imperial-martian

[imperial-martian]

Like Real People Do [Ineffable Bureaucracy] (2/2)

Summary: Gabriel and Beelzebub had run into one another a handful of times over the last 6,000 years that they had been the lead representative of their respective domains. However, when they begin to meet outside of the usual context of-- well --war, an interesting development in their relationship begins to take place that they attempt to understand and navigate together.

In other words:

5 + 1: 5 times Gabriel and Beelzebub meet in canon (extended), and 1 time they meet away from the viewers' eyes.

The title of this fic and its chapters come from the song "Like Real People Do" by Hozier (honestly, my favorite Hozier song).

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49341112/chapters/124825396#workskin

Link to Part 1: https://www.tumblr.com/superbsaturn/725602324982153216/like-real-people-do-ineffable-bureaucracy-12

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6/6: Like Real People Do

1 Year Ago; Gabriel Statue : Edinburgh, Scotland/The Resurrectionists Pub - 3 Years After Armagedidn’t

The graveyard in Edinburgh, Scotland was eerily silent, save for the occasional gust of wind and the shuffle of an angel and a demon who stood side by side observing the statue of the Archangel Gabriel before them. Beelzebub, although happy to be spending time with Gabriel again, was rather confused as to why of all places Gabriel brought them here. While they found it rather strange to stare at the statue of the angel that was standing beside them they weren’t going to complain– well, at least not aloud. 

“Let there be light.”

As soon as the words left Gabriel a beam of light shined directly onto the statue, highlighting all of the engraved creases and cracks that the sculptor conveyed within the art form. Gabriel was the first to announce his astonishment at the beauty of the piece. Well, Beelzebub wasn’t truly astonished at all, it was just another sculpture to them, but they couldn’t deny that it was amusing to see Gabriel so fascinated by himself. 

“I think the sculptor really caught something. The shape of the head.” Gabriel lifted his hands just enough to emphasize his point. “Beautiful. Really moving.”

Beelzebub glanced at Gabriel for a second, nodding as they said, “It’s a very good likeness.” They couldn’t deny that, it was nearly spot on in structure and detail, well minus the clothing and hair. 

Gabriel smiled. “Sometimes I come here for hours and just… look at it,” he said, his eyes locked onto the structure before them, not even realizing Beelzebub had turned their head to look at him. For a second they were a bit saddened at the look he gave the statue. A part of them wished he’d look at them like that. They turned back to glance around the statue, no longer wanting to look directly at it. They didn’t want Gabriel to see their expression and question it, but they also couldn’t bring themselves to look at the sculptor again. 

“Right,” they started, looking at Gabriel over their shoulder, “Shall we go to the pub?” They turned their back to Gabriel and began walking towards the exit of the graveyard. 

Gabriel hadn’t moved when they did, wanting to prolong his stay for only a few seconds longer, but when he turned to look at Gabriel and realized they were a few feet ahead of him he jogged up to Beelzebub. He chuckled as he did so, walking in step with them. “That eager to get away from my statue, huh?” Gabriel teased.

They scoffed. “What do I need the statue for when you’re right here with me? If I was that desperate to admire you I’d just have us schedule another one of our meetings. No need to stare at a marble figure.” Though Beelzebub was only saying this to get Gabriel back for his little joke, they weren’t entirely lying either. They do enjoy admiring him up close and what better way to do that than getting to spend an hour or so with him here and there and complain about everything Hell is doing wrong. 

Gabriel cleared his throat, feeling the corporal body that he corporated in heat up, a bit of pink covering the span of his neck and inching up to his cheeks. He was rather grateful for how dark it was outside. He looked over to Beelzebub as they walked past the gate of the graveyard and smiled softly. He couldn’t deny the fact that these meetings were slowly becoming his favorite activities to look forward to. Even though each time they’d separate they’d agree there was no plan to meet again in the future, this was their first meeting in which no agenda was set. It was just a meeting between the Supreme Archangel and the Prince of Hell to sit and chat, catching up like mortal friends would. It was the first time he can say that he understood where Aziraphale was coming from when it came to spending time with that demon Crowley. Having this sort of connection was truly something worthwhile as selfish as it may be, Gabriel couldn’t say he really cared. 

By the time he was finished with his train of thought, they were directly across the street from the pub, The Resurrectionist. They crossed the street arriving at the entrance of the pub. Gabriel stepped forward and opened the door, gesturing to Beelzebub to go ahead, bowing his head with a soft smile. He followed behind them and approached the bartop with Beelzebub, getting the attention of– what Gabriel assumed was –the owner. 

“How can I help you folks?” the owner asked, offering Gabriel and Beelzebub a pleasant smile. Beelzebub leaned their elbows against the counter, their hands folded under their chin as they let Gabriel take the lead. 

“Two goblets of your intoxicating liquor, please. And, uh…” he trailed on, turning to Beelzebub and outstretching a hand towards them to see if they wanted anything more. For a second it took them by surprise. They were only getting the beer to ensure they could stay in the establishment without being kicked out for loitering so for Gabriel to ask if they’d like anything else knowing they didn’t need anything to eat or drink genuinely took them by surprise. They thought it was rather sweet in fact. 

 They leaned up from leaning on their hands. “A packet of crisps,” they answered, turning to Gabriel, giving him a look as if to ask if that was the right thing to say. Gabriel offered a look of acknowledgment in return and pointed back at the bartender. 

“Very good, sir,” the owner replied in his thick Scottish accent. “Which liquor would that be?” he asked while handing Beelzebub their snack across the counter. 

Gabriel looked bewildered for a second, looking at Beelzebub– who looked up at him fondly –with a confused glance before answering his question. “Whichever one it is you humans usually orally consume.”

The bartender, although a bit confused, nodded. “Two pints of regular, then,” he said and turned around to get their drinks ready. Beelzebub left the counter and went to find them both a seat in the corner, leaving Gabriel to get the drink himself.

While the owner poured their drinks Gabriel looked around spotting the machine that was currently playing music behind him. He observed it for a minute, taking in its appearance and watching as the human standing in front of it picked a song. “What’s that?” he asked the bartender who looked up to see what Gabriel was talking about. 

“A classic 1960s jukebox. You don’t see many of them these days. You just put your money in and tell it what you want to hear,” the owner said, placing the drinks on the table.

Gabriel shook his head in amazement. “Huh… You people. Amazing,” he said, pulling out the amount of money needed to pay for the drinks and handing it over with a wide smile. He glanced back over his shoulder and waved his fingers in the jukebox’s direction. Instantly the song changed to ‘Everyday’, the song that the bartender in America so kindly informed him the name of. He took the two glasses of beer with a small “Ha!” to the bartender who looked bewildered at the sudden change in much. Despite the man in front of the jukebox attempting to change the tune, the machine wouldn’t budge. 

 Gabriel walked towards the table that Beelzebub had chosen to occupy, placing the two glasses down on the table. “Here you go,” he said before occupying the space beside Beelzebub, scooting just a bit closer to them. “You don’t actually have to consume it,” he whispered to them, gesturing to the drinks on the table.

“Oh.”

“And the…” Gabriel questioned, hovering his hand over the snack and looking at Beelzebub with a curious expression.

“Oh, packet of crisps? Good,” they replied which only made Gabriel offer them a slight look of repulsion. He could never imagine eating or drinking anything when he needn’t do so, which made it all the more special that he offered Beelzebub to order more needlessly. 

For a few seconds, they sat in comfortable silence, getting themselves situated where they sat before the music that played over the speakers caught Beelzebub’s attention. They furrowed their brows, their eyes darting around the pub before they looked up at Gabriel with a genuine look of surprise. “Is that… Did you…” they asked their expression one of pure and utter disbelief at the– not so small, small –gesture. 

Gabriel shrugged a bit with a grin on his face. “A small miracle,” he admitted, gesturing with his fingers at how minuscule the miracle actually was. 

“Oh,” Beelzebub sighed in amazement, the small act making them utterly flustered. After Gabriel’s comment about not performing small miracles on trivial matters during their billiards game, this was the last thing they had ever expected him to miracle.

For Gabriel the miracle had been a small, kind gesture that meant practically nothing, …but for Beelzebub, it meant everything and more. 

So, Gabriel went on to explain himself. “That jukebox will always be there on that jukebox…” Beelzebub acknowledged the statement with a small hum as he continued. “...to comfort the afflicted.”

Beelzebub, at a complete loss for words, hummed and gave a firm nod in reply, looking off to the side with a wide smile that Gabriel could not help but match. “I should give you something,” Beelzebub said, leaning towards Gabriel as they did so. Gabriel gave them a look of confusion, not having expected to receive anything in return which made Beelzebub’s non-existent heart flutter at the knowledge that he hadn’t been anticipating something in return for his sweet gesture. 

The two of them kept eye contact for a few prolonged seconds before Beelzebub placed their hand on the table opening up their closed fist to reveal a fly against their pointer finger. “Here,” they said, “It’s for you.” 

Gabriel leaned forward and observed the fly in Beelzebub’s hand. He placed his own next to their’s and lined up his own finger to their’s allowing the fly to jump from their hand to his. “You’ll never know when you’ll need it,” they said. Gabriel allowed his finger to linger longer than necessary against theirs, nudging them to prolong the contact as long as he could without it being too obvious as to why. 

“It’s a container, so… it’s bigger on the inside. You can put things in it,” they explained, moving their hand away to reach for a matchbox on the table. They gave Gabriel a wide smile before dumping out the matches onto the table so that only the empty box remained. 

Gabriel took the box from them and began to place the fly in it, safely and securely. Beelzebub waved their finger at it, saying a small “bye-bye” with a soft chuckle. The fly buzzed as it made its way into the box. Gabriel closed the box and raised it to his ear hearing the faint buzz of the fly inside while Beelzebub observed him, a tender smile on their face. 

“I don’t actually know what to say,” Gabriel admitted as he turned to look at Beelzebub, placing the matchbox into the inside pocket of his coat close to his heart. For a minute they were at a loss for words. The warmth that Gabriel held in his expression made them metaphorically melt. His eyes were filled with such appreciation and dare they say, love. 

“Why not?” 

He shrugged, looking at them as if the answer was obvious. “No one’s ever given me anything before.”

Beelzebub sat there stunned for a moment. The Supreme Archangel of Heaven never received a single praise or gift of gratitude. Perhaps Heaven was not as kind to their angels as Beelzebub once suspected it had been. The knowledge of that made their, once again, non-existent heartache for Gabriel. To them, he deserved the world and more, though they weren't quite ready to admit that. They sighed softly, their shoulders dropping as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of them, and for them, it felt like it had. Sitting here with Gabriel, in this very moment, made them feel so light. They were at peace for the first time in 6,000 long years. 

