kiseiakhun

[kiseiakhun]

#KURT #creatures

[kiseiakhun]

using "drugs" as a moral category will have people saying shit like "adderall isn't a drug because i don't feel any effects from it except the effects i feel, which are why i take it"

[kiseiakhun]

every time there's a power level discussion in dcu and people refuse to add in how absurdly bullshit the lantern rings are in general i refuse to take it seriously. a weapon that you can will into doing anything within any time period at all is just busted. it's stupid. if you are creative and attentive enough, you can be a world ender. you can be an one person army. it's the universe's strongest weapon for a reason.

sure, like. the old yellow limitation was stupid but also it was a very clear boundary to avoid making them become gods through sheer willpower because at least yellow was out of boundaries but now the failsafe is gone, look what we got. yeah, that's right, you guessed it: we got kyle, the guy that kinda stumbles into godhood and keeps needing to put it back because it just really really likes him.

#dc keeps making Kyle god because he's the lantern who would be most Normal about if #I'm including Carol in this count #which ended up really funny because they just accidentally set up this dynamic where godhood keeps following Kyle like an eager puppy #apotheosis? 👀 apotheosis now king? 👀👀👀

[kiseiakhun]

how are you a lesbian but he him

please... the pronouns is all i have left of my father

[kiseiakhun]

[kiseiakhun]

you join a discord video call at the request of your long time mutual and instead of the 23 year old art history student you thought you'd been friends with you are greeted by two dozen middle aged business men huddled around a conference table intently staring at you

[kiseiakhun]

she's right.

#💀

[kiseiakhun]

You better watch out, buddy – I have extremely unusual life experiences which I mistakenly believe are universal, and I'm about to misinterpret your post in ways you can't even imagine.

[kiseiakhun]

i think about this comic at least once a week

[kiseiakhun]

discourse about batman's no-kill rule is so funny. imagine if a dude was like "i personally will not commit any murders and if any of my kids do i will be unhappy" and everyone booed him

[kiseiakhun]

i dont know who needs to hear this but as a general PSA for those who pay people online for goods and services: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE BUYING. While it might seem funny to write a clever note along with your transaction, any sort of hint that you're buying something nsfw or even mildly suggestive poses a huge risk that the person you're paying is getting their method of payment shut down permanently. transaction services are stricter than ever. "thanks for the boobs" is a pipe bomb that only needs one pair of eyes to be noticed. loose lips sink ships

[kiseiakhun]

not gonna say it. but he popped into your head didn’t he

[kiseiakhun]

When u follow a bunch of ppl who are into a series u know nothing about and your dash is full of posts about the big update

[kiseiakhun]

i miss vhs tapes and cds i miss feeding my computers and tvs yummy treats. now theyre eating nothing. theyre being born without mouths

[kiseiakhun]

My three girlfriends. And yes, they smoke weed.

#scream.

[kiseiakhun]

Frilly, Maud Madsen

[kiseiakhun]

I bet Jar Jar is fucking hung like a whale. God he can raw me anyday.

I spent like two? Three? Entire weeks with this sitting in my askbox and I just. I got nothing. What could I possibly answer? I tried all the “nope” gifs in this god forsaken website, I tried to draw what my face looks like every time I read this, I tried to find fanart of jar jar with his wang out and the universe was kind enough to me so that I couldn’t find any. I got nothing. Nada. Abso-fucking-lutely nothing. What am I gonna say? What in god’s name am I gonna say to that?!

You see, I wanna fuck general grievous. I do. I want him use all his four arms to simultaneously pull both my arms back and touch my tits as he fucks me with his mecha-schlong. I do. I wanna fuck darth Maul, pre-legs cut off or post metal legs+metal dick enhancement. I wanna lick those horns. Okay? I wanna fuck darth vader. Boy, oh, boy, I do. I wanna hear that hard breathing and wrap my legs over that dramatic cape while he force-chokes me and we do the do. Am I a weird robot-fucker? You bet your ass I am! Am I a tad too much on the horny side? Probably. Did I extrapolate my right to be horny on main? Fucking sue me. But this. THIS.

How do you want me to face my family and all the three (3) friends I have irl? How do you want me to walk into an elevator with a bunch of strangers and when an old lady says “the weather has been a little hot lately, isn’t it weird?” just to do small talk like every fucking old people I don’t know do, how do you expect me not to answer her with “y’know what’s weirder, someone at this very moment is thinking about Jar Jar Binks going balls-deep in them and I cannot talk about this to anyone and the knowledge of this? it’s eating me alive. ALIVE, ma’am, and I don’t mean this as some sick vore reference. Someone’s dreaming of those popped-up eyes, of that weird high-pitched voice screaming MEESA COMING while they’re filled up by Jar Jar Bink’s thick seed, and I’m just standing here while this very notion rots me to the core, taking all life away from me. It’s a nightmare. My entire life, a nightmare, because of an anon message from a horny jar jar fucker on tumblr. This is my floor now, ma’am, have a good day”

I leave the elevator. I probably have an appointment, but I can’t remember where, or what for. I sit down on the floor by the elevator doors. I sob for a full minute. I take the elevator back downstairs, I walk home, I collapse in bed and rub one out thinking of darth vader. I feel better.

Five minutes later, I think about this ask again, and my whole world collapses again. It’s only Tuesday. I sigh heavily and sit down to write this reply.-

Edit: a lot of this is exaggeration. Some of it is true. You get to pick what exactly.

#funnies #classic post. to me.