just-a-bic-lighter

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Astarion & the seductive vampire trope

"The whole idea of a bite on the neck may seem exciting to some audiences, and the dark, occult, and taboo concepts have helped keep vampires popular for so long." (x)

I'd like to bring up this banter between spawn!Astarion and Jaheira, specifically her emphasis on Astarion's non-vampiric charms.

Astarion presents himself as suave and mysterious at first, trying his seduction attempts once you reach a certain approval threshold.

The initial bite scene where Tav offers Astarion their neck is shown and described as being overtly sexual, playing heavily into “sexy vampire is sexy because he’s sexy and nothing more” fantasy. Even more so when Tav allows him to bite during sex. Astarion enjoys it, Tav enjoys it too, and it nets approval. After the sex scene he uses the cliche "I didn't want to go too far" formula, implying if he'd lose control, he could hurt you (pretty much like Edward in Twilight).

The facade cracks a bit when Tav discusses any future feeding. Even if the feeding was enjoyable on Tav’s end, he isn't very enthusiastic when Tav says "you can feed on me but let's talk about it first". Instead, he's happy and approves the suggestion of feeding on villains who are about to die anyway.

[However, you can RP this situation both ways, confirm you enjoyed it and keep the feeding option available by not going along with feeding on villains, or that it hurt and you only did it to make him stronger and agreeing with feeding on villains effectively removes "you can feed on me tonight" option from the dialogue.]

The same facade cracks fully in act 2 after the confrontation with Araj. It's an optional encounter and you don't get to experience it if you already had the confession after killing Yurgir, but it gives insight into how Astarion doesn't want to be seen as an object of someone's vampire fantasy.

"I'm sorry, you want to be bitten?"

"There's nothing more desirable than a vampire, is there?"

It’s also very obviously pointed out when Tav suggests he should be throwing himself at them as a thank you.

During the confession after Yurgir, there's a little bit more insight given how Astarion feels bad for treating Tav like one of Cazador's victims.

Act 3 is obviously the big choice where Astarion gets to decide if he remains a spawn or ascends.  Putting the morality of this aside, one choice follows and progresses Astarion's development while the other puts him back to square one.

We also need to take into account Cazador's abusive gaslighting which made Astarion think of himself as a prostitute and that he's only good for one thing - sex & luring victims.

Spawn!Astarion is the same man who in act 2 apologises for manipulating Tav and who doesn't want to use his body as a tool anymore. He professes his genuine love and suggests having sex freely without any sort of manipulative intent behind it. Tav has seen him for who he is and who he can be in the future. The graveyard scene symbolises his rebirth and a new journey.

"You believed I was enough, just the way I am."

Hence bringing up the banter with Jaheira and her mentioning “non-vampiric charms”. Tav loves the man, not the vampire. There’s no more need for performing.

ascendant!Astarion is the vampire reverted back to act 1 where his behaviour was originally just a front but has now been affirmed by ascension - that this is how he should be. He's over the top seductive, even luring Tav to become his spawn. He admits this is the game he knows how to play - luring someone with sweet words (that he continues to use after Tav becomes his spawn - lovers eternal, precious treasure, pet.)

When Tav helps Astarion ascend, what happened in act 2 doesn't matter anymore - not his personhood or boundaries. Hence dialogue options such as "I want you, I want your body" or "I want to be a vampire like you" are in there once Tav speaks to him and he asks what would they desire in return for granting him powers because he's only good for that one thing.

He becomes the vampire trope,

becomes what Cazador taught him to be.

#astarion #bg3

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Me romancing Sebille as Lohse in DOS2 🤝 Me romancing Astarion as Durge in BG3

Had a sudden and abrupt realization about myself while talking to someone about why they should play DOS2.

#bg3 #dos2 #tangents

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I beat Baldur's Gate 3 on honour mode today and got the achievement.

