunaga’s just happy that you’re talking to him, it never crosses his mind that you have an ulterior motive. He takes all that he can get, and then a little more. Any affection you give him to try and lower his guard is soaked up, and reaffirms his beliefs that he's doing the right thing. What started as an escape attempt becomes a full-on escape, though it's not exactly long-lived.

It’s not that he’s an idiot, but he’s not going to catch on to what you’re trying to do until you’ve already escaped. Even then, he keeps trying to rationalize your behavior until he can’t, and he might almost be disillusioned with how things ended out if he bothered to realize what the true nature of your relationship with him was. Just when he's this close to getting the point, that kidnapping you and locking you in his house was wrong, he somehow justifies his own actions.

His only fault was not keeping a better eye on you and not double-checking the locks. Nobunaga makes a point out of treating you better after your escape (after punishing you however he sees fit, and "better" is used very subjectively here), because the idea that you left due to his care not being adequate is somehow more logical than you leaving because he's a plague upon your life and general well-being.

Phinks:

Phinks wouldn't even realize at first, he's just happy that you aren't screaming at him or hiding every time he enters a room. Very quick to become physical with you once he thinks you're comfortable with it. He’s been dreaming of it for so long, being able to freely pull you onto his lap and put his arms around you. Ecstatic to do all of the normal couple things with you, to the point where you’re wondering why he didn’t just initiate a relationship with you like a normal person. Perhaps being kidnapped like this would have been the end result anyways.

Though, if things move a bit too fast, he might get suspicious. Just a smidge. Moreover, he is prone to paranoid thoughts. He's glad that you aren't taking the whole "kidnapped by a murderer thing" too hard, but it couldn't have been this easy to get you to go along with this. Phinks isn't delusional, he knows this is wrong, surely you know that too, right? He really should stop thinking about it so much and be grateful for now, but he can't get the thought out of his mind. That there's something he isn't seeing, and he'd rather not be living in some false reality where you're only pretending to love him.

He'll never say anything, though he isn't as good at keeping his thoughts hidden as you are. It's clear there's something bothering him, but Phinks is just waiting to see if he's right. If you dare try to run away from him, brooding and glowering while he watches you prepare dinner. Thinking of all the ways he'd be forced to reprimand you so it'd never happen again. He does feel a bit bad when you look at him and are instantly creeped out by how angry he seems, asking if he wants something else for dinner instead. Phinks will try to let it go, surely you'd never do that to him. The last thing he wants to do is think it into existence.

Uvogin:

Uvogin’s appearance and first impression can be deceiving. You’d think he’s an “all brawn, no brains” type of man, that it’d be easy to say some sweet nothings and he’ll let his guard down just enough for you to escape. Unlucky for you, Uvo is smart, much more than he lets on, and he likes a fun game of cat and mouse. He’ll allow it for a bit, pretending he’s buying your cheap attempt at gaining his favor. Just to grasp you roughly and let you know that he knows what you’re trying to do, and that it isn’t going to work. You’ll be lucky if that’s all he decides to do, if he’s not in a particularly good mood then he’s going to take it out on you.

That's not to say he couldn't be lulled into a false sense of security. Uvogin is confident in his abilities to keep you under his thumb, perhaps to a fault. How could he ever think of you wriggling out and escaping when you've always been so meek and submissive? When he had to tell you that he wasn’t going to bite your head off and that it was okay to talk because of how quiet you were? Why wouldn’t a weak thing like you be inclined to stay by his side, he was so much stronger and is able to keep you safe from any threat. (The only threat to you that isn’t Uvo himself are occasional roaches and maybe a silver fish if you’re really unlucky. He doesn’t bother to get bug traps, he just kills them as he sees them).

The minute Uvogin realizes what’s happened when you’ve escaped or mid escape attempt, he’s furious. How dare you take him for an idiot? To make a fool out of him, when he was sitting here thinking you were finally coming around? If you’re going to fake your feelings for him, it’s better to do it just for the sake of not being locked in the house all the time and for better treatment, not to try and escape. It isn’t worth it, Uvogin won’t go easy on you just because he loves you.

