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blakerstreet
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ak-thunda-puck
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Whats the fucking point sometimes i try so much and nothing ever works why am i always so stressed i dont want to say a different word because i dont want to imply to anyone or myself that it could be anything other than sheer inability to function properly but i cant function my mind just works overdrive whenever anything happens im just always thinking thinking thinking of these fucking ants and i cant deal with it
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I honestly can't cope with life I don't know why I'm not happy
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If I wasn't scared and sex and had panic attacks my life would be so much easier cus I'd fuck him whenever I'm lonely
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I am stressed and dont wanna talk to anyone I just wanna hug please
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I did a stupid today everything was going so well until lunch until lunch until lunch
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i have panic attacks when i have sex like i shake and breathing gets aaa ,,, and a week ago i was lying on the floor in my bathroom shaking and hyperventilating just cu i was asked for a dickpic i need help i rly need help i cant fucking cope
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i have friends but none that i can talk to or meet or hug i just really need a fucking hug fuck i need to talk to someone without seeming like a burden and i need a hug and i need alcohol and i need to relax
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I wish i still had some blades i really wish fuckfuckfuck this isnt how my life is meant to be im meant to be better now im meant to be all good im meant to be happy and fun but idk how to be i am sometimes but then everything stops for a second and i collapse and nothing works
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it isnt that he basically raped me that hurts the most its how he ignored me and before then had said no one likes me and i have no friends and thats what has hurt me the most hes twice been my closest friend the one person i thought i could count on but both times he fucked me over and it makes me not trust people still even tho it was yrs ago and aaa is a problem
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my only real physical interaction recetly ws with someone that rly dislikes me and i was a still shaking while with him everything else has been a tiny hug or them brushing my leg and me jumping back afraid ccus physical contact is stressful but i just want to lie in someones arms and know im safe and no one will hurt me
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Ok i just need to spam I need to talk somewhere where no one can judge ok so things are better on the whole but i have more and worse bad time and spots where i cant do anything except put music on and lie on a pillow or have a massive fckn panic attack again that was bad and i dont know what to do i cant speak to anyone i cant stress people i cant all my mates already have issues that actually exist not them just being overdramatic like me i dont want people to worry but i jusst need something to help i wish i had fuck loads of alcohol atm cause that always helps bbut i dont and idk what to do
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it doesnt go rly i just become better at hiding itt im good at hiding it no one knows the truth
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