I fought tooth and nail to get all of the companions their best endings and I saved Orin for last before the brain. And I fumbled it so hard.

My durge lost the fight and lost her mind in the end and I feel sick to my stomach over it. I got the achievement and the dice, but I feel so unfulfilled. After 75 hours, knowing that I failed my durge so bad by getting complacent about set up at the very end breaks my heart.

But I have started a new honour run. And I have left myself a sticky note on my wall. Do not underestimate Orin.

#bg3 #honour mode #bg3 durge #im so depressed.

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Do you ever just... think about how Halsin's life at the Grove was not only lonely and full of pressure, but also so full of expectations that the image Halsin had to cultivate of himself was nothing like who he was?

Everyone at the Grove only seemed to know of him as a leader, scholar, healer, and powerful Druid. In truth, he hated the first, understood the importance of the second but did not actually enjoy it, was proud of the third but again, didn't consider it part of his identity, and rarely acknowledged the fourth as anything but a way to serve nature.

Even in the way they addressed him it quickly became clear it wasn't who he was. Halsin NEVER shows any comfort using the title of "Master Halsin"; it was a title the others used for him that he reluctantly went along with. The instant he leaves the Grove, he never uses it again. He's just Halsin.

He may have been fond of some of the Druids at the Grove, and most of the others were fond of him right back (hell, even Kagha, if she is pushed away from the Shadow Druids, and then learns that Halsin perished in the goblin pen, laments that she will really miss him)... but none of them saw him. What they saw was a mask he had to wear, a role he had to play, because he had to. Because he was forced to and no one wanted the role back. (And seriously, he was desperate to give it up. It took his Grove nearly being taken over by the Shadow Druids and Halsin having to leave to help end a potentially world-ending threat for them to agree to send a replacement. You can't tell me the guy didn't try to pawn the position off before, only for his Circle to say "no".)

The refugees see him as a protector (which he is) but as the leader, as the most powerful one. The Druids see him as a lot of things- a leader, good or bad; some see him as weak and a failure, others see him as beyond a reproach and someone to put on a pedestal; they see him as the BEST healer of all, the most POWERFUL Druid they know, the SMARTEST, the STRONGEST, an "elf with the presence of a bear"...

But the one thing he can't be around them is "just Halsin."

He couldn't even trust any of them with the full truth when he discovered the altered tadpole; Nettie had suspicions, but he didn't tell her the full truth, he immediately swore off telling Kagha with the reasoning that she would demand answers he couldn't provide (expecting too much from him), and in fact, he was so worried about this that he split his notes into two.

So then along comes the player, who first finds him in an extremely vulnerable position- being tortured by goblins. Halsin says in as many words that he didn't think anyone was coming for him. Halsin didn't think the people he was charged to lead and protect cared enough for him to mount a rescue mission- and he was tragically right. (Granted, for some it was a matter of fear, inexperience, etc, but the fact remains.) The player rescues him, treats him as an equal despite this (and that's what he wants, he wants to be an equal with some expertise to share, not a leader), helps him to correct what he sees as the biggest mistake of his life, possibly pursues a romantic relationship with him where they are kind enough to not even hold it against him where he loses control of his powers and accidentally polymorphs during sex, and, in the newly added post-Drow scene, offers him guidance and counsel on something he's been unable to talk about for over 100 years, admitting that he lost perspective on it for just this reason. He had no peers and was forced into a leadership role so stressful that it made him romanticize his past as a sex slave in his own head because he was that desperate to not be responsible for the wellbeing of others, to not be relied on- even if the alternative was being treated as literal property and his autonomy repeatedly violated. That's how desperate he was.

Halsin's entire arc is how he's been lonely and isolated, always in different ways, but still the same thing. Misunderstood and scorned for his size, or kept as a prisoner, or with few friends, or losing his peers, or being forced into a leadership role with no equals or friends to take care of him, or so focused on his leadership duties that the chance to have a family (which he wanted desperately) passed him by... just one thing after another.