Feitan:

You could breathe wrong and Feitan is staring at you like you’ve done broken one of his unsaid rules. It’s not that he’s paranoid, it’s just that he knows how people act in situations like yours. Locked up in a strangers house, scared and prone to lashing out or taking drastic measures if the means justify they ends. Feitan has no tolerance for any type of manipulation, and will shut it down with his nails digging into the scuff of your neck as if you were a rowdy kitten.

That is, if he catches on to it.

Believe it or not, Feitan is still human. As much of a scourge he is to your life, he still craves your attention. Your positive attention, he daydreams of it occasionally, though he always pushes such weak thoughts out of his head. Disgusting, he’s above that, and he needs you to believe that he is above that. That he’d never stoop so low, because if he did then he might weaken and crumble beneath your touch.

It’s the small things; sitting next to him and intertwining your pinkie with his, eventually letting him hold your hand. It’s the little acts of affection, building up his tolerance and easing him into the idea that maybe this is okay. That it isn’t so awful to let his guard down, and that he can have a meaningful interaction with you that isn’t forcing you to watch his torture sessions. Though if you get to this point (which would take a lot of time and dedication by the way), and you still betray him and try and escape, it’s not going to end well for either of you once he’s caught you.

Chrollo:

You're going to have an easier time eating one of his leather wallets. King of mind games and manipulation. He doesn't take it so personally like the others, he expected it from you. One of the stages of grief, perhaps. Chrollo thinks it's fun, he'll entertain your attempts at being affectionate with him, lapping up your touches and your saccharine words. He's happy to return your faux love, and he may even give you a small pity reward for your hard work. If you ask for something a bit more, trying to exchange sexual favors for more freedom, Chrollo might honestly consider it.

He likes the internal struggle, the back and forth you go through on if this is really worth it. How you scowl and grimace when you think he isn't looking, or how desperate you are for a breath of fresh air that you're throwing yourself at him. Chrollo will bring it up, that he knows what you’re doing, but he won’t try to dissuade you. He makes it very clear you won’t be going anywhere or getting any more freedom than he thinks you deserve, but if you’re especially pathetic about your attempts then he might take you to the mall as a treat.

If you’re not careful, you may blur the line between acting and your true feelings, which is what Chrollo is betting on. The only reason he’s allowing this is because he thinks it’ll help you truly fall for him faster.

{ Hardest }

[lausterdomyamong]

Chrollo

[lausterdomyamong]

“You are so bold, Chrollo.“

“Am I?” He grins back at you, his face still resting on his palm and his elbow still on the table. You haven’t finished your dessert yet, but he already has. Perhaps that’s why he chose to strike while the iron is hot. TIming and all that.

“Well,” you drawl, taking another spoonful of cold chocolate chip goodness, “I’ve met you, what? Three times? This is the first time we’re eating together, which is only dessert by the way, and you asked me to come back home with you.”

You can see his thoughts forming and dissipating into nothingness through his eyes. Whatever he is thinking, he’s thinking thoroughly. So, when he chuckles, you can almost predict what he says next. “If dinner is what will make you say yes, then will you give me the honour of taking you out for dinner?”

“Oh? What’s this? The cold and reserved is making a move?” A giggle escapes your mouth with that, the spoon still in hand. It’s late which means there’s no one here except for you both, and you’re pretty sure the guy at the cash register behind you is rooting for Chrollo. It was easy to figure out when he put extra chocolate chips on your ice cream and winked at him when he gave him a questioning look.

Regardless, you can see the impatience in Chrollo’s eyes. He’s desperate for an answer, whatever it may be. Thus, you practise being merciful and cut his suffering short. “I wouldn’t say yes even after dinner, but I would say yes to dinner.” Going home with a stranger and into bed with them isn’t something you do. Your friends have had many experiences such as that, but you could never. There’s always the lingering fear of being taken advantage of or worse, hurt.

“Dinner it is then.” He straightens up with that, leaning back into his seat with his arms crossed over his chest. “When are you free? I don’t have any commitments this weekend, so perhaps that can work. If you can, that is.”

You mentally go over your schedule. You have errands to run on Sunday, but Friday evening and Saturday are free. Well, you’ll let him choose. “I can do Friday evening or Saturday. I’m free the entire day for Saturday though, so we can do lunch if not dinner.”

