infinitysea2017

[infinitysea2017]

Hey you know how I said I was going to make a workbook on the kind of bullshit you need to do when someone you love dies? I actually did that.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH LOTS OF SWEARING AT THE USELESS, SHITTY SITUATION YOU’RE IN.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF BLACK HUMOR BUT NO CURSEWORDS.

Featuring Helpful Sections such as:

Death Certificates – What you need, why you need them, and how to get them

Prepare to spend a long and miserable time on the phone

What the Everloving Fuck is Probate

Some Simple Dos and Don’ts

Shitty Mad Libs – Templates for writing Obituaries and Memorials

How to plan a non-religious death party

So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit

This is an eighteen page book that you can print out, download, share, and give away; it is meant to be used to collect information about funeral planning and account management after a death OR you can use it BEFORE you die and give people information so they’re not stuck playing Nancy Fucking Drew while trying to keep seventeen cousins who crawled out of the woodwork from gutting each other in front of the fucking casket as they argue about who’s inheriting grandma’s favorite dentures.

It’s not exactly cheerful and it’s full of things that are probably going to feel really fucking raw if you’re processing a fresh death.

I’m sorry! I love you! Death is shitty! I’m trying to laugh about it a little and I hope you can laugh a little too because otherwise we’re all just going to cry together.

Good luck!

(in memory of my weirdo mother and her weirdo siblings who all died too fucking young and left me holding this flaming bag of dogshit)

[infinitysea2017]

how i sleep knowing i will pirate every single thing released on disney plus

[infinitysea2017]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[infinitysea2017]

I hire you to be the stripper at my friend’s bachelor/ette party and you’re the T.A. for my favourite class + I DON’T EVEN KNOW, ROWAELIN OR NESSIAN

Nesta wished she’d been surprised when she was ambushed by the stripper at her bachelorette party. She wished she’d been surprised by her drunk sisters cackling in the corner of the living room of her little apartment at the shocked horror that was written across her face. The thing that she wished wasn’t the surprise? The fact that it was the TA she hated - who flirted with her relentlessly - that stood before her with a trenchcoat pooled at his feet wearing nothing more than tiny sequin shorts, a bow tie, and suspenders over his too-shiny and too-muscular torso.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She finally forced out, unable to tell if the color and drained from her face or flooded it. It was taking too much effort for her to keep her eyes on his face, the light catching the sequins and trying to coax her gaze lower than she was willing to allow. 

“I was hired,” Cassian drawled, his thumbs hooking beneath his suspenders and snapping them against his chest. Nesta started at the sound, clenching her jaw as she reached for his wrist and tugged him toward her bedroom. Behind her, Feyre and Elain were trying to wolf whistle and cheer, only for their efforts to dissolve into more drunken giggles. She was going to kill them for this. 

A slow smirk was working its way across Cassian’s lips as the door slammed shut behind them. Nesta’s arms folded over her chest as she glared up at him with a set jaw that feathered behind her ear. He took a step closer to her, extending one hand to rest on the door behind her head. Nesta instantly regretted the way she was unable to stop herself from her eyes dropping down the length of his body. Cassian didn’t miss a beat. 

“I bet you’ve been wondering what I looked like under all those clothes. I bet you’ll be thinking about me dropping that trenchcoat for you while you coax yourself to sleep tonight.”

“Cassian —“ 

“Your mind will drift to me while you fuck —“ In an effort to shut him up and indulge herself in kissing Cassian once and only once, she grabbed his face and pulled his lips down to hers.  

It turned out that kissing Cassian felt a lot like having a heart attack. Her chest and heart squeezed, all air leaving her body as she sighed into his mouth and tangled her fingers into his hair. Cassian seemed just as surprised by the kiss as Nesta, but didn’t hesitate in gripping her by her thighs and lifting her to pin her to the door. Soon his mouth was descending on her neck and she was gasping in surprise, in pleasure, in suspense. Sweat was beading up over her face and chest and she felt completely and utterly dizzy and lost. 

Kissing Cassian revived her from the inside out. She never wanted to stop. 

Especially not when his fingers slipped up her dress and into her panties. Nesta let out a desperate sort of whine and dropped her back against the door. Cassian’s lips remained on the curve of her neck, his teeth grazing as he swirled his tongue over the spot and sucked. There would be a mark, Nesta knew, and thinking about it on display for everyone to see drove her insane. Cassian was marking her as his, and as much as he got under her skin it was all she wanted to be. 

