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jostful · 3 years

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Minefield

Hi I wrote a Tito fic so here it is.

This is inspired by this clip from Good Trouble and the song Minefield, originally by Faouzia and John Legend, but the version by Emma Hunton and Josh Pence

Shoutout to @starshine-hockey-girl for being an angel and sending in some suggestions for whatever questions I asked, @fuckyeahmattytkachuk for everything because I ranted to her about this for too long trying to figure out who to write this for, @stfukie so you'd feel included (jk you gave a suggestion to something), @josthours because you said you wanted Tito angst, my chapped lipped menace anon for being you, and then I'm forgetting people I'm sorry

There are probably typos in this but I feel like y'all should expect that by now I'm not sorry

Flashbacks are in italics

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 7250

___________________________

Cleaning out your closet turned out to be more time and effort than you initially anticipated, trying to consolidate everything into a few boxes and donating as much as you could that you no longer had a use for. You were moving in with your boyfriend, excited to get a new place with the guy you were in love with. The things in your room, your clothing and other trinkets and shit, were the only things you really had to move, thankful that he already owned everything else you would have needed.

For the most part, sorting through everything was easy; keep the clothing you knew you wore, donate the things that haven’t come out of your closet in the last year or two, and then keep anything in a box that was too sentimental to give away.

You weren’t expected to find the blue box at the back of your closet, though. The one you thought you threw away when you first started dating your boyfriend, the one with everything from your ex that you didn’t want to see laying around your room and the rest of your apartment. The top had a sticky note taped to it, the classic pale yellow Post-It tapes down, Anthony written on it in your handwriting, a stark contrast to the navy blue box it was on. You remembered when you bought the box like it was yesterday, something you were planning on giving him if you ever got married.

It was full of little trinkets and stuff from your relationship, memories, and symbols as the two of you fell in love with each other that you were supposed to be able to look back at fondly later in life.

You pull out a receipt, dated five years ago. It was from what had become your go to restaurant with Anthony, the place you went to celebrate everything; a big win, a birthday, your anniversary. This was from your very first date.

You were nervous, honestly. It was one of your first dates with a guy that was an actual date, not something that was understood and confirmed to turn into a hookup, something you had done a few times before. Your friend had set you up with her friend, Anthony, neither of you really knowing what to expect out of tonight. Aili knew both of you really well and was convinced you two were made for each other.

You were ‘twin flames’ as she put it, meant to be together and that he was the person you were meant to be with.

Aili was a little out there, though, the friend who you went to when you needed convincing to do something stupid despite knowing it was a bad idea, so you weren’t really sure that you should be trusting her as much as you did.

Anthony had asked you if you wanted him to pick you up to take you to the restaurant Aili had suggested, but you told him you would be leaving right from work so you would meet him there. It wasn’t totally true, but you figured that way, if Aili was wrong, you wouldn’t also have to sit through an awkward car ride back to your place or having to pay for an Uber.

You hadn’t been this nervous for a date in a while, Aili’s pressure about you two being made for each other finally starting to get to you when you pulled up to the restaurant. You felt like your knees were about to buckle under you out of nerves when the host showed you to your table where Anthony was already waiting.

His face lit up when he saw you, his own nerves due to Aili’s hype about you melting away when he brought you in for a hug to greet you. You didn’t remember ever meeting this man before, but his hug was weirdly comforting. You felt like you belonged in the arms of this stranger in front of you.

You two fell into easy conversation, the rest of the noise and bustle of the restaurant melting away around you, like you two were the only people there. He was so easy to talk to. From the outside, you looked like people who had known each other for their entire lives, two friends catching up after a long time apart.

The waiter eventually comes over to tell you that they were closing soon, neither of you realizing you had spent so long sitting at that table when both of you were initially worried about potential disaster. You hurriedly pay your bill and start walking in the opposite direction of your car, Anthony’s hand finding yours as you strolled through the night.

“I want to see you again,” he told you, stopping and pulling you close to the building. His back was pressed against the brick, the cool material nothing compared to what he felt when you put your hand on his chest, his arms snaking around your waist.