The angel and the demon shared a few glances between one another before they settled back comfortably into their seats and relaxed, enjoying the silence that their company provided as their song continued to play over the speakers. There was no need to admit what they were feeling because they both knew deep down what it was and admitting it aloud was like comparing it to a kiss from God and a temptation from Satan. It was a beautiful feeling they had to admit, but to say the idea of it wasn’t also terrifying. 

They were genuinely captivated by one another and it was the best feeling they had ever experienced. That was a fact neither of them could deny, but to admit it meant to forsake their sides and that alone was horribly daunting. 

However, now was not a time when they were willing to dwell on worries for the future. Living in the moment felt so much more freeing, which is why Gabriel urged himself to build up enough courage to take Beelzebub’s hand under the table. He scolded himself internally, he’s the Fucking Archangel Gabriel and yet he was scared to hold Beelzebub’s hand he felt utterly pathetic. So it was made worse when he slightly grazed his fingers against their hand and caught them by surprise, turning their head to look at him in a quick, sharp movement that made Gabriel hesitate. He began to take his hand back and cursed himself for misreading the situation. Beelzebub quickly realized their mistake and reached back for his hand, taking it firmly and offering him a small smile to ease Gabriel’s worry. 

Both the Duke of Hell and the Supreme Archangel could feel the warmth radiate off themselves. Gabriel’s cheeks began to tint a soft pink, and unfortunately for him, his blush could not be hidden by the dark in the well-light pub. They continued to sit together, holding hands, without a single word passing between them. Though the silence was a bit awkward Beelzebub couldn’t deny that there was a sense of comfortability that they couldn’t imagine experiencing with anyone else but Gabriel. 

As ‘Everyday’ continued what must be its eleventh cycle since Gabriel performed the miracle he squeezed Beelzebub’s hand and turned his body a bit so he was facing them. “What do you think about leaving here? There’s a nice coastal area about an hour from here called Forth Lock and there’s a lighthouse I’ve always wanted to visit but never had a reason to before,” Gabriel asked. Though he was telling the truth about wanting to visit the lighthouse he truly just wanted to spend some time with Beelzebub away from mortal eyes. 

“I don’t see why not. I’ve never seen a lighthouse personally so I can’t deny I’m intrigued by it,” Beelzebub replied. They looked at the table and spotted the crisps that they had asked for and the untouched beer. They reached forward, having let go of Gabriel’s hand, and took a couple of sips from the beer. Beelzebub had never had it before but they couldn’t deny that they somewhat enjoyed it, it had a rather pleasant taste to it. 

Gabriel, however, grimaced as they watched Beelzebub drink the beer, shaking his head before standing from the booth and offering his hand for Beelzebub to take. They did so and allowed Gabriel to assist them. They left the beer and crisps on the table, walking out of the pub after Gabriel waved goodbye to the owner. 

Once they stepped a few feet away from the entrance of the pub so that no one could see them. Gabriel pulled Beelzebub a bit closer and with a snap of his fingers they vanished into thin air and almost instantaneously they reappeared right in front of the Leith East Breakwater Lighthouse. The lighthouse was currently illuminating the harbor, the ripples in the water reflecting the stars in the night sky. It was a gorgeous sight Beelzebub had to admit, and it was only made better with Gabriel by their side. 

In the harbor boats of all sizes were docked and lit only the lighthouse, not a single other human or celestial being in sight. Right now it was just Beelzebub, Gabriel, and the surrounding water occupying this peaceful space, and Beelzebub could not help but wonder if this is what it felt like in Heaven because they could not remember. 

Beelzebub turned to look at Gabriel, his violet eyes vibrant and filled with so much care, affection, and dare they say… love. They smiled brightly at him, taking hold of his other hand so both were in their grasp. “I cannot deny this is a beautiful area,” Beelzebub admitted, grinning up at Gabriel with a tenderness they never imagined possible for them. They’re the bloody Prince of Hell they weren’t supposed to be tender or kind, hell, angels, and demons weren’t even supposed to experience emotions. But, if this was so wrong of them they never wanted to be right. For Beelzebub this was the greatest sin of all, falling for the Supreme Archangel was certainly a sin disguised as a blessing and they’d gladly fall for it over and over again if it meant being with Gabriel. 

“Ha,” he chuckled. “I’m glad you like it so much. I have to say, though, that I wasn’t being entirely truthful in my reasoning for wanting to come here,” he admitted sheepishly, grinning at them like a fool. 

“Oh?” they questioned, raising an eyebrow at him. “I thought angels couldn’t lie.”

Gabriel laughed, “I didn’t lie, per se, I just didn’t say the full truth.” He grasped Beelzebub’s hands firmly and once again pulled them closer, moving one hand to their waist while outstretching their other. As he did so he waved his fingers towards the nearby boat which began to play ‘Everyday’ on the speakers. He slowly began to sway to the music urging Beelzebub to do the same. 

They laughed as they realized this was Gabriel’s reasoning for dragging them here to a secluded spot of Scotland at this Godforsaken time of night. “I thought angels couldn’t dance,” Beelzebub said, grinning at the utter foolishness of the situation. They were acting like teenagers in love and it was so beyond embarrassing, but God if it wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world then what could be? “Oh, and here you go again Mr.’I don’t perform miracles on trivial matters’, performing miracles just to play and dance to a stupid song I enjoy.” 

“I can’t dance,” he admitted, “I’m winging it as I go.” Beelzebub rolled their eyes at his answer, shaking their head in disbelief at his absurdity. He continued, replying to Beelzebub’s tease at frivolous miracles. “Well of course I performed the miracles, they aren’t trivial at all if it’s for you,” he replied with complete sincerity. 

For the second time tonight, Beelzebub was at a loss for words as they danced along to their song, sheepishly looking down at the ground the hide their embarrassment. “You damned angel, always know exactly what to say,” they muttered, smiling like a fool. 

Gabriel laughed wholeheartedly enjoying the tranquil simplicity that this moment offered. He swayed with them for the remainder of the song and even after it finished. They simply held each other and swayed in the stillness of the night– save for the crashing water against the rocks of the land. 

Beelzebub was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed by their emotions. They had never felt all this positive emotion at once and it was building up in them like a pot of boiling water ready to spill over any second. They’d never been on the receiving end of this generosity, this intimacy in Hell before. If they were honest they’d never been on the receiving end of a singular positive emotion in the 6,000 years they were a demon and it was all so new and raw. 

It was strange and while it wasn’t unpleasant or unwelcomed it was all a bit too much at once. A squeeze against their hand seemed to snap them out of their thoughts. They looked up at Gabriel who was giving them a comforting smile though his eyes expressed a bit of concern for their sudden shift. 

Every emotion they felt towards the Archangel rushed back to Beelzebub and without giving it a second thought they released his hands. Instead, they grabbed the lapels of his coat and pulled him firmly down to them smashing their lips to his in a sudden rush of absolute need. Not for anything more than this but they couldn’t hold back their emotions any longer and this was the only way they could think of to get across their feelings all at once. They were never great at communicating what they were feeling without it coming across as anger and that was the last thing they’d want at this moment. 

Gabriel was stiff for only a few seconds, stunned at the suddenness of Beelzebub’s lips against his, but once he processed what was happening he wrapped his arms behind their back and pulled them closer so that they were flush against his body. He kissed them back with equal enthusiasm and fervor, and they both melted into each other, soft sighs of relief leaving them. 

The kiss was nothing like either of them had ever experienced before. For Gabriel, it was like a song sung by the Heavens, and for Beelzebub, it was like flies buzzing in their ear. They kissed one another with such passion and adoration, holding on for dear life and never wanting to let go. They were drowning in a sea of love that would only make it harder to breathe but neither of them cared because if they were able to die right now they’d both be content. 

Beelzebub’s hands didn’t move from the lapels of Gabriel’s coat, instead pulling them more so that he had to adjust for balance. Gabriel’s hands traveled from their back to their waist, up their sides to their face which he caresses so gently that it felt like a feather was grazing their skin before he moved back down to their waist again.

The kiss was nothing like they’d ever experienced before. It was like a warm embrace that they’d never been given. Like wings that wrapped them in a cocoon of their own for safety and security built purely on love. It was better than Heaven and Hell. It was home. 

When they broke apart they stared at each other dazed for a bit before Beelzebub couldn’t help but laugh accompanied with a pure-hearted smile that made Gabriel fall for them even more. He joined in with their laughter and leaned forward again to kiss the top of their head. 

After a few seconds of standing like that against each other Beelzebub asked, “So, what does this mean from here?” Despite the actions that just occurred they couldn’t help but feel anxious as they awaited Gabriel’s reply, fearing the worst. 

“I’m not entirely sure, to be honest,” he admitted, “but I never want it to end, Beelzebub. I want to be with you for all of eternity.” 

Beelzebub looked up at him, recognizing the look of pure determination and sincerity in his eyes. “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.” 

Gabriel moved his hands from their waist back to their hands, taking them both and holding them out in front of him. “Beelzebub, I am an Archangel from Heaven, a place designed by God for love and light and all things good. I am the Archangel Gabriel, the herald of visions and messenger of God Herself. I am the Supreme Archangel of the holiest place in the universe, designed in the likeness of God’s image that claims to be all pure and all holy,” he paused for a second, moving one hand to cradle the side of Beelzebub’s face. They sank into his touch, his hand warm, gentle, and soft. “And yet, despite that, I have never in my 6,000 years as the Archangel Gabriel felt truly loved and appreciated as I do with you. Nor have I ever felt the love I have for you with anything or anyone else.” He tilted their head up so their eyes were locked when he confessed his next words. 

“Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies and Prince of Hell, I love you. For Heaven’s sake, it’s more than that! I’m fucking in love with you.”  

Beelzebub stood there staring at Gabriel in utter disbelief for what felt like minutes but was really only a few seconds. When they collected their thoughts and processed Gabriel’s words they finally were able to ground themself enough to speak again. “You bloody idiot, as much as I didn’t want to admit it at the time I’ve been in love with you ever since our meeting in America. I love you, Gabriel, I love you more than Hell itself, which truthfully I don’t love very much but it’s the second best thing after you. Though there’s a very large margin from Hell to you so no need to worry about it much. Ah shit, I do love my flies more than Hell so in comparison to you they’re–”

Their rambling had been interrupted by Gabriel’s lips against theirs once more. The flies that flew around in their stomach made their non-existent heart skip several beats. They grabbed onto Gabriel like their life depended on it and allowed themself to be washed up in this moment of absolute bliss. 

