karr31

[karr31]

Or I’m just incredibly persistent and stubborn.

[karr31]

Either way, life goes on, ya? I’ve always believed there’s no harm in trying as long as you know your heart’s true intent. She’s happy, that’s all I hope.

[karr31]

God, I don’t regret reaching out—but forgive me if it wasn’t the right thing to do.

[karr31]

Why does the heart insist on partaking in extremely risky business?

[karr31]

The ache my heart feels when I have to listen to the music I’m trying to learn on guitar—the sorrow sometimes—it’s ruthless.

[karr31]

Serenading Make You Feel My Love to the walls of my bedroom like she’s listening to me play.

We haven’t talked for months.

Even despite the silence, I can’t help but sing to her from across town.

[karr31]

*shrugs*

I’m gonna attempt to write a song.

Lol. I’ve already started.

[karr31]

“Being in a healthy relationship after a toxic one is hard. Unlearning bad traits, teaching yourself not to think a certain way. You don’t really think about how fucked up you are until you have to correct it, but learning how to love and be loved correctly is so worth it.”

[karr31]

In the context of progress, depression feels like taking two steps forward and ten steps back, and that feeling may linger for a week and be gone for months or may be gone for two months then come back for an hour and so on and so forth.

What I’ve learned about clinical depression is that it never goes away completely. It’s just a matter of how you choose to move forward with it. I used to think it was impossible, but it’s far from it. As long as the body exercises to produce serotonin, as long as the mind is constantly learning, and as long as the soul has faith—I’ve found that it is quite possible. Sometimes I get so far away from myself that I forget the progress I’ve made over the years. Sometimes depression is the one thing that obstructs my view.

Consistent happiness is such a myth.

[karr31]

I remember why I don’t like not working. My mind is filling up again. I hope this shut down ends for the right reasons, I pray the case count goes down. I want to work, sure. But I need to work to maintain my sanity.

[karr31]

I wish I could tell her she was never hard for me to love, even if at the end of it all, maybe she didn’t want it. That’s okay. I simply loved loving her. No question.

[karr31]

Blooming takes time.

[karr31]

Thank you, God.

This opportunity means the world to me. I can’t wait to do my best work while learning from some of the best.

[karr31]

I don’t know how any woman could manage to cross my mind multiple times without being around. How any woman could visit my dreams more often than I can keep track of. How any woman can be my epitome of beautiful despite all the mess, and quite frankly the absence.

Because it’s her.

I may be cursed in this life wanting the one woman I can’t have, but—

That’s life.

[karr31]

I remember a time when me and Henry were talking about my transition to cooking in a restaurant. I specifically remember him saying to me that I need to make sure that whatever chef I choose to learn from is worthy of my time and talent. And I really get it now, what he meant.

Working for Henry for so many years has shown me that there can be people who witness my potential, if only they’re willing to give me a chance. I want a chance in a better kitchen. Crap, I want to exceed my own expectations in this career more than anything.

I’ve realized recently why I want to spend my life doing this work. Because cooking is being emotionally intentional. It’s the act of nourishing and caring for people, even if they’re strangers. Some of my fondest memories of people I hold dear to my heart are tied to food. Cooking for someone, especially for someone I love, is my favorite way to express my gratitude for them. Cooking for someone, as a means to offer comfort, is a quality that comes from my natural need to help.

There are a good number of people I miss cooking for, and I’m the only one who knows it. I get complex, and I’m still learning how to keep my food simple, but I put so much heart and soul into what I do, at the end of the day, I just want to share that. Even if no one gets it. Even if no one gives a shit about every ounce of care I put into the details of my food sometimes, I just want to share it.

Else I wouldn’t make the choice to work at this for the rest of my life if I were only doing it for myself.

[karr31]

Never would’ve thought that me just being there for a friend would determine the difference between life or death.

Tonight could’ve played out in a way I can’t fathom in words. But damn, God protects. He really does.

That experience woke me up in a way nothing else has. Not because of how much the uncertainty of the outcome dangled fear in the air but more so because of the fact that it was a quick peek into a world—that I quite frankly have never really seen first hand. I live an incredibly blessed life, but witnessing real shit go down like it did tonight, well it reminds me to be aware in every place at every moment and to keep my guard up at all costs.

Things could’ve gone so different, but thank God—thank God, no one got hurt.

[karr31]

I don’t consider myself stuck at the restaurant I’m at now, I’m just waiting till I get the chance to give my time and talents to the right restaurants and chefs.

These next couple months can drastically change the course of my career, and I will fight to prove I’m capable of excelling. Even if I lack the credentials of that of my colleagues, I’m determined to let my work ethic speak for itself. And even if I can’t get through to some of the best chefs right away, I’ll just work harder to make sure I do. I refuse to settle for less in any aspect of my life at this point.