itsherwriting

[itsherwriting]

It was against the rules. Winn knew that the second that he chose to talk to Bucky it was wrong. Or well, according to everything he knew it was wrong. But it felt so right in the moment. To be so close to someone, to get to have a connection. A connection that Winn had craved for so long. To be wanted by someone just for who he is and not what his name was. Bucky didn't seem to know the darkness that followed Winn. And he knew it was selfish, to pursue someone without telling them who he was, or what his father was capable of.

He should have. Winn realized that a moment too late. Hearing the door to the club swing shut, leaving Winn alone for a moment. But only a moment. Footsteps came out from the shadows and Winn knew that his secret wasn't a secret. That moments he thought he was alone were just a fantasy. Winn didn't get to be alone. He should have known that before he entertained the thought of spending time with Bucky. Because he knew just by looking at his father that he had seen everything. The piano, the dance, the kiss. His father saw Winn deliberately break every rule that had been set out for him for as long as he could remember.

Of course, Winn had broken the rules before, only once before. When he decided to dance with a girl, his father had lost his mind.Winn remembered being terrified of his father and for the first time he was worried that his father was going to hurt him. The way that he had been so calm, and yet so commanding at the same time. He had been confined to his room for about a week after that. Someone else filling in for him at the club.

His back straightened as his father came near. A natural reaction to when Schott Sr was near. "Son." The disappointment was clear. "You've always been so good. Listened so well." Winn felt his jaw clench as his father came closer. "I trusted you. You know how hard I work to protect you, and yet you jeopardized everything." Winn was already shaking, because he knew what happened last time. And yet this was worse because he broke so many more rules. And not only that, had let it slip that there were rules he had to follow at all.

Silence fell over the room as his father came closer. Winn didn't miss the gun just under his father's jacket. The one that was always there. He didn't miss the way his father looked him up and down before maintaining eye contact once again. "You know I don't like having to punish you, it hurts me to have to remind you of these rules. But I do it to make sure that you are safe. I have a lot of enemies." Winn knew that his father ran a dangerous business. "That time Oscar had taken you from me, I was terrified that I wasn't going to get you back."

"Bucky is different. He just wanted to get to know me, he doesn't want anything from you." It was reckless and Winn knew that. Not only to spend time like that with someone but to talk back to his father. "I just want to see what the world is like, to see New York for what it is." He didn't mean to snap back, to match his father's attitude. But he was older now, he could handle himself out there.

The look in his father's eye changed, Winn noted that first. He couldn't help but take a step back, trying to get away from the older. He lost track of how many steps he took because his back hit the wall. He felt himself bounce off the brick slightly, swallowing the panic and anxiety that was starting to make itself known. "The world isn't safe Winslow. I can't let you leave me." It was the use of his full name, the way that his father's voice carried a tone of darkness to it. "No one is going to take you from me." His father was stepping closer, closing the distance between them. "You are the best thing I've ever made." As if Winn were property, something for his father to own.

"This boy you're so fond of, if he becomes a problem. Well - I'll have to take care of him." His heart was beating out of his chest, the threat to Bucky made clear. If Winn kept pursuing this, then his father was going to kill Bucky. Winn tried to hide the emotions that ran over his face, clenching his jaw as he tried to settle the anxiety and panic that was coming back to the surface. "Please, don't hurt him." Bucky didn't deserve that, it wasn't Bucky's fault that Winn knowingly broke the rules. That was on Winn.

"What happens to him is up to you. Unfortunately, I can't trust you at the moment." He knew what that meant, and he felt himself grow sick at the thought of what was going to happen next. "I can't leave you alone until you prove to me that you deserve to have my trust. Which means you're going to be confined to your room downstairs." The one that had no windows, the one with only one entrance that he knew his father was going to place someone outside of.

Winn knew that it wasn't really a room, that it was more a prison cell that his father liked to pretend was there to keep him safe. But he knew what happened in the room next door. He had heard the way that his father took care of business, had even seen it on occasion. "I won't talk to him again," Winn spoke softly, looking down at his shoes, shame coloring his cheeks. "I'm sorry."

As much as he wanted to pretend that he could have a different life, Winn knew that wasn't going to happen. The slow dance with Bucky was going to be the only one they shared because everything else was going to have to remain a memory. The life he thought he could have was just too far out of reach

#verse: 40s au

[itsherwriting]

Winn had been home for about twenty minutes. After putting his keys on the hook by the door, he made his way to the bedroom and threw his phone on the bed. He kept thinking about the date he had planned with Bucky. It wasn’t their first date, but Winn thought that every time they went out was special. It made him happy to spend time with his boyfriend, especially after everything that they had been through. 

Winn wanted to surprise Bucky, instead just telling him that casual wear would be okay. Going into it, Winn knew that taking Bucky out to play laser tag meant he was going to lose right off the bat. Which is why he had invited Steve and Natasha to come along. Winn knew that either way he was at a disadvantage, but decided he’d rather have Natasha on his team. Not because he didn’t want to be on the same team as Bucky, but because he knew that Steve and Bucky paired up so well that teaming them up against each other felt wrong. 

Dressed in jeans and a star wars shirt, Winn found himself looking in the mirror, making sure that he wasn’t a complete mess. That was when he heard it, the sound of footsteps. His first thought was that it was Bucky again, after all it wouldn’t be the first time he caught his boyfriend sneaking into his apartment to surprise him. Quietly walking into the bedroom, he grabbed his green lightsaber off the wall and held it up. Slowly he walked out of the bedroom and into the hallway. 

“Bucky?” He called out softly, knowing that if it was his boyfriend he would answer. Which would be better than last time when he pulled a gun on him. Of course Winn wasn’t scared when it was him, because even with a gun pointed at him Winn just held his ground and turned on the lightsaber, smiling at the man he loved. But this time he was met with silence, which meant Winn took a few more cautious steps forward. 

It was as if someone punched him in the gut, the air being taken from his lungs. It wasn’t Bucky in his apartment, but Winn Schott Senior. “Dad.” His voice was soft, disbelief as he looked straight ahead of him. The lightsaber didn’t feel like enough suddenly, his grip tightening as he looked into the eyes of his father. The one person he hated most in this world. Even more so than Zemo who had planned the attack on Winn, who had sought out to kill him. His father hurt him in a way that Winn couldn’t get himself to forgive, and he was back to haunt him. 

“Winn.” The voice sent chills down his spine, the younger’s jaw tightening as he tried to keep himself upright. “What are you doing here?” He managed to find his courage, the words like poison as he spoke them to his father. “I came for you, I broke out of prison for you. So we can be a family again.” 

“You need help Dad.” Taking a few steps back, Winn tried to keep his distance. He couldn’t call for help, his phone was still on his bed. He considered running back to get it, but there was no telling what his father was going to do the second Winn turned his back to him. “I just want us to be together. Come with me.” 

