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Who’s who in Ensemble Stars, and which characters should you attempt to fistfight?
With the recent release of the anime adaptation of popular mobile gacha game Ensemble Stars, so has come a recent onslaught of new fans, curious about the property and the charming young idols who make themselves the story’s focus. But with over 40 characters to remember, it’s reasonable to assume that a newcomer to the series might get overwhelmed! When every character has their own assortment of likes, dislikes, quirks, and connections, how can you possibly pick a favorite? And more importantly, how can you possibly know which ones are worth engaging in hand-to-hand combat?
This handy guide, written and illustrated by me, aims to solve this problem for new fans by ranking all 40+ characters based on how much they deserve to get the shit beaten out of them, and how easily it will be to do so. I’ve taken the liberty of including handy little illustrations of each character, so you’ll be able to attach names to faces in no time! Let’s begin!
1. Eichi Tenshouin
Not only does Eichi deserve to be beaten up, he wants it. His insidious behavior is clearly a cry for attention, and the sort of attention he needs is a good punch to the gut. Of course, he is so frail and sickly that one punch will kill him, but his eyes are already so dead that you could probably use his corpse as a Weekend at Bernie’s style flesh puppet and nobody would notice. Fight Eichi.
2. Rei Sakuma
This guy scares the living shit out of me. I will pay you any amount of money if you can get him to stop looking at me with those hungry, empty eyes. Those gluttonous twin voids, yawning like caverns on the face of a wicked cliff, begging me to come a little closer … . . just a little bit closer … . . so that he can reach out with his nasty bony Skeletor hands and drag me down into the dank recesses of his soul, never to be seen again. Please, for the love of all that is good and holy, fight Rei.
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" Cosmonauts" by Fiona Apple/unknown/Joan Tierney/ unknown
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there's something so personal about two men trying to kill each other
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what if i was evil and ran torwards you at very fast speeds
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Kuko: Forget saving the universe, I just wanna cum on things.
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