3 Months Ago; A. Z. Fell and Co. - 4 Years After Armagedidn’t 

Beelzebub has been distraught ever since they learned the news that Gabriel went missing and not being able to tell anyone the reason why was only making it worse. They were used to discorporating lesser demons occasionally but since this whole ordeal happened the number of lesser demons that faced the wrath of the Grand Duke of Hell was surely nearing the thousands. Currently, they were sitting on their throne, cooling down after just having witnessed nearly– if not all –of the demons that joined Shax with her little confrontation with that angel, Aziraphale’s, bookshop. 

Dagon was approaching Beelzebub with Furfur, about to report an important discovery they had reached during Furfur’s active admissions process when they were cut off by loud blaring sounds that rung throughout the entirety of Hell. ‘WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED,’ was blasting throughout the throne room with bright red flashing lights. A map appeared before Beelzebub with a bright white light pointing directly to Aziraphale’s bookshop. 

“The angel declared war,” Furfur said, absolutely starstruck at the revelation. 

Dagon cheered excitedly, “We’re finally at war with Heaven!” 

Beelzebub stood still for a few short seconds, unable to process or believe what was before their eyes before they recollected themselves. They have come this far they cannot make a single mistake until they’re with Gabriel again. Not a single one. “Dagon, Furfur, enter the bookshop. We needn’t permission now that war has been declared. I’ll follow right behind you, I’m simply going to alert the other demons to prepare for battle, but we’ll follow protocol for now. The three of us should do.” 

Furfur and Dagon didn’t bother giving a verbal response, just offering a simple nod before vanishing into thin air and leaving Beelzebub behind. They paced the room, back and forth, before spotting a demon outside the window of the room. “You! Come here,” they ordered, gesturing with their finger for the demon to enter the room. The demon, Josh, hesitated before doing so. Within seconds of stepping foot into the room he was completely disposed of in a pit of fire and flies, screaming in agony as he discorporated right before Beelzebub. They were no longer able to contain their anger, their frustration, and the worst of all their worry. “Damn you angels! Where the bloody hell is he?” The question came out as a whisper, almost like a plea to God to answer so they wouldn’t go absolutely insane. Their pleas were never answered. 

Once they finally steeled themselves they vanished from Hell and materialized from smoke and fire into the bookshop, turning around and dusting off the dirt on their shoulder. Though it felt like minutes in Hell, in reality, they’d only arrived a few seconds after Furfur and Dagon on Earth. All three of the demons glanced around the room and processed the situation, spotting the angel Aziraphale, demon Crowley, an angel currently occupied with a book, and the other Archangels, along with what seemed to be three mortals. 

Dagon was the first to speak after they had all appeared, eager to do so. “We are at war! Finally!” He exclaimed, a slight laugh following his words. He stepped forward as he spoke, approaching the other being in the room. 

Crowley rolled his eyes under his sunglasses. “Nobody’s at war,” he drawled out, which made Dagon’s smile instantly fade. He continued, “You idiots sent an idiot to lead a gang of idiots to attack a bookshop.” All three of the newly arrived demons tilted their head to where Crowley had just gestured to, seeing Shax unconscious on the couch behind him. “Those idiots there,” Crowley nodded to the Archangels, “want their Archangel back so they can fire him.” He pointed to the unfamiliar human standing in the middle of the room which made Beelzebub look at him thoroughly. They didn’t recognize him at all, and while there was some sense of familiarity with the human they wouldn’t be able to mistake Gabriel. Surely, this human could not be their Gabriel. 

While Dagon occupied himself with growling at the angels, choking on their own spit for a second, Beelzebub looked past everyone to Shax, zapping her awake with a bit of lightning. “Nice job, Shax. Beautifully done. Remind me to put in for your commendation,” Beelzebub said sarcastically, watching as Shax stumbled around to stand. 

Shax observed them for a second before turning to Crowley. “Sarcasm, yes?” she asked, trying to clarify Beelzebub’s tone. 

Crowley nodded. “Yep.” 

“I’m afraid so,” Beelzebub said mockingly. 

The Archangel Michael, completely fed up with the situation, cleared his throat. “If it is to be war–” 

“No, no, no, no, no war,” Crowley interrupted. “Aziraphale, let’s sort this out,” he said turning to the angel, “Where’s the cardboard box?” 

Aziraphale furrowed his eyebrows. “What box?”

“The one Gabriel arrived with.”

Uriel was the first to ask what nearly everyone in the room was wondering. “Gabriel? He’s here?” 

The man standing in the middle of the room was the first to reply. “Sometimes people call me Gabriel,” he said cheerfully, looking over to Beelzebub and shrugging his shoulders with a broad smile, amused almost. 

Crowley sighed. “Yeah, we did a thing, hiding miracle,” gesturing to the man, and nodding his head towards Aziraphale. Beelzebub took the time to observe the man. It would certainly make sense why they couldn’t recognize Gabriel if a miracle was performed to hide him. “Apparently, if we do a miracle together, it all works a bit too well,” he explained as Aziraphale brought the box over.

Dagon, skeptical of the angels in the room, leaned forward a bit. “Careful. Could be a trap.”

Saraqael, annoyed beyond belief at this inconvenient intervention of sorts, ridiculed Dagon. “It’s a cardboard box. It’s not going to bite you.” Dagon shrunk his shoulders in defeat. 

 Found it, a

Aziraphale, completely ignoring the bickering happening, grabbed the box and handed it to Crowley who examined the contents inside before flipping the box over. He’d seen Gabriel write on the bottom of the box during his brief visit to Heaven, but he did not know what to expect when he read Gabriel’s handwriting. “Oh, there we go. I thought that’s what you were doing,” he said, looking up at ‘Gabriel’. 

“What was I doing?” ‘Gabriel’ asked, completely confused by the situation. 

“You were writing a message. Oh, probably to yourself, on the bottom of the box,” Crowley explained. 

“‘I am in the fly!’ What fly?” Aziraphale asked after reading Gabriel’s handwriting aloud. 

Crowley adjusted the box in his hands before looking up. “Lord Beelzebub,” he called attention to them, meeting their eyes even through his sunglasses. “I believe flies are your department.”

Beelzebub shifted their weight from foot to foot. “Hm,” they hummed in thought, looking around the room, feeling for a fly that could be present. It didn’t take them long before they found it and to say they were proud was an understatement. Gabriel was wiser than he let on, they’ll admit that– though never aloud. Relief flooded their body as they realized that Gabriel truly was safe and present. “There’s only one fly here, and it’s familiar,” they admitted, spotting the fly on Aziraphale’s desk. They whistled, gaining the fly’s attention. “Come here. Come on,” they urged, gesturing with the finger for the fly to approach. “Good boy.” They chuckled as the fly crossed the room. “No wonder nobody could find you. This is where you were keeping all your memories. All your… you,” they revealed as they nudged the fly with their finger, smiling softly. 

‘Gabriel’ approached them, staring intently at the fly in their hand, confused but curious. 

“Look at you,” they sighed gently before praising Gabriel, “You’re perfect.” They turned to ‘Gabriel’, holding their finger out to him. “Here. Take it,” they said after he hesitated. ‘Gabriel’ raised his eyebrows and scoffed softly before lifting his pointer finger up to theirs, touching their finger. “Gently,” Beelzebub lightly scolded to which he listened, softening his touch. The fly crossed over onto his finger and ‘Gabriel’ brought it up to his face, unsure what exactly to do. “Now,” Beelzebub started, “Open it.” They placed their hand under their chin, grinning softly.

‘Gabriel’ gifted his finger up to his face and allowed the fly to hop onto his cheek before approaching his eye and flying in. He was hit with a rush of memories between hima dn Beelzebub, the memories happening in sequence very rapidly that it was almost too much happening all at once, but when he came too he was quickly able to collect himself with a deep breath. 

Gabriel looks around the room slowly, starting with Aziraphale and Crowley who he seems surprised, but perhaps somewhat happy, to see. “Aziraphale,” he questions, though he is not expecting an answer, instead he just laughs before looking towards the door. “Michael, Uriel,” he says before taking a pause, looking at his other fellow Archangel. “Don’t tell me.”

“I won’t,” Saraqael says, a look of disappointment on their face. 

Gabriel points to them, opening his mouth as if their name is on the tip of his tongue before he furrows his eyes and squints, trying his hardest to remember. 

“It’s Saraqael!”

“Saraqael! Yes, I knew that. Of course it is,” Gabriel exclaimed at the same time as Saraqael, laughing again as he turned to look at the demons to his left. “Oh, eesh. You guys,” he uttered in disgust. Shax stood there slack-jawed at seeing the Archangel Gabriel before her.

Finally, Gabriel turned to spot Beelzebub who looked at him with a soft smile and arms that opened up as if to ask ‘Remember me?’. How could Gabriel ever forget them, it didn’t seem possible. His eyes softened when they caught sight of Beelzebub, his shoulders relaxing and his entire expression just filled with pure warmth and love. “You,” he nearly whispered, letting out a sigh of relief that allowed the weight on his shoulders to flow off him seamlessly, bringing his hands up to his heart and holding his chest. Beelzebub couldn’t believe they could fall more in love with him but they did. “Thank you,” he professed genuinely, dropping his hands to his stomach and stepping closer to Beelzebub. 

They did the same, relieved to finally have their Archangel back within reach. “Silly, silly angel. Why?” they asked as they stopped only a few inches away from him. 

Gabriel shook his head briefly attempting to think of the words to say. “I was coming to you, but…” he paused for a second, closing his eyes before admitting, “I– I… forgot.” Beelzebub chuckled softly, not surprised at his response in the slightest given how he was acting only a few moments earlier. 

They nodded their head and looked up to meet his eyes. “Well, I think Aziraphale probably took much better care of you than I could have done,” they replied truthfully, nodding to the angel in question who looked confused at the situation. 

Their moment of reconnection was interrupted by Shax who was astonished at the sight before her. “Beelzebub! You traitor! Collaborating with Heaven?” she accused, ignoring the look of offense Gabriel gave her. 

Beelzebub leaned towards Shax. “I didn’t collaborate with Heaven any more than Gabriel collaborated with Hell,” they said firmly. Beelzebub looked around the room before their expression softened as they looked back at Gabriel. “I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides.” They exchanged looks with one another, Gabriel practically melting at the confession, matching Beelzebub’s warm-hearted smile with his own. His eyes filled with so much love that to nearly everyone else in the room seemed impossible for the Archangel Gabriel, and yet here he was, holding Beelzebub’s hands with such adoration that made Azirpahale’s heart melt, subconsciously reaching out to touch Crowley’s arms as they witnessed the display of love before them. 