It wasn’t a request, Winn heard it in the tone his father used. No he was going to make Winn come with him one way or another. There was no way Winn was going to let that happen, he had too much to lose now. He wasn’t going to let his father take him away from everything that was important to him. The footsteps were heavy, Schott Senior getting closer as he tried to reach out for Winn. Remembering that he had the lightsaber in his hand,  Winn used it to hit his father’s arm away. “No.” It was almost childish, the way that Winn was reacting. Making the motion to strike again, Winn swung the green Star Wars weapon. But his father caught it in his hand, pulling the lightsaber forward, and Winn with it. 

Falling to his knees as his father pulled him forward, Winn released his grip on the toy. All he could do was watch as his father broke it over his knee, acting as if he were pushing a child. “Winn.” The voice from his father was stern. “Enough, it’s time to go.” The sound of the broken lightsaber hitting the floor in two pieces echoed throughout the room, Winn scrambling back on his knees. This was getting dangerous, and he needed back up and he needed it now. He was aware of what his father was capable of.

Getting to his feet, Winn ran towards the bedroom. He thought he had a pretty good head start, but in the end it didn’t matter. The footsteps behind him turned to running, his father managing to pin Winn against the wall. One of the elder's arms across Winn’s chest, the other came up and pushed a damp rag up against Winn’s face. “You’re safe now.” His father whispering to him, but it was so far from the truth.

Still he tried to fight him off, but he could feel the drug taking effect. His moves becoming sluggish before everything else blurred, and then finally falling forward into the waiting arms of his father. His last thought about how he was going to miss his date.

#tag: shield agents

[itsherwriting]

Winn had been avoiding that staircase, ever since he came back he managed to find ways around even going near that hallway. Taking the long way to his lab, despite the fact that it was almost twice the distance from the bathroom, he knew that he couldn’t get himself to do it. His first few steps into the building when he first came back were too much for him. It was why he came back when he knew that most of the team wasn’t there, that Natasha was on a mission and Steve and Bucky were distracted. Because it was something he needed to handle by himself, face the fear and voices in his head telling him that it wasn’t safe. That he was going to get killed in that building and he wasn’t going to get lucky like he did last time. 

The voices never really went away, instead Winn just ignoring them and going back to work. While he couldn’t move around his lab as easily as he used to, he did manage to start on some of the suits that he had been trying to finish before everything happened. As long as he was in his lab, Winn felt safe. Well, mostly. He did keep his eye on the door a lot more now, and would have it shut and locked knowing that the important people had a key. Even when the team was out on missions, Winn would find himself glancing back to make sure that the door was locked, and the security feed to the hallway leading to his lab always being open on his screen. So maybe safe wasn’t the best word for how Winn felt, but he knew his lab. He knew every exit point, good hiding spot, and well plenty of things to throw if he needed to. 

He had been back to work for a few weeks now. Another analyst asking for Winn’s help, and it was just his luck that their lab was in that hallway, by those stairs, and so close to the memory that he was trying to so hard to avoid. He could do this, he couldn’t avoid that hallway forever. That didn’t mean it was easy as he started his journey, taking the first turn and immediately being thrown into that moment. This is where he ran to try and escape the guy that was twice his size, telling the team over the comms that he wasn’t fast. The ghost of a hand on his shoulder as Winn jumped, having to remind himself that it was in the past. That the guy was sitting in lockup and wasn’t going to come near him. Still, he took a few more steps down the hall and tried to not look at the wall. Where he had been thrown up against as he heard Bucky’s voice in his ear. His team trying to get information from him that Winn was in too much pain to give.

His heart rate picking up, Winn paused as he stood in the middle of the hallway and looked around. Flashes of a memory mixed with reality, Winn unable to get the picture out of his head. Phantom pain from bruises that had healed, the feeling of the blood dripping down the side of his head. Reminding himself that he needed to keep moving, keep going, Winn made it to the end of the hallway. But the staircase was the only thing he could see. It was as if the oxygen had been taken from his lungs, stolen by the ghost that was haunting him. The memory of being dragged across this floor, begging and screaming for it to all stop. It didn’t stop, it wouldn’t stop and Winn was powerless. 

He felt himself struggle to breathe, his hands starting to go numb, the first sign of a panic attack. He couldn’t keep himself upright, barely able to balance himself on his crutches. Messily falling to the floor, Winn pushed himself up against the wall trying to make himself smaller. As if he made himself smaller than the nonexistent intruder couldn’t find him. He hated that he couldn’t pull his knees up to his chest, it made him feel safe that way. Instead his head fell into his hands as tears slipped down his face. His breathing changed over to wheezing, Winn shaking as he tried to remind himself that he was safe. His mind told him otherwise, the feeling of going down the stairs, the way his leg crunched underneath him, his head hitting the stairs. Reality was gone from his mind, instead he was up against the wall, shaking as he tried to keep himself quiet. If he was quiet they wouldn’t find him, he wouldn’t get hurt again. 

#tag: shield agents

[itsherwriting]

‘Mama, I could use some help here, tired of talking to myself here. Back at home, you don't exist so here I am in the abyss’ Winn hadn’t really intended to sing a song meant for a young girl, but ever since he first saw the show he connected with this song on such a deep level. It was like a  young 9 year old version of him was begging to be seen. Winn being thrown back to the night his mother left, wanting to know what happened, trying to figure out why she would just leave him. But it wasn’t like his father wanted to talk about why his wife left, why they were suddenly alone. He understood Lydia’s pain and longing for trying to get her mother back, because when you lose someone that was your entire world, you don’t know how to go on. 

‘Standing. Stuck on this impossible road no idea which way to go. Whichever path I choose I lose, you know and I don't know which way's home’ The first couple years were hard for Winn, but at least he had his father. They would work in the shop together, build create and laugh. Winn finally making his father proud with code that he was working on. Of course now looking back it was all ruined by the reality of what his father had done, that his father wasn’t proud of Winn’s code but instead it was greed. His father stealing his work and replacing it with a stupid toy monkey. 

‘I'm beaten up and bruised confused by rules that alter every day’ It was as if he had to start over at 11, while trying to understand why his parents did what he did. Nights in foster homes while he sat on his bed alone, looking up at the dark ceiling as he tried to make sense of how his life fell to pieces so quickly. ‘No light above and there's no hope below and I don't know which way's home.’ Tears that were shed alone, pillows that were his only source of comfort. Because how was he supposed to tell his best friend how much he was hurting when Winn didn’t even understand it himself. ‘Is there a way back home?’

His first panic attack scared him, shaking and unable to breathe as he sat in the school bathroom. His head spinning as he tried to hold onto something, anything that would ground him to reality. ‘The nothingness ahead of me is this the end you meant for me?’ Oxygen was hard to find and come by, his hands shaking as he tried to make sense of it all. ‘I'm falling, quit stalling. Your daughter is calling your name’ But she never came. No matter how many times Winn asked for her. 