He chuckles at that. It sounds a bit eerie with the silence inside the establishment. “You’re now enticing me to steal your entire day. Would you mind if I kept you for the day? I promise to make it worth your while.”

“Well aren’t you greedy-” Something pricks your neck from behind and the next thing you know, words stop forming in your mouth and the spoon clatters somewhere with its fall. There is no time to process anything before darkness takes over your vision and your head nods to the side, limp. Silence settles once more before it’s broken by Chrollo sighing. “Shalnark. Do tell me why you did that.”

Said man removes the cap from his head, blond hair falling down and being smoothed over by his hand. “You were miserable, boss! You know you won’t be here this weekend. There’s no need to humour her that long.”

Chrollo doesn’t even break his gaze from your limp body. “I was going to do something similar after walking her home. No matter. This simply makes it less troublesome.”

In a matter of minutes, your lax body is in Chrollo’s arms and he starts heading outside through the back door. This outcome was inevitable. Had you said yes to him earlier, it would’ve been easier. It would have been way easier.

[lausterdomyamong]

Could I ask for Itachi, Madara and Tobirama with a reader that wants a big family? Like REALLY big. Like 5 or 7 little ones😂 Asking our boys 'wanna make a baby?' all the time haha🤣 Love you!

A/N: omg this made me laugh lmao just bc I imagined my own response being 'absolutely not.' 😂(to someone asking me that question not the request) hahah but dw it's not necessarily theirs. I can do this for you 😂 ily <3

TAGS: family headcanons, reader wants baby, big family, fluff, Itachi's has more suggestive content, Madara being a little shit, Tobirama being soft

CHARACTERS: Itachi Uchiha, Madara Uchiha, Tobirama Senju

ITACHI UCHIHA

Depends on which Itachi we are talking about. If it's canon Itachi who is dying and you ask him for a baby or family then he's like absolutely not. He can't leave you on your own with a child and he also doesn't have the time left to give you a big family.

So lets just pretend that doesn't happen. Itachi doesn't get ill and he doesn't die.

You two have been together for years at this point (I feel Itachi needs a few years in this to be able to jump into such a commitment. He can see himself being with you forever at this point)

The two of you of you are sitting outside on the veranda, drinking tea, legs hanging off the side. The warm, summer breeze is blowing through creating a sense of ease. This is when you first think to broach the topic. To ease him into the idea.

'Hey Itachi, I've a question.' You ask, turning to see him bring his cup to his lips.

'Mm?' He asks, absentmindedly taking a long sip of tea, eyes still looking toward the scenery in front of him.

'Do you want to have kids, with me?'

Itachi chokes on his tea, spluttering a little as he brings his cup down. The recovery his quick and smooth as he turns to you quickly, eyes wide. 'What?' He asks, more questioning if he'd heard you correctly than what you had said.

'Kids.' You repeat. 'Is it something you'd consider ever doing—ehrm well having rather—with me that is.' You smile, scratching your cheek at the attempt to smoothen out your sentence.

'Oh.' He says blinking, animately. 'Oh.' He repeats like he's not quite sure what to make of the question.

'I've put you on the spot.' You shake your head.

'No.' He assures then shakes his head into a nod. 'Well, yes but no.' Itachi cringes at himself. 'I mean, it's something I—oh gosh.' He runs his hand over his face. 'Sorry.'

You observe him noticing his face his rather flushed? And you realise you've never quite seen him so flustered before. You had flustered him! Flustered Itachi Uchiha!

'It's alright. It's not something I need an answer to right away, just something I wanted us to consider.'

'I want to consider it!' He says quickly, a little too quickly. He bites his lip, groaning to himself and takes a deep breath. 'I really do.'

The next time it's brought up is during a heated make out.

Itachi's hands are on your waist pulling you toward him. Your hands are in his hair, tugging him further into the kiss.

Your body is on fire as is your want. Your need for him to be closer to you. His lips move from yours to your cheek. Peppering kisses down your jaw and down your neck.

You moan, pushing you body flush against his. You swear it pulls a growl from him. Especially since your fingers are buried so deeply into the roots of his hair, tugging.

'Mmm Itachi.' You say, high on the moment. 'I want more.'

'Yeah?' He says, lips moving across your chest. 'Tell me what you want.'