“You think you’re gonna have time for me?” you teased him.

“I’d make time,” Anthony said, pulling you in for a kiss.

He always did, too. Anthony was good for keeping the promises he made to you, no matter how unrealistic they seemed to be when he made them. You thought that with hockey, he would never be able to have you and his career in his life, but no matter what, he was there for you every single time.

You turn the receipt over in your hands, the paper turning yellow with time, Anthony’s handwriting on the back, “this is going to last.”

You take in a deep breath, shifting through the box to see what else there was. The heaviest item, somehow still near the top, was your favorite book.

Before Anthony left for the summer after the season ended, you two decided that you were going to see other people. You didn’t want to tie each other down when it was going to be nearly four months before you could be with each other again, not long enough into your relationship to justify the distance.

You still promised to talk to each other as often as you could.

One of your parting gifts, as weird as it might have been, was a new copy of your favorite book.

“So you’re in the same place I am?” Anthony asked you over Facetime one night, the first call you had with each other since he went back home for the summer. He was holding the book up near his face as he lied in his bed, a cheesy grin on his face, posing with it like a child on their first day of school waiting for the bus.

“Yeah, you have my new copy.”

“And, tell me again why you have two copies of it?” he asked, propping his phone so he could flip through the book with both hands. His sheets slid down, revealing more of his bare chest, you for a moment wanting nothing more than to be right there with him.

“Uh,” you started, trying to collect yourself, a stupid smirk covering his face since he knew you were unable to stop staring. “I wore the other copy down after reading it so many times, so I got a new one.”

Anthony looked up at the camera, the smirk now a full smile. “That’s cute,” he said, picking up the phone again. “I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. When do you come back down?”

“End of August, not sure the date yet.” You nod, trying to figure out how long that would be from his ballpark. “What are you doing in the meantime?”

You shrugged, “same shit, different days.” You had no plans. You agreed that if you wanted to take the time to see other people it would be ok. He made it seem like he almost expected you to have guys knocking down your door to take you out. “What about you?”

“Uh, I have a date, actually,” he told you, looking back down at the book. Another condition of the separation, or whatever it was: tell the other if you went out with someone else. He couldn’t bear to look at you when he told you, though. “She’s someone I know from high school. She hit me up when she saw I was home.”

“Oh,” you said, swallowing hard. You didn’t expect to hear that, and you definitely did not expect it to have the effect that it did on you, either. “That sounds great. I hope you have a good time.”

Anthony knew you were faking the niceness you were giving him. He could tell the way your voice was wavering. “Um, what if you asked Aili to set you up with someone? Like she did us,” he suggested, immediately regretting bringing it up.

You let out an awkward laugh, pretending like what he just said didn’t hurt you in the slightest. “Oh, come on,” you tried to joke, “You think I can’t get a guy on my own?”

He smiled at you, lying back down on his pillow, one arm over his head. “I know you could get any guy you wanted.”

“Yeah, well,” you let your sentence trail off, not wanting to tell him what you were thinking out loud. ‘The guy I want is in Quebec right now.’

A few days passed before you heard from him again, letting you know that he thought the date was fine but he didn’t think he would see her again. He was typing as you were walking up to your door, a package sitting outside with your name on it.

Inside was the book you sent him, an envelope sticking out of it. Inside, an undated plane ticket to Quebec, and a note in Anthony’s handwriting, ‘I didn’t want you to go four months without your book, and I don’t want to go four months without you. Come see me when you can.’

Before you could call him, he finally sent his text, ‘my next date is with this girl I’m crazy about, whenever she can get up here from New York.’

You hadn’t even looked at that book since you came back from that summer with him, all but forgetting you even had that second copy. You used that plane ticket a week later, somehow managing to get two weeks off work to spend with Anthony back in his hometown, him leading you around all of his favorite places, telling you that he didn’t want to spend that long without you, that he didn’t want to see other people. You only wanted to see each other.

It’s amazing how times could change things, though.