But the Barnes family, they were there for him. No matter how many pieces he fell into, Bucky was there to pick him up and put him back together. Nights spent on the rooftop, watching the city from up above, it was easy for Winn to pretend that nothing else was real. Because all that really mattered was that he had someone in his corner, someone who was there for him from the worst night of his life to the best day. ‘It's messy but they're all that I have.’ And they were enough, more than enough. ‘Mama, I'm going home!’ Going to Bucky, Bucky was home.

#tag: broadway verse

[itsherwriting]

‘Hey. I’m drunk and I’m going to hate myself in the morning but you should know that I can’t stop thinking about kissing you. I think about it all the time. We should talk.’ Winn was looking at the text for several minutes, sitting there as he tried to figure out what he was going to do. Winn had always been so careful with his feelings, holding them so close that he didn’t even know what they were most of the time. He was more the fall hard and fast type of person and keep his feelings to himself and never act upon them. 

When he first met Bucky he thought that the guy was stuck up and nothing short of an asshole. And that just seemed to be proven time and time again as he sat there, as suits were thrown on his workbench without so much as a word. Winn spending countless hours trying to fix things so that Bucky didn’t die while out on missions. Or getting ignored on the comms as Bucky went and did his own thing. Winn had kept himself closed off to the other, refusing to think that he was anything other than stuck up. 

But then Bucky got captured and it changed something in him. Of course Winn felt partially responsible, maybe if he had been a little faster with pulling up the cameras they could have avoided it altogether. But more importantly, he had promised himself that he was going to do whatever it took to find Bucky. He didn’t understand why he felt such a strong need, but he pushed it off to be because Bucky was part of the team. Yet as he was suiting up to go on the mission, his need to find Bucky overpowered the fear of going out in the field. 

And then there was that awkwardness, not so much awkward as there was this strange friendship that had started brewing. Winn had just pushed it off to be Bucky wanting to feel like he was paying Winn back for saving him. Which he had convinced himself was the case. Even as he ran through the building being chased by some crazy guy who wanted to kill him. Bucky’s voice in the comms as he cried out for him. Begging him to say something as Winn lay bloodied and beaten on the ground. 

Moving into Bucky’s apartment changed everything for him. Watching Bucky in a new environment, being not so stuck up. Winn couldn’t help but just feel safe, which was new for him. Very rarely did Winn ever feel safe somewhere, yet with Bucky, he knew that no one was going to be able to get to him. More than that though, he didn’t want to leave. He hadn’t ever really cuddled with someone before, but now that he’s fallen asleep on Bucky it’s all he wanted to do. And for so long Winn convinced himself that it would never happen, but it didn’t matter what his feelings were because Bucky could have anyone. Why would he want to be with Winn? 

The text sat open, Winn’s anxiety taking over as he tried to figure out if this was some sort of joke. Was this real? Was it a prank that Bucky was pulling on him? Bucky couldn’t be that cruel. Especially after learning about Winn’s past, his father, spending time in foster care, there was no way that Bucky would do something like that. Which left the option that maybe this was real. But what was he supposed to say to that. 

By the time Winn had gotten his head on straight to really think about what to say, it had been over an hour. He had drafted over ten messages and none of them seemed right. No he would just wait for Bucky to get home and talk to him then, because everything he typed just seemed to come out wrong. Maybe if he was in the same room as Bucky he could find the words that he wanted to say. 

#tag: shield agents

[itsherwriting]

Walking into his lab, Winn set his bag on his desk, sighing as he looked at the pile of stuff still in his lab. He loved his job, he really did. Joining SHIELD was probably the best thing that he had ever done. He finally felt like he was doing good in the world, and although The Battle of New York left a lot of them shaken, he felt special being one of the few chosen by Nick Fury himself to work on the alien technology that was brought back to them. Of course he was mostly supposed to figure out how to disable it or at least contain it so that it was safe. Away from anyone who could use it to harm the Earth again. 

It had been about a week since he started the project, and about a month since the attack had happened. Most of what was given to him was pieces of the Chitauri, Winn deeming that the metal couldn’t be manufactured into a dangerous weapon except maybe a sword. But what did surprise him was the glowing purple that managed to be found in most of them. It didn’t take long for him to figure out that was their power source, their energy core. A few of them were lined up next to each other, him and a newbie looking at it. While they had yet to find out a lot about it, Winn did figure out that it could be dangerous. 

It all happened in slow motion, and honestly Winn wasn’t entirely sure what had happened. All he really knew was that he sensed something was going to go wrong only seconds before it actually did. One moment they were both standing there, continuing their research and then Winn saw it start to glow more. Whatever they had done, it was the wrong thing. Looking over at Ryan, Winn grabbed the glowing core, ignoring the burning pain that came with it. Running to a separate lab, he shut the door before Ryan could get hurt. He was in charge here, so if someone was going to get hurt, or killed, it was going to be Winn, He made that promise to himself a long time ago.

By the time the door was closed, Winn fell to his knees in pain. He could feel the power in him, overloading his systems as he failed at holding back a scream. Not entirely sure when, but slowly the world started to fade to black. 

Waking up was an experience, Winn blinking softly as he realized that the lights were way too bright and the beeping of machines was way too much. The first thing he did was look at the IV in his hand, turning it over to see the burn on his palm. Skin that had ended up black was starting to heal and burns running up his arm. He didn’t need to look at it long to know that there was always going to be some sort of scar there, but he’d rather have a scar than be dead. But more than that, he felt a connection to all the energy in the room. He wasn’t sure how to explain it, or even describe it to someone, but it was interesting. 

Slowly he tried reaching for his phone, when he felt a spark leave his fingertips as he grabbed it. His phone overheating and ended up being fried. He yelled as it happened, a nurse walking in as more machines overheated, the power going out by the time the doctor came. After that it was test after test, SHIELD employees trying to figure out what happened to the analyst and how to fix it. He had met with Dr. Banner once, the only person who could kind of understand what he was going through. To have something that they can’t control and being terrified of it. 

Eventually they found a way for him to control his powers, and more than that they were able to come up with a power dampener for when it was too overwhelming and he would need a break from having to focus so much on keeping his powers in check. 

#tag: Hercules verse

[itsherwriting]

In the first fifteen minutes of the show, Winn wasn't on stage much. And he was okay with that. Because even right now, as he stood in his first costume with Elsa's gloves on, he could feel himself stepping into an almost familiar feeling. She was scared of her sister. And Winn? He was terrified of hurting his best friend. As Anna sang "Do you maybe want to sit and talk, or talk a walk? Or let me in?" He was thrown back to the night he spent on the couch after he was rehearsing in his apartment. Someone he loved so desperately wanting to talk, wanting to be there for him, and both he and Elsa were shutting them out. So even as he stood there on the other side of the door, he held his hands up to his chest and he turned and faced the audience for the first time. It only took him a second to see Bucky in the front row, trying to avoid eye contact as he sang his first line. "Do you wanna build a snowman?" Snow flurrying around him as he moved to walk off stage.

