joshuaorrizonte

[joshuaorrizonte]

#kain Highwind #that tag is mostly a joke but yes #Kain

[joshuaorrizonte]

I wrote something!

feel free to give it a peek under the Read More. It's Kain-centered, quite short.

Warnings: Panic attack? Strong negative self talk.

The door closes behind them, leaving the room in heavy, tense silence. The air turns cold.

Kain staggers when he moves to follow them, but his body will not cooperate. His jaw goes slack and the words he wishes to say --the shout he wishes to release to bring them back-- rest unsaid in his throat. His breath is as reliable as his legs: shaking, apt to render him immobile.

There it is. That barely-tangible, infinitesimal ache that's plagued him for so long, the ache he's been fighting for years to exterminate, but like any pestilence, it lived. It lived, lurking beneath his skin, waiting like some sort of vengeful spirit to possess him just like Golbez did. It takes its long, cold fingers and grazes them along his humors, waltzing in his blood and trampling the black bile that so tenderly sinks him into the familiar dark of melancholia.

He doesn't know what the ache is. It could be an amalgamation of things-- actually, that he's quite sure of. He can feel the pang of shame that clings to his back like sweat after a battle; it's cold and makes him itch. It makes him too aware of the weight of his armor on his shoulders, the tightness of his breastplate and pauldrons. He knows the familiar sickness of guilt that writhes in the depths of his stomach, the way it churns and threatens to boil into his throat. It's poison he creates himself, one that robs him of strength to walk and fight. Perhaps this is why magic never came to him-- his body knew how to sap its own strength all along. One Drain spell cast on him and he'd be done for.

His heart thumps headily in his chest. His face feels hot and his hands prickle with something akin to electricity. He feels as if the fury of Thundaga is about to crash down on him, but he can't move. He can't breathe. His helmet is a vice around his temples, and his neck suddenly can't bear the weight of armor. His shoulders ache with this weight he thought he'd grown so well-adjusted to carrying. His knees buckle and his palms crack against the stone of the floor with an unceremonious clatter, but it's no matter. No one will hear. He is alone.

He is alone.

He's fought for so long to keep whatever this...this monstrosity is at bay for years. He'd done it all right-- he'd memorized his own tells about when he needed to remove himself from what he felt. A good knight is unfazed by his work, follows his orders, and most important of all, never succumbs to his own emotions. Losing yourself to the frivolities of feelings is the one-way ticket to getting killed.

Part of him --something masochistic and elusive-- wishes he were under Golbez' control again. He couldn't control his body, kept prisoner in his own mind-- and he wonders if he really cared at all about Thrush now if he didn't care enough to fight for them then.

Kain feels sick. He feels as if his body has succumbed to desert fever and the antlions are extinct-- no sand rubies to cure him. The feverish heat of anger bubbles in his chest, slowly seeping into his limbs and making him shake.

This is nothing new. He's always been angry, hasn't he? Always pushed away feeling anything only for battle fuel to sink into the void he created instead of nurturing the good that wanted to grow in him. It's nothing new, the jealousy and the rage that simmered until it flowed over, forcing his hand when his heart wanted something so deeply different.

Deliriously, Kain snickers to himself. He thinks that, after all this time, he'd be well-adjusted to not getting what he wants. He'd wanted Cecil's position. He'd wanted King Odin's favoritism that was so graciously kept just out of reach. He'd wanted Rosa, and now he suffers the consequences of such a selfish desire. Blinded by his own jealousy, he's now been the prime benefactor to the enemy. How fitting for him to continue doing nothing more than hurting his friends, hurting innocent people.

Perhaps he's not cut out for this.  

[joshuaorrizonte]

making a collection

[joshuaorrizonte]

I'm built different. like incorrectly i think

[joshuaorrizonte]

REBLOG THIS TO GIVE THE PERSON YOU REBLOGGED THIS FROM A GOLD STAR BECAUSE THEY’VE BEEN STELLAR TODAY AND THEY DESERVE IT ⭐️

[joshuaorrizonte]

Wait what do you mean there were Suikoden II cameos in a Bomberman game that came.out LAST YEAR???

WHAT???????

[joshuaorrizonte]

Laios

[joshuaorrizonte]

mfers will say "im against book banning in schools and libraries!" and then turn around and say ao3 needs to be censored

[joshuaorrizonte]

you’re not unlovable just because somebody didn’t know how to love u right by the way

[joshuaorrizonte]

"who radicalized you" ever since i was a child i wanted other people to be treated nicely and fairly because i didnt understand why theyd deserve otherwise and it fills me with disgust seeing how people treat their fellow human beings sometimes

[joshuaorrizonte]

[joshuaorrizonte]

hey you remember cakepost right?

you know, that image where the punchline is "two cakes!"

this image.

ever wanted to support that artist for that life-changing advice? GOOD NEWS - YOU NOW CAN! BUY THEIR GAME!

it is decidedly PRETTY GOOD.

[joshuaorrizonte]

Idk I just kinda want to exist, if I must, in a state of numbness. Everything is a lot. And I can’t even make my blorbos suffer for it at the moment because it’s bedtime.

[joshuaorrizonte]

hey, tag this with a food people get really upset about you not liking

#cilantro

[joshuaorrizonte]

About the AO3 "No Guest Comments for a while" warning

If you're not following any of AO3's social media accounts you might be in the dark as to what kind of "spam comments" have engendered this banner at the top of the site:

These spam comments have been posted about a great deal on the AO3 subreddit for the past couple of days. Initially they comprised a bunch of guest (logged out users) bot comments that insulted authors by suggesting they were using AI and not writing their own fics. Some examples, from the subreddit:

But it then escalated to outright graphic porn images and gifs being posted in comments, again by logged out 'Guest' accounts. Obviously, I'm not going to give examples of those, but between these two bot infestations, AO3 has clearly decided to act and has temporarily closed the ability to post comments for users who are not logged in with an AO3 account.

Unfortunately, this means that genuine readers who don't have an AO3 account won't be able to leave comments on fics that they enjoy.

If you are a genuine reader who doesn't yet have an AO3 account, I strongly suggest getting yourself on the waiting list for one. More and more AO3 authors are now locking their fics down to registered users only - either due to these bot comments or concerns about AI scraping their work - which means you're probably missing out on a lot of great stuff.

Hopefully guest commenting will be enabled again at some point soon, but I suggest not waiting until then. Get yourself on that list.

Wait times are going to be longer than usual at the moment, due to the current Wattpad purge [info on Fanlore | Wattpad subreddit thread], but if you're in line, then your invite will come through eventually.

Update: There's now a Megathread about this on the AO3 subreddit.

[joshuaorrizonte]

SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LOOK AT MY KITTEN IN MY SLIPPY

[joshuaorrizonte]