justneurodivergentthings

[justneurodivergentthings]

“I don’t know what my goals are, no. Thanks for asking.”

[justneurodivergentthings]

The thing about knitting is it’s much harder to fear the existential futility of all your actions while you’re doing it.

Like ok, sure, sometimes it’s hard to believe you’ve made any positive impact on the world. But it’s pretty easy to believe you’ve made a sock. Look at it. There it is. Put it on, now your foot’s warm.

Checkmate, nihilism.

[justneurodivergentthings]

Doing more than one? Choose whichever you found the most helpful. ❤️

[justneurodivergentthings]

People are always going on about the trauma they faced as neurodivergent children who couldn't sit still and were punished for it and then you see shit like this and it's like what the fuck do you want? Do you want to stop the cycle or do you just want to complain? Is the younger version of you safe with you or would you label yourself as annoying and difficult to deal with?

Children's oppression and lack of humanization is one topic that makes my insides feel like they're rotting and I'll die on the hill of defending them and pointing out how fucking gross it is every single time people act like it's cool actually to hate a group of people who are the least able to defend themselves in any terrible situation

Y'all will scream "protect queer kids" "protect trans kids" "protect kids of color" then forget all that and proudly stand behind "well kids are fucking annoying in public actually so it's fine when I talk about wanting to have grocery stores and planes that are child free :)" individualism has killed humanity so deeply

[justneurodivergentthings]

In highschool I wrote a story about a middle-generation of stellar travelers. Their parents were born on earth and left as children, and the middle generation will not live long enough to see their destination. They live their entire lives on the ship and I wrote about them trying to find their place in everything. They will never know blue skies and warm beaches and open fields with warm breezes. They’ll never know birdsong or crickets or frogs. They’ll never hear the rain on the roof of a dreary day. I never could find the right way to end the story. I wanted it to be a happy ending, but I didn’t know how to do it.

I realize now that it was a book about me dealing with depression before I even knew it. Looking back at how blatant the projecting was, it’s obvious now. It wasn’t then.

In the story, the middle-generation people are lost. They’re apathetic. They’re just a placeholder. The only job they have is to keep the ship running, have kids, and die. As the middle generation of people began becoming adults, suicide rates were skyrocketing. Crime and drug rates were jumping. This generation was completely apathetic because they felt that they had no use.

In the story, a small group of people in the middle-generation create the Weather Project. They turn the ship into a terrarium. They make magnificent gardens and take the DNA of animals they took with them and recreate them and they make this cold, metal spaceship that they have to live their entire lives on into a home. They take what little they have and they break it and rearrange it into something beautiful. They take this radical idea and turn the ship into a wonderful jungle of trees and birds and sunshine.

And I realize now how much it reflects my state of mind as I transitioned from a child into an adult while dealing with depression. You always hear “it gets better” and “when you’re older things will be easier” and I was so sick of waiting for it to get better. I was in the middle-generation stage. And I was sick of it. I was so sick of waiting.

When I was in highschool I didn’t know how to end the story. I didn’t know how to have a happy ending. I didn’t have the life experience then to finish the story in a meaningful way. I didn’t know how to make it better for these middle-generation characters.

But now that I’m older, I’m learning. That if you sit and wait for things to get better, it never will. You have to take your life and break it apart and rearrange it into something beautiful. You have to make the cold metal ship into the garden that you deserve. You have to make your own meaning. You have to plant your own garden.

You have to teach yourself that being happy is not a radical idea.

[justneurodivergentthings]

I talk a lot about urge surfing but I realize reading my blog post about it can seem long and daunting. So here’s some quick things that I think might be helpful!

Urge surfing is about “riding the wave” of an urge. The longer you resist an urge, the stronger it seems to get, much like the building of a wave. But it will eventually break like waves do. If you do give into an urge, that teaches your brain that giving into the urge is the only way to make it go away. Over time, as you resist urges, you can teach your brain that you don’t need to act on an urge for it to go away.

Here are some quick notes for when you’re having an urge.

1) Recognize and acknowledge that you are having an urge

2) Notice and describe the thoughts and feelings you are having, without trying to change or suppress them. This may be uncomfortable, but that’s okay. Discomfort while feeling an urge is normal.

3) Remind yourself that:

Discomfort is okay. I can sit with discomfort.

An urge is a desire, not a need. I can have an urge and choose not to act.

Urges are temporary. They will pass, whether I give into them or not.

Some other things you can do are focus on distracting yourself whether that’s by activities you like, grounding techniques or just overall keeping busy.

Remind yourself that you are in control. As hard as it is, you can choose not to act on your urge. It may feel impossible, but you can do it, and reminding yourself of that can help.

Here’s the longer post if you’re interested!

[justneurodivergentthings]

unfortunately a lot of the corny self help advice turns out to be true but the thing is you have to come to those conclusions yourself otherwise it just sounds dismissive and dumb

[justneurodivergentthings]

[justneurodivergentthings]

[justneurodivergentthings]

The way you change your immediate reactions to things is that you catch yourself having an uncharitable/bigoted/overly judgmental thought and you catch it and replace it and then you do that a hundred times a day for your whole life and eventually one day like five years later you realize that you think differently now and you’ll always be working on something but that’s how life goes and that’s fine.

[justneurodivergentthings]

Even if I didn’t have a solid plan, in the back of my head, I always assumed I’d kill myself.

Now I’m an adult and people my age have their lives in order and I’m stuck here, confused, because I never planned to be alive and I’m so far behind.

I feel like I’ll never catch up.

[justneurodivergentthings]

something important to remember is that there's always time. if you lost many years to abuse or mental illness, you will get a chance to live life on your terms. there is no limit on the age you have to be to achieve goals. you can go back to school at 30, or switch careers at 40. you can start new hobbies at any age. there is no cut off age for being happy and content. if you're trapped right now, you will get the opportunity to become who you want to be.

[justneurodivergentthings]

Don’t look at things you know will make you angry. Don’t read the comment sections. Don’t look at the blogs of people who add dumb comments to posts to confirm that they’re dumb all the time. Don’t read old conversations you had with people you don’t talk to anymore. Go look at pictures of kittens or something instead. Protect yourself from negativity in every way you can.

[justneurodivergentthings]

First you procrastinate on the task because it is not a big enough deal to get done urgently. Then you procrastinate on the task because it has become such a big deal that doing it is overwhelming. You would think that this implies a middle point where it is just big enough of a deal to get done easily, however the inherent perversity of the universe's causal geometry prevents this

[justneurodivergentthings]

[justneurodivergentthings]

Adults: Following rules is good, not following rules is bad

Little me: Okay :] *follows a rule*

Adults: Oh my god look at this loser. He doesn't know that this rule is Secretly Okay To Not Follow. Dumbass. Let's all laugh at him

[justneurodivergentthings]

RSD check

Your friends don't secretly hate you

You're not a bad person for things you did and said months or years ago that you now recognize as bad

You aren't cringe for being excited about things

You don't talk too much

If you feel sick from intrusive thoughts/rsd please sip on some water, get a blanket or plush to cuddle, put on some music or a video that makes you feel happy

You are loved <3