And then he was rushed into his next position, stepping on stage. "Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be." And it wasn't hard for him to step into character, anxious, afraid as he looked around him. "Conceal, don't feel put on a show. Make one wrong move and everyone will know." The rest of the scene playing out as he moved around the stage, as the ensemble made their entrance and the actress playing Anna belted out the song flawlessly.

Honestly, Winn didn't mind that he didn't have a chance to sit and reflect on what he was feeling. Because soon enough he was once again changing costumes into the coronation outfit and trying to not think about how he was about to sing Dangerous to Dream. But this time Bucky was in the front row, this time he couldn't fall to pieces because he was on stage. People had paid to see him in this, which meant that he was going to have to put everything on the line and allow himself to be vulnerable without completely breaking. It was a fragile line to walk.

Through 'Queen Anointed' it wasn't hard for Winn to keep himself from breaking, mostly because he just had to stay stoic, and allow the others to move around him. Which gave him a moment to keep his back turned as they placed the cape on and Dangerous To Dream started playing. Watching as everyone bowed, he started. 'I can't be what you expect of me.'

And then he was back to where he was when he was in his apartment. When he started to fall to pieces. 'And so I pull inside myself, close the walls put up my guard.' Exactly what he had done with Bucky, how he still was pushing his best friend away and he couldn't get himself to stop. But he was dangerous, and unlike Elsa it wasn't a matter of control, it was a matter of just being who he was. 'I can't show you, I'm not as cold as I seem. There are things you cannot know, and it's dangerous to dream'

As Anna once again entered the stage, Winn felt his voice start to shake a little as he tried to not picture Bucky in her position. But it was hard, when he was right there. Right where he could see him. 'I know I'll never see that sunny day, when this trial is finally through and it can just be me and you. I can't dwell on what we've lost, and how secrecy and silence comes at such a cost.' His eyes faltered, falling on his best friend as he made direct eye contact. Unable to hide the emotions that he was feeling. Everyone else would play it off as acting, but Winn? He knew that Bucky would see right through it. 

The rest of the scene moved quickly, Winn finishing the song, his hands shaking just as they did in his apartment. Just as they did that night on the couch where he told Bucky that he couldn’t open up. That he was okay with keeping them just the way that they were. As the song finished, he held out the last note and stopped as the applause echoed through the room. After that it was just getting through the rest of it. 

After Love Is An Open Door, Winn took another breath as he once again appeared on stage. The scene played out as it did in the movie. And then Anna took the glove and Winn tried to express the fear that Elsa was feeling. "Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid of?" Anna shouted at her sister, and Winn tried to not let himself think about it too much. "I said enough." His voice was contained, his hand falling from his chest as the special effects took over the rest. Soon enough he was running, the entire scene only lasted about 30 seconds, Winn running and others chasing after him. The stage freezing and he placed his hand on it, falling to his knees in overwhelming fear. 

He didn’t enter the stage again until Let It Go, and thankfully it was a decent amount of time. He needed to breathe, take a moment for himself as Anna and Kristoff sang and met Olaf. Sitting in his dressing room, Winn looked at himself in the mirror. He could see his own reflection, and could see the fear and pain that he was feeling. He didn’t anticipate this role being this hard for him, he didn’t anticipate having this much emotion. This desire to be free from the pain and fear that he had been holding onto. How much he wanted the happy ending that Elsa got. 

"A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen." He sang, looking over the audience as he held center stage. Singing of wanting to be free, of letting go of his fears, all those things that he thought he did when he moved to New York. He was already attached to the song and he wasn’t even in the chorus yet. 

"Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal don't feel, don't let them know. Well now they know." The effects really helped sell the song for him, but Winn knew that his connection to it was what made everyone look at him. "Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway." The cape flew away, off the stage and he kept going through the song. Building the ice castle around him, this was his Disney princess moment. The choreography was important, having to move his hands at just the right time in order for everything to look the way it was supposed to.

"I'm never going back, the past is in the past." The quick change was impressive, but Winn was focused on the meaning of the words. How he didn't want to go back, how he was scared to go back. He couldn't dwell on it as he powered through to hold out the last note, "The cold never bothered me anyway" The applause was loud as he turned and the lights when off.

#tag: broadway verse

[itsherwriting]

Sometimes Winn would find it to be nicer to walk home rather than take the bus It wasn’t that had heated the bus, or well at least the public bus, he never took the school bus. He didn’t trust the kids and always assumed that they would sabotage wherever he sat. Before Bucky left, Winn wasn’t so paranoid. In fact he felt at least a little safe, or well at least he felt like he had someone who cared if he was okay. Now it was like he was left alone to fight for himself. And it wasn’t that he blamed Bucky, in fact it was the opposite. He was so damn proud of his best friend, watching as he went off to do something that he was so passionate about. He just missed him, and would find himself sitting on the rooftop talking as if he was going to just show up and start talking to him back.

The first time Winn caught himself crying while looking over the city was right after he had been pushed down the stairs and sprained his ankle. Because it reminded him so much of sophomore year, when Korbin had first pushed Winn down the stairs and Bucky found out. He tried to hide it from his best friend, pretend that he wasn’t pushed but instead just tripped. But Winn was a terrible liar, and Bucky knew him too well. Watching as his best friend punched the kid Winn hated the most, it shouldn’t have been as satisfying as it was. This time though? There wasn’t anyone there to punch Korbin and fight on Winn’s side. It was just Winn trying to survive this year alone. It was as if the bully had waited 7 years to get back at Winn. And it wasn’t like he could blame the kid, after all his father had taken away his mother. It was because of Winn Schott Sr that Martha Lewis was no longer, and her son made sure that Winn felt his pain.

Becca had noticed a few days later, coming over to Winn’s locker and catching him limping, seeing the bruises as he tried to get his history book off the top shelf of his locker. She had insisted that he come over, and he caught her later yelling at Korbin. She looked so much like her brother that Winn had to take a step back and re-center himself in the moment. She wasn’t Bucky, Bucky wasn’t here. The rest of the year went about in a similar way, Winn trying to hide the injuries and things that had happened, and Becca fighting for him in place of Bucky. Of course she wasn’t as intimidating as he brother, and Winn still got the brute force nearly every day.

But it was April when things got worse, when shit finally hit the fan. He was walking home after a rather long day or working on his entry for the robotics competition. The sun was starting to go down but it wasn’t completely dark, more like dusk. If he hadn’t been so focused on just making it to his house, he would have heard the group of three people behind him. He would have heard them as they got closer before they pushed him into the alleyway that was on his right. He fell hard onto the concrete, his right side already in pain as he rolled onto his back. Looking up he saw Korbin and his two friends, all with pure anger in their eyes. Scooting himself back, Winn had tried to find words. “Wh-what are you doing?” He asked, trying to mask the fear that he was feeling. “I’ve waited a long time for this Toyman Jr.”

