jazminconfessionals

[jazminconfessionals]

[jazminconfessionals]

My wife,

I love you with my entire being. Never forget that.

[jazminconfessionals]

Jan 30, 2023

When you’re trying to keep it together at work by not shedding a single tear.

But as soon as I hit my bed, waterworks galore. No witnesses. Just me, my broken heart, and a sad ass playlist. To top it off, it’s raining like crazy. Its like my insides are exposed. The weather knows the storm that’s happening within me.

I hope you’re doing okay. I’m thinking of you. Be well.

[jazminconfessionals]

11/3/22. Thursday. 12:42pm

You are my everything. I love you more and more each day and even more on the times we make up. I love our forever thriving relationship. 🥰 I can’t wait to marry you.

Forever yours,

Tu amor 💋

[jazminconfessionals]

03:50 AM. Thursday. 9/22/22.

To my dearest Reina hermosa 👸🏻

My first shift of 3 without you is making me miss you more and more! 🥹 Is it weird that I’m so used to sleeping with you on the phone before I go to sleep?

I just wanted to say that you mean the world to me. I am grateful and blessed to have you in my life. I’m super proud of you for your hard work and getting brand deals. Brand deals or not, I’ll love you and stand by you no matter what. Just know that Im looking forward to our future family including having our own “woman cave” for our “me time.”

I love you and Mickey Williams!

Love,

Your wifey

[jazminconfessionals]

Saturday. 9/10/22. 1:51 AM

My beautiful future wife,

Words can’t express how much I’ve missed you since you left for your trip. I just wanted to let you know that I love you with my entire being and I cannot wait to see you again or hangout with you again on facetime. I’m glad that you’re making the most out of your business trip networking, talking to brands, and exploring the happiest place on earth. My happiest place is in your arms. Thank you for making me the luckiest woman in the world.

Te amo and come back soon!

Your wife

[jazminconfessionals]

Sept 5, 2022. Monday. 9:28pm

Jazmin,

I would give up anything in this moment to have me by your side, hugging you ever so tightly, shielding and protecting you from all the sadness you endured from your mom this weekend. I wish I was there for you. Im sorry I didn’t see the signs that you needed my help. I wish I was there for you when you needed me the most. I had no idea you were going through all of that since first thing Sunday morning. You expressed to me that you were anxious and you felt it on your chest. But I was slow to connect the fact that you were anxious about facing your mom on Labor Day. I had no idea that your New Jersey story was a way of telling me that you felt loved, safe, and welcome with Ashley’s family. I didn’t know it was your way of working through your anxiety. I also think that when Ryley’s pic popped up on snap, I thought you were purposely trying to hurt me, that you’re hiding something from me. I know it’s not an excuse, but I think I am getting my period because I’m easily irritated. I usually can control my emotions but I’m sorry if I lashed out of jealousy and didn’t see the reason behind your story. My hormones got the best of me, and therefore, I hurt you in return. I wish you wouldn’t told me what was happening but I can see it now why you couldn’t. It was a lot of emotions happening at the same time. It appeared that the world was against you. I wish I can carry all the hurt for you, shield your from your mom’s hurtful words. You are worthy in my eyes. You are enough. You are an inspiration. You are a successful entrepreneur that is going to be even bigger and better than before. On top of that, you will be an even more inspiration and stronger as a future mother. I love you, wholeheartedly. Especially on the hardest days. Last night, when our 45-yr-old stage 4 breast cancer patient died, his husband was at the bedside sleeping. We had to wake him up and tell the bad news. He wept so loudly and I couldn’t picture losing you like that husband lost his wife. But when you broke up with me and kept pushing me away, it hurt me that you rejected me without explanation. It felt like there was someone else. I didn’t know you were already drowning yourself in sorrows. I wish you would’ve told me. But I can understand why it was so hard for you to be vulnerable. Please come back. I don’t want this to end. I really thought you no longer want me. I cried so hard as soon as I got into my car after work. I was crying during my break trying to understand what just happened but you couldn’t give me the answers. I got angry because even when I was trying to reassure you, you cussed me out. Anyways, Im just letting you know that I’ll be right here waiting when you’re ready. Please have an amazing trip to Florida. You deserve this time to learn and grow. I’m so proud of you. I’m rooting for you always.

I love you with my entire being. You’re not alone. I’m right here.

Love,

Shar

[jazminconfessionals]

Aug. 5, 2022. Friday. 3:03 pm

I’m currently reading a new book and came across a quote that I wanted to share with you because there were moments in our relationship that we considered ourselves as “failing” or “failures.” I am guilty of this for sure.