'I want you to touch me and ah—'

He bites down on the sensitive skin of your chest just above your nipple. He sucks down then pulls off. 'What else?' He asks.

'I want you inside me.'

'Mmm.' He hums, continuing to bury himself down the flesh of your abdomen. Kissing and sucking to his hearts content.

'And I want you to cum inside and make a baby with me.'

Itachi freezes against your stomach.

Your eyes snap open.

Opps~

You totally let your want run away with you on that on.

'Yeah? You want a baby?'

'Mhmm.' You say, daring to meet his gaze. 'I do if you do.'

When you see his dark brown eyes looking back at you, pupils fully blown with want that you know he's no longer afraid. He wants this too.

'I do.' He says pushing a kiss to your skin.

'Yeah?' You say, trying to crush the emotions welling up inside you.

'How many kids you want me to give you?' He asks, slowly kissing down, down, down.

'Ah— I want a big family.' You say, biting back the moans. 'Maybe 5. Maybe 7.'

Itachi presses his face against your core. 'You're trying to kill me.' He groans. 'We better get to work.'

MADARA UCHIHA

Okay this little shit (affectionate) is probably the easiest to convince in theory but he's also a pain in the butt about it lol

Madara is the biggest simp when it comes to you so he's willing to do what you want and honestly if the two of you are having kids by conceiving together then he's like yay that means we get to do it aye aye (wiggles those eyebrows) punch him honestly.

The thing is when you first tell him he's also of two minds about it. He wants to hurry up and have lots of sex and babies with you because Madara also wants a big family. Big fams are what the Uchiha do.

HOWEVER he's also a bit selfish? Wants to wait a bit and keep you all to himself for a few years more. Wants to have your undivided attention and not have to share you with his children yet. He knows it has to happen one day and is happy to let it happen. He's just... not sure he wants it to yet!

There's still so much couple one on one things he wants to do! So he makes a deal that while the two of you are trying (if you don't want to wait) the two of you have to do a bunch of couple things together.

It's honestly win win because you get to do a lot of relaxing things like trips to the hotsprings. Date nights. Just lots of time with him spoiling you and him being absolutely obsessed with you.

Now the whole conversation itself when you did ask him to have a baby with you was a whole thing lol. It's probably pillowtalk because that's where all your deep and important convos with Madara happen.

The two of you are lying in the bed, sheets draped haphazardly over the two of you. Your bodies are facing each other, limbs are wrapped around and lost beneath the sheet.

Your hand finds his face gently stroking his flushed cheek. His finds refuge in the small of your back, pulling you even closer.

'Hey.' You say.

'Oh hello.' He says all smug. 'I didn't see you there.'

You playfully (gently) smack his cheek.

'You were pretty sure of my presence a few minutes ago.'

'Ah, yes, yes, now it's coming back to me.' He grins. 'Perhaps we ought to go again just to be sure the memory doesn't fade.'

You pinch his cheek.

'Ow, ow stop hurting the love of your life in such a manner.'

'I can think of worse things I could pinch, believe me.'

'Okay okay I concede!' He nuzzles his forehead against yours. 'I'm listening.'

'Good, I wanted to run something by you.'

'Oh? So serious. This I have to hear.' His tone maybe playful but he gives you his full attention. He always does.

'What would you say to having a baby?'

He takes a deep breath. 'Wow.' He exhales. 'I guess it depends who with because that can really be a dealbreaker.' He starts laughing.

You smack him but can't help let slip a smile.

'Ugh, why are you making this so difficult! I meant you having a baby with me! Us! Together!' You huff, pouting a little.

'I know, I know I'm just keeping such a serious conversation more joyful.' He says, wrapping his arms around you. 'I had to take advantage of your phrasing. I'm sorry.'

You huff again. 'Look if you don't want to just—' You move to roll around in his arms but he stops you.

'Oh no, no, no. Nobody runs away from Madara Uchiha. Not even you!' He grabs you and turns you back to him.

You try to keep a scowl plastered on your face but it's hard when his smile is so damn genuine.

'Of course I want to have children with you! I think about having tens of children with you! It's all I can do but stop cumming inside without protection.'

This makes you snort. 'This is not a romantic or charming conversation at all.'