The name made Winn feel sick, knowing that he was never going to be free of what his father had done. That everyone was going to wait for him to break, to go crazy too. He wasn’t a human, he was a time bomb. Propping himself up on his hands, Winn didn’t have a lot of time before Korbin landed a hard kick to his stomach. Falling onto his back once more, Winn rolled over and got himself into a standing position. He tried to remember what Bucky had taught him to protect himself, but it all went out the window when he was thrown into the brick wall of the building. A scratch appearing on his cheek as another groan escaped him.

Balling up his hand into a fist, Winn took a swing at Korbin. It was easily caught, his momentum being used against him as he was thrown into a pile of trash that was from one of the businesses that occupied the space. He landed with a crash, the sound of some bottles shifting as Winn’s weight was thrown onto the bags. Patience of his three attackers seemed to run thin as he was met with various kicks to different parts of his body. He curled up and tried to protect his face, hoping to hide his fear behind his hands.

It wasn’t until one particular kick as thrown him onto his side that he felt a new kind of pain. He let out a scream, shocking the group as they all took a step back. They obviously didn’t plan for that to happen, the three attackers and Winn looking in shock at the bloodied piece of glass that was sticking out of one of the bags. Winn followed to look down at his side that had a nasty cut at least three inches long. Blood was freely flowing out of it, and he leaned back as he closed his eyes. Korbin had run off with his two friends not long after, neither of them wanting to be around to get the blame for this.

It took Winn a minute to get himself together, finally reaching for his phone that was in his discarded bag a few feet away. This is when he would call Bucky, crying and begging for his best friend to come home and save him from this hell. But he didn’t know how to get ahold of him, and he couldn’t put that on Bucky. He was doing something he had always wanted to do, and Winn couldn’t take that away from him. Instead he called Becca, not giving her a lot of details on the phone just asking for her to hurry.

He tried to block out a lot of what had happened next. Winn begging her to not tell Bucky what had happened, instead letting him do it. He could do it when he got him, after Winn knew that he was safe and didn’t have to worry him about what was happening to the younger. He refused to go to the hospital to get stitches, instead asking Becca to take him to his next door neighbor who was a nurse. She promised to always take care of Winn, that she would be there when he needed it. And while she was still technically just a student, he trusted her to put the stitches in and put a bandage along other cuts.

After getting back to his house, Winn found a letter with his name on it on the counter. It had already been opened, probably by his foster brother, but he didn’t have it in him to care. It was from his dream school, a nice private university that he had applied for a full ride scholarship to. Opening the envelope, he tried to calm his anxious mind and remind himself that no matter what happened he was going to figure it out. And then he read the word accepted as he froze. He got in? He was going to escape? It was too much for him to handle at once.

It was that night, that Winn found himself hugging his pillow as if it were his best friend. Crying silent tears despite the fact that it hurt like hell to move his face at all. Bruises lined his face as well as his torso, Winn just happy that nothing was broken and that everything was superficial. Sarah, his neighbor, had warned him that the cut from the glass was going to scar. That he was going to carry that reminder of what felt like the worst day ever with him.

#tag: broadway verse

[itsherwriting]

It was the first time Winn had done a solo show, and honestly it was a welcome distraction. He didn't really know what he was supposed to do, feel, or even say right now. Bucky was leaving, and even though he wanted to believe that his best friend was coming back, he couldn't allow himself hope. Emotions were still hard for him, Winn struggling to let himself handle the things that he was feeling. He had spent so many years shoving everything down, and tonight he needed to be back in that place.

Saying goodbye to Bucky before the show was hard. He didn't cry, even though he wanted to. Instead gave his best friend a hug and a smile, telling him that he would still be right here when he got home. It was fake, and he was sure that Bucky could see right through him. Just as he always had when Winn shut down, when he refused to even talk about the things going on in his head. His demons that he would bury and never sort out.

Ever since he had done Frozen, Winn finally broke through the anxiety telling him to keep everything down. To keep it all hidden. The night on the rooftop where he told Bucky what had happened, it broke him. He spent the next day just feeling like he was existing and not really living because the weight that had come off his shoulders threw him off balance. He wasn't carrying the secret but he was carrying the fear. Bucky telling him that he wasn't the same as his father, that he wasn't going to turn into him. He wanted to believe it, but the person that kept him sane was going to get on an airplane and go back into war. Winn had to let him go, for the fact that he wasn't sure if Bucky was going to be coming home.

Bucky was the one person who made him believe that being Winn Schott was still a good idea. Was someone worth being. Because everyone else loved Owen Lucian, they loved his acting, his singing, the way that he dedicated and threw himself into his roles. But Bucky loved Winn before all of that, and Winn loved his best friend. He could never tell Bucky that, because it would be selfish to drop this news on him when Bucky was shipping back out for who knows how long.

Still he sat on a stool as the opening notes started playing. He was a little over halfway through the show, having fun and putting it out of his mind that Bucky was gone. That he should be spending time with his best friend, but he wasn't. And Bucky wasn't even here. They were already failing at their promises.

"God on high, hear my prayer." He knew that he needed to sing this song. To get himself to feel what he had been hiding, and he did that best when he was preforming. It was easier for him to sort out his emotions when he had a character to be, a reason to feel them.

Bring Him Home was a roller coaster, going through the song he could feel himself wanting to cry before he even got thirty seconds into the song. "He is young, he's afraid. Let him rest, heaven blessed. Bring him home, bring him home." Please bring Bucky home, please let Winn be able to hold him, tell him all the things that he never got to admit.

His best friend was going into a war, his best friend that got shot. And Winn wasn't there, his best friend could have died and Winn had run off leaving no one a way to contact him. His best friend who had experienced so much trauma, and Winn put him through more hell by shutting him out. Nights spent on his couch, begging Winn to just be honest with him. Bucky deserved so much better.

Looking out into the audience, he paused for just a moment. No - that couldn't be him. He said he couldn't come, that he wouldn't be able to make it. But he would know that face anywhere, the face of the person who meant the world to him. "Bring him peace. Bring him joy." Tears were starting to flow, Winn crying as he continued the song. "He is young, he is only a boy."

He really didn't deserve Bucky in his life. It took everything in him not to run off that stage and pull the older into his arms, to hold him and cry into his shoulder about how sorry he was. About how Winn didn't want him to go, that he wanted Bucky to stay so that he could have him in his life. He didn't want to go back to not having Bucky around. He was terrified that he was going to go back into his shell, but this time he wasn't going to come out. He wasn't going to be Winn Schott anymore, but permanently become Owen Lucian. Six months ago that sounded like it was the best thing to happen to him, and now he was terrified of it. "Let him be. Let him live." Please let him live.

