labitxh

[labitxh]

I want to kill myself more than ever lately

I’m sick of this feeling

[labitxh]

Don’t try to talk to him about anything he will never be able to understand what you convey

[labitxh]

I did not in fact follow every single impulse. Sadly.

I’m going to start following every single impulse. Fuck everyone else’s feelings. They don’t give a shit about mine.

[labitxh]

Tonight I shared a post that said “don’t date men who see it as an inconvenience everytime your upset”

And I said D: with it.... I knew I had to delete it right away because it would just start a fight.

And of course, he saw it before it disappeared, he said “so your just gonna leave me”

And I said “what?” Like I didn’t know what he was talking about when I did in fact know..

Then I was sitting here shaking, waiting for him to start yelling when I realized... what the fuck. Why am I this scared to simply talk about how I feel? Why am I pushing my own feelings aside to appease someone else’s comfort..... and another thing, the fact that he acknowledged that when I get upset it is an inconvenience, but that wasn’t the point , the point was whether or not I’d leave him?!?!?!?!?!?

And I WAS SHAKING SCARED TO FEEL, SCARED TO SHARE SOMETHING THAT WAS PROVEN TRUE BY HIS WORDS.?!?

how fucking crazy am I? Lmfao.... at this point, he doesn’t respect me, doesn’t care what I think or how I feel or if I’m okay, just wants me to act perfect for him. Do whatever he says, take whatever hateful words he decides to say. Clean after him, and his pets, keep his house, cook his food, suck his dick,

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I wanna kill myself, but I won’t, because I’d rather make him regret ever treating me like I am nothing.

Finding myself piece my piece, long way to go but I see her in sight.

[labitxh]

I’m going to start following every single impulse. Fuck everyone else’s feelings. They don’t give a shit about mine.

[labitxh]

Chance gets on my nerves. This morning I picked up my phone to see we what time it was and he quickly flips over and says “will you get off that phone”

Like bruh wtf how am I hurting you or bothering you in anyway?

He said “I can just feel when somethings on like a tv or a phone”

Then bitch you should have felt it all night because it’s been ON I just ain’t been ON it.

He just doesn’t want me to have any sliver of joy for some reason. I don’t know what the fuck his problem is but it’s getting old real quick. I’m starting to not give a fuck.

[labitxh]

He gets what he wants out of you then doesn’t hear shit you have to say. He doesn’t kiss you the way he used to, he doesn’t hold you how he used to. None of it’s the same it will never be the same. The quicker I get that through my head the better off I’ll be.

I deserve to be fucking worshipped. What the fuck is this.

[labitxh]

I’d hate to actually have covid because my boyfriend could give a fuck less how I feel.

I want him to have fun with his friends but I didn’t even get a kiss or hug hello when he came through the door he could care less if I were here.

[labitxh]

After telling me today he was going to be making changes, he came home to me still sick. Bitching about the tv being on because I dozed off. He then picked up the house a bit while huffing and puffing the whole time and then got on his game. So much for being somebodies girlfriend right. Lmfaoooo

[labitxh]

The relationships I make with people along the way in life is what I’m scared to lose. For some reason? Terrified to just be alone. But I think that’s what I’m going to have to do to really find myself. Just dip off. Alone. Maybe go to Europe? Maybe go find me a beach to get on? I’m not sure about all this.

Maybe get me some money together and just use it to get a passport and fly wherever I want?

Go live on a commune? I could do that even.

Bucket list,

1)live on or by a beach for a year.

2)live and work on a commune.

3)take some kind of class for protection.

To be continued....

[labitxh]

I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately, not because I want to really die but because I need a fucking break.

[labitxh]

I’m going through so much shit lately, I cut again yesterday. I’m not doing too well with all of this on my own. I really might need to go to an institution for awhile. Maybe I just want to do that to get away from all this stress and everyday bullshit. I’m really not doing okay.

[labitxh]

My boyfriend doesn’t want me anymore, but that’s fine. Just because him and I aren’t meant to be in his eyes doesn’t mean I have to stop loving him. But I cant force someone to love me who doesn’t want me, been there done that. So it’s time I let him go and I let him be happy out there on his own.

I’ll always love you chancelor lane Neal, but I can’t lose myself again, and I can’t make you love me so here’s goodbye.

[labitxh]

My boyfriend doesn’t want me anymore, I’m learning to be okay with that though. I’m good enough for me. I know I’m funny, I love my own sense of humor,

I know I am beautiful, because I can feel it every time I look at myself.

I know I’m smart, but I could be smarter honestly.

I have an immense amount of street smarts though. I can do anything I put my mind to, that’s been proven time and time again. I can stand and hold in so much pain, so much shit piled on top of me, and still keep going all while trying to make others feel good in the process. I am a very kind person, some people don’t understand my sense of humor but it’s not for everyone. I am everything I am supposed to be and more.

[labitxh]

I’m starting to think I really might just enjoy sex with women more.... I’ve known I was bisexual now for some time but I typically sleep with men because it’s... easy..... it doesn’t take much of anything to attract men. Women are difficult though, I wish I knew how to talk to them. In general, I get so nervous 😂😂

[labitxh]

I’m always going to be the bad guy when it comes down to it with this man. I need to get out while I can.

[labitxh]

This mother fucker just be going off saying random ass shit but can’t keep up with me actually staying general ideas and facts. 😂🤦🏻‍♀️