And then people wonder why he falls in love with the player so fast. The player is literally EVERYTHING he has been wishing for for over 100 years, not just in the romantic sense, but for everything. All he wanted was someone who would let him be HIMSELF, no pressures or responsibilities he was woefully unequipped to fulfill.

#Halsin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3

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On Ascended Astarion:

In my opinion, one thing the story of Baldur's Gate 3 does extremely well is that it holds up a mirror to the player. In my very first playthrough, I romanced and ascended Astarion. I was so caught up in his story and saw a lot of myself in him and when it came time to fight Cazador, I, as a person, was blinded by my own desire of revenge, even if it was vicariously.

I wanted Cazador to suffer in place of the person who hurt me in the past. I wanted the power for Astarion that I felt I deserved for the things I have suffered. I was completely on board for taking revenge at the expense of others because well, they were basically dead in the cell anyway.

And when Astarion absolutely changed because of the Ascension? I was floored.

I rejected him turning me into a spawn because I read his mind and wanted him to respect me. When he broke up with me afterwards I was legitimately heartbroken.

I replayed four hours of content from my last save to make all the same choices and ascend him a second time and let him make me his spawn. Then I proceeded to excuse his behavior to myself. I rationalized everything he did. I was completely fine with the way he started speaking to me because I wanted him to have the best outcome and I was completely blind to how the ultimate revenge power fantasy was in fact NOT A GOOD THING.

After replaying subsequent times, making different choices, I realized just how easily manipulated I am as a person. I fell for Astarion TWICE and the Emperor. It really made me reevaluate my own personal biases and thought processes. It made me pay more attention to what the characters were saying, specifically Astarion.

And I think it made me realize why some people are Ascended Astarion fans. It's so easy to project yourself onto a character and when that leads that character down a dark path, it's even easier to make excuses and deny it. When in reality, it is just a mirror being held up. And it took me an entire second playthrough to face it.

Meanwhile, I'm now on like my 7th playthrough and still think about this.

#Astarion #ascended astarion #baldur's gate 3

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After seeing more of Lae'zel in my solo playthrough (my gaming bestie is a Shadowheart lover), her story reminds me of Sebille as well.

With Astarion, his story is similar to Sebille's arc of her gaining her freedom from the Shadow Prince, where the only way to truly secure her freedom is by killing him so he cannot control her using her scar. Love that they both have the tragic scars. I definitely have a type.

With Lae'zel on the other hand, her story reminds me of Sebille choosing what to do about the Mother Tree except far more fleshed out and with far greater stakes that what was portrayed in DOS2. With Lae'zel, it feels a lot more intense, especially with being able to meet Vlaakith in the first arc as opposed to when Sebille finally meets the Mother Tree in the third arc. Considering all of the elves in DOS2 are refugees after the death fogging of their homelands, the ones you get to talk to don't really have much to say about the Mother Tree until Saheila comes back out of nowhere in act three and tells you to kill the Mother Tree and liberate the elves from her.

But with Lae'zel, you are fed information so early about Vlaakith being dubious and Orpheus being alive, you get the time to really chew on all the information and talk to Lae'zel while she essentially questions everything she ever knew. Fighting between the lifelong dream of her people ascending to the right hand of her queen (Sebille becoming the scion who becomes the next Mother Tree) or going against everything she believed in and freeing her entire people from being controlled.

I do still like Sebille's story a lot, especially since you are given a lot of the information by two main sources. Saheila, who is considered trustworthy and a devoted elven scion, and the Shadow Prince, the one who enslaved her. So there is some ambiguity on what is the right answer and who is evil and whether or not the Shadow Prince got to Saheila somehow and is controlling her.

All in all, I love Lae'zel and I wish I could romance her and Astarion at the same time because it is criminal that I cannot.

#divinity original sin 2 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #lae'zel #sebille #tangent

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you, you

#genosai #very cute... #cute hugs...