"If I die, let me die." His hands were shaking, Winn hearing the whispers around about how they could see him breaking down. The walls that he so carefully put up starting to crumble at the thought of his best friend not making it home. He would much rather take his place, take a bullet, than let Bucky get hurt again. "Let him live. Bring him home." He refused to let his voice break. "Bring him home." Holding out the last night, he stood in the light of the stage for a moment, making eye contact with Bucky. He couldn't see the reaction on his friend's face, it was too blurred with tears. But Winn, he knew that he couldn't stand there crying anymore, but he couldn't get himself to stop either.

Cheers echoed in the room, Winn wiping away a tear as he looked back out over the crowd. The room was full, but he didn't care. He only cared about the opinion of the one.

#tag: broadway verse

[itsherwriting]

“I’m here for Winslow Schott Junior.” He had known it was coming all morning, after he found the stupid toy on his desk. After the news story that he quickly got up and turned off when it came on the TV. He couldn’t ignore it anymore, this was real. And he knew that it was only a matter of time before his father made another move. One to come after him. 

Just as he had expected, the FBI agent was already biased against him. Her interrogation implying that his father had contacted Winn, that Winn knew what was happening. So yeah, he panicked when she asked if his father had made contact. Because he didn’t want to show her the stupid doll that was clearly a message from his father. The one that was waiting for him this morning when he came into work. It made him sick, knowing that his father found him so quickly. He thought that he was doing better at hiding, blending into the crowd. But he wasn’t. 

Kara was trying, being kind and talking to him. Even helping him when he had to admit to the federal agent that he had lied. After handing off the toy and coming up with a plan for Winn to wear a wire as he went in to meet his father, he found himself out on the balcony. It wasn’t a rooftop, and it wasn’t with Bucky. But he could really use his best friend right about now. Winn didn’t know what to do, was terrified of what was going to happen, and just needed the comfort of the person who had been there since the day Winn lost everything. The wind blew through his hair as he looked out over the city, Kara coming to talk to him. And she helped, and it was nice, but it wasn’t Bucky. He hadn’t talked to him in almost three years.

Standing at the pier, Winn allowed them to hook him up with a wire. After a few tests to make sure that the levels were good, they sent him in. His hands were shaking as he entered the old arcade building, where so many memories were made. Winn having gone with his father after they first moved to California, where the two would have fun with the different machines, try to figure out if they could beat all of them with math and technique. But now? Entering the building, it made him feel younger. Like the scared little eleven year old boy that watched his father kill an agent and get dragged off to prison. 

‘I love you, do you love me.’ Echoed through the room, light flickering as he walked further into the building. ‘I love you, do you love me’ He felt sick, and so badly wanted to turn around and run out. But he knew that Bucky would tell him he could do this, he could help get his father back into prison where he belonged. And that it would all be okay after, that they could go sit on the rooftop and ignore the rest of the world. Locating where the noise was coming from, Winn felt his stomach tie into a knot. That doll looked like him, a clear sign from his father. Picking it up, he continued to walk past various machines and toys until he saw his father standing right in front of him. 

“Dad?” He called out, “you need to turn yourself in.” And then he was face to face with him. The man who was in his nightmares, the one that Winn feared so much. ‘I’m sorry I was gone so long.” His father spoke, Winn taking a few cautious steps forward. He never imagined he’d have this conversation, never thought that it would be possible for his dad to break out of prison. But he did, and now he was standing right in front of him. “You need a doctor, you need some help.” Winn wasn’t begging, it was said more as a fact. 

“My son, my good boy. My greatest work.” A scoff left Winn’s lips at the words. There was no way that his father saw him as anything but property. All his father cared about were his toys. Holding up the stupid doll that he had picked up earlier, Winn threw it on the floor. “I thought this was your greatest work?” 

Silence sat in the room for a moment, Winn frozen in place. “We’re the same you and I, we’re linked.” Words that Winn had feared, his thoughts running back to Korbin reminding him of how he was sure that Winn was going to turn into his father. “That genius, lesser people call madness. That’s inside of you too.” His hands were shaking, Winn refusing to cry as he tried to fight what was being said. Bucky told him that he was nothing like his father, and Bucky wouldn’t lie to him. “We’re not the same.” 

Winn didn’t have the guts to say anything else, instead frozen as he looked at his dad as he continued to speak. “Why didn’t you come visit me? I just wanted to know that you were okay.” He made a point to never visit his father, Winn wanting nothing to do with him really. “I was not okay. I was eleven when I watched my dad get dragged off to prison for murder. How okay could I be after that, dad?” 

The doors burst open, FBI agents swarming the building demanding that both their hands be raised. Winn was quick, putting his hands up in the air. But his dad? No he didn’t, instead smoke started to fill the room as he ran out. “Weapons free” This agent was the worst, as she gave her order and Winn had to jump out of the way to avoid being hit by any stray bullets. “He-he’s not here.” Winn spoke as the smoke cleared the room, his father was gone and they didn’t catch them. But Winn knew, he was going to come back. He was going to come back and try to find Winn. 

Pacing Kara’s apartment, Winn held his phone in his hands. He didn’t know what else to do, he didn’t know where else to go. But Kara? She was trying, she was there. And while Winn knew that he had a crush on her, that he shouldn’t be around her when he was this emotional, he didn’t know what else he was supposed to do. The only other person  he wanted to be with wasn’t here. So he walked across her apartment as he tried to convince himself that it was going to be okay. 

“There’s something rotten inside of him, something that can’t be helped.” Winn snapped, knowing that Kara wasn’t going to see it that way. “He’s sick, you said so yourself Winn. One day he was normal and the next he wasn’t.” Shaking his head, Winn backed away from her. “No, it can’t be like that.” It had to be something else. “Sometimes that’s just the way that it is.” Kara spoke softly, taking a step towards him. “Well then what’s to stop it from happening to me?” His voice broke, tears threatening to fall

Sitting on her couch, he avoided her gaze. “We were inseparable. We looked the same, we talked the same. We liked all the same things.” In Newark the two were often told that they were adorable, the father and son relationship that everyone wanted. “And now he says we’re linked, and what if he’s right? His genes are like ticking time bombs inside of me just waiting to go off. Turn me into him.” Taking a shaky breath, Winn looked forward as he tried to ignore the fact that Kara was right there. That she was trying to help him. But she wasn’t Bucky, she wasn’t his best friend. She wasn’t there when Korbin had locked him inside of his locker. She wasn’t there the night that his dad got dragged off to prison. And she wasn’t there as he suffered through all the horrible foster homes, high school bullies, and every other moment that shaped him into who he was. He lost that person three years ago, and so badly wanted him right now. To pull him into his arms and tell him he was safe, that he was going to be okay. “Every time I start to get angry I think, could this be it? Could this be the day that I lose everything?” 