You shake off those thoughts, digging deeper into what seemed like a never-ending box of tangible emotions when you came across a wristband from a carnival ride at the Hebron Fairgrounds.

“We’ve been driving for almost four hours for this?” you asked him, your legs stiff as you tried to get out of his car. He brought to the Hebron Fairgrounds in Hebron, Connecticut, a ride from the island that should have taken three hours, but your Magellan boyfriend took a wrong turn and ended up heading towards New York State instead of central Connecticut. “What’s so special about this?”

He came around to you, his arm resting on your shoulder as he guided you towards the entrance. “This is one of the only times before the season starts that we can travel together where I don’t have to worry about a game. And this is close enough that it should have been a day trip.”

“So we’re going home after this?”

“Ahh,” he hummed, kissing the top of your head and pulling out his wallet with his other hand, “I have a reservation at a bed and breakfast not far from here, and may or may not have a bag packed for you already in the trunk of my car.”

You looked at him, unable to contain your smile despite the fact that you were confused as to how he managed to plan this without you. He had only been back in New York for about a week, and you had spent every moment he wasn’t on the rink together. “You sneaky boy,” you teased as he paid for the two of you. “There’s no way you got everything if you did it on your own.”

The person behind the ticket counter gave you two wristbands, Anthony taking your hand and putting it on you, his fingers lingering as he wants to take your hand in his. His cheeks turned pink, looking down at your hand as you two moved out of the way. “Ok, Aili might have helped.”

“There it is,” you laughed, the two of you walking through the Fairgrounds together. You had to admit, the four hour drive was worth it. You couldn’t remember going to a fair like this one ever, none of the ones when you were growing upcoming close to this one, and definitely not in New York.

Anthony guided you around the grounds, taking you from booth to booth, buying you anything that you told him you thought was nice from the different vendors, finding a booth that had the most amazing bison burgers and apple cider shakes.

“Jesus, these taste good,” you said with your mouth full, Anthony laughing and reaching over to you to wipe the aioli off the corner of your lips.

He pulled you in for a kiss, laughing as he had to wipe off more food from your face, crumbs from the bun of the burger this time. “I can’t take you anywhere, can I?” he asked.

The day turned into night, the two of you playing the various carnival games, you not afraid to make fun of him as he sucked at every single one of them, winning you nothing. You did win a small teddy bear, however, making sure to gloat to him and even going as far as naming it Anthony after him.

“Oh, come on,” you whined as you stood in line for the Ferris wheel, shoving the bear in his face, “He’s so cute, just like you.”

Anthony smiled at you as he swatted your hand out of his face, wrapping his arms around your waist. “Am I only cute? Nothing more?”

“No, the bear is better.” He pouted at you, his bottom lip jutting out. “Oh come on, what do you have that Bear Anthony doesn’t?”

“So many things!” he argued as the two of you got into the pod. “I have so many things that the bear does not. And I know for a fact that you enjoy all of them.”

You laughed, the bear sitting in your lap as you rested your head on his shoulder. The ride started, bringing you two up to see the entire Fairgrounds. It stopped at the top, giving you a moment to see everything below you; the rides lighting up everything down below, adults and children, the booths, everything.

“It’s,” you started, trying to find the words when you looked up at the sky, the stars somehow still visible and bright despite the lights, “I love this.”

“I love you,” you heard Anthony say.

“What?” you looked at him, both of you slightly shocked. Aili had banked on you being the first person to say those words, not him.

“I love you,” he told you more confidently. “I know we haven’t been seeing each other for that long, but I do. I think I have been for a while now.”

You could tell he was nervous to say this to you by the way his cheeks were turning bright pink. You rested your head on his shoulder, Anthony putting his arm around you and kissing the top of your head. “I love you, too.”

You weren’t sure where that bear was now though, the little Anthony you won that ended up being a piece of him by your side whenever the real one was gone. But the first time he told you he loved you was, of course, always going to be something special, something worth remembering.

You put the wristband back in the box, now playing a claw game with the contents of the box and pulling out a strip from a photo booth, the two of you looking so happy, you lucky enough to have it captured on film.

