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you're going about your normal day when, suddenly, surprise! you've been pokémon mystery dungeon'd!

unfortunately, due to budget cuts, the pokémon assigning quiz has been canceled. instead, you must spin THE WHEEL, assigning you a random, unevolved, non-legendary and non-mythical pokémon. you must now go on some sort of world-saving adventure as this pokémon. good luck!

tell me in the tags what you rolled, and how you feel about it - for bonus points, you can spin the wheel again for (or just take your pick of) a pokémon to be your partner.

bonus rules:

you're not shiny unless the wheel tells you you're shiny

take your pick of regional forms and evolutions (for example, if you roll vulpix, it's up to you whether that means normal or alolan vulpix)

apply whatever logic you like with regards to gender

have fun and be yourself!

#i got skorupi #im neutral #its cool that its like vanessa in penny dreadful

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More stories from hell (retail) today I was ringing up this lady and she goes oh I want to do part of this on a gift card and the rest on normal card and I go ok and then she hands me a folded piece of paper. I think oh OK it must be folded around the gift card, right? Wrong. It is a folded sheet of 8×11 printer paper with "$40" written on the inside in ballpoint pen. I go what is this. She says a gift card. I say this is not a gift card. She says yes it is. I say this is a piece of paper with "$40" written on it. She says "well it's a gift card." I say it absolutely is not. I am grinding my teeth. She says well I want to use it. I say you physically cannot do that bc it is a piece of paper. I cannot scan or swipe it. I apologize, as if this is my fault, and not because she is completely insane. I hate it here

#I used to work reception at a Dr office #and a patient came in at like 4:00pm and she’s like I’m here for my appointment #I look and her appointment was at 3:00pm she missed it #and she FLIPPED #and I was like #I’m sorry you have the wrong time you missed your appointment it was at three #and she’s like #I HAVE PROOF #and she gave me a hand written note #that said #I have a Dr appointment at 4:00pm

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Your father use to roleplay as a tape worm for my pleqsure

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I wish rainbow trout flew around in the skies so I could release them like doves at my wedding.

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"i'm mr sterling's right hand arm. man." is to say: i am the unutterable wisdom that precedes and gives rise to verbal understanding.

"i'm mr sterling everything" is to say: i am the undifferentiated matrix through which the phenomenon of "mr sterling" is apprehended.

"his confidant. his best friend. his silly rabbit." is to say: the unity of the two, differentiated and undifferentiated, quiescence and clarity, produces a third which is motion, who then goes on reproduce itself indefinitely.

"does he call you that? no." is to say: the name which can be spoken is not the eternal name.

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His yucky face is my favourite thing ever

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before twitter goes, here’s my favorite tweet of all time

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Basically I enjoy manipulating people by asking them nicely for what i want and then thanking them afterwards.

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it’s been like this

#LMAO #😭

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people on tumblr love adding "this is the funniest comment ive ever read" "every part of this image hits like a truck" "okay but can we talk about (lists all the things that make a joke funny)" in the comments. why dont you keep your voice down and let the posts wash over you in blissful silence

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when the curse is lifted

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I been searching my blog for the last hour tryna find this video its so fucking funny

#FAV

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I been searching my blog for the last hour tryna find this video its so fucking funny