kerosene-lantern

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whyyyy do i keep fucking up my chances, god please help me get my shit together :(

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and everything fell apart, just like that

you were an illusion

a moment in time

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somehow instead of saying "as a treat", I've started using the phrase "for morale", as if my body is a ship and its crew, and I (the captain) have to keep us in high spirits, lest we suffer a mutiny in the coming days.

and so I will eat this small block of fancy cheese, for morale. I will take a break and drink some tea, for morale. I will pick up that weird bug, for morale.

I'm not sure if it helps, but it does entertain me

[kerosene-lantern]

i missed you in the nosebleeds,

when things were especially bleak.

i was thinking you would love it —

you’d love the fire, be all over me.

cant reach you much when you’re like this

when you’re far out and i’m here

cracking sticks and little mysteries

a secret joke between you and me

you’re always on Mars and i’m a Pleaide

talking out my ass because there’s other things to write but journal,

i’d rather to talk you

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thanks, i’ll see you soon.

yours truly,

the moon

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there’s something i need to tell you

i really need you to listen

i’m running out of time and words to speak with

i have something important to tell you

can you feel the urgency?

can you feel the electricity

prickle beneath your skin

energy of how badly

i need to tell you something

and you’re not listening, you’re not hearing me

not hearing what i have to tell you

and the message is this —

there was never anything more important

and nothing else matters

and you can hear me,

but you’re not listening

and if you’re listening,

you don’t understand.

can you nod your head so i don’t feel so alone on this end?

can you hear me alright?

can you come over, please?

can you cradle me on the couch, can you switch off the tv, turn the dial on my dreams?

thanks

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you’re the nicest thing

i’ve ever seen

and i wish we could see if we could be

something

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is there anything that makes sense anymore? can someone point me in that direction?

society failing, job failing, relationships failing, family slipping away, just everything is on the brink of falling apart and i can’t even sit back and watch it burn cuz i have a thesis to finish and my job is so insanely stressful

i cant even enjoy the things i used to anymore. the same friends listening to the same band just doesn’t feel the same. maybe i’m just getting old.

i feel like i’m in the bad timeline :(

i made the wrong decisions last year…March-April 2022, i rlly fucked my life up lol

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#literal goals

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in my bed, my bed, the same bed i’ve always rotted in, is there a way out from america for the girl who’s always dreamed it?

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And I’ve always been in love with you

Could you tell it from the moment that I met you?

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when florence welch said “you’ll always be my favorite ghost” and when bastille said “I don’t want to rest in peace, I’d rather be the ghost that annoys you” and when coldplay said “tell me you love me, come back and haunt me” and when emily brontë said “you say I killed you - haunt me then!” and when hozier said “every version of me dead and buried in the yard outside - we’d sit back and watch the world go by” and when cigarettes after sex said “come out and haunt me I know you want me”

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Lord, don’t let me break this,

let me hold it lightly—

give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly;

#florence and the machine

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i’m too close to this pain to say

but love, will you want me anyway?

if i make you wait

#florence and the machine

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i need my own engineering job that sends me to live abroad for free with a cool group of peers to a country that’s not taiwan and a home town that’s not phoenix :(

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

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and i know

the future comes with the promise of pain <3

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“the search for meaning”...platitudes like that have always rung so hollow to me but now i’m defining it in my own terms for myself!

why we all so depressed...same reason, or society has been consumed by capitalism 🥴 only the most recent of a series of illnesses, every society collapses eventually because of one. we truly live in a society....

the dream of money takes you away from the power of community...share and borrow things with/from people...instead of owning everything of your own...poor people have no choice than to depend on their community, and they are more mentally satisfied because of it... “money can’t buy happiness” is a weak way of diagnosing the problem

wanting to collect a certain thing and spending money on this collection is not overconsumption...