klassensbella

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It’s been forever since I used Tumblr but I felt like an update was necessary

#so my life is completely different to when I last posted #I’m 22 now and so happy with my life #but I feel like everything has came full circle #and I needed to post about it #since I shared so much when I was 16/17 #if you followed me then you’ll remember #there was a boy who I had a massive crush on #i was literally obsessed with him #and we messaged loads but nothing more #and I always hoped we’d get together but didn’t #and we were huge bastille fans together #well anyway #that was 5 years ago #and he randomly popped up out of nowhere #to wish me happy birthday in January #and since then we’ve rekindled a really lovely friendship #and now we message every single day #and we’ve also hung out a few times in person #which we never did outside of class #and it’s been so so lovely #and we also went to watch bastille together #which is something I’d wanted for literal years #and I’m just so happy he’s back in my life #even if it isn’t the relationship I imagined #but yeah #just wanted to share cause #i posted so much about him years ago #and turns out things work out in the end #🥰 #personal

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~ Rarely use this anymore ~

I don't know, I just feel like I associate Tumblr with negativity these days since I use it so often to empty my thoughts and stresses.

And it feels like I'm haunted by my previous posts - both the happy Ines which are a shadow of now, and the dark ones from really difficult times that make me sick to read.

I feel like Tumblr has became a place for me to rant, post negativity, mainly document feeling anxious or self harming when I have no other outlet for my thoughts. And I hate how negative and defeatist it has become.

I'm not leaving Tumblr, cause I do love it as a website and app, but I'm definitely gonna be online a lot less. Just don't think it's healthy for me mentally right now.

I need space from those constant reminders of the past and of all the destructive thoughts

#I'm sorry my Tumblr has just become a place for ranting #and that I post so often about self harm and depression #but I feel like it's been eating me alive #and now Tumblr is just a reminder of that #and a physical form of my negative headspace #really don't think this app is healthy for me #I'll still check it and post occasionally #but I think I need a bit of a break from it all #Thomas if you're reading this then I'm sorry about our argument #I really hate myself cause of it #I just don't know where I stand with anyone anymore #and I'm not pulling back from Tumblr to cut you off #cause you can text me all the time #I feel like shit for hurting the person closest to me #because I feel so broken and empty #and all I do is spread that #and hurt everyone else in my life #another rant omg #I'm going now #I'll be on here sometime idk when #I'll see #personal

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Feel too anxious to do work but then I feel anxious that I've not done any work ://

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#being hated by someone #you care about #is the hardest feeling ever #personal

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#tend to document my mental health journey on here #but I reached breaking point today #I'd been arguing with someone all day #(and I hate arguments) #and I just felt incredibly alone #and I ended up going to a dodgy park by mine #alone in the dark #with no phone charge #and I was hoping that something bad #would happen to me #like in the moment I deserved to be mugged or abused or whatever #and I just sat on a park bench and cried #and it was honestly terrifying #I've literally had panic attacks all day #and self harmed #and now I just feel lightheaded and sick #hate this so much #personal

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#my family constantly have a go at me for anything I do #like it's always my fault #then wonder why I don't wanna open up #it's shit #if they knew I self harmed it'd be so different #they wouldn't give me such a hard time #personal

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#so I got rejected from Cambridge uni today #and it sucks cause it was my absolute dream #and my self esteem is so so low now #and I've always been the 'smart one' of my friends #but now I haven't even got that #I hate myself #why am I just useless at everything #personal

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I know my posts on here are mostly just life updates on here, but I just wanted to write a post saying thank you to @freshgiraffe

Thomas, you've been my Internet best friend for a year now and I seriously couldn't have done it without you, thank you for everything and an amazing year of messaging you! ❤️

#Thomas you're seriously the best #internet friends #personal

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You need a private talk? Just send me an ask!:)

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So yesterday I found out that my ex boyfriend started speaking to his new girlfriend 1 week after we broke up.

So it seriously took him only 1 week to forget about me and move on.

And it honestly hurts so bad to know that I must've been so insignificant to him, even though I was his first kiss, his first girlfriend, his first love.

Why am I so worthless?

#personal

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#I'm about to have a panic attack #I need to get my thoughts down here #basically I'm going to a NYE party tomorrow #and I went shopping for a dress with my mum #and I'm really flat chested so none of the low cut ones look good #and I found a dress that I really like #and afterwards my mum was saying if I have any padded strapless bras #cause I'm gonna need padding with this dress #it's not low cut or anything just figure hugging #and then she said that a better idea would be for #me to wear a bra underneath another bra #basically suggesting that I'm so flat chested I need 2 times the padding #and it really just fucked with my head #and made me feel so gross and abnormally skinny #and I already struggle with body confidence issues #but wow this made it 1000 times worse #I wanna vomit why am I so effing skinny?? #hate myself #hate my body #personal

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I'm seriously so alone.

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Moving on isn’t about forgetting them or not loving them anymore. It’s about admitting that although you may still love them, the relationship isn’t worth the pain, and you deserve better. And most important, it’s about learning to love yourself more than you love them. After this, you may stop loving them, and you may even forget them. But if you don’t, at least you won’t be sad anymore. Maybe just once in a while. You’ll be over them, because you’re in love with someone new — yourself.

@i-am-strong-all-on-my-own

(Adapted from quote by @motivated-mindset )

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This is for the girls who were pretty enough to make him cum, but not enough to make him stay.

Poetry At Most (via poetryatmost)

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#I feel so gross #my ex boyfriend already has a new girlfriend #and has moved on #and it hurts like hell cause we've only recently broke up #and he was my first love and first kiss #and I was his #yet he was so willing to forget about me so quickly #don't think I've ever felt this alone in my life #life sucks at times #need a fresh start #personal

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#do you know what sucks? #the fact that Christmas is my favourite time of year #yet I hardly feel Christmassy at all this year #I think it's cause the past few months #have been so rough #and my mental health is so bad #that I can't actually enjoy it?? #ahhh I hate this #personal

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BREAKING: The FCC just voted to repeal net neutrality, meaning we’re all screwed. TV news shows were essentially silent about this for the three weeks leading up to the vote.