One of your friends from college was getting married, and naturally, Anthony was your plus one. Aili was there somewhere, probably already drunk and looking to hook up with a member of the bridal party despite your protests over it.

“There she is,” you pointed to your lilac-haired friend, her back towards you and Anthony dancing together. “How close do you think she is to closing?”

The two of you had been playing sort of a Where’s Waldo type game with your mutual friend, seeing as she had been bouncing from groomsman to bridesmaid in hopes that one of them was both single and interested. It seemed like she hadn’t had luck until she found the man standing in front of her.

“His hand is already on her ass, so I think they’re going home together,” Anthony pointed out, pulling you closer to him. “I could do that to you, you know,” he flirted, his grip tightening around you.

“Not in public,” you whispered to him, “But we have a room upstairs for after.”

He dipped down to kiss you, hearing him hum against your lips as the DJ announced that the bride and one of her parents were going to share a dance together. The two of you moved off the floor, Anthony’s hands never leaving your body.

The two of you watched the bride and one of her parents dance together, Anthony’s arm around you as you rested your head on his shoulder. The song ended as the groom approached his new bride, the two of them sharing another dance together while the guests watched.

They looked at each other like there was no one else in the world, nothing that could break them apart. “I can’t wait for that to be us,” Anthony whispers in your ear, planting a kiss on your jaw.

“You think we’re going to get married?”

“If everything goes the way I would like it to, then hopefully.”

You looked over to him, something about the soft smile on his face made you believe him and want the same. You could see yourself marrying Anthony. Not right now, you didn’t even live together, but eventually. “I like that.”

The night went on, the two of you continuously tracking down Aili as she made her way through the bridal party to find one person to go home with, the guy from before apparently not working out since he had also moved on to another girl.

“Hey, guys,” Aili finally came over, one of the bridesmaids not far behind her, “Scarlett wants to go up to the room she has, so can you watch my stuff until I’m back?” Before you could answer, she handed you her bag and her jacket, not giving you the chance to object while she ran hand in hand with the girl.

“When will you be back?”

“Hopefully tomorrow morning,” she called before disappearing. You couldn’t help but laugh, setting her stuff down with yours. You were sure she would show up at your door, sometime tomorrow afternoon, probably with her hair and makeup in utter disarray but extremely happy with herself.

“Hey, there’s a photo booth, want to take some pictures?” Anthony asked you.

“You think Aili’s stuff will be alright unattended?” you joked, following Anthony’s lead to the booth.

The booth was small, Anthony having to hold you in his lap just to fit both of you in it. He closes the curtain, his arms around your waist. He nuzzles his head on your shoulder, both of you staring at the camera in front of you. “How about a regular smile to start?”

You go through the four photos, a regular smile, two with silly faces, and the last one where you two kiss, a generic, cliche, couple in a photobooth strip.

You knew you had taken a lot of photos like the ones you were holding in your hands, this strip was apparently one of the only ones that you still had. You didn’t even think you had any left on your phone.

You continue the claw game, your phone buzzing with a message from your boyfriend telling you he would be there soon to start loading some stuff into the truck to move to your new place. You should have been packing, but something about the Anthony box made you forget about that. You found the keyring next, his team’s logo now faded, but you knew exactly what it was from.

You couldn’t believe it had two years of dating Anthony. It didn’t feel like two years, simultaneously feeling like you had been together forever but had only known each other for such an insignificant amount of time in the grand scheme of things.

You didn’t realize, however, that you were together for that long when you had called him in a panic, your floor soaking wet from a pipe that burst under the sink in your kitchen.

“My landlord is a dick and said he won’t be able to get anyone out here for three days, please, please, please?” you begged him, hoping that he could figure out what you had to do, or at the very least could bring some tool that you didn’t have that would help you fix it while watching a Youtube video.

“I’ll be over in ten minutes,” he sighed, hanging up on you before you could say anything else. He got there sooner than he should have, a wrench in hand and you hoping it was enough to fix whatever was wrong. “You owe me.”