“You are NOT a failure because you experienced failure. You’re a successful person who temporarily failed and is now returning to your natural state of success.” ✨ 🍀

[jazminconfessionals]

August 1, 2022. Monday. 8:04am

Good morning mi vida! 🐧✨

You just dropped me off at Starbucks because you’re Dad is coming over. I just wanted to take the time to tell you that today is a the first of August, a new month to grow together as a couple and as individuals. July was rough, but I do believe that it’ll get better as we work through our problems together. I am grateful for you ALWAYS. I’ve missed you so much, you have no idea. I know I’m leaving soon, but I just wanted to let you know that every second we spend together in person, I try not to take for granted. Thank you for this memorable weekend, from the flowers 💐 and adorable big flower balloons 🎈 at the airport, to eating at bonchon 🍗, to talking through our discomforts, to doing my therapy homework with me, to having brunch at the ‘World’s Best Pie Place,’ 🥧 to watching the 🍿 ‘Everything Everywhere at Once’ at Harkins, to watching a standup comedy at Stir Crazy Comedy Club, 🎭 to walking in the rain 🌧, to cuddling all night even when we’re triggered, to making me breakfast, to going to the gym, and to talking through the hard conversations.

All of this is worth it because you are worth it. WE ARE WORTH IT. I love you through all the good and bad, the happy and sad, the sickness and health, EVERYTHING.

I just love you okay. I wish I can formulate into words how much I love you and care for you. I didn’t even leave yet, but I already miss you so damn much.

xoxo,

Shar

[jazminconfessionals]

July 23, 2022. Saturday. 3:18 pm

Mi Reyna, 👸🏻

Happy 17th Birthday to Jr! I hope that he is having an amazing birthday 🥳 🎂. You are such a thoughtful older sister to him. Not only you gave him money as a gift, you got him a funny Spider-man bday card. He’s lucky to have you as his sister.

Mi amor, I just wanted to take the time to tell you how grateful I am for you and our relationship. Thank you for not giving up, thank you for coming back to me, thank you for another chance, for our clean slate. Ive been running errands and trying to pack for my trip, but I can’t help and think of how much Im going to miss you. Im gonna miss your gorgeous face, your sexy voice, your soothing snore, Im just gonna miss hanging out with you. Ewww am I clingy?? 😩🥹

Always remember that I love you with my entire being. You are the one I want, that I still want, that I will always continue to want. My heart knows you’re mine and I’m yours. Thank you for spending time with me last night. Just know that I love you more and I appreciate you more for it.

Te amo mucho,

Your Shar 🌻

[jazminconfessionals]

“Life’s battles don’t always go to the stronger or faster individual. But sooner or later, the person who wins is the one that thinks they can.”

-Vince Lombardi, National Football Coach.

I believe in you babe. You got this!

[jazminconfessionals]

July 19, 2022. Tuesday. 1:27am

To my beautiful love of my life, 💕

Thank you for these past few days, week, month. We have gone through the most difficult challenges in our relationship and it has tested us over and over again. Yet over and over again, we believe in us eventhough it hasn’t been the easiest to believe. We continue to fight for each other because we know deep down inside, we can’t walk away from each other. Thank you for listening to your heart. Because my heart still and will continue to want and love you. I’m proud of us for always trying, for sitting in discomfort, for doing the hard with me. There’s nobody else I would choose to be teammates with than you. We will always be stronger together.

I like this journey of ours. It’s nowhere near perfect, but it’s our (love) story. Thank you for holding my hand and not letting go. I want to continue to be a better person for myself and a better partner/best friend to you. Remember, I’m in this with you. I won’t let go of your hand no matter how hard it gets.

We are a team. And we make a good team.

I love you so so much my Jazmin.

xoxo 🌹

[jazminconfessionals]

I think it’s courageous that despite how defeated you are emotionally and mentally, you are still taking a risk to give us a try. Your courage makes me want to be brave too. It gives me so much strength. When I see the love of my life struggling even at her lowest point and still trying to give it her all, I am gonna pick up the weight for her. Im sorry for saying what I said. I panicked, freaked out, I got stuck in the future. In reality, I have no control over what lies ahead in the future. To be honest, I am afraid of not having control. What Im learning so far from the book Im reading is that I can’t focus on the things I cannot control such as our future, the outcome of our relationship, whether or not we’re gonna fail or succeed. I can only control my effort, my attitude, and the process of improving myself in the present moment. Because everything else will follow if I do the best I can to focus on those things I can control today. Right now. I hope that you know that your fear of failing, I fear too. We have no control if we fail or not. If we fail, I know that it’s part of the process. We can’t control the failures just as much as we can control who wins the Super Bowl. But we can control our effort into trying again, we can control our attitudes towards it (ensuring that we check in with each other and work through it no matter how hard it is), and we have control on ways to improve. Rome isn’t built in one day. Even Kobe Bryant had to fail a lot of times before he perfected his craft. Often times when we see successful athletes, entrepreneurs, marriages, etc, we only see their successes. We rarely see how much it took for them to get where they are. Nobody sees the entire story or their behind the scenes. Everyone faces impossible challenges. You gotta fail in order to succeed. I see you wanting to give up on me and us. You can’t. What we’re going through (as extremely difficult it is to face), is necessary. The doubting, the crying, the triggers, the hurt, the excruciating pain, the agony, anxiety. We can’t skip the part. This is the important part of learning and growth. Sometimes the logical way may appear more realistic. But it’s also robbing us of what we’re capable of: Grit, Faith, Hope, Strength, Perseverance, Courage, Love, Believing, etc. I rather take risks by dreaming big. By following my heart. That anything is possible.