One of the humans that no one in the room besides Crowley and Aziraphale recognized, Maggie, was the first to speak up about the display of affection. “Oh. That’s really sweet,” she sighed. Dagon gagged at both the idea of something like that and the visual display before him. 

The person beside Maggie, Nina, followed up, saying, “Enough to make you believe in true love.”

Michael, aghast at the idea of mortals in the presence of celestial beings demanded for them to be cast into pillars of salt, making them immovable and unalive. Crowley was quick to interject and lead them outside after asking Aziraphale if he could manage whatever went on inside the bookshop. After getting Aziraphale’s reassurance, Crowley led Nina and Maggie out while chaos ensued. 

Gabriel turned his attention from the door to the other angels and demons before finally looking back at Beelzebub, nodding off to the side and removing one hand from theirs so that he could pull them over to the side. The shouting had already commenced. Words of hate and disgust were shot between demons and angels, all the while Gabriel wrapped an arm around Beelzebub and stared at them both in amusement and confusion. Beelzebub caught his eyes and simply shook their head.   

Aziraphale had finally had enough of the shouting and chaos, ringing a bell to gain the attention of everyone else and ease everyone into silence as Crowley prepared to walk back in. “I’ve had quite enough of this,” Aziraphale announced, fed up with the angels and demons. “You will speak one at a time,” he ordered before gesturing with a genuine smile to Shax.

Gabriel and Beelzebub had no interest in the arguing that commenced, simply enjoying one another's company again after the events of the past week. Gabriel held onto Beelzebub’s waist securely, worried that if he were to let go they’d slip away from him. Beelzebub was grasping onto the back of Gabriel’s borrowed clothing afraid that if the other Archangel’s got a hold of him he would, once again, forget all about them. The thought alone was horrifying and it made falling as a punishment seem like the better option. Gabriel would agree. 

After minutes of bickering back and forth, Aziraphale interrupted everyone again. “Why don’t we ask them where they’d like to go?” he asked, gesturing towards Gabriel and Beelzebub who finally looked away from one another to focus on the others. Gabriel made a gesture of approval at Aziraphale’s suggestion, but it was cut off by Uriel before he could say anything. 

“Oh, this is ridiculous,” they said, rolling their eyes.

Furfur interjected, “No, there are precedents. Hell doing Heaven’s punishing for you. Job, that was one. Lovely man, never met him.”

“Um, Gabriel,” Azirapahle continued, “Beelzebub, what do you want?”

Gabriel looked over at Beelzebub, leaning back a bit as if to think about it while Beelzebub locked eyes with him. He leaned back forward again and turned to everyone in the room. “I would like… better clothes,” he confessed, Beelzebub looked towards the others in agreement with him, slightly grinning. “And I would like to be with Beelzebub. Wherever Beelzebub is, is my Heaven,” he professed, smiling at his partner. Michael couldn’t help but roll his eyes and make a sound of disapproval. 

Beelzebub ignored it and instead continued after Gabriel. “And where you are, my sweet, is forever my Hell,” they said, following Gabriel’s reaction earlier and placing their hands over their own heart as they looked up at him adoringly. Shax groaned in disgust. 

“You know, Alpha Centauri’s nice. Always wanted to go there,” Crowley announced, sharing a look with Aziraphale as he did so. “Couple of decent planets. No nightlife to speak of,” he said, shrugging a bit. 

Uriel ignored Crowley’s words, looking at Gabriel. “If you leave, you can never come back,” they threatened. 

“That would be the point,” Gabriel said apathetically. 

“If you flee, traitor,” Shax hissed at Beelzebub, Gabriel again looking at her and questioning her audacity. “Hell will send all its legions to hunt you down.”

Beelzebub rolled their eyes. “You know as well as I do how badly understaffed Hell is right now. Anyway, with me not there, Shax, you could be the next Grand Duke of Hell,” they said to appease Shax, Gabriel offering a look of false pride at the idea. 

Shax turned to the other demons. “Grand Duke of Hell,” she repeated excitedly.

“Angels and demons, they can’t just–” Michael started, only to be interrupted by Gabriel and Beelzebub singing in the corner of the room, hands clasped firmly together. 

“‘Everyday, it’s a-getting closer’,” Gabriel sang in a somewhat low baritone voice. 

Beelzebub continued, “‘Going faster than a rollercoaster’.”

They began to sing together, everyone in the room turning their attention to them. “‘Love like yours will surely come my way’.” The lights in the room that were once off began to light up as the two celestial beings slowly vanished from the room, singing a breathy, ‘A-hey, a-hey-hey’ to one another, completely ignoring everyone else. 

They were gone in a blink of an eye, left by themselves in the stars with their hands held tightly in one another’s as their wings spread out into the open space to keep them afloat. Now, finally, alone with Gabriel, Beelzebub let out an enormous sigh of relief and punched Gabriel’s arm. “I was so bloody worried, you idiot!” they exclaimed, floating back from him and crossing their arms. 

Gabriel rubbed his arm– though it didn’t hurt in the slightest, he simply know they’d take pleasure in the idea that they caused him a bit of pain after all the emotional pain they had gone through –and offered a look of defeat. “Beelzebub, I swear, I had full intention to come to you when I left Heaven! Though it’d be a bit awkward if the Supreme Archangel showed up in Hell naked and with no memory, so perhaps going to Aziraphale was a good idea,” he said, speaking the second part a bit into the air and not to Beelzebub specifically.

“You what?!” Beelzebub questioned, astonished. They hadn’t a clue as to what in Hell’s name Gabriel was talking about besides the fact that he’d gone missing. They only just learned that he’d lost his memory not even an hour ago. “You know what, tell me the story another time, for now, I’m just glad to have you back,” they admitted, their shoulders relaxing a bit as they reapproached Gabriel.

Though they’d met with each other many times over the last four years– and occasionally even before the failed war –neither of them had ever exposed their wings before to each other, or in general really. The last time Beelzebub had spread their wings was four millennia ago during a short-lived battle that they’d settled in a matter of minutes. 

For Gabriel, the last time he had spread his wings was even longer. It was during the fall of Lucifer when the rebellion had begun and angels were fighting against their brothers, sisters, best friends, and lovers. Since then Gabriel had never spread his wings, one of the six of them having been singed in the battle and while it’s had years and years to heal, a scar still remains. He was so used to being a perfect angel, that he viewed the scar as a weakness and he was damned if he were to allow other angels to see any sign of weakness on him. 

When he realized that Beelzebub was observing his wings he became shy and ashamed, tucking his wings into himself and bowing his head ever so slightly. Beelzebub noticed Gabriel’s discomfort and reached for his hand, pulling him closer to them. He allowed them to raise his head to meet their eyes. Beelzebub’s expression was soft and patient, an expression they seemed to reserve only for Gabriel. He returned their expression with a soft, unsure smile.

Gabriel was a prideful being and the idea of imperfection, especially on himself, was too much for him to bare. Yet, he would never–  ever! –claim that Beelzebub was less than perfection, not their boils or their teeth, not their wings or scars. To Gabriel, Beelzebub was a perfect being and nothing would change that, not even if Hell froze over or Heaven burned to ash. It was simply not a possible, logical outcome for Gabriel to ever even imagine. Beelzebub was perfect in every universe and he would be damned if he let anyone say otherwise. However, he could not apply that same logic to himself. 

“Oh my sweet sweet Angel, you are beautiful,” Beelzebub said in a bit of a breathy whisper. “You don’t need to hide your wings, Gabriel, they’re perfect,” they said, their own translucent fly-like wings fluttering behind them.  

Gabriel hesitated, “But–,” he cleared his throat. “They’re scarred,” he muttered. He was not used to this feeling, it was uncomfortable and unwanted. He felt like he was shrinking into himself and that was not normal for him. He wasn’t supposed to show weakness or insecurity. He was supposed to be strong and proud, fearless and loving, not this pitiful coward. 

Beelzebub cooed softly, “Oh Gabriel, who cares that they’re scarred. You’ve never once cared about my boils or imperfections, have you?” They knew Gabriel’s answer, he was too pure of heart to label any marking on Beelzebub as anything less than flawless. 

“No, I would never!” he exclaimed, “I hope you don’t think I’d ever think that of you, Beelzebub. I would never.”

Beelzebub laughed softly. “I know you wouldn’t, Angel, I only asked because I knew you never have and so why should I think any differently when it comes to you? You, and every aspect of you, is absolutely perfect regardless of scars or markings,” they reassured, taking Gabriel’s face into their hands and pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead. “Now, let me see your wings properly. They’re most certainly fitting for the Supreme Archangel of Heaven. Must be Hell to maintain properly,” they chuckled at their own joke. 

Gabriel smiled at Beelzebub’s words, allowing his wings to spread out their full length. They stretched far into the space around them, nearly two of Gabriel’s arm's length away from his body. His wings were pure white with specs of gold scattered throughout them. Each wing from the top of his shoulder blade to the small of his back varied in size. They wrapped around his frame nicely, certainly, wings fit for one of God’s strongest soldiers. 

“Truthfully, I cannot remember the last time I took proper care of them,” he admitted sheepishly. “I don’t like bringing them out much and it's hard to find a private area to do so when I’m constantly surrounded by other angels demanding my attention.” 

“Oh, my sweet,” Beelzebub sighed. “Come, let me help you with them,” they suggested, nodding off to a nearby planet near the star Toliman that they could occupy for the time being. 

Once they’d settled onto the planet, Beelzebub had Gabriel sit in front of them with his wings spread outward so that they could begin to preen and clean the feathers with the purified water that the planet provided. The planet itself dubbed Alpha Centauri BC, was much like Earth in its features– minus the inhabitants. There were streams of water and greenery, with rocks that form canyons and mountains. It was beautiful, they had to admit. It was familiar and that alone brought enough comfort for the time being. 

When Beelzebub had started to take care of Gabriel’s wings it had felt strange at first, he had to admit, though it was far from unpleasant. Rather, he quite enjoyed the feeling of it. Having his wings gently cared for by Beelzebub was certainly something he’d never imagined centuries ago, much less five years ago, but here he is, enjoying every bit of it. Slowly but surely he began to ease into Beelzebub’s touch and relax, closing his eyes as he processed his thoughts. A lot happened in the last 24 hours, almost too much to process, but he was getting there slowly, and truthfully, none of it mattered now that he was here– away from Heaven –with Beelzebub because nothing came close to beating the feelings he got when he was in their presence, and nothing ever would. 

