indianitmanifesto

[indianitmanifesto]

1) Many mental locked up in the hospital and some are roaming in IT park. 2) Folk joining as an engineer but exit as a super actor. 3) Believe superstition that compulsory need to wear casuals on the weekend. 4) On the breakfast, start discussing what should be in lunch & evening snacks. 5) After executing “Hello World” program, they feel on top of the world. 6) Fraud freshers can get more salary than the fluent dumb developer. 7) They are celebrating more than the celebrity on floor and canteen. 8) Half of the year wasting in clapping and cake cutting. 9) Found Google and news websites traffic is more than worlds porn sites traffic. 10) Coffee vending machine having high-end processor than desktops. 11) A colleague is who more monitoring your monitor than you. 12) Found ninety percent software’s and applications are pirated and outdated. 13) The pantry is busier place than railway waiting room. 14) Ctrl, C, and V are more pressed keys on the keyboard. 15) Salary decided on how much years of work experience under ringmaster in the circus. 16) IT HR are beating Jews and Chinese in the field of intelligence. 17) Wearing ties and formal shoes instead of ancient slave chains and neck ring locks. 18) Check in like the tortoise and check out like a panther. 19) IT folks are the biggest threat to English. 20) Bluff masters are more faster growing than hard workers. 21) In their tenure time, everyone sends a message once “sweet or prasad at my desk”. 22) Their view that without information technology world will die in famine. 23) They are single slave species who can “ work from home”. 24) Many are Greenpeace activist who day night drinking green tea. 25) There is no need of resume, you should have a reference to joining the rat race. 26) In party or treat, they eat like its last supper. 27) On coupon or cash counter, one robin hood will always found in the group. 28) After every ten steps, you need to be swap a card for entry in Digital Disneyland. 29) When HR getting bored & don’t want to hire, then they arrange the walk in a drive. 30) Most number of motivational speeches barking in anytime and anywhere. 31) They are not discriminate co-workers on religion but on the region where they from. 32) Marking many email ids in Cc to show off, they are working not sleeping. 33) The week starts with a good morning and ends with the happy weekend. 34) They celebrate every festival which is listing in English calendar. 35) Traditional dress cum fancy dress competition announces on Diwali festival. 36) Special lunch on Diwali and cake on Christmas is the only perk getting everyone. 37) Online shopping & banking is extra curriculum activities doing from login to log out. 38) Like a gypsy, they are moving one city to another city for survival. 39) Their resume is nothing but a brief encyclopedia of information technology. 40) They are wearing socks on a floater to hide cracks or stupidity. 41) Their desk is full of antique garbage and gods collection. 42) The meeting is the easiest way to cover up or waste weekly working hours. 43) Ninety-nine percent having a passport in hopes of one day they will fly to onsite. 44) They are investing from stock market shares to the school of children. 45) They are altering two lines of code and walk like its done from scratch. 46) After software, hardware, and middleware, they are big players in Tupperware. 47) Doing the same thing or nothing from the time of bing bang but wants increment. 48) Thank God it’s Friday is reserved for plan weekend bash. 49) They may forget PC password but have by heart Chinese and Mughlai menu card. 50) They are only who frequently victimized by the recession. 51) Sipping tea with nicotine make them fresh & relax for next rocket launch. 52) They are always returning from onsite with dollars, whiskey and chocolates. 53) They are cyber coolies who carry bit instead of weight. 54) They are the major part of justice katju’s ninety-five percent population. 55) They are frequently switching the job whenever they started itching in ass. 56) They have signed company agreement which is bigger than UN nuclear agreement. 57) Few are roaming on floor, campus like they are CIA agent. 58) Their friends are always have everything and found in every field. 59) There are many digital doctors who given technical tablets without a prescription. 60) They are fear to the boss than God to avoid beneficial loss. 61) They donate clothes in charity and blood in slavery. 62) They are providing same services and shit with different name & logo. 63) The mail signature size is inversely proportional to their designation. 64) They always hire outstation folks to make profits from the food court. 65) They are given fictitious hike, perk but never pay the value of work. 66) They take interview of job seeker is like he is done MS from Stanford & Ph.D. in MIT. 67) They have pickup & drop bus facility for slaves like US prisoner transport vehicle. 68) Have a gym on campus but not the library because they believe in hand, not the head. 69) They are always thought that their children are born a prodigy. 70) They copy all source code from public websites and say it’s confidential. 71) They are paid rent to their father and submit fake medicine bills to save income tax. 72) They are not removing airport baggage tags till next company sponsored fly. 73) They all have mandatory hobbies like reading,music,internet surfing and traveling. 74) They are not working in notice period because no one is like to noticing them. 75) They might not give good package but definitely, gives psychological disorder. 76) They are molding lifestyle very first of their salary by doing shopping and saloon. 77) More than three fourth crowd are fan of football,cricket ,rock music and rangoli. 78) Most tough interview question faced by everyone is “ Tell me about yourself”. 79) They all species are saying switch the job for career growth instead of salary package. 80) They are feeling prestigious after having company provided laptop than a desktop. 81) They always dream about silicon valley and startup after few years of copy-paste. 82) They are always doing startup drama only around the social and shopping apps. 83) Their appraisal and rating system depends upon partiality instead of performance. 84) They have an annual meet where people will show their talent after few free drinks. 85) They are a high-priced bachelor’s in the matrimonial market after govt servants. 86) They all are eligible for a home loan, personal loan and credit cards till bankrupt. 87) They are suffered most by anxiety, depression, back pain and overeating. 88) There are few people are lucky and loyal at workplace else rest are a liar and lazy. 89) They are most love to their company or brands rather than work profile. 90) They always talk and care about future of India till not get in the green card of usa. 91) They have dozens of startup ideas but find an excuse when not capable to execute it. 92) They are very caring people who share last night leftover food with colleagues. 93) They have FB DP with the wife if newly married else selfie with friends or children’s. 94) They are only happy people in capitalism and consumerism system after cronies. 95) They are become very sophisticated year by year as proportional to their salary. 96) They always hate their superiors but on the floor rush to say “good morning” to them. 97) They are most invited by relatives to fix their pc or laptop issue and for matchmaking. 98) They are motivated to self by reading self-help books and self-appreciation. 99) They are very supportive towards fresher or newcomer when found gender is female. 100)They are like to carry the latest smartphone, credit cards and updated resume.