He needed to get out of there, leave and just be anywhere but here. Standing up from the couch, he listened as Kara begged him not to go. And part of him wished that she would have chased after him. Bucky would have. But she didn’t, and as he walked down the hallway he couldn’t clear his mind. Maybe if he did he would have heard his father coming up behind him. He wouldn’t have been pressed up against the window with a rag over his face, he wouldn’t be falling unconscious into his father’s arms. 

Waking up was scary, taking a few moments to gather himself. His father’s voice telling him to not be scared. That it was going to be alright and that he wasn’t going to hurt him. Blinking slowly, Winn managed to find his voice. “What do you want?” It was shaky, the way he said the words, but he didn’t care. “I just need you to listen.” Not like Winn really had a choice in the matter. His hands were tied behind his back and he wasn’t exactly an escape artist. And deep down, he knew that the FBI wasn’t going to be looking for him as a victim, no they were going to assume that he was working with his father. Just like they did from the start. 

His father’s plan included Winn going into the toy convention with a toy gun that shot real bullets. Telling Winn that he was going to kill Chester Dunholtz for stealing his father’s toy designs. Or well as his father put it, Winn’s childhood. There were bombs planted at the convention, bombs that would go off if Winn didn’t do what his father said. His hands were shaking, Winn terrified of what he was going to have to do. But knowing that he didn’t have a choice, because either way people were going to get killed. 

He didn’t want to be like his father, he didn’t want to kill anyone. He wanted to be better, he wanted to be different. Fear building up inside of him as he looked into the eyes of the person he used to look up to. His father convincing Winn that he was going to save all these people by killing Dunholtz. “How did this happen to you?” Winn asked, not able to hide it anymore. He needed to know, the question that had been on his mind for 10 years. How did his father end up this way, and when was it going to happen to him? 

“Even with all the amazing toys I’ve built, you are the best thing I’ve ever made. You’re just like me.” Words that Winn was terrified of. “I’m nothing like you.” He wanted to believe the words as he said them, Bucky had told them to him many times. Many nights on the rooftop where Winn would sit and get to express his fears, be honest about what he was feeling. But Bucky wasn’t here, no one was looking for him, and he was being held by his own father before being forced to take a life. “Don’t underestimate yourself.” Were his father’s last words before leaving Winn alone in the darkness of the abandoned toy factory. 

Walking into the toy convention the next day, Winn was shaking. The gun in his hand feeling heavy as he headed towards the stage where Dunholtz was receiving his award. Standing there with the weapon in his hand as he tried to convince himself that he wasn’t this person, that he didn’t have to be this person. But he looked at all the children, all the families that were there and how his father was going to kill all of them. It was simple really, Winn sacrifice the rest of his life so they could all have theirs. Bucky would never look at him the same, probably not visit him when he was in prison. Be disgusted by the person that he had become, but it was a price that Winn was being forced to pay. 

And then he heard the shouts of the FBI, telling Winn to drop the weapon in his hand. A bullet flying past him as a warning. Quickly he dropped the weapon and he felt himself fall to his knees. Not because he was being told to, but because he was overwhelmed. They came forward to arrest him, cuffing his hands behind his back and reading him his rights. 

They caught his father. And after Winn had managed to convince them to look up the video footage from the hallway in Kara’s apartment, they let him go. After all he didn’t actually hurt anyone, and he was being forced to do something against his will. Making his way back to his apartment, Winn held onto the hoodie that he stole from Bucky before he left. The scent long gone but the memories of his best friend still on there.

Getting to the roof of his apartment building wasn’t hard, he had done it a few times since moving in. Holding the hoodie in his arms, Winn allowed himself to finally cry. Pretend that his best friend was holding him, telling him that it was going to be okay. Sobs were coming out choked as the tears continued to flow, because he didn’t know what to do. City lights were shining as Winn looked over the city, a view he had seen many times before. With the person who meant the most to him. But the words his father told him were playing in a loop on his head, Winn terrified of the time bomb that he was becoming. Because his father woke up one day crazy, and Winn had no idea when he was going to be next.

#tag: broadway verse

[itsherwriting]

'We were so close, we could be like that again.' The actress playing Anna spoke, Winn standing from where he was crouched on the stage, Olaf walking away. It was all theater, all fantastic a story between family members. But it hit differently with him, words so similar to what he knew Bucky had said to him. Words that he wanted to believe between himself and his best friend. But just like Elsa, Winn was aware of the dangers that were behind it. 

"No, I wish we could. More than anything, but we can't." Winn spoke, his heart really behind the words as he turned to face the stage. Turned and tried to not let his eyes glance at his best friend in the first row.

And then they got into it, Anna and Elsa talking about she had hurt Anna when they were younger. Elsa talking about how she was okay alone. "Standing. Frozen. In this life chosen. Please don't, find me. The past is all behind me." It was hard for him, singing this right on the edge of the stage, the tears glistening in his eyes as he let himself fully be vulnerable on the stage. How he really was okay alone, how he believed he needed to be alone. "Leave me in the snow. Let me go." His voice broke slightly on the last word. Bucky needed to let him go, he needed to be left alone, let Winn Schott go and allow him to be the safer version of himself.

And then the song started playing. Anna singing about how she just wanted them to talk, be together. There hadn't been a lot of rehearsal time, and Winn was both grateful and hesitant about it. Because he connected with this role on such a personal level, that this scene hit him so hard. It was harder with his best friend looking at him, while he stood looking anywhere but the audience, anywhere but Bucky. As Anna continued to sing about how she didn't want to lose her sister, how she didn't want to let her go. Flinching as she came and started to touch his back, wanting to hold him close.

"Wait." He sang, taking a step away from her and bringing his hands together. "I'm happy you came but it's not safe to stay here and talk." It was almost as if this song was written for him and Bucky, as if he were Winn saying this to his best friend instead of Elsa singing it to Anna. "Don't get close. This is all so brand new let me first learn to crawl before I try to walk." Thank goodness the blocking let him walk away from the center of the stage, letting him turn his gaze somewhere else. Because he could see Bucky, and he knew that his best friend could see past the costumes, the set, and the stage. He was able to see Winn inside all of this, and how Winn was the one so convinced that he was dangerous.

"Please don't remind me to feel, believe me the danger is real." He had to remind himself he couldn't just stop right then and there, because he knew that he had said something so similar. Had begged Bucky to stop asking him questions, to stop pushing for answers that Winn couldn't give. Because he knew that feeling, talking about it, letting himself do anything, it was dangerous. To him and everyone around him. A ticking time bomb to the person that was written in his DNA. "I can't lose you, not again. I can't lose you like then."

"You don't know the things that I can do. Keep your distance because I can't lose you." He had told Bucky that it was better to keep his best friend at arms length than to lose him at all. His voice breaking as she sang the line, walking away from the edge of the stage and turning his gaze so Bucky couldn't see the pain in his eyes, the fact that this wasn't just a show for him. This was what he had been feeling, and this was the only way he could tell his best friend.