Present Day; Edinburgh, Scotland - 4 ½ Years After Armagedidn’t 

While Alpha Centauri was certainly a pleasant star system for a short time, it wasn’t as entertaining for Gabriel and Beelzebub as they had hoped it’d been. They’d manage to occupy the planets for two months, hoping from planet to star to planet and back but never really settling. They were constantly moving from place to place when finally Gabriel thought of an idea. “Why don’t we move to Edinburgh? Could always find a palace near the pub,” he suggested. 

Beelzebub jumped at the idea. Although they were no longer the Grand Duke of Hell any longer they still missed chaos, and Earth, even in small forms, provided some of that chaos, that mischief. It wasn’t much, but with that knowledge and with the memories that reside in Edinburg for both Gabriel and Beelzebub it was a place they agreed they’d be able to call home. 

So, within a few weeks, they had moved into a small flat near The Resurrectionists. In an attempt to avoid suspicion from Heaven and Hell, they’d avoided any attempt at using large miracles, instead, deciding to go through the grueling process of obtaining a house the way any human would. While it had taken some time they’d finally managed to get a place they could call their own in a location that they couldn’t care to complain about. 

The flat itself was practically fully furnished, save for a few appliances that were deemed necessary for mortals, but for celestial beings, they could be put on the back burner for another time. They barely needed a house in the first place, but if they wanted to maintain some semblance of normalcy it was a good idea and Gabriel wouldn’t complain. He’d gotten used to sleeping as ‘Jim’ in Aziraphale’s bookshop, and while he still no longer needed to, he could admit that the activity was quite pleasant, in the same way he would about jogging. 

Beelzebub, on the other hand, enjoyed more the electronics side of life on Earth. Music and television have certainly been something they’d grown fond of, which is why when they’d first moved into the home Beelzebub was quick to suggest they find a TV to set up. They enjoyed shows and movies about horror and violence, it brought them a sense of comfort— though Gabriel could never understand why, but still, if it made Beelzebub happy he’d suffer through it for them. 

So, they’d settled into this routine for a little under a month. Gabriel would wake up each morning and go for a jog, coming back to enjoy a cup of hot chocolate and a boom— two other things he’d come to enjoy thanks to Aziraphale —before going to wake up Beelzebub with a kiss on their cheek. Beelzebub fell into a routine of sleep, something they actually quite enjoyed— perhaps even more than Gabriel —and so they cherished every second of it that they could get, but they always looked forward to waking up to Gabriel’s warm kisses. 

From there, the two would get dressed for the day and be on their way, discovering new local restaurants and bars, museums, and theaters. Yet, there was one place they hadn’t visited since moving, and it was the sole reason they had chosen the area. The Resurrectionists Pub. Today that would change. 

The two had gotten dressed, Gabriel back in a similar attire to what he wore in Heaven– all except for the blazer today –all tailored to his liking. Beelzebub, on the other hand, wore nearly the same attire they had when they resided in Hell. On occasion, they would switch it up to a more casual appearance of black ripped jeans, an over-sized black button-up that they wore half tucked in with a red bolo tie, and a black jean jacket (sometimes substituted with a blazer instead), but it depended on their mood. Today they decided on the more casual approach since Gabriel had shed his blazer. 

“I still can’t believe we haven’t gone back there,” Beelzebub said a bit exasperated. “It’s been nearly a month since we moved here.”

Gabriel shrugged, “Neither can I. Although, we did attempt to go when we first moved but it was closed for the week since the owner was on vacation in London. Must have slipped our minds since then. To be fair, I haven't gone to visit my statue since we’ve come back, although I jog near the cemetery every morning.”

Beelzebub rolled their eyes. “Oh please, you must be joking. I’m sure you’ve gone to stare at yourself plenty of times in the time we’ve been back.”

Gabriel looked at Beelzebub slightly offended. “I wouldn’t lie to you. I just haven’t felt the urgent need to go see it, that’s all. We’ve been so busy situating ourselves into a normal routine I just kinda keep forgetting to go that’s all,” Gabriel explained, shrugging his shoulders. 

“You sure you got all your memories back from the fly?” Beelzebub asked teasingly. 

Gabriel chuckled, “I sure hope so, that’d be a bit of a problem if I didn’t, don’t you think.”

“Certainly,” they laughed, stopping just in front of the doors before them. They smiled at the familiar pub, it brought back pleasant memories. It was the night they first admitted their feelings to one another and they had this place to thank for it. It was only right that they’d return. 

Beelzebub opened the door, holding it open for Gabriel to walk through, following just a few steps behind him. Instantly the owner recognized them. “Well if it isn’t you two Masons!” he said with a wide smile as Gabriel and Beelzebub approached the bar. “Been a long year, hasn’t it?” 

Gabriel and Beelzebub shared a glance with one another. “Most certainly,” Gabriel replied, smiling back at the owner. He looked around the room as Beelzebub stood beside him, spotting the jukebox that sat behind them shut off. “Is the jukebox no longer working?” Gabriel asked curiously.

“Oh, that old bloody thing? Actually, since the day you two showed up, it would only play ‘Everyday” by Buddy Holly, a lovely song I’ll tell ya, but hearin’ it every day on repeat can get a bit much. Never were able to fix it no matter how much we tried. A shame, the thing cost me a fortune,” the owner explained, shaking his head as he looked at the old jukebox. 

Gabriel hummed, coming to realize that his little miracle was the problem. “Mind if I take a look at it?” he asked.

The owner shrugged, “No harm in tryin’, but don’t feel bad if you’re unable to fix it. Nobody is.” 

Gabriel nodded before going over to the jukebox, plugging it into the wall, and letting the lights flash on. He moved around the machine as if to examine it and attempt to figure out a problem, but really he was only stalling time before he could perform a miracle, one small enough that it shouldn’t cause any alarm in Heaven– or so he hoped. After a minute or two of messing around with the back of the machine, he waved his fingers, and like magic, the machine was fixed, and instead of ‘Everyday’ playing ‘This Charming Man’ by The Smiths filled the surrounding speakers. Beelzebub watched Gabriel immensely amused by him and still charmed by his unique ways. 

The owner was stunned as his jukebox was brought to life. “You must be an angel of some sort ‘cause every time you’ve been in this pub something inexplicable happens,” he said, shaking his head in disbelief. 

Gabriel chuckled as he reapproached the bar, putting an arm around Beelzebub’s waist with a smile. “I don’t know what to say, Sir. Perhaps it’s just happenstance,” Gabriel shrugged, acting clueless to his own shenanigans. 

“Perhaps,” the owner repeated, “in any case, what can I get you, lads?” 

“Two beers,” Gabriel answered, having learned the name of the ‘intoxicating liquor’, “Ah, and a packet of crisps too.” Beelzebub smiled broadly, both amused at Gabriel’s attempt to sound British– without actually attempting the accent –and at the knowledge that he remembered that they enjoyed crisps. It was a nice, genuine gesture that they weren’t quite used to just yet. 

“Coming right up,” the owner said, grabbing the crisps and pushing them towards Beelzebub before pouring the two pints of beers and handing them to Gabriel. “Enjoy!” he exclaimed. 

“Thank you,” Gabriel said, hanging the man however much money was needed for the beer and snack. 

The owner shook his head. “On the house, for fixing my jukebox. Thank you, lad, it’s greatly appreciated.”

Gabriel smiled and offered a firm nod. “No worries at all, glad I could help,” he said before taking the beers and following behind Beelzebub to the booth they had sat at the last time they were here. They settled into their seats, enjoying the array of music that played over the speakers for them to listen to while they relished in each other's company. 

“You know, you should really try the beer this time. You might like it, Angel,” Beelzebub urged, nodding to the pint in front of them. “It’s not too bad once you get past the initial bitterness of it.”

Gabriel cringed at the thought but he couldn’t say he wasn’t curious to try. A year ago he wouldn’t have imagined liking hot chocolate, or reading, or sleeping but times change. Perhaps alcohol was worth a shot too. He shrugged, “I suppose.” He grabbed the glass in front of him and brought it to his lips to take a sip, Beelzebub watching him intently. He took a sip only to struggle to swallow it afterward, feeling a shiver crawl down his spine which he didn’t even know was possible. “Oh God, that’s horrific!” he exclaimed. “How can you, or anyone for that matter, drink that?”

Beelzebub laughed in amusement. “Oh it’s not that bad,” Beelzebub replied, “you’re just being dramatic. Maybe wine is more your thing.” 

Gabriel groveled at the idea of having to try something new again. “No, I think I’ll pass. I’ll stick with my hot chocolate for now, thank you,” he said sardonically. 

“Oh well, more for me then,” Beelzebub said, finishing their own pint in two large gulps and then grabbing Gabriel’s glass, intending to do the same. Gabriel grabbed at their hand before they could have another sip. 

“Ah ah, pace yourself, we don’t want the humans here to question our actions,” Gabriel explained. 

Beelzebub scoffed, “Oh please, they’ve been questioning our actions ever since you magically fixed the jukebox. Look,” the nodded to the surrounding guests. ‘Everyday’ had just started to play on the jukebox and a collective groan was shared throughout the establishment, though at least this time it shouldn’t play on repeat. 

Gabriel sighed gently before chuckling, unable to hold in his amusement any longer. “Oh well, fine, do whatever you please, just please don’t make me have to drag you back him,” he begged. Gabriel had never been drunk, though he knew about it only because of surrounding humans on his prior visits to Earth when he resided in Heaven.

“No need to worry, Angel, this demon can handle their liquor, believe me,” Beelzebub said, cracking open the packet of crisps and munching on a few of them. 

Needless to say, an hour later and two more beers in Beelzebub’s system, without a bottle to refill the beer in Beelzebub’s system with– and with the lack of attention they were attempting to get from the use of miracles –Gabriel had to carry Beelzebub back to their flat on his back, holding their legs securely around his waist as Beelzebub wrapped their arms around his neck for support. 

“Y’know, Gabe,” Beelzebub mumbled, their words ever so slurred, “I love you so much. I’m so glad we–” they hiccuped “--continued to have meeting despite being enemies. I don’t know what I’d do without you, well, besides rot in Hell, I guess.” Though their words made sense, Gabriel was still ever so amused at their slurred speech and unusually common sappiness. 

He could only reply with a simple, but heartfelt, “I love you too, Little Bee,” as he got out the key to open their flat door and prepare to aid his drunk partner.

