jeffandsarahrelationship

[jeffandsarahrelationship]

the ballad of jeff and sarah

this is a blog to basically do two things .....to help me heal by putting it all out there and to get people who want to know what happened between us a place to see it and to stop Inboxing me about.....the following is my account and my account of the events alone....i cant speak for sarah or others involved because im not them....they can feel free and post a blog of their accounts if they wish.....this is just me trying to get over a breakup that i had my heart in....after this all quesstions or inquiries will be ignored if sent to my inbox i just want to move forward....and my therapist thought this blog would be a good way to do that....

so... i met sarah at a mutual friend jamies bday party.....jamie, richard, erica, rickie, and sarah all went....she stunned me .....such a beautiful woman that i couldnt speak right away ....i got shy ...she spoke to me first and then we started a convo...she, i and richard pretty much talked to each other the whole night .....we added each other on facebook and at the dinner she had a bf so i didnt think anything would happen....i was also talking to someone but nothing was set at that time.....i had talked to richard after that and he said he was interested in her as well...but that she had a boyfriend so we were out of luck....we began sending facebook messages back and forth for about 3 or 4 days ....the more we talked the more i was facinated by her likes, her interest, and just all around her perkiness, we both agreed there was something there but neither of us thought we should persue it.....but we did .....we decided to meet and go out to eat just to talk and get to know each other..i promised her ..while she had a boyfriend i was not going to try anything.......the sexual chemistry was strong that day....she asked if we could make out...so we did .....and it just keep going further....i couldnt fight what i felt for her.....we did stop though to go eat and talk.....and it was an amazing conversation....its safe to say i was enchanted by this woman....we then went back to her place where we got physical.....i felt like dog shit that i could do that to another person....not her ....her boyfriend.....but i couldnt get sarah out of my mind....we met i think two more times within the next two weeks....i had finally went on one date with the other girl....but i did not feel that connection to her that i did sarah.....ive tryed apologizing to her....but i dont blame her for hating me.....sarah wanted me to be her side piece i guess but i told her i couldnt do that ....it wasnt right doing that to john....her boyfriend at the time...so i told her i was ending things with the one i was seeing but that i wanted to be with her ....but i couldnt be her side man....i wanted to be her boyfriend....its john or me i said.....then i figured id never see her again....but she chose me and broke up with john.....so we started dating officially.....i was so happy....this amazing girl had chose me .....needless to say ....i fell pretty quick....i spent alot of time with her ....i wanted her to know im not gonna just leave....that i cared about her....she said she loved having me around that much as well...but dont all couples at the beginning i guess....we were honest about everything as far as i know....but i feel like she was...shes has extreme depression and a food disorder.....having never dealt with that ...i wanted to do my best to help or at least be there for her when she needed me....she also had social anxiety ..shes also thought about being polyamourous which i wasnt sure if i was open to....but maybe .....so we hung out with my friends and i told her i wanted her to make some friends with mine....so she would have an outlet.....her therapist told her to make female friends to...since she had only guys friends at that time....well she really got to know richard in that time..she was in awe of him....all his experiences and life choices he had made....what he knew about art and other things....she told me she was growing a crush on him.....which i was like ..ummmmm cause i know he had a crush on her.....i even made comments about them hooking up with i regret completely now...maybe i guess i just wanted to get it over with and hope the crush would dissappear.....

.she had told me in our conversations that when she feels an emotional connection with someone she has a hard time controlling herself ....pretty much a she did with me....