“You’re my favorite person in the world and I will do anything for you,” you said, dragging him into the kitchen. “Fix,” you say, pointing to the sink, the water still leaking out from behind the cabinets.

The two of you sat down on the towels you had laid out before he got there, Anthony cringing at the feeling against his shorts. He opened the cabinet, getting under there and trying to fidget with the washers that were there to see if he could make anything of it.

“What do you think you need to do?” you asked him, holding a flashlight for him. Before he could answer, more water was spraying at you, soaking your already damp shirt, definitely getting Anthony everywhere, as well. “A towel?”

“Very funny,” he said, weaseling his way out from the sink once he managed to get the water shut off, taking the towel from your hands to dry his face off. “You know, if you wanted me with a wet T-shirt, you could have just asked,” he told you, causing the heat to rush to your cheeks.

“Yeah, that’s why I called you over,” you told him, getting off the ground. “God, I hate living here.”

“You could always move in with me.” You turned around in shock, Anthony rubbing the towel on his head to dry his hair as if what he just asked you wasn’t a major step in your relationship. “What?”

“Move in with you?”

“Well, yeah. Most of your stuff is already at my place anyway, your lease is ending soon thankfully, you have a jackass for a landlord, and I love you,” he told you, pulling you close to him. “Why wouldn’t I want you to live with me?”

You smiled at him, curling your fingers in the belt loops of his jeans, getting on your toes to kiss him. “You really want me to live with you?”

He let go of you to reach into his back pocket and fidgeted with his key ring. He pulled off a key, already attached to a charm with his team’s logo. “I had this made for you about three months ago. I’ve just been waiting for the right moment to give it to you.”

You loved living with him, forgetting that you still had this stupid blue and orange charm still in your possession. The next thing you pulled out was what finally started to break you, physically feeling like holding this in your hand was ripping you apart piece by piece. The first full season you and Anthony lived together, he got you a postcard for every city he went to on an away game, lists on the back of each one, every city, every away game.

“Anthony, what is this?” you yelled to him when you came back to your place with the mail. It was his writing, a picture of the Liberty Bell on one side of the postcard, his messy script covering the back. “Did you really mail something from Philly to me?”

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s dated five days ago, you came back from Philly four days ago. You could have just given me this and saved the cost of the stamp.”

“That would have been too easy,” he blushed. You knew him well enough to know that that thought hadn’t crossed his mind, not thinking about how it would have been easier to probably slip it in with the mail instead of waiting for it to make the trip from Philly to the island.

You flip it over, trying to figure out why he would send it to you in the first place. Anthony had written on the back

The Liberty Bell

The Rocky Steps

The inside of the Philadelphia Art Museum

A Game at the Palestra

Rolled ice cream at the Franklin Fountain

Walk Boathouse Row and the Schuylkill

Explore around the Main Line

Have brunch at Sabrina’s

“What is all this?”

Anthony came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist and resting his head on your shoulder. “That’s some of the stuff the guys and I did when we had some downtime. And some stuff we didn’t do that I want to.”

“So, what, you’re just gloating that you get to do fun things when you aren’t working your literal dream job?” you teased him.

“No, no,” he laughed. “This is all the stuff I want to do with you. You know, if we ever get the chance to explore that city.”

Every trip he went on, he came home with a new postcard

Boston

Go into Cambridge and see Harvard

Walk the Freedom Trail

Eat in the North End at an Italian restaurant

Get pastry from Mike’s

Spend the day in the Commons

See a game at Fenway

Calgary

Go to the Stampede

Go to Banff and Lake Louise

Go to the top of Calgary Tower

Walk to Prince’s Island Park

Take the Rocky Mountaineer Rail Journey

Get doughnuts from the Dapper Doughnuts Calgary

Eat at Native Tongues Taqueria

Every city with a list of things you never got to do with him

You weren’t ready for the postcards, tying them back up with the bow that had held them together for however many years the box had been sitting in your closet. It was like the bow that held your relationship together until everything started to unravel

“You know you have to tell him,” Aili said, earning a groan from you.

