lactose-intolerant-piano

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

Crying like.. dmitri whyyy….,,,,,,

#shosta fucking kovich

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

Also it’s like 3 AM. The price of picking a Chopin sonata

It doesn’t make any sense but hearing someone in the next room practicing Chopin 3rd sonata when you are on the 2nd sonata feels lowkey humiliating man

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

It doesn’t make any sense but hearing someone in the next room practicing Chopin 3rd sonata when you are on the 2nd sonata feels lowkey humiliating man

#it doesn’t make any sense I know but #3rd is sooooo hard like

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

The way I can comfortably sight read requiem reductions and to some level Alban berg but failed to read a RCM prep A piece

#studying pedagogy #this is so hard I’ll never be able to teach piano #my mood leaving the practice rooms at 3am

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

Omg yes Borges my beloved

hey neil! what’s your favorite book from latin america? :)

Jorge Luis Borges’ Complete Fictions.

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

I don’t feel lust. And I don’t long for sex—not just sex at least. I do long for an intimate knowing of someone’s soul and body who I’ve chosen and who’s chosen me. To objectify such a person for my own pleasure would be tearing up the very fabric of my soul: I long for mutual, selfless love of which sex is an expression. Not because I was told to, even though if you dig through scriptures with your heart poured into it you’ll see that this is kind of the picture it tries to paint, in an ideal world. So my sexuality is biblical sexual ethics, canonically. Why the hell is it discriminated against in a society that’s still majority deep in its Christian roots, no matter what some might say? Why would I need Pride, why would I need the support and allyship of those who to some (and this is not what I believe) seem the antithesis of the Christian sexual ethic as we know it? But the truth is hardly anyone knows about the term ‘demisexual’. Autocorrect sure doesn’t. Maybe it’s an ideal but we sure don’t live that ideal: Christian sexual ethics have been deep in misogyny and toxic power structures for years and I think we’ve lost the ability to visualise it at a large scale. I respect diversity and the fact that no one else is compelled to live like me. But the fact is my orientation is a part of me as much as my conscience or my soul, and it grants me perspectives that nothing else can. A vantage point many don’t know even exists so I have to come out about it. Because if I don’t start the conversation to explain it, who will ever know me? And if no one has the category to put it in, I’m ever reaching across divide only I can see just to ensure I’m never seen, never able to communicate observations I have, of course I do, constantly warding off questions of if I think someone is hot or marriage material when I don’t have it in me to evaluate that many people like that, the majority of them are just and will always stay ‘friends’. I have a lot of friends. I don’t see them for their bodies or, as some say I should with boys what they could give me and the life we could build together, I see their fears and hopes and insecurities and every now and then I see someone I connect with in a magical way. My demisexuality is only the tip of the iceberg of who I am and how I interact with others. It shapes everything. It formed the foundation of how I learned what it means to love selflessly and truly want what’s best for someone regardless of whether I’m in the picture at all. It taught me to pray and it taught me to find out how to meet my needs without romantic love (because for me that’s like finding a needle in a haystack and completely impossible if I don’t have people I connect deeply with and am known by deeply too) but it also taught me the kind of euphoria I can feel when it does come, and how to keep a level and selfless head through that chemical haze. It taught me the value of being known and seen as who I am, and the value of giving that gift to others. It gave me empathy for my fellow lgbtqia+ community members. And it gave me a drive to overhaul this whole thing, how we think about sexuality blind to our own sins (and I believe that turning someone into no more than an object for our own gratification is a sin, and I’m looking at you, many of you evangelical married people). But I’m talking to deaf ears, am I not? Because no one wants to know what demisexual is, much less hear about the sin it gives me the ability to see and not do. I could sit here and renounce you all, say I’m holier than thou, and maybe for my definition of sin it would be true. But objectively I don’t think it is. And if I did, it would make me no better than you—only completely alone in my conviction too. 

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

I love cueing cueing is my favorite part of conducting gosh I wish I can just go get a doctorate in conducting

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

dear Tumblr gays if this is bad I’m deeply sorry and will use more English in my conducting studies

Currently prepping for conducting class tmr and marking cues for instruments, etc, and realizes I somehow prefers writing “Fagotto” instead of Bassoon. Like either this is totally normal and I’m just copying down what’s on the score and what Wolfgang wrote and overthinking it or subconsciously I’m homophobic

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

Currently prepping for conducting class tmr and marking cues for instruments, etc, and realizes I somehow prefers writing “Fagotto” instead of Bassoon. Like either this is totally normal and I’m just copying down what’s on the score and what Wolfgang wrote and overthinking it or subconsciously I’m homophobic

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

On my health record my PT wrote “She demonstrates general strength deficits in her UE and poor muscular endurance.” I’m now officially diagnosed as weak 🤡

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

Tfw you can sing better than the singer you are accompanying (and they call you an accompanist

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

Ppl think long and thin and slender and delicate fingers are so great and I have that and it makes me SO BAD at piano like I’m so weakkkkk helllppp I feel like a spider crawling on the keys

#piano

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

One thing I learned this week is that there’s no way I can learn a piece by reading from the music on my phone

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

I miss playing my Schumann concerto

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

Y’all like I don’t enjoy working in tech but it’s a major self confidence boost to just be able to say IM WORTH 50 BUCKS AN HOUR how dare you waste my time / demand my free labor etc

#meanwhile paying thousands of dollar for my capstone class just to do work for free #or for negative wage I guess

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

VOICE PEOPLE RE SO RUDE ALL THE VOICE AND INSTEUMWNTAL AND CONDUCTING PEOPLE SHOULD BE REQUIRED TO TAKE A CLASS ON *HOW TO PROFESSIONALLY TALK TO A PIANIST*

#bro like I’m doing this for free #if you pay me 50 bucks an hour I’ll shut up and you can start your emails with FUCK YOU if you want #but like what the fuck

[lactose-intolerant-piano]

Pogorelich sounds like he’s in pain

#Chopin second sonata #likeeeee #not like physically but like mentally #a kind of tension