[imperial-martian]

Like Real People Do [Ineffable Bureaucracy] (1/2)

Summary: Gabriel and Beelzebub had run into one another a handful of times over the last 6,000 years that they had been the lead representative of their respective domains. However, when they begin to meet outside of the usual context of-- well --war, an interesting development in their relationship begins to take place that they attempt to understand and navigate together. In other words: 5 + 1: 5 times Gabrield and Beelzebub meet in canon (extended), and 1 time they meet away from the viewers' eyes. The title of this fic and its chapters come from the song "Like Real People Do" by Hozier (honestly, my favorite Hozier song). AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49196800

3/6: We Should Just Kiss

4 Years Ago; Tadfield Air Base - Armageddon 

Despite the clear sky a bolt of lightning crashed to Earth causing the attention of everyone at the Tadfield Air Base to turn their head to witness as the Supreme Archangel Gabriel appeared behind the smoke and lightning. Beside him, the ground sizzled, cracked, and split open as Lord Beelzebub emerged from the pits of Hell, scoffing at the unpleasant glance Gabriel cast towards them. Both the Chiefs of their respective Forces disregarded each other and stepped forward, taking in the disaster before them. 

Gabriel and Beelzebub walked past Aziraphale and Crowley as the angel and demon glanced at each other in bewilderment before Crowley was the first to speak as the powerful duo turned around. “Lord Beelzebub, what an honor,” he said with an air of sarcasm as he bowed down. 

“Crowley, the traitor,” they stated matter-of-factly, only for Crowley to lean back up from his bow and sigh.

“That’s not a nice word,” he said. 

Beelzebub rolled their eyes. “All the other words I have for you are worse.” They paused for a second before declaring an answer, “Where’sss the boy?” Their speech reflecting that of a fly as their irritation with the incompetent demon grew larger.  

Crowley answered by nodding to the soon-to-be former Antichrist, Adam, which Gabriel was the first to notice. 

As he pointed his finger to Adam and began his approach he offered a faux grin while he proclaimed, “That one. Adam Young.” Beelzebub trailed right behind him as he leaned closer to the young boy, almost looming over him. “Hi. Young man… Armageddon must… restart. Right now,” Gabriel condescendingly explained, using his hands to exemplify the importance behind his words. “A temporary inconvenience cannot get in the way of the greater good,” Gabriel said. 

Beelzebub soon follows up Gabriel’s statements with one of their own and the already annoyed Archangel could only roll his eyes at the interruption. He clenched his fist to ground his annoyance before standing straight as Beelzebub spoke. 

“As to what it stands in the way of, that has yet to be decided,” they said. Everyone that surrounded them- well, minus Sargent Shadwell -was stunned at the insolence at the Prince of Hell’s statement, and their following declaration did not help their case. “But the battle must be decided now, boy. That isss…,” they paused, their eyes closing in frustration for only a moment, “your destiny. It is written. Now  start  the  war.” Their final sentence was annunciated, as though they were speaking to an incompetent child and not the current Antichrist. 

Some back and forth went on between them all, Aziraphale and Crowley now getting involved in the conversation. Both Beelzebub and Gabriel were gradually getting more frustrated, though Beelzebub always seems to be so, and lately so has Gabriel. 

In a final act of desperation, Gabriel taps Beelzebub on the shoulder. “Can I just–?” he asks while turning his back to Adam and the others, motioning for Beelzebub to follow behind him. The two of them step away from the group, gaining some privacy in the open space of the Air Base while Gabriel leans forward so that he is face-to-face with Beelzebub. “Um… I’m going to need to talk to… Head Office,” he says while pointing to the sky. He pauses for a moment, “How I am supposed to get 10 million angels to stand down from their war footing is– It doesn’t bear thinking about.” The annoyance and, perhaps even a bit of horror at the thought of having to return to heaven and tell his angels that no war was happening, was palpable.

“You should try to get 10 million demons to put down their weapons and get back to work,” Beelzebub said, looking back at Gabriel with a look of both equal understanding and a plea for non-existent help, though it didn't last longer than a fraction of a second if that. 

Still, with a shared look of understanding between the two of them, they came to a sort of agreement. They ended to get away from here and fast before things worsened. 

After scolding the failed Antichrist once more, and a threat to tell Satan himself, the Archangel and Grand Duke vanished into thin air, and while everyone around them had assumed they returned to their home base- so to say -the two had actually reappeared just outside the gates St. James Park where Gabriel frequently visited to jog. 

“What a bloody disaster!” Beelzebub exclaimed, groaning a sigh of frustration. 

Both of the ethereal beings walked into the park, finding a nearby bench to sit at, the opposing demon and angel leaning as far from each other as the bench physically allowed. There was nothing more to be said about this utter failure of a Great Plan. Instead, the two allowed themselves to sit in a peaceful- albeit, negatively charged -silence. They knew that they were only attempting to draw out the inevitable hell that awaited them both (for Beelzebub both literally and figuratively). 

It was hard enough to manage the conundrum the two were facing internally, forget about the fact that they’d have to return and manage the conundrum of thoughts- millions! -of angels and demons who were bloodthirsty and ready for battle. The Commander-in-Chiefs didn’t even want to take the time to think about it.

Instead, Gabriel observed the mortal humans who were roaming the park, watching as some fed the ducks bread. ‘They should really be feeding them frozen peas instead,’ he thought to himself. It wasn’t until a fly flew past his field of view that he turned his attention to the demon beside him, who was currently very focused on observing their flies as a form of distraction. 

Gabriel watched Beelzebub intently, taking in their features and memorizing as much as he can. He’d done this a thousand times to thousands of both ethereal and mortal beings, but Beelzebub’s appearance was… different, it was unique in his eyes. This wasn’t nearly the first time the demon and angel had crossed paths. They’d both been the respective representatives of Heaven and Hell individually, they were bound to cross paths throughout the years. However, this was the first time Gabriel had ever been given the opportunity to observe their appearance up close. Sure, he’d seen them many times, he’d even examined them from head to toe on multiple occasions, but this meeting was different. 

This was more intimate, more personal. It was the first time that the Prince of Hell and the Supreme Archangel actually chose to be in the presence of one another’s company with no strings attached. No threats of war, no scheming, no sly agreements, nothing of the sort. Just silence before the storm. And Gabriel could do nothing but appreciate the  Grand Duke’s style. From their uniquely designed hat to the sash that crossed over their body. Everything they wore seemed meticulously chosen and perfectly matched with everything else, and Gabriel was a stickler for tailored and pristine clothing.

It wasn’t until over an hour had passed before they finally decided that enough was enough and they’d have to head back. No words besides Beelzebub’s frustrated buzzing and silent curses were spoken between the angel and demon, but none had to be. Enough was said in the shared silence that not even words could do justice to the emotions that the angel and demon had bottled up inside. It was all said through stolen glances and hidden quirks (such as Gabriel’s needless fidgeting with the lapel of his suit or the flap of the fly on Beelzebub’s hat that only seemed to happen when their frustration would reach a boiling point). 

It was as if they knew time was up. They looked at each other simultaneously with a look of acknowledgment before both dissipated into smokes of purple and green. With a brief look of agitation that lasted only a second, their expressions turned to the stone-cold appearance that the Commander-in-Cheifs carried when preparing for battle. In the darkest pit of Hell and the brightest peak of Heaven, angels and demons alike roared in anger at the knowledge that no war was to happen just yet. 

3 Years Ago; Kафе in Russia - 1 ½ Years After Armagedidn’t 

Gabriel had arrived at the agreed meeting spot as soon as the clock struck 8:05, the agreed meeting time between him and the Grand Duke of Hell. He waited somewhat patiently, occupying his hands by cleaning the nonexistent dirt from beneath his fingernails. He only looked up as he saw an unfamiliar figure take the seat across from him. 

“You can’t sit there,” he said with a tone of voice that could only be described as surprise at the audacity of this stranger. He pointed his finger vaguely at the seat that the stranger had just occupied. “I’m waiting for someone.” 

“You’re waiting for me,” the stranger replied with a tilt of their head and a self-assured attitude. 

Gabriel furrowed his brows and replied, “I don’t think so,” as if it was the most obvious reply in the world- and for him it was. 

The stranger, annoyed with the back and forth at this point, shook their head before explaining, “New face. I had the old one for 6,000 years. I just thought it was time for a change.” As they continued their explanation Gabriel only began to get more and more confused. He didn’t know who this was, and for Heaven’s sake why was Beelzebub so damn late. This meeting was their decision in the first place. 

“I don’t know who you are.” At this point, Gabriel’s patience was running thin and if this stranger didn’t leave the table within the next two minutes he was close to striking them down with lightning. 

“Come on, it’s me!” They exclaimed, but still, Gabriel was not taking the hint despite the very obvious hat and clothing that should have given them away. “Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies,” they finally admitted, and instead of simply offering Gabriel that as enough explanation, they went a step further. “Watch.” Gabriel’s eyes narrowed as he observed them, watching as a fly left their mouth and flew just past him, buzzing along the way. “There you go.”

Gabriel shook his head a bit, as if clearing his thoughts, before asking, “Why did you want to meet me here?” 

Beelzebub was quick to answer. “Well, if we’re gonna have background talks, they can’t be in either of our home territories.”

“And what do we need to discuss?” Gabriel asked in return, a look of skepticism spread across his face, as though he didn’t want to be here- and while that was partially true, it was not because he didn’t enjoy Beelzebub’s company. 

“Arma-bloody-geddon. That was a complete and utter pain in the ass,” they said. Gabriel could only roll his eyes at the painful reminder of it. 

“I know, but we are ready for round two,” he was quick to inform the Prince of Hell. 

“As are we,” Beelzebub replied, though that was certainly far from the truth. “Utterly ready. Armageddon, here we come.” 

“Arma-bloody-geddon,” Gabriel said, mimicking Beelzebub’s earlier phrase. “Arma-bloody-geddon.” It didn’t sound quite right coming out of Gabriel, he gave a half-hearted smile, shaking his head and sticking his tongue out. “Blah.” He chuckled softly and Beelzebub couldn’t help but crack a smile. That was until Gabriel said, “Well, you lost.”

“So did you,” they replied factually.

“No, we didn’t.”

“Well, you didn’t win.”

Gabriel couldn’t deny that. “Tell me about it,” he said, leaning forward, “Everyone in Heaven is all like, ‘Well, your the commander-in-chief, can’t you just make the war happen anyways?’ Like, I make the rules,” he said, an air of annoyance laced in his tone. 

Beelzebub scoffed in disbelief, leaning forward onto the table. “That’s exactly what my lot is said.”

“Well, it’s good to know there is someone who understands. Thank you,” he said genuinely, giving them a small smile and a nod. Beelzebub returned his nod with one of their own. “It’s a pity we’ll never speak again,” he finished, standing up as the words left his mouth. 