now i didnt worry about any of this or did we ever have problems until one day when she had a bad suicidal depression episode ....i had to work the next day but i tryed to talk her down....as did her therapist and others that she told me....so the next day i got done at work and went to see her....she was surprised to see me and said that she had already set up to hang with some people to help her.....but since i showed up she said did i want to join.....turned out she had talked to richard and wanted to have a convo with him alone....i didnt like that....i got scared and worried cause i knew they both had crushes on each other....but as a boyfriend....i didnt want to stop her from getting help for her depression if he could help......so i took her to his house and i went home for two hours and let them talk....my brain was eating me alive ....but i trusted my gf even after what she told me .....and i trusted richard who was my best friend since moving up here.....after i picked her up ....i told her about all that ...that i was uncomfortable about it....and why .....that it really was bothering me.....she did her best to reassure me that nothing was going on with richard ....and i felt better once she was in my arms again.....after that ....everytime she wanted to go out...she was like lets go to richards cause he has surround sound and such...but it was like ....anytime we went out....lets hit up richard.....so i got exteremly uncomfortable and told her.....then a couple of sundays ago....while i had my daughter ....she went with richard jo and jamie to the knoxville zoo....i was sad i couldnt go but i hoped they had fun.....i messaged her  during that time to just know she was having fun....as well as to shut my brain down of the fact she was with richard.....

when they got home....i was supposed to pick her up and go back to her place....when she got here....she asked again if i would wait an hour so that her and richard could talk alone again.....i freaked....i was not having it....i was about in tears upset....why does she keep wanting to talk to him.....they both have a crush ...no no  no no......but i said go ahead and talk....but i drove over at the same time....i sat in the drive way about 10 mins....my mind running in circles....i couldnt take it....were they talking about us....did she make a move on him like she did me while she was with john.....i didnt know i couldnt take it....so i got out of the truck and went around the back and tryed to listen to the convo.....i know this is not a good look on me ....but i wasnt thinking straight.....i was scared to death....i sat there a min trying to listen then realized what i was doing.....so i went around the front ...knocked on the door and told them both we needed to talk.......

i told them i wasnt comfortable with them being alone ....i didnt want anything to happen between them....that i knew she wanted richard which she confirmed right then that she wanted us both.....so i freaked again....and it ended up becoming a conversation about how richard could take care of her better than i could....richard said cause of my scared nature of what might happen he may have to bow out of a friendship with him and sarah....sarah took her hand from me at that point....sarah and i at the end were both drained...we went home....talked more between us ....and she said well if he doesnt want to be friends...i guess thats it.....but i thought me and her were ok....the next day we spend the morning together happy as can be....i took her to her group and picked her up....she was happy....however while she was in group richard sent a group message to both of us saying he had seen where i was out back trying to listen or see in.....and that he couldnt be friends anymore with her while we were together....she held my hand ...until she read his message....took it away and never gave it back....we were gonna go on a hike but she said take her home instead....where she dumped me......i left crying.....blaming myself.....barely able to see...i cryed for two days ......the first day i watched the chattooine meeting and they were sitting next to each other....i went into a deep depression.....finally on wens or thurs she messaged me.....telling me she still loved me but he didnt know what she wanted ...that she did want richard...but she also wanted me....she told me the truth about what had happened between her and richard in those first few days....but thats their business so i wont share that here.......however we talked and talked and she asked me could i be poly with her and richard .....i said i didnt know....also that jack had asked her out as well as talking to her ex john....who she said she might have sex with or not....why tell me that?

well we talked and she asked me to pick her up friday so we could talk about being poly.....we did and i didnt know if i could do that ...share my girl with another man....but i thought about giving it a shot.. i even messaged a few friends to get their advice on the subject....we then made love that night....i dont think she told that to richard.....the friday after the breakup.....and she talked to me all day saturday telling  me being poly would be great ...i would see.....having thoughts about me and richard and her.....he then picked her up saturday night....and sunday they went facebook official ....i had to get out of this so i blocked them both.....i couldnt handle it.....it sent me back into depression mode.....so monday i told her over phone...i couldnt be poly .....i couldnt share my girl....she told me it didnt matter cause she was with richard now....and thats pretty much where im at....trying to move on..

NOW IM NOT LYING ABOUT NONE OF THIS....IT IS SIMPLY MY ACCOUNT OF THE SITUATION....I ALSO HAVE SCREENSHOTS TO BACK UP MOST OF WHAT IVE SAID .....SO I CAN PROVE IM NOT A LIER....i am not trying to break up richard and sarah.....she even told me today she thinks he the one...and good for her.....but i needed to get this out of my system and to also stop all the inbox questions....cause damn guys.....it fucking hurts .......i lost my best friend and the woman i loved.....and 50 of you ....wanted to know the details so here they are.....