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I'm gonna be updating Saddle Sores on Monday 8/21/23. I was unable to pull myself away from obligations and also Baldur's Gate 3 so writing has been slow going...

#ao3 fanfic #tangent

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Kneel.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #I have committed war crimes for this man and I will continue to do so.

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Kinda crazy how gender is a spectrum and I'm surfing all visible wavelengths

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Fan art for my story... ... ... I'm going to cry this is so amazing, thank you so much

please read @just-a-bic-lighter 's Saddle Sores I am losing my mind I am fucking consumed I spent all of last night just looking at it and giggling like a schoolgirl I am INCONSOLABLE

details of the first pic under the cut

#opm #saigenos #fan art #i just woke up and i was immediately blessed with a wonderful gift 🥹 #this is already the best day ever

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I am deeply appreciative of how much of a loser they made Astarion. Like he's sexy sure but the man doesn't have a single W to his name. He's been stuck in tunnels eating rats for years and his first time out and about he gets literally brainwormed and has to pull some Wil E. Coyote shit to team up with people. His whole menacing blood drinking schtick is immediately undercut by him being a massive virgin about the whole ordeal. In his centuries long flop era and trying so desperately to cover it up

#baldurs gate 3 #Astarion #i love me a pathetic man

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No, but he would totally do this. He would be rewatching The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly and be like "Okay hear me out"

Ok, this would never happen since Overwatch has several people whole can pay a lot of money so they can be funded but....

The idea of Overwatch running low on funds and Cassidy going "fuck it" and getting one of the other members to turn him into the authorities to get the money from his bounty, only for him to just casually breakout a few minutes later is so funny to me for no reason.

#cole cassidy #tangent #I feel like he would recruit Genji to be his man with no name/Blondie while he is Tuco #then Genji would make fun of him for being the “ugly” one betweent the good the bad and the ugly #i aint good i aint bad and i sure as hell aint ugly sound cue #spuriken #i make it spuriken in the tags because im a brainrotted spuriken shipper

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I beat Baldur's Gate 3 two days ago and immediately started writing to get my feelings out over the ending I got with my boy Astarion. Because it made me feel a lot of things and very few were good.

And I also immediately began another playthrough in order to get a different ending because I desperately want to save him. Well, I started three new campaigns, but the first two are for the next characters I want to romance. That I put on standby because I am desperately down bad for the vampire.

And going on the idea of him being similar to Sebille from DOS2, there are a lot of parallels to the choices they both must make over their story arcs. But my word do the cutscenes make everything so much more intense and emotional than DOS2. Which is saying something because I clocked in almost 1000 hours by replaying the game over and over to get all the story and romances.

I don't know, I got 4 hours of sleep because I stayed up late writing and crying over a fictional vampire twink so when that's done I will post it. But it will be major spoilers so... Teehee?

#tangent #baldurs gate 3 #astarion #my whiteboard in my office is filled with theory crafting for choices I can make so receive the best possible ending with my boy #unfortunately none of it is looking very promising by my standards

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I believe I am going to skip this week and potentially next week as well for updating Saddle Sores. My fixations have shifted to Baldur's Gate 3 to the point where it consumes my every waking thought as well as being the primary focus of my dreams. So while I spend all my free time in the next several days replaying and romancing every single character I can, I probably won't be writing all that much.

#personal #tangents

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I am too invested in my vampire twink boyfriend.

Astarion's story reminds me a lot of Sebille from DOS2; like they both go through horrific things then go on a quest for revenge on the person who took away their autonomy. After playing the early access, I am really glad I decided to romance Astarion first, his romance is scratching an itch that I didn't get with the romance for Sebille and God bless Larian for expanding the companion romancing since then.

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #divinity original sin 2 #sebille

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I sure am a liar and finished another chapter sooner than I thought.

#genosai #ao3 fanfic