“Really?” you snapped. “You mean I shouldn’t just disappear on my boyfriend and avoid him so that he doesn’t find out?��

Aili scowled at you. “Ok, you’re stressed, so I’ll let that slide. But he just won the last game at the Coliseum. Do you think now is a good time to do it?”

“Is any time a good time to do it?” Your friend shrugged, falling back into the cushions of the couch. There was nothing left to say until Anthony got home. You sat in silence, the only noise coming from the TV despite you having no idea what you were watching. “I can’t sit here, talk to me about something. How are things going with Scarlett?”

Aili lit up at the chance to talk about her girlfriend, the bridesmaid from the wedding a few years back. Aili did in fact return the next morning to your place for her stuff, but with Scarlett in tow, insisting that the three of you go out for brunch to start what turned into what was probably Aili’s most successful relationship so far. Listening to her talk about Scarlett, for a second, made you forget what you had to tell Anthony.

Until she mentioned that morning after at the brunch place, relaying that she remembered Scarlett telling her how excited she was to go on a double date with you and Anthony when you broke down crying.

“Hey, babe, no, come here,” Aili cooed, pulling you into her arms.

“This is going to break us,” you let out through your sobs. You knew it was going to end your relationship; there was no way you could do this and stay with him.

“It might not last forever,” she told you. “You could always come back.”

Before you can respond, Anthony came bursting through the door, bursting with joy over winning the game, pushing the series to the seventh game. He knew he potentially scored the last goal for his team at Nassau, but, shit, you were about to break him. “We’re celebrating, babe!” he yelled before he saw you and Aili sitting there on the couch, your mood clearly the opposite of his. He was sure you had been watching the game, so he thought you would be as happy as he was when he got home. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Aili looked between the two of you before getting up. “I’m going to leave you two alone.”

Anthony took Aili’s seat, the concern in his eyes bringing you that much closer to tears again. “Hey, talk to me.”

“I got a promotion at work,” you told him.

His face lit up, bouncing on the couch a little bit as he yelled again, “That’s amazing!”

“But,” you started, watching his face drop as he repeated your word while he waited for you to continue. “I have to transfer.”

“To where?” he asked, his voice small.

“Seattle.”

“Don’t go,” he said to you.

“What?” you asked him, shocked by the seriousness on his face. “I can’t-”

“Don’t go. I don’t want you to go.”

“This is my job, Anthony, I can’t not go.”

“No,” he said, fighting back the tears. He knew just as well as you did what it meant for your relationship if you moved to the other side of the country. “I don’t want you to go.”

“Anthony, you don’t get to decide that for me.”

He huffed as he got up from the couch, clearly upset with you for telling him you had to leave. “But what about us? Are you really telling me that this job is more important than us?”

“I never said that.”

“If you take this job then that’s what you’re saying to me.”

You stood there in front of him, both of you now angry at the other. “If that’s what you think of me then I’m glad I’m leaving,” you spit at him, pushing past him to go to your room.

Anthony stood there in shock, watching you go down the hall, jumping again at the sound of the bedroom door slamming. His phone buzzed in his pocket, one of his teammates asking him where the two of you were. He shook his head, going towards your bedroom door. Standing outside, his fist ready to knock to try to talk to you.

His phone buzzed again, another teammate. He couldn’t hear any noise coming from the other side; he didn’t know you were sitting there waiting for him to come and talk to him. You weren’t sure if you had wanted the promotion in the first place. Moving across the country was a lot, and leaving Anthony wasn’t something you were ready for. But his outburst, for whatever reason, made you think that you were supposed to go. If he had come back, you might have listened to him about staying.

Instead, he turned around, leaving the puck he had scored the game-winning goal with. The tape around it said, “For Y/F/I Y/L/I”. You heard the front door close, Anthony leaving to go out with his teammates. You came out, finding the puck sitting on the couch where the two of you were earlier.

