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Not what I expected coming from John Green

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Dog toy plushies have fundamentally different souls than that of regular plushies. Unlike regular plushies, which are content with just existing (and just go to regular heaven when they get destroyed and don’t mind being resurrected), dog toys seek Valhalla. This is why you don’t need to feel bad when your dog/cat/especially strong bird rips it to shreds, because this was the warriors death they were seeking all their life

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they would find each other in any universe

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op turned off blogs on one of my favorite posts so here it is again

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I hate work I should be at the (remembers I don't want to go to the club) the imagination

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grabs your hand. you've had enough plot and exposition and character development lately im taking you to the beach episode

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Joking aside, the Millennium Falcon is not the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van.

The Millennium Falcon is the space fantasy equivalent of a busted-ass old panel van that's inexplicably been hot-rodded to have a top speed of 300 miles per hour, which is substantially funnier.

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Funny how that works

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the city where we live doesn't allow public barbecues so my brother fucking welded a grill to a handcart and now hosts "chill and grill sessions" where he sends all his friends his live location so they can hunt him down on their bikes with sausages in their backpacks while he carts it around evading the police like some sort of barbecue vigilante, grilling on the run. i have never been prouder of him

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omg so we have 1 seeing dog and 1 blind dog and whenever there's a toy they both want, the seeing dog takes it and just...stands very still. immobile. she KNOWS he will try to wrestle it from her but she has figured out that if she does not squeak it, then he will not find it. leading to this.

"god....grant me the strength to not squeak the squeaky toy"

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𝖠𝗊𝗎𝖺𝗋𝗂𝗎𝗌 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗅𝖾𝗌𝗍𝗂𝖼𝗄 𝖻𝗒 𝗅𝗂𝗏𝖺𝗇𝖽𝖽𝗈𝗆

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being alive is great because there are so many different vegetables you can sauté. but then there are also the horrors