joisbishmyoga

[joisbishmyoga]

[joisbishmyoga]

By crunching a bunch of extremely valid and well-researched numbers that I totally did not pull out of the 'vague memory' box in my head, I have concluded that the statute of limitations on kicking yourself for mistakes, embarrassments, and similar dumbass moments is -- drumroll please -- 3.5 minutes. After that, it is illegal for your brain to harp on the topic again and you are allowed to set a mob of emu on your inner self-kicker. (You may also call this mob-of-emu defense 'flipping the bird', but that part is optional.)

[joisbishmyoga]

[joisbishmyoga]

My co-worker keeps bragging about his new super luxe Decarios, which are apparently a brand of shoes/sneakers. I had to think about it for a bit, but I *knew* the name seemed familiar; turns out the original storefront was next to the restaurant they filmed the opening of Goncharov in.

(Co-worker's shoes are actually from Wal-Mart, he was trolling the boss.)

#goncharov #unreality

[joisbishmyoga]

That post about death note being “everyone’s first anime” (untrue statement) made me curious and now I want to gather data for science

Can you reblog this and tell me where are you from and what was your starter anime?

#first i remember is unico 1983 #first i knew was anime before i finished was sailor moon 1995 #first i knew was anime before i started watching it was yu yu hakusho 1999 #hi fellow usa oldies

[joisbishmyoga]

Once again due to reading too much Star Wars fic, yay hyperfixations, I got a wonderful mental image last night. I mean, not that it would work out well, I'm well aware of that, but just imagine post-66, Cody's chip breaks when he's right in front of Darth Vader. Vader's halfway through thinking "I feel a disturbance in the Force" when Cody's reflexes go EVIL DROID! and training takes over. He roundhouse kicks Vader right in the face even before he's fully remembered his name, much less anything else that's happened. WHAM. Cracks the faceplate and makes Vader eat dirt. 🏆

(Yes Cody would die less than a minute later, but if anybody deserves to get to kick Anakin in the face, Cody's pretty high on the list.)

(Now if you wanted to go for all but completely implausible Good Guys Win, Cody's knocked Vader out long enough to escape, and eventually manages to find his way to the rebellion or Tattooine or something. Steals Vader's ship and goes blowing up Imperial shit until some fascist shill manages to reactivate the trackers on it. Strafes the Imperial Palace on Coruscant and draws a giant dick in blaster fire over the front doors. Spaces the flagship's crew and jury-rigs the bridge so one man can fly a ship the size of a small city, hello this is now the GAR ship Screw Skeevy Sheevy delivering the Emperor's order of ten thousand space missiles to his face.)

[joisbishmyoga]

of all Riccardo Estli's compositions, I think his "Katya's Waltz" from the Goncharov score is one of his most beautiful

[joisbishmyoga]

So I read a fic that included a bit about "the Naboo made armor so well that Padme could get run over by a tank in full formalwear and get right back up" and just.

Instant slapstick comedy in my head. Increasingly ridiculous 'kills' that have Anakin going "Padme! Noooooooo!" and starting to go all Sithy yellow-eyed murder-rage, at which point she's like "honestly, Anakin, get up off the floor and put your eyes back to rights, it was just a tank." Or a walker, or a building, or "honestly, Anakin, even whats-his-face can climb out of a mere star, it's not even a big one". Honestly, Anakin, I only got launched fifty klicks away, there's this nice mountain that caught me, why don't you see if Sabe can put together a picnic. Bonus points for Padme and the Handmaidens throwing equally dramatic fits in the aftermath when they discover a tiny rust stain on the hem of her dress, because obviously the laundry is much more of a problem than assassination attempts or deadly accidents.

.... double bonus points if twenty years later, Alderaan is saved by Queen Breha putting Leia's Senate gala dress out on the lawn to bounce the Death Star laser right back off of. Sidious has a tantrum over Naboo giving Alderaan clothes as a diplomatic gift.

[joisbishmyoga]

#rubber bands first name and famous dish #english and scottish heritage means haggis and idk fish n chips #american means burgers n fries i think #i've seen maybe two fictional characters with my first name in the backstories of other fictional characters

[joisbishmyoga]

poirot, his eyes enormous: you CALLED poirot FRENCH? you called him french like he is not BELGIAN? oh! oh! british food and asymmetry for you! british food and asymmetry for you for Mille Années

[joisbishmyoga]

"Noun names" would include atypical names like "Sock" or "Brick" as well as more traditional names like "Rose" or "Hunter."

–

We ask your questions so you don’t have to! Submit your questions to have them posted anonymously as polls.

#my middle name is a noun #but like it's my 3x-great-grandmother's maiden name which just happened to be a noun #(it's wells btw) #(that deep hole you haul water out of but plural) #(or toss money into that would be great if the universe threw money at me lol)

[joisbishmyoga]

Okay, this never happens. I just sat down for a solid 3 and a half hours and wrote a fic from start to end in a draft format that closely resembles mid-draft as opposed to first draft. My concentration never wavered.

I’m afraid

[joisbishmyoga]

I have amusing mental images where reporters are like, hounding Jedi about the scandal of Anakin's marriage, and the answers keep being things like "Deeply upset, many are. Offensive, not being invited to the wedding was. Invalidated, many betting pools were. In remedial etiquette classes, Knight Skywalker is. In study group, excellent Knight Skywalker is. Sharing the crayons nicely, he explains well."

("Really gotta question the Senator's taste. I mean, Skywalker still had the padawan haircut that looks terrible on everybody.")

[joisbishmyoga]

[joisbishmyoga]

Gabriel Agreste doesn't dress anywhere near as well as a rich woman's baby.

Baby Adrien wore bow ties I am sure of this

[joisbishmyoga]

Ok so I've seen so many polls going around that are like "how old were you when you first had sex/got drunk/smoked weed etc." and the answer that wins is always the boring one so for those of you who are straight edge and celibate, which I know is the largest segment of this website:

#aroace and sex-averse #I drank to tipsy once and it wasn't fun enough to bother doing again #though I do still drink just because it's a nice beverage sometimes #never interested in smoking #smoking isn't an edgy or grown-up thing it's a grandparent thing #ok my manager offered me a hit on his weed vape about three weeks ago when I was super mad at myself but like #all it did was have me yawn a few times on the way home #I've got melatonin that does the same thing for much cheaper and more legal #in conclusion sex and drugs are boring

[joisbishmyoga]

The longest single-volume book in English is 969,000 words, but the average length of a book is currently 90,000. That's 90-969 pictures. Let's go with 100-1000, and from there blah blah math words to get 550. My library allows a maximum of 50 books ("print materials") to be checked out, so 550x50 = 27,500 pictures. And we end up with 6.875 pictures per $1 of garlic bread. Figure a fluctuating exchange rate is going to usually be around the higher end of 6-7 pictures per garlic bread dollar. (Sticking with the 90-969, the result's 6.62, so, still around the higher end of 6-7 per.)

Story Time:

Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:

This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after I've scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, "Um," from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.

And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. We're just... in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?

She didn't even have garlic bread in her cart.

I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.

Well, the registers don't like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but she's not by her pager.

At this point, both myself and the lady are just... dumbfounded. She's not even mad. I'm not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. There's a bit of laughter, but it's mostly just... confusion.

I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because she's not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.

"What... did you do?"

"I genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea."

She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasn't scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.

My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, "I think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price."

And that's when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didn't take a damn picture, because she has proof and I don't. But I swear to God it happened.

TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.