He only got about a step away from the table before Beelzebub reached out and grabbed his sleeve. They cleared their throat, a twinge of embarrassment passing over them. “Uh, actually… um,” they groaned, frustrated with themselves. Gabriel gave them a look of bewilderment. They sighed, taking a non-existent deep breath. “Can you actually, um. Damnit, can you stay for just a bit longer?” 

Gabriel’s eyebrows were quick to jump up in surprise.

Beelzebub cleared their throat, letting go of Gabriel’s sleeve and looking away. “Nevermind. Ignore me, that was stupid.” They were just about to make themselves disappear, not caring if any mortal being saw when Gabriel was quick to interject. 

“No no, I don’t mind staying at all. Truthfully it’s nice to get out of Heaven once in a while, their constant nagging can be utterly infuriating at times,” Gabriel said, sitting back at the table across from Beelzebub. 

“Oh, you’ve got no idea. The demons in Hell can never shut up, always coming to me for the most trivial things, as if I have all the answers in the world. I’m the bloody Prince of Hell, not the Almighty Herself.” Beelzebub huffed a sigh before meeting eyes with Gabriel. They’d known the Supreme Archangel had vibrant eyes, but they’d never seen it this up close before- or perhaps they just never previously paid attention during their prior interactions. 

Gabriel’s chuckle was the only thing to draw them back into the moment. “Fair enough, as much as the angels in Heaven can get under my skin with their nagging, I suppose it must be worse in Hell.” Though it hadn’t been said directly it was clear that Hell wasn’t as orderly as Heaven had been, at least when the nagging occurred to Gabriel it was one at a time, he didn’t think Beelzebub got that same luxury. They most certainly did not.

“Do you ever wish someone would just tell you that you’re doing a good job?” Beelzebub asked suddenly, breaking Gabriel’s train of thought at the abrupt question. He hadn’t been prepared for a Beelzebub to admit something so vulnerable, and while it wasn’t a direct admission to wanting that to be said, the desire was evidently present. 

Gabriel took his time processing Beelzebub’s question, formulating a genuine answer. If they were comfortable being this vulnerable with him it was only right for him to offer an answer in the same vain. He leaned forward, his elbows holding himself up on the table as he folded his hands and rested his chin upon it. Beelzebub watched him attentively, observing as his violet eyes fluttered around the table as he tapped his foot. Though they hadn’t realized it a genuine smile spread across their face as they looked at him. The minute they realized that a smile crossed their face they wondered how often that had happened during their interactions without them having realized. They couldn’t help but internally cringe at their own embarrassment. This was not something they were used to, and yet it felt so natural. 

The second Gabriel began to speak Beelzbub snapped out of their trance-like rapture. “Hmm, well, I have to admit that I’ve never thought of it before, but I also can’t say that now the idea of hearing it doesn’t make me desire the appreciation that is offered. I don’t know, I suppose now that I think of it I’ve never truly been acknowledged for my efforts by my subordinates. Rather, things are rather robotic in Heaven. I’m given a command by the Almighty, I perform it, and the routine continues. Truthfully, I think if I were told that I did a good job I’d probably worry something was wrong.” He couldn’t help but chuckle at the sad truth behind that statement, but now that he thought about it being told any form of affirmation would probably be rather gratifying for him. 

Beelzebub continued to look at him with a brief expression of sadness. “I understand what you mean. I suppose it certainly would be strange, but I’d be lying if I said I don’t crave the acknowledgment every now and then. However, it is in a demons nature to lie so if anyone asks you didn’t hear it from me, Angel,” they said, playfully winking at Gabriel which made him offer a hearty laugh that Beelzebub couldn’t help but smile at, engraving the angelic sound of his laughter into their memory to remember forever. 

These were certainly not emotions that the Lord of Flies had ever experienced before– they don’t believe they ever experienced any positive emotion before. This was certainly going to take them some time to get used to, but perhaps that was a dangerous game they were willing to play. Then again, after this meeting with Gabriel, they never intended to meet each other again so perhaps this truly was a one-time thing. They weren’t sure why exactly but they couldn’t help but feel disappointed at the thought alone. 

Never seeing the Supreme Archangel was supposed to be a blessing, but for Beelzebub, the idea was beginning to feel like a horrid nightmare. 

2 Years Ago; Bar in America - 2 ⅔ Years After Armagedidn’t

Despite Gabriel having been the one to set up this particular meeting in a bar located in the States, Beelzebub had been the first to arrive. They were ten minutes early, though they knew Gabriel would be punctual as always and arrive exactly on the discussed time, but for Beelzebub waiting a bit in silence was no problem for them rather it was a sort of blessing after all the chaos in Hell. They sat at a high-top table, their pinky raised in the air as one of their flies meandered around it. If the Prince of Hell could feel emotions they would claim that watching the fly around their finger made them feel a bit calm. Although this corporal body that they take the form of when on Earth seems to make the demon experience a lot more human-like ‘features’ than they had predicted. 

Just as the thought crossed their mind, it vanished as Gabriel arrived at the arranged meeting time. “I have a proposal to make,” he declared as he took the seat opposite them, his hand pressed against his lower chest so that his tailored suit didn’t get caught on the table. “Instead of Armageddon, what about… no Armageddon?” 

The idea made Beelzebub’s eyes widen ever so slightly as they took their hands off the table, sat up straight, and intertwined their fingers as they leaned forward, preparing their next words carefully. “An interesting proposal.” They watched as Gabriel gave a curt nod. “No Armaggedon,” they said, almost as if to confirm Gabriel’s words, to which he, yet again, gave another nod with a tight-lipped smile. Beelzebub contemplated for a second longer before shaking their head ever so slightly. “They won’t like that, though. Most of my demons live for Armageddon if you can call that living,” they explained, with a bit of an eye roll at their last statement. 

Gabriel was quick to follow up. “Well, my angels too. But you can’t always get what you…” His eyes darted around the room for a second as he contemplated what to say next, “live for.” 

Beelzebub thought seriously of the proposal, leaning closer to Gabriel on the table as they asked, “Advantages to no Armageddon?”

“We keep the status quo, static and, uh,” he hesitated, looking to the right before continuing, “quoey.” 

Beelzebub looked around as if scoping out the bar to ensure there were no other demons or angels around, inching even closer to Gabriel to practically whisper their next words to him. “No one could ever know, of course.”

“Of course,” was Gabriel’s answer, spoken in a matter-of-fact tone. He was confident in his decision. “A deal?” He all but concluded, puffing his chest out a bit and leaning closer to Beelzebub, almost urging them to agree. 

“Mm,” was Beelzebub’s reply, a nod of agreement that Gabriel returned. 

For a moment the two sat in silence, save for the music that played throughout the bar in which Beelzebub was the first to recognize it. “I like this song,” they stated, relaxing their shoulders and leaning back a bit with a hint of a smile. 

“Song?” Gabriel questioned, his knowledge of earthly matter being less than sub-par. He was glancing around the room, trying to determine what it was that Beelzebub had spotted as if there was a physical form of the ‘song’ that Beelzebub claimed to enjoy. 

Beelzebub looked back at Gabriel as they explained, “The music that’s playing now.”

That only added to Gabriel’s confusion. “What music?” 

Beelzebub tilted their head to the side, a bit shocked at Gabriel’s ignorance of his surroundings. “The noise.”

“That’s music?” he asked rhetorically, though he wouldn’t complain if they offered clarification. Instead, they only chuckled with an ever-growing smile. 

The two paused for a bit until Beelzebub broke the silence once more. “I like it. Contains information in a tuneful way,” they said. Their next words were shared with Gabriel with a softer smile, their eyes glancing carefully at Gabriel’s face. “Everyday something is getting closer.” 

Gabriel looked at them tentatively. He glanced off to the corner of the table, preparing his next words carefully. When he was ready to speak again he looked up at Beelzebub and declared, “Then, um… Then I also like it.” The genuine smile that he offered them made their non-existent breath hitch in their throat– although with their corporal body maybe it wasn’t so non-existent. 

As the song continued to play both the Supreme Archangel and the Prince of Hell allowed themselves to indulge in mortal pleasures, bopping their heads back to the beat. Gabriel was tapping his leg to the song as Beelzebub fiddled with their thumbs. This continued until the song was finished, to which Beelzebub looked back at Gabriel and offered a small, soft chuckle that was quick to change to a contemplative look. 

“So… agreement concluded,” they said which led Gabriel to adjust his posture and sit up straight. “No need to ever meet again, is there?” they asked, a hint of a smirk on their face. Despite their best interests a part of them knew that this would not be their last meeting. Gabriel felt the same, though he played along with their conclusion. 

“None whatsoever.” 

Despite meeting a conclusive conclusion, neither of them stood from the table. Instead, they continued to enjoy the music as it shifted songs, enjoying each other’s company in contemplative silence. Minutes passed by with only shared glances and slight smiles spoken between them, well, until Beelzebub’s curiosity got the better of them. They knew neither of them wanted to leave just yet, returning to their respective corners was less than desired at the moment. 

So, Beelzebub spoke, glancing just above their shoulder to the table beside them. “Hmm, this is my first time at a bar with one of these green tables in the middle with the balls lined up in a triangle. What do you think it is? Want to give it a go?” Beelzebub asked. 

Gabriel peered over at the table beside them, tilting his head as he examined it. “Ah, I believe it’s called a ‘pool table’, at least that’s what I’ve heard the humans refer to it as, but then again I’ve also heard it called something like a ‘billiards table’ so I’m not quite sure. But yes, I would love to learn how to utilize the table as well,” Gabriel answered, pushing the stool back to stand and offering his hand to Beelzebub. 

“Angel, I think the proper phrase is ‘learn how to play’. It’s a game of some sort.”

Beelzebub took his hand, standing and joining him beside the table. As they did so they watched as Gabriel glanced around the room before walking over to a rack on the wall and pulling two sticks from it, as well as grabbing a blue box-like object. Gabriel had observed humans throughout their stay at the bar using the table and repeated their motion, rubbing the blue ‘stuff’-- chalk, he believes it was called --over the tip of the sticks– a cue, he thought --before handing one over to Beelzebub.    

“Hmm, I see, well, let’s play then!” 

Within a few minutes of the game, it became very obvious to Beelzebub that Gabriel was abnormally good at this game. He had made at least one of the solid-colored balls in during each round he played. “You must be cheating,” they declared, “You aren’t using miracles are you, Angel?”