'Oh, please I exude charm, baby.' He kisses your nose. 'Just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you. I want it too.'

'I want to have your children. Lots of children.'

Madara hums. 'The more the better, right?' He kisses your lips. 'How about we just enjoy ourselves a bit longer first. Just us?'

You roll your eyes. 'Fine.'

TOBIRAMA SENJU

This man is the hardest one to convince of the bunch. I personally don't see him really having kids and if he does it's on the lower number rather than having the bigger family.

It's got to do with the time period he's in, just coming out of the warring era and seeing so many children die and the self sacrifice he makes to dedicate himself to the village. Even though they technically have some peace in their era it does not last long.

He's not around a lot at home in the first place and feels guilty if he has to leave it to you or others to raise his children so it's going to be a big decision to have kids.

That being said if it's something you really want he's not going to say no because deep in his heart, having kids is something he would like to have. Having someone he created with you that is (for a time) untouched by war and without that burden? A dream.

It takes some years of convincing to do it though. It's not a one time conversation. It's several conversations over the years. Negotiations and understandings. He needs to make sure you understand he can't always be there. Even if he wants to be.

Tobirama will also want to be able to train them to protect themselves whether they become shinobi or not. He won't be able to sleep at night not knowing they have some sort of protection.

The thing that helps ease Tobirama into it as well is Mito and Hashirama. Their kids and seeing how they fair help sway his opinion. You helping out Mito and seeing how you are with children helps enourmously too.

Him seeing you with children always did something to his heart, tugging at those heartstrings. You just always softened? around children. You were a natural caretaker.

Tobirama couldn't bear being the one to keep you from that.

Conversations during the evenings after dinner. You take the plates over to the sink then join him over at the kotatsu.

'Have you given any thought to our conversation?' You ask, taking a seat behind him with your arms on his shoulders.

'Which convseration are you referring to?' He asks.

You begin working his shoulders, massging them gently at first, working out the tension he's worked up in the day.

He grunts but pushes back into your touch.

'You know,' you whisper against his ear, 'that conversation.' You run your lips over the shell of his ear then down his neck.

He shivers a little and you see his eyes close.

'Oh, that conversation.' He says, softly.

He hasn't dismissed it right out. That's progress.

You keep working his shoulders and alternate between kissing his neck and cheek.

Tobirama relaxes and becomes undone beneath you. He melts entirely at your touch until he merely falls back against you.

Your hands come around him, resting on top of his arms. Fingertips gently tracing his cool exposed skin.

There's a comfortable silence, one you can hear him gathering his thoughts.

'I want to give you what you want.' He says, breaking the silence.

'But?'

'But, I just need a little more time.'

A small smile finds your lips. 'Okay.' You press a kiss to his temple. 'I only want this if you do too.'

Tobirama grunts. As if to say he could ever be made to do something he doesn't want to ever.

The conversation is broached a few times after that but it isn't long until it's agreed upon. And the two of you begin trying to a baby.

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Favorite bit of adventurers bible lore is that Marcille was a researcher developing new healing magic before she joined the party but then learned all the offensive spells we see her use in a single day. Insane behavior. Imagine knowing the top med student in the country and one day she drops out of her cancer research program and perfects the art of making pipe bombs in 24 hours.

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Snippets from Senshi's journal (as seen in the adventurers bible)

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the fact that kobolds seem to be this more "animalistic" race, with kuro talking in broken language and like improper grammar. this, coupled with the fact that he seems unaware of the fact that he's being exploited by mick, makes kobolds appear to be less intelligent than other races.

but we actually find out that the simple speech patterns are in fact due to common being kuro's second language. and in a scene where kabru talks to kuro in his native language, it's actually kabru with the simple speech patterns.

we even learn that kuro seems to actually have a much better understanding of his situation with mick than we first imagine. merely wanting to stay with them so they can have someone who they can feel relaxed around.

this, coupled with a bunch of other things, really makes dungeon meshi stand out from other fantasy media. there are no "dumb" or "evil" races, they're all just people.

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Dungeon Meshi - Lycion icons

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WAIT SHES ACTUALLY CANONICALLY A LESBIAN???

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Dungeon Meshi Board Game (2022) - The Canaries