The box seemed never-ending, every item in there bringing back emotions and memories that you hadn’t thought of in a while, for good reason, too. You didn’t know how much more you could take, how much longer before you had to load the truck. You were pulling out items and feeling as if you were tiptoeing around a minefield, one stupid artifact from your past away from breaking you altogether.

“Are you really leaving?” Anthony asked you the day you booked your ticket and made arrangements for your stuff to be shipped.

“Yep,” you answered, short. Since the night you told him, things were off between the two of you. You were barely speaking, barely even looking at each other or acknowledging the presence of the other. He was mad you chose your career over him, you were mad he wasn’t being supportive.

He sighed as he sat down next to you on the couch. Even that was different; he would have put his arm around you, cuddled with you, and watched whatever you had on, at that point, he was like you two were strangers who were meeting for the first time. “I’m gonna miss you,” you heard him say, his voice shaking slightly.

Anthony wasn’t one to cry in front of you, but you were almost sure he was about to in that moment. “I’m going to miss you, too.”

Neither of you said anything, sitting on the couch, your arms crossed over your chests.

A knock at your door startled you out of the silence, you and Anthony exchanging confused looks before he got up to find a package sitting there. “It’s for both of us?”

You were definitely curious, the return address indicating that it was from someone’s Etsy shop. Inside were two mugs, outlines of New York and Washington with one of those cheesy ‘we’ll always be together’ lines written in cursive.

“It’s from Aili,” Anthony said, holding a slip of paper. “You’ll always be together, even when you’re apart. You’re two souls of the same, two pieces of the same heart.”

You held the mug in your hand, looking up at Anthony, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Seattle quickly felt like home, you falling into a comfortable rhythm, finding friends, liking your new job, everything was going right. You checked your phone, your boyfriend telling you that he was only a few minutes away. There was only one last thing that you knew was in this box, the last thing you were sure you would be able to look at.

Your phone buzzed to remind you that you were supposed to leave the office five minutes ago and head down to the arena. You were seeing the Kraken play, the hockey jersey you wore every game was folded neatly in the backseat of your car. All you had to do was leave.

“Hey, Vera,” you called to your coworker. “I’ve gotta head out.”

“Are you seeing-” she started, only to be cut off by you.

“Yes, of course I am,” you sang, leaving before she could ask you any more questions. You had rushed to your car, getting to the arena and throwing on your jersey as fast as you could.

“I thought you weren’t going to make it!” Lauren said when you sat down next to her. “I thought you didn’t want to come.”

You knew why she was saying that: the Kraken were playing the Islanders for the first time at home that season.

It was also the first time you were going to see Anthony in person since you broke up.

You shook your head, trying to play it off as if seeing him in warm-ups at that moment was no big deal. “I come to every home game, why would I miss this one?”

Lauren shrugged, the game starting as the two of you sat there and watched in silence. “Does he know about Jamie?” she asked you.

When Anthony told his teammates you were moving to Seattle, Jordan sort of took you under his wing since he and Lauren were moving, too. Anthony thought it was a good idea that you have someone there who you knew while you were getting settled, and it wasn’t like you were going to object to having a familiar face around in an unfamiliar city. What he hadn’t seen coming was Jordan introducing you to one of his teammates. He hadn’t thought about the possibility of you and Jamie getting close when you and Anthony officially broke up.

He didn’t see you falling in love with Jamie.

You told Lauren you had no idea. You weren’t sure if Anthony still followed you on social media, and you definitely didn’t think he followed Jamie, either. Until you saw Anthony coming up behind Jamie, skating faster than you had ever seen him skate and check Jamie from behind. Despite the size difference between the two, Jamie not expecting Anthony and Anthony coming from behind threw Jamie to the ice. He sprung back up, the two of them getting ready to fight despite the uneven matchup, the refs getting between the two of them and throwing Anthony from the game.

“I think he knows,” Lauren said, you sinking back into your seat.

You didn’t pay attention the rest of the game, thinking about Anthony instead. Lauren nudged you at the end, the Kraken beating the Islanders 4-1. The two of you went down to wait outside the locker rooms for your partners, you praying that you wouldn’t bump into Anthony.

