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the sleeeperrrrr

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Makoto Fujii (b.1984) - Crystal of Light. 2015. Oil.

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i was high as shit last night and sent my wife a single dollar on paypal looked at her and giggled "one dollor" and then laughed so hard i got a stomach ache

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Great day for people who get horny about bugs

Started reading a book last night about a guy with an unspecified physical illness and I woke up the next day sick as shit. You must never read fiction ever

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puppygirl columbo:

so you say you threw the ball, is that right? gosh isnt that the strangest thing, cuz if i can recall correctly, i didnt hear it bounce. sure, if we were at the park it might be easy to miss it landing in the grass, especially with all the noise around, other dogs barking and such. but if you look down, we're standing on a wood floor, in your apartment. isnt that funny?

i know i know what youre thinking, im not the smartest dog around. but i got a good set of ears, and i know a thing or two about balls. and i know that they make a lot of racket when you toss them across a wood floor.

you say you threw the ball, and you want me to catch it, but from the sound of it theres nothing there for me to catch. and that just doesnt sit right with me, yknow?

but i guess with no ball to be found theres no telling where it went, nothing conclusive. i guess i might just be chasing my own tail over this, i'll get out of your hair then. sorry for the trouble.

oh but before i go , one more thing,

if i may, id like to see the hand youve been holding behind your back this whole time.

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April 2024

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you turned inti a liberal treehugger due to the feminizing effects of the computer. should have become a macho italian american car mechanic like me. ive

other way around actually. i touched grass and it turned me from a clean-cut conservative into a sinister anarchist woman. beware! stay inside and post psychometrics charts on twitter all day or it could happen to you!

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Every time I go to the toilet recently I think "I must be the shit the way I keep poopin" which is literally one of my own posts from like a couple months ago. And I can't stop thinking it every time. Brain damagement

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by far the best part of grocery shopping is the little babies. i was carefully selecting mushrooms when i felt upon me a piercing gaze and looked up to see a very chubby and very red-cheeked baby staring intently at me from a grocery cart with a slightly furrowed brow, hand clutching an apple for dear life. i wiggled a mushroom at her and she gasped and kept staring. i turned back to the mushrooms and heard a shriek. i turned around and the baby stared in anticipation. i wiggled another mushroom and she shrieked again in delight. she looked down at the apple in her hand, considering it for a moment. fair-minded as she was, she decided it would only be right to wiggle produce at me in return, and she held up the apple and shook it with all her might. i think i could live forever now

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The Sorrowful Truth

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i never got around to explaining why i dont like london, but i was just going to say "it's gray". it is obscenely gray. but sam kriss has it right

#endorsed

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right away, telepathic eel squad, i trust you implicitly

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A PALESTINIAN CITIZEN AND HIS DOG FROM GAZA RAISES THE VICTORY SIGN FROM INSIDE HIS DESTROYED HOME. X

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2024.5

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“Oh boo hoo you shouldn’t ask your friends for favors we’re all adults”

I just spent three hours pulling up carpet and staples for a friend’s home renovation and we all did nothing but chat and joke and have wonderful conversation the whole time.

Helping somebody move or renovate or giving them a ride to the airport is functionally the same as going mini-golfing or playing a board game: it’s an activity that you do that is made more fun by having good company, and which provides something to talk about when the conversation lulls.

#❤️❤️❤️