With his fingers teasing her knot, she found herself arching her body against him and pressing her breasts up and closer to his mouth. Beneath thick lashes he looked at her, tugging the low ‘v’ of her dress to the side and taking her peaked breast into his mouth. As his teeth grazed her nipple, as he sucked and flicked his tongue against her, Nesta was a gasping and moaning mess. 

He was only using his fingers. 

“More, Cassian, please,” she breathed, tugging on the ends of his hair to make him look at her. Their mouths collided once again and he slipped his fingers between her folds to wet them before he pushed two inside her at once. She gasped against his lips, forcing her hips down against his hand and biting down on his lip. The faster and harder that he pumped his fingers, the louder she moaned, the more breathless she got. 

Being with Tomas had never been like this. Being with Tomas was never fun, it never felt good like this. Cassian was everything she wanted, everything she needed, and the last thing on her mind was the small diamond on her left ring finger. All that she could think about was the man that was claiming her as his with his hands and teeth and tongue. 

“Fuck,” Nesta hissed, her nails digging roughly into his shoulders. Hard enough that she was sure that there would be bruising, there would be little cescents imprinted in his skin for the next hour and it was all she could think about as she crashed over the edge. It felt like nothing she’d experienced before. Her heart was racing and pounding so hard that she was sure he could hear the stampede in his chest. Nesta’s skin was so sticky with sweat that she wasn’t sure where hers stopped and his began, she wasn’t sure what moisture on her thighs was sweat or the physical signs of how bad she needed him. “More. Please, I need you inside me.”

Cassian slowly let Nesta’s body slide down until her feet touched the floor. Slowly, he brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked her juices from them, licking his fingers until they were completely clean. He kissed her then, the taste of her fresh on his tongue. It was overwhelming to want someone so badly that you would surely combust. 

“Call me when you cancel your wedding,” he murmured low in her ear. Cassian pressed a tinder kiss just below her ear before pulling open the door and leaving Nesta standing in the dimly lit bedroom, to contemplate her entire future. 

~*~

It was early. Entirely too early for his phone to be ringing. Entirely too early for anyone to need anything from him, but he answered anyway, groaning a gruff ‘hello’ into the receiver. 

“Hey.” To say that her voice surprised him was an understatement. He hadn’t expected to hear from Nesta Archeron ever again after what had happened the night before. She had spent so much time ignoring their chemistry, so much time focusing on other inferior men that any spark between them she had run from like it was the plague. 

Up until last night she wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. 

“I told you to call me when -”

“I know what you said,” she interrupted, an annoyed sigh falling from her perfect, wicked mouth. Cassian popped up on one elbow, unable to believe what she might have been telling him. “I… I want to see you.”

In her voice, he heard a small smile and he could imagine her laying in bed with loose curls splayed across her pillow. He could imagine her picking at the fabric of her blanket while she nervously offered herself to him. Even worse, he could imagine her crawling on top of him and slowly unbuttoning the sleep shirt she was wearing . 

“You know my rules.”

“Are you dense? You said to call when I called it off. And I’m calling. Gods above, nevermind. This was stupid, I -”

“Do you want me to come over?” For a moment, she was silent. For a moment he heard nothing but the fabric of her blankets shifting as she moved in her bed, heard nothing but the sound of her breathing as she thought. 

“Please.”

[infinitysea2017]

ARE YOU TODAY’S DATE?

BECAUSE YOURE 10/10

[infinitysea2017]

since october is also lgbt history month i officially declare halloween to be Pride 2

[infinitysea2017]

halloween

OR

pride month 2: electric spookaloo

[infinitysea2017]

[infinitysea2017]

October can’t come soon enough

[infinitysea2017]

Credit: @notlikethecar

[infinitysea2017]

bruh

[infinitysea2017]

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”

— Lois Lowry, The Giver

[infinitysea2017]

y’all: my love language is ‘words of affirmation’!

me, an intellectual: praise kink

[infinitysea2017]

May the 10 of Pentacles bless your account with more money than you can spend. 💵✨

[infinitysea2017]

ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that

[infinitysea2017]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[infinitysea2017]

A Surprise Pride and Prejudice Engagement

(Note: This isn’t me)