As per famous saying, there is no end of stupidity So I am stop here !!

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There is no point in the only pinpointing the problem, so like to suggest  "Do & Dont’s"  for survival to Indian IT industry, else it will be in history.

1.Salary should be decided on how much work worth does not work experience. % its eliminate salary difference between same profile people. 2.Do not restrict educational criteria limited to engineering or IT courses. % there is no concrete relation between programming and engineering. 3.There is a need to be a library which contains domain and technology specific books and materials. % it will help to update current industry scene and skills and books are more enjoying than e-books. 4.Free food should be everyone and tea vending machines are in good and high-quality % you can deduct the amount from the initial offer because free things make us happier than money. 5.Do not allow any type of celebration and distribution of sweets and Prasad on the job floor. % it will help to maintain the working environment and also suppress religious presentation. 6.There is a standard formal dress code for employees which will offer by the company logo. % it will help to reduce glamorization of IT industry and minimize distraction and style competition. 7.There is a need to be put firewall restrictions for filtering all religious, political and news websites. % it will increase work efficiency because folks stop reading and thinking about news material. 8.There is a need to stop performance incentive or salary variable components. % there is no scientific method for calculating performance, its only depend on managers mind and mood. 9.There is a need to remove all card swap machines and restricted entries except main entrance. % We need to trust our employees and at last, they are mill workers, not hackers. 10.There is a need to stop training, sports, and gathering. % It is not training institute or college campus and we hire folks only for work, not for workout. 11.There is a need to be 100% employee participation in CSR activities. % This will teach them that beyond IT campus, malls, theaters etc there is the big and bitter world is present.

Note:  This is meant for entertainment purposes only and I do not intend to hurt the sentiments of any individual, community, sector or religion. This is a work of satire and any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.