Gabriel scoffed. “I wouldn’t dare waste the use of a miracle on something as trivial as this. I’m sorry to tell you this, Beelzebub, but you’re simply bad at this game,” Gabriel announced a shit-eating grin on his face. 

A whole round had gone by and Beelzebub only managed to get a singular ball in a pocket. 

Beelzebub huffed in defeat. “One more round, that was just beginners luck,” they said. 

Gabriel let out a genuine laugh, rolling his eyes at Beelzebub’s insistence. “Whatever you say Beelzebub,” he replied, a chuckle in his tone. 

Beelzebub missed two more shots with Gabriel haven’t missed a single one. The Prince of Hell huffed in annoyance and frustration, the cocky Archangel getting under their skin ever so slightly. 

“Heh, you really should let me help you with this, Little Bee,” Gabriel offered with a slight chuckle. He leaned his back onto the table in which they had initially sat, crossing one leg over the other while he shoved his hands into his pockets. 

‘This prick,’ Beelzebub thought as they heard Gabriel’s patronizing chuckle. They turned to him and froze for only a fraction of a second as they took in his posture and appearance, a slight heat rising to the palm of their hands. Finally, they asked, “Oh? How exactly do you intend to help me, Angel?” They crossed their arms with their cue held in their right hand, with the butt end of the cue planted firmly in the ground. Beelzebub’s eyes examined Gabriel as he leaned his own cue against the table he lounged on and approached them. 

Gabriel says nothing in response to their question. Instead, he approaches Beelzebub and places his hand on their waist, turning them so that they faced the pool table. He moved so that his chest was right up against their back while he took their hands into his. Gabriel adjusts them on the pool cue so that they line up to where they’re supposed to be (at least, to where he’s had them placed). He looks down at Beelzebub as they look up and him with the initial heat they experienced flooding the rest of their body that left Gabriel unsure why they felt so warmed (although he chalked it up to the fact that they reside in Hell). As he finished aligning them he took a small step back, but not too far, his hand still against their waist.

“Now, aim the white ball at the yellow-striped one and gently but firmly let the stick glide against your fingers, and then bam you’ll be golden. Shouldn’t be too hard for you, oh Prince of Hell,” Gabriel instructs.

Beelzebub rolled their eyes at Gabriel’s stupid little nicknames for them. First his condescending ‘Little Bee’ that they knew he was only saying to get a rise out of them (and they were gonna be damned if they were going to reveal that to him). They do as Gabriel instructed and strikes the white ball. As the white ball rolls on the table and collides with the yellow striped ball, the yellow one rolls rapidly into the center-left pocket, making Beelzebub’s eyes go wide, shocked that they actually managed to get it in. They don’t, and never will know, that Gabriel performed an ever so slight miracle to ensure that the shot was made, despite his earlier statement about performing miracles on trivial matters. 

After finishing this game, with the win going to Beelzebub, they agreed to play one more as a tie-breaker. Though it was much closer than the first game, Gabriel had won and Beelzebub was ever so slightly sulking at their loss. Gabriel found it amusing, poking fun at them for being a sore loser, but before they could even counter with an even snarkier comment they groaned as they were called back to Hell by Dagon. What a way to damper their mood. 

“Excuse me, it seems I’m needed back in Hell,” Beelzebub explained to Gabriel, who glanced at the time. It had been just over two hours since he arrived. 

Gabriel waved his hand, passively dismissing their pardon. “I should be getting back to Heaven now anyways, no need to worry. So long, Prince of Hell.”

Before Beelzebub could even process the words leaving their mouth, they said, “Until next time.” Walking out of the bar before vanishing instantly. 

Gabriel chuckled, “Next time indeed,” he whispered to himself. He was prepared to follow after them before a thought crossed his mind and he approached the bartender. “Can I ask you a question, Sir?” Gabriel asked. 

“Of course, what can I help you with?” 

“Ah, um… The song that goes something like ‘Every day, it’s a-getting closer / Going faster than a rollercoaster’. What’s its name?” he asked, not even bothering to sing the lyrics that he remembered. 

“Ahh, ‘Everyday’ by Buddy Holly is its name, Sir,” the bartender replied with a soft smile. “I saw you and your partner bopping along to it earlier. I’m glad you enjoy the music.”

“My partner?” Gabriel asked with a bewildered look. 

The bartender panicked, “Ah, my apologies, I shouldn’t have assumed. Your friend, I meant.”

“Ah, I see. Anyways, thank you for the song name. I’ll be on my way, here, take this for your kindness,” Gabriel said, offering the bartender two crisp twenty-dollar bills as he walked out of the bar and vanished back into Heaven. 

The bartender stared at the space Gabriel had occupied, shocked at Gabriel’s sudden disappearance, but they said nothing else and simply shoved the forty dollars into their pocket. 

[imperial-martian]

Just some thoughts about Ineffable Bureaucracy and people's reaction. It contains spoilers of Good Omens S2.

I love Ineffable Bureaucracy. I know many disapprove of their relationship because of the drama of the first season and all the limited screen time. However I frequently feel like no one gets what I'm saying. Especially when I try to explain my perspective on stuff, it's like I'm speaking another language that has some similarities to the other people's language so they understand some but misunderstand the point. And, to me, Ineffable Bureaucracy is all about finding someone that understands. Guess what I'm saying is I can relate to them, I would totally fall in love with someone only because they understand me.

Also I don't get why people complain about the speed of their relationship and don't complain about Nina and Maggie. In the beginning of the S2 Nina didn't seem to care about Maggie at all. And they talk mostly about coffee and the disco store. Hell Maggie didn't even know each other or that Nina had a partner. Beelzebub and Gabriel might hate it, but at least they knew some about each other.

Also about the argument that they almost killed A+C for the same crime they commit makes no sense. Like yeah and what about it ? They didn't plan to fall in love. And after they did what they were supposed to do ? Kill themselves? Or should they simply not love each other cuz they tried to murder Azira and Crowley? Like they could control how they feel or some shit.

And if you tried to argue saying that they wouldn't accept so easily that they fell in love. Consider that they probably didn't and it wasn't relevant to the plot, cuz they are side characters in the subplot and don't actually matter to the main couple arc. The importance of them to the plot was the opening position of the archangel (exile of Gabriel) which leads to the breakup.

[imperial-martian]

Still not comprehended the fact, that Gabriel gave up his throne to keep his promise to Beelzebub and protect them. And Beelzebub gave up their throne to find Gabriel and protect him.

[imperial-martian]

[imperial-martian]

The first time I watched the scene where Beelzebub calls the fly over I thought "Aw, how sweet they're talking to it like it's a puppy!" The more I rewatch it the more suspicious I get that that's...not entirely directed at the fly....like "Good boy" what the fuck? 👀😳...

[imperial-martian]

temptation 𓆩♱𓆪

[imperial-martian]

I’m fine 👍

[imperial-martian]

You know what I just realized?

Gabriel was never trying to find Aziraphale.

He was looking for Beelzebub.

But Gabriel couldn’t remember that, and when he wanders out of the elevator? Aziraphale’s shop is the only thing he even kind of recognizes.

So he asks for help, and Aziraphale obliges. But it was always about finding Beelzebub, and he says as much when they meet again.

“I was coming to you but I….forgot”

[imperial-martian]

OOOO-OOOO-WOOWW-WOOOOWWW

[imperial-martian]

GOS2 SPOILERS

#INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY

I am crying a lot. I don't want to disrespect Anna, but her Beelzebub was very 'socially awkward', and Shelley acts and you think "Beel loves Gabe".

[imperial-martian]

I remember during my first watch, this is the episode i really went 'ok but what is up with that fly??' and thought it might have been a spy of beelzebub or something

And on that note, could beelzebub sense that the fly was in the shop and just couldn't go?

[imperial-martian]

Wait so how thought through are we thinking Gabriel’s plan was—because if he was banking on Hell first and came up with it in the moment…..that desk trick was actually pretty clever.

Actually now that I’m thinking about it, it seems like he came up with most of his second plan on the spot…..I may be misinterpreting it though I haven’t rewatched it yet.

[imperial-martian]

I just realized something….I mean we all know these two idiots(affectionate) drew the romantic formulas out of novels and movies(and presumably irl) and then tried them out themselves…..with themselves and Nina and Maggie. The outcome is mediocre at best since Nina and Maggie still got a long way to go, and biblically disastrous at worst, as I am still wailing at the consequences.

The only couple that made it to the happy ending is the one that got no help, no sidekicks, no whatsoever, and needs to just blindly stumble their way through. I guess that’s a writer’s way of saying: “you can be here since the beginning of time, read/watched every romantic story that ever existed and still fuck up your own romantic relationship because love can’t be formulated. It just can’t. Tread those waters yourself.”

Also, gosh my English is SHIT. Sorry.

[imperial-martian]

Put in a very very very simple way, the entire theme of GO S2 is miscommunication. Lets see:

Gabriel arrives, amnesic, and says that something horrible was going to happen to him-prompting to imagine catastrophic scenarios-, which makes Aziraphale panic and then Crowley panics too, finding out in the end that hey, it’s not actually that bad, he was just being demoted.

Maggie and Nina have trouble communicating from the start, when Maggie shoots her shot without ever having talked to Nina before (properly at least). Nina then has trouble with her partner (which is another miscommunication thing mixed with manipulation and toxicity), they both assume things of each other, Nina's relationship ends, etc etc. All is resolved in the end because they talk, actually listen to what the other has to say and what each of them feels.

Gabriel and Beelzebub are shown to develop their relationship when they sit down to actually speak to each other properly and find out that hey, maybe you're not so bad, maybe not at all.

Even in one of the minisodes, when Aziraphale is so against the whole digging out dead bodies thing, his perspective shifts just by listening to what the Dr. had to say and realizes that he has a very valid point and that things are not black and white if you just listen.

The divorceTM is just a result of, quite literally, six thousand years of miscommunication that was never going to be resolved in a rushed confession of 5 minutes when Crowley and Aziraphale weren’t even focusing on the same topic, each too wrapped in their own subjects to stop and talk things through beyond resentment, excitement or even anger.

TLDR; communication is key. Literally everyone is able to fix their problems when they stop and listen to the other part, and Crowley and Aziraphale fail to do this multiple times. It was bound to happen.

[imperial-martian]

"The beauty part is it doesn't work!"

Jim likes flies :)

[imperial-martian]

Does anyone else watch the Ineffable bureaucracy scenes daily or is that just me?

I just can't get over the little smile Beelzebub gives Gabriel after, "you guys--uh--" and Beelzebub just looks at him waiting for his opinion and Gabriel crosses his hands over his heart and I die inside.