I learned from you the “1% better daily.” I still incorporate it into my routine especially during my workouts. You and me, holding handd everyday, trying our best to be 1% better than yesterday. We’re gonna have our moments of weakness, but it’s part of the process. Don’t stop believing. I believe in you. I believe in me. I believe in us. We are not quitters. We are a team. Don’t forget that.

I love you. 🌹

[jazminconfessionals]

July 14, 2022. 9:05 pm. Thursday

My beautiful love of my life,

This blog is dedicated to you, “MY WHY” in our relationship. This is why it has been the hardest to let go or walk away from you. Why I am choosing to stay and why I will choose you over and over again is because you and I are a good team. Hear me out.

Last night, when we were reading each other’s letters, I felt the young love we had for each other. The excitement, the honeymoon phase, the we-can’t-get-enough-of-each-other. We always had our ups and downs just like any other couple. I can’t speak for other couples, but we somehow always manage to get through the toughest fights. Sure, they may seem petty now, but WE got through it, every 👏🏼 single 👏🏼 time. Back then, those small fights felt big. Still, we didn’t give up. Somewhere along the way, I walked away, but I didn’t give up. I made a lot of mistakes since then and one of which has caused this turmoil in our relationship and for that, I am sincerely sorry.

Why I want to stay and keeping choosing to stay and keep choosing you and us is because I believe in us. And I know that you believe in us too and maybe that’s why you can’t let go just yet. I still believe that the young love we once had in our early honeymoon days still resides in us. It got buried deep within us and we just stopped playing. Somehow, we stopped being little kids that are smitten for one another. Or as you mentioned before, we simply stopped dating each other. We quickly became one of those old fogeys that would bicker at each other all the time. We stopped being playful, or flirty with each other, we dont go on dates as frequent as before, or we stopped writing letters or sending surprise packages. I take accountability for my lack of effort and for not being romantic. I want to change all that by making more effort to serve you.

My why in this relationship is us. I don’t remember if you recall awhile back when you told me that you picture us growing old together in a house on a hill. Do you remember? I still believe that. I do believe that strong couples didn’t become such a strong team over night. Every successful relationship has gone through the toughest challenges. They had to go through so many hoops in order to have that bond so strong that nothing will ever break their secure relationship. I believe that if we can get through this, we will be unstoppable and stronger than ever. Babes, I know it may be extremely difficult to see it right now, but if we take it day by day, if we do our best (and sometimes our best won’t be pretty), but just as long as we try everyday, we will make it. We will work through our flaws even if we fail. When you said that co-dependency is not always a bad thing because it is necessary to have someone holding your hand through all seasons. I want to hold your hand no matter what. I won’t let you swim with piranhas. I won’t let you drown. I won’t let you give up on us. I wont let go of your hand. EVER.

I will put in the work every single day.

I will be present with you and not be so focused on the future. Because I have no control of the future, I only have control of my attitude, effort, and present day actions.

Please don’t lose hope,

I love you my Jazmin.

xoxo,

Your Shar

[jazminconfessionals]

[jazminconfessionals]

July 12, 2022. 10:47pm. Tuesday

As I lay here on the bed while you’re sleeping via facetime, I still can’t believe that this is really it. The last time I’m ever going to talk to you, the last time I’m ever gonna see your not one, but two dimples, the last time I’m ever going to see you smile.

Jazmin, even in the end, you always did what’s right. To talk to me. To have a conversation about your therapy and how you and i are just not going to work anymore. You’ve always been honest to me. I loved that a lot about you. Your future partner will definitely love it too. Even in the end, you went to therapy in hopes that you can come back to me. Eventhough it didn’t work out between us, Im proud of you for always seeking to be better. I’ve always admired that about you.

I wish I could’ve been her. Your future wife.

But you truly deserve all the love in the world. You deserve someone who will love you wholeheartedly. A gentle-type of love. Kind love. Loyal love. The love that you’ve always wanted.

You two will be extremely lucky to have each other.

You will always be the love of my life. The one that got away. I’ll always be here for you no matter what okay?

I love you always,

Sharlyn

You’ll always have a special place in my heart. I will never forget you. It’s impossible to forget someone you once wanted to marry.

[jazminconfessionals]

“Start the process by accepting that you’re already single. Because I’m already there. Since last Saturday.”

Duly noted. 💡