koalifiedhooman-blog

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But i love them......

“So someone in a group asked me to tell them why I hate the ocean sunfish so much, and apparently it was ~too mean~ and was deleted. To perpetuate the truth and stand up for ethical journalism, I’m posting it here. [Rated NC-17 for language.] Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. "If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead (which has lead us to said photo) will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.“ -Scout Burns

#sunfish

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Major Mola Moment: First Confirmed Hoodwinker Sunfish Photographed in Monterey Bay!!

Consider this your o-fish-al welcome to Monterey Bay, Hoodwinker Sunfish! You certainly had us fooled 😅

Divers in Monterey Bay have photographed two hoodwinker sunfish this year—the first confirmed sightings of this new species of sunfish in Central California!

A hoodwinker sunfish being cleaned by señorita wrasses off of Pacific Grove. Video: Joe Platko

Known to science as Mola tecta, the hoodwinker sunfish was officially described in 2017 by Dr. Marianne Nyegaard at Australia’s Murdoch University.

The word “tecta” is Latin for hidden—a perfect moniker for a hoodwinker. Mola tecta were thought to live mainly in the cold waters around Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and Southern Chile. 

But then, earlier this year, a massive hoodwinker sunfish washed up in Santa Barbara! 

This sighting of Mola tecta was tantalizing for sunfish researchers: Are hoodwinkers new arrivals to the area, carried by Chile’s cool Humboldt current and somehow punching their way through the equator and into our temperate waters due to some climatic abnormality? Or have hoodwinkers been around these parts for some time, hiding in plain sight until Marianne’s discovery gave attentive observers the right clues to look for? Maybe a little bit of both? Something else entirely?

Mola mola, known as the common sunfish, in the Open Sea display at the Aquarium

Mola tecta found in Monterey Bay just offshore of Pacific Grove. This was the first confirmed sighting of a Mola tecta in Monterey Bay. Photo: Jr Sosky

Key characteristics of Mola tecta for identification. Photo: Jr Sosky/Marianne Nyegaard

A blessing in disguise

Whatever the case, there are now at least two more Mola tecta confirmed here in California, and the first ever identified in Monterey Bay.

In early August, a merry band of underwater photographers came across a large ocean sunfish being cleaned by señorita wrasses at Eric’s Pinnacle, a rocky outcrop off Lover’s Point in Pacific Grove. 

We shared an image on the Aquarium’s social media feeds by photographer Joe Platko under the guise of a “Mola mola Monday Motivoceanal Moment!” 

Our (erroneous) post on Twitter. More social media copy mistakes that lead to discoveries of new sunfish species in our backyard, please!

Mola mola is no stranger to the Monterey Bay—we see youngsters and heavyweights throughout the year just offshore of the Aquarium, and we’ve frequently had them on display in the Open Sea. 

(You may know Mola mola better from the expletive-ridden video of a Boston fisherman coming across a sea monster in this viral video https://youtu.be/r0IQCLQDfKw , or perhaps you’ve read the decidedly contrarian hate-click account of how “useless” sunfish are. )

Weighing nearly 5,000 pounds and spanning over 11 feet from tip to tip, Mola mola is one of the heaviest bony fishes in the sea (its Western Pacific cousin, the bumphead sunfish Mola alexandrini is just a touch heavier in the record books.)  

Something fishy about that fishy…

Content with our content, we looked to see what you all thought of this magical “Mola mola”—and that’s when things got exciting!

A comment right here on Tumblr by Drop Science mentioned that this fish looked more Mola tecta than Mola mola. The two are remarkably similar in appearance, but there are a few tells. Most noticeably, a Mola tecta caudal fin is is divided by a smooth band projecting backwards to the fin’s edge. 

Intrigued, we forwarded more images from Joe Platko and his dive buddy Jr Sosky to Senior Aquarist and resident mola expert Michael Howard. 

Michael has been instrumental in our ocean sunfish program at the Monterey Bay Aquarium over several decades, pioneering training methods, specialized diets and tracking programs for these megafish. The Aquarium is the only one to successfully display Mola mola in North America. 

Growing from just a few dozen pounds to several hundred, our resident sunfishes are released back to the wild. Once back in the bay, Michael’s satellite tags have revealed that Mola mola may migrate very far up and down the coast, and spend considerable time diving into the deep sea to feed on a varied diet of jellies, squid, crabs and other fare.

After reviewing the images, Michael thought there was certainly the chance that a hoodwinker had been found. He got us in touch with Marianne Nyegaard herself, and she confirmed that these were indeed the first images of a live Mola tecta in Monterey Bay! 

Then, just three weeks later, diver Wei Wei Gao happened upon another Mola tecta off of Cannery Row!! 

A hoodwinker sunfish filmed off Cannery Row. Video: Wei Wei Gao

A tecta-nic shift in our sunfish understanding!

In email exchanges that used up both of our yearly supplies of exclamation points, Dr. Marianne remarked that these sightings show just how little we know about one of the ocean’s most iconic fishes. 

Michael is now diving into our records to see if there’s a chance we have had a Mola tecta hidden in our studies. And as for us, we’re buzzing with excitement at the discovery of this neighbor in our backyard, pleasantly deceived by a hoodwinker sunfish, and awestruck by the limitless wonder and mystery of our beloved Monterey Bay.

The first-ever confirmed Mola tecta in Monterey Bay being cleaned by señorita wrasses. Welcome to the neighborhoodwinker! Video: Joe Platko.

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Sharks and rays are often perceived as cold fish, but at least one species of manta ray has a surprisingly complex social life, a new study says.

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“Breeze the baby horse is all grown up, but still sleeps with his teddy years later”

(Source)

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Gastropod Class List

Fighter: Fighting Conch

Barbarian: Cloth Of Gold Cone

Paladin: Scaly-Foot Gastropod

Thief: Thordisa villosa

Ranger: Blue Angel

Bard: Painted Snail

Wizard: Californian sea slug

Sorcerer: Cellana ornata

Warlock: Blaesospira echinus infernalis

Cleric: Banana Slug

Monk: Dromedary Jumping-Slug

Druid: Costasiella kuroshimae

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Anyone need some tiny turtles?

Because I got some tiny turtles

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Scientists at the Australian National University (ANU) have discovered that the iconic Dickinsonia fossils are probably not flat sea creatures with ribbed bodies.

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Lush was selling these today!🦈

Text SHARKATTACK to 40649 and sign the pledge!🦈

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reblog this post with a cool animal species lets make a wholesome thread

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can i jsut say… isnt it insane that polar bears go underground like imagine just walking along with a shovel and u start digging a hole and a bear is in there

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Cute Crabs

KING CRAB -

ATLANTIC GHOST CRAB - 

HALLOWEEN CRAB - 

SAND BUBBLER CRAB - 

HERMIT CRAB - 

BABY -

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capybara 😩😩✊🏻✊🏻 ducks 😩😩✊🏻✊🏻

#capybara #ducks #cute animals #big boIIIII GUINea piG be real chIll #i think about this video everyday

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#puppy #cute animals

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ANTI-BARFING SPIKES.

This is why they have such a problem with plastic bags. It’s because the unique structure of their esophagus makes it so that they can’t get rid of them.

Other places to see my posts: INSTAGRAM / FACEBOOK / ETSY / KICKSTARTER

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Have some cute foxes

#foxes