As the snow continued to flurry around them, Winn brought his hands together, showing Elsa's anxiety and fear. How the storm continued to get stronger as Anna pushed for answers, pushed for something that couldn't be. "Don't you see I'm the storm and you make it worse, I would fix it but I don't' know how." Holding out the note, he once again was back at the lip of the stage, seeing Bucky just on the other side. The storm picked up, snow flurrying around them as they went into the end of the song. Winn so close to breaking, trying to remind himself that he needed to be in character. But was he really in character? Sure he was in costume and on stage, but he and Elsa were so intertwined, it was as if he were just being himself throughout this entire show.

"If you loved yourself the way I do, then you'd see why I can't lose you." Anna hugging her sister, and Winn held his arms away as he shook. Everyone would call it brilliant acting later, but it was really just him being anxious. Having been so lost in his own thoughts throughout the song, trying to not think about Bucky hugging him, touching him, reminding himself that this was an actress, playing Anna. That there was a happy ending at the end of this story. But he wasn't sure if he was going to get one at the end of his.

#tag: broadway verse

[itsherwriting]

"Can I help you?" Winn asked, slowly standing from his chair to be a little more even with the intruder. The guy had a good six inches on him, and the only time he had seen someone with that amount of muscle was probably on Steve. But that didn't stop Winn from bringing his shoulders back to make himself a little bit taller. Scared was a very good word for what he was feeling, but he knew that his comms were still on and the entire team could hear him. Which meant they also heard the very clear threat of "you're going to give me access to SHIELD servers or I'm going to kill you." Of course it was said a little different, but that was the main idea.

He didn't just decide he was going to throw a punch, instead his body just kind of did and he kept rolling with sloppy punches and not really dodging the ones that were thrown his way. In the middle of the chaos he managed to lock his computer and make his way towards the door and out of his lab. Okay he needed to run, his comms still in his ear while he heard the worried voices of his team. "I'm running, he's chasing me and I am not fast." He called out, not really sure he could narrate much more. It didn't take long for the guy to catch up to him, in reality it was maybe a minute. If that. But he had Winn's shoulder and spun the analyst around. There weren't any words said, just a very painful punch. Followed by another, and another. And he was a lot faster and a lot stronger than Winn was. He let out groans as he was thrown around, his body being thrown up against a wall before he was dragged down the hallway.

"Agent Schott." Came the worried voice of Steve, but Winn didn't focus on that. No he focused on the yelling coming from Bucky, wanting him to say anything but Winn could already feel blood dripping down the side of his head and his brain was already foggy. And then they came up on the stairs and he knew what was going to happen. "No, no, no." He spoke softly, trying to pull himself out of the grip of his attacker, but it was pointless.

The stairs were made of metal, and they were steep. Winn was sure that if he weren't being pushed - hard he might add - down the stairs he would have been okay. But his body was already achy and he couldn't catch himself. He felt every impact, his leg crunching as he landed at the bottom of the first flight of stairs. He couldn't stop the cry that escaped him, it hurt like hell and the guy was still coming towards him. And then he was going down another flight of stairs, and he felt it connect with his stomach, his head hitting several edges, his ribs cracking and feeling like he was on fire. But they time he was at the bottom of the second stair case, he could barely move. Breathing hurt, and he was sure that he was bleeding from a few different places not to mention his face probably looked like it had been through a blender.

The guy was gone, and Winn knew that the team was only seconds away. He could hear Bucky trying to talk to him, but all he could groan out was a simple. "I'm the red shirt." A recollection to the last time a guy attacked him but Winn had managed to overcome him, managed to pull off a badass move. Only for him to be beat to shit a few months later. How he was praised for helping save Bucky at the risk of his own life, which was shocking to a lot of people considering the two never once got along. Winn always being annoyed with the older for ruining his suits, being careless, and even turning off his comms out of spite the day that he was captured.

Yet Winn risked so much to save him, and now Bucky sounded worried and concerned for him and Winn wished he had it in him to try and understand why he would be worried. It wasn't like they were friends, they just got on each other's nerves a little less now. He could think about it more when he woke up, because the darkness was coming for him, and Winn didn't want to fight it anymore.

#tag: shield agents

[itsherwriting]

He wanted to pretend that things were more normal than they were. Winn had accepted that nothing about his life was going to be easy, and while he often times tried to hide just how bad the bullying could get from Bucky, he knew that in this moment he couldn’t. He didn’t have anyone else to call, and it was getting late. Odds were the Bucky had already noticed that he was missing. The locker was crammed, but Winn was still able to pull out his phone and check the time. Almost an hour since Korbin shut the door to Winn’s locker and left him in there. 

The interaction was normal at this part, and normally it didn’t go this far. But Winn had enough and reacted. “Careful -” Korbin warned the new kid that was following him around. “Don’t get too close to that one, it’s only a matter of time before he goes crazy just like his father.” And maybe it was the fact that he was tired, he was in a new foster home where his stuff was getting ruined, and he couldn’t even take his laptop home. Everything piled up and Winn was just tired. “Don’t you think that’s getting a little old?” Winn started, turning his back to his open locker and putting his book in his backpack. “Maybe it’s time for you to get new material.” 

It just escalated from there, Korbin wanting to show the new kid that he wasn’t to be pushed around. “Touched a nerve did I, Toyman Junior?” Winn straightened back his shoulders, not backing down. “No, I just find your old insults pathetic and it’s only a matter of time before you realize that you’re not intimidating and no one is going to take your shit.” It didn’t take much longer for Korbin to really get angry, and Winn knew that he didn’t stand a chance against the football player. He was almost twice his size, and Winn wasn’t strong by any means. All it took was a quick shove and the slamming of his locker door before Winn was trapped in the darkness. 

He started with just remembering to breathe. That it was going to be okay. He wasn’t scared of small spaces, he wasn’t scared of being trapped. But he was tired, tired of people treating him like crap, and tired of trying to hold it together. He knew that Bucky would be there, to hold him together and remind him that it was going to be okay. But his best friend was graduating in two years and Winn needed to learn to handle himself. But he couldn’t, and that’s what scared him the most. What was he going to do when his best friend was gone? Who was going to remind him that he was enough, that he was going to be okay, and he wasn’t going to go crazy?

Winn lost track of time, so when he did check his phone he let out a soft sigh. Okay he needed to text Bucky. He didn’t need him to worry anymore than he probably already was, and he certainly didn’t want him to go kick Korbin’s ass and possibly jeopardize his future. So instead, Winn just sent a quick message, ‘Hey. I need you to open my locker.” followed by the combination. And just as he knew he would, he heard the footsteps of his best friend, the turning of his combination, and then blinding light as he threw himself into the arms where he felt safest. 

#tag: broadway verse