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i’ll be like “need him so bad it makes me stupid” and it’s this guy:

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me going to bed every night after reading the most nasty, sheet gripping, toe curling, filthiest smut about a blue fictional alien

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Shane: This date is boring

Farmer: This isn’t a date, I’m grocery shopping

Shane: Why did you invite me then?

Farmer: I specifically said you didn’t have to come and you said “fuck you, I can do whatever I want” and followed me

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Shane: You look nice.. I want to kiss you

Farmer: What?

Shane: I SAID IF YOU DIED I WOULDN’T MISS YOU

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Shane: This date is boring

Farmer: This isn’t a date, I’m grocery shopping

Shane: Why did you invite me then?

Farmer: I specifically said you didn’t have to come and you said “fuck you, I can do whatever I want” and followed me

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Maru: Fuck

Penny: Language

Sebastian: Shit

Penny: Language

Alex: Who the fuck do you think you’re calling a bitch, you ass?

Penny: Language !

Abigail: Now that’s one crazy motherfucker

Penny: Language !!

Sam: What the frick frack tickity tic tac snik snak, bro ?

Penny:

Penny: What the fuck

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Y/n: Your ass is fat. Sorry about the mental illness.

Shane: Thanks king.

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Shane: How do I make a date more romantic?

Emily: Try being more mysterious

[Later that day]

Farmer: Where are we going?

Shane: None of your fucking business

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Sebastian: I'm not mean. Name one mean thing I've ever done.

Sam: When we were younger you convinced me eggs weren't real.

Sebastian: They're not.

Sam: Haha, very funny.

Sebastian: No I'm serious. Didn't you hear?

Sam: No...what happened?

Sebastian: ....

Sebastian: Why would you fall for this again?

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Sam tossing trash into a bin at Joja: Yeet!

Shane: What's a 'yeet'?

Sam: Oh you just say it whenever you throw something! It's fun!

Shane: Uh huh...

*later that evening*

Shane chucking feed on the ground for the chickens, grinning to himself: Yeet.

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Listen

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incorrectquotes ft. shane after redemption arc

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stating the obvious

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was very hard to choose my very first stardew spouse. my farmer may have focused on farming and played the field for a few years before pursuing the chicken man

these two gave me the most obvious “crush” vibes. i thought it was cute

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"let the man rest in peace" how bout he rests in these bed sheets instead