julyzaa

[julyzaa]

rest of the world:

australians, kiwis:

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Pray for everyone in rafah there's heavy bombing right now there. I can't sleep thinking of my family 😭

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my hobbies are pining longing yearning desiring craving and umm. wanting

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people need to realise that a poor little meow meow must be a character who has committed atrocities you cannot poor little meow meow a good guy that’s not how this works

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Dolores del Rio by Anton Bruehl, US Vogue, May 1938

Dolores del Rio's beautiful brooding face, perfectly photogenique from any angle, is framed with a mysterious veiled head-dress of purple tulle and blue stones

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one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

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the last anon reminded me when i was in elementary school we had a civil war reenactor come to the school and he taught us to make something like hardtack (he called them war biscuits but i googled it and it looks the same lol) and i commented that it was "just bad matzah" and my teacher said "is that a Jewish thing? because Jews didn't exist during the civil war" 😭😭😭

HELLO?????

WHAT??????

Your teacher told you Jews didn’t exist during the Civil War??????? Help?????

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Okay, but I will always love and cherish this shot:

It's not just nice, soft and wonderful to look at. I believe it's one of the not so many times Mahidevran is shown as fully and unapologetically relaxed.

Usually when we see her in her room, whether alone or with another person, she's either left dealing with the sorrow she's experiencing at the moment that's caused by the numerous bad situations she's in, either craving emotional support and being next to someone else, either worrying about the future, trying her best to prepare for it and prevent any possible bad thing that could follow, or ruminating on whatever happens out of her reach. Most of the moments she doesn't actually have to deal with anything don't last long, because there are always news she's got to immediately act on. For the little time she has loosened up, she's either sewing in earlier seasons or routinely taking care of her appearance until yet another matter comes up. She's also handling headaches, not being able to sleep due to worry etc.

But here, she's calmly sitting in her quarters, reading her book [I think it's the Quran? It would be a nice touch, if so, because I can see it as a neat tiny buildup of a belief that would grow in her later in the show: justice coming from Allah's hands. This is also helped by the fact that the book Mahidevran read in E139 is the Quran and the covers of both books look the same to me], being finally at ease, free from any worry. Because how can she not be when a huge joy in the face of little Süleiman is there residing, alongside guests to share it with? The issue with Helena is still up in the air, but she has it in her mind that she would wait until she comes back to it (and a while passes until it's brought up again, truly), which is already a mark of a more decisive, collected Mahidevran; the sanjacks indeed embrace the best of her and that's where she's the furthest from the toxic environment and has most agency. In this brief shot, she is laid-back, allowing herself to cool down and live in the moment.

And when the doors of her chambers open, her mood isn't ruined at all, there's nothing urgent for once. Instead, she takes a trip down memory lane through the visit of Süleiman, being reminded of the happiest days of her life. She's reflecting on the past, her feelings over the memories lurking everywhere around come to light. She's able to put them into words after so long. Despite of her falling out of love with SS, she still values their time together. It's part of her even now, it has definitely left a mark she can't erase...., but she is ready to slowly and surely move forward. It's fitting that this is the last scene where her memories in Manisa are the central focus: she confronted them for one final time. Her encounter with Süleiman didn't get her out of the earlier calmness - it was one of her most heartwarming moments up to that point, it hit too close to home. It didn't really upset her - she was eager and confident enough to go to Hürrem afterwards.

{I also have a feeling that while she was resting and she heard "Sultan Süleiman Khan Hazretleri!", Mahidevran didn't think he would come to her specifically. So when he actually entered there, she stood up as quickly as she could to pay the necessary respects, and the initial astonishment she expressed turned into a warm smile. In spite of it all, she was delighted from this sudden, but welcome surprise.}

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Writing Prompt: Three Things

of oaths and prophecy, the loyalty and cowardice of dogs, I remember all the nights with you

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The people who police your gender will police your gender even if you're cis.

Eat them.

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◦˚~ ANIMATED STARS DIVIDERS by enchanthings ~˚◦

Info: these were all drawn & animated by me. please reblog/like if use!

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