“Hey,” you heard a familiar voice say, a pain in your chest hitting you immediately. “I thought I would see you here.”

Anthony was standing in front of you, looking just as nervous as you were. “Yeah. I’m at every home game.” The two of you stood there awkwardly, that comfort you once felt with him gone. “So, uh, how have you been?”

“Good, good,” he nodded, looking down at his feet.

You figured out why when you felt Jamie’s hand snake around your waist, your current boyfriend placing a gentle kiss on your cheek. “Hey, babe.”

“You were amazing,” you beamed at him, forgetting for a moment that Anthony was standing there.

“It helped knowing you were cheering me on,” he said, dipping down to kiss you. Anthony cleared his throat, whether voluntary or not, causing the two of you to pull apart. “I’m gonna wait for you outside, sound good?” He kissed you again before running off, not wanting to see anything happen between you and your ex.

“Does he make you happy?” Anthony asked you, catching you off guard.

You show him a soft smile, thinking of everything Jamie did for you on a daily basis. Like your relationship with Anthony, you fell in love with him quickly, despite taking it much slower than you did with the boy in front of you. “Yeah. He does.”

Anthony swallowed, the words bringing him joy but crushing him at the same time. “That’s all I want for you.” You heard one of his teammates calling his name to get on the bus to head to the hotel, Anthony reaching into his coat to give you something. “You left it when you moved. I didn’t know if it was on purpose or not, so I figured I would bring it and give it to you. If you wanted it.”

He held a gold heart necklace in front of you, the one he got you for the first birthday you celebrated with him. You did leave it there on purpose. You knew it was expensive, and you didn’t feel right taking it from him.

“Uh, yeah, I did. Thanks for this,” you lied to him, taking it from him. The two of you stood there for a moment, neither of you sure what to say. “I should go meet Jamie.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said, running his hand through his hair as you turned on your heels to leave. “Actually, wait. You,” he started, taking in a deep breath. “You loved me, right?”

“Anthony, of course I did.”

“Then why did you leave?”

“Sometimes, love just isn’t enough.”

That memory, out of all of them, finally broke you. You missed him. You missed the way he looked at you, the way he held you, how he knew everything about you and how to make you happy.

You pull out your phone, his contact still there as one of your favorites. You never changed it, the same stupid emojis by his name that were there since he had asked you out. Your finger hovered over his contact name, knowing that you shouldn’t call him. You hadn’t heard his voice since that night you broke up, even though you told each other you would try to work things out. You could call Anthony, hear his voice. At the very least, get his voice mail.

But you couldn’t bring yourself to hit that call button, instead deleting his contact altogether. You were done with him, moving on to something different. Moving on, and in, with Jamie. That simple action shouldn’t have broken you further than you already were just looking at this floodgate of what should have been good times for you, for whatever reason tears falling down your face no matter how hard you tried not to cry, already having used those tears when you first stopped seeing Anthony. You put your phone down, shuffling through other things in the box, more small pieces of paper, tickets, receipts, photos from while you were together with the dates and events written on the back, reliving every instance as you stared at everything that was supposed to still have significance and that you were supposed to still be adding to.

“Hey, babe, the truck’s downstairs,” Jamie knocks on your door, tearing you away from the contents of that box. He studies your face, probably able to pick up on the tear stains down your cheeks as he gets to your level, sitting beside you on the floor. He gently brushes a lock of your hair behind your ear, cupping your face. “What’s wrong?”

You sniffle, closing the box in your lap. “Nothing.”

“What is that?”

“Might as well be part of a minefield,” you tell him, a confused look on his face. You shake your head, clarifying, “A box of old memories.”

He nods at you, his thumb tracing a pattern on your cheek, you reaching up to kiss the palm of his hand as he asks, “Are they worth keeping?”

You look down at the box in your lap, the one whose contents brought back four years of happiness to you. “No,” you tell him, putting it in the pile of things to throw away. “We’re moving in together. We’re going to make memories of our own.”

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