icyalabaster

[icyalabaster]

i wonder how much colder they would even make it here. i'll be just fine regardless, but i can only assume with how catastrophic the change was in hoenn that their plans will make northern sinnoh uninhabitable.

#team winter mumbling #❄️ snow warning. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

seems i'll be having an interesting vacation.

...

Sinnoh.

Post by: Team Winter Administrator Kelvin

#❄️ snow warning. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

ALERT: MASSIVE EXPERIMENT FAILURE. ANYONE NEAR OUR HQ IS POSSIBLY IN DANGER.

This is Gregor M., Head of PR, and this is fucking urgent. I've forwarded alerts to Ranger stations around the area to get their shit together and come help.

I was told not to let word get out to anyone besides the Rangers, and I'm probably going to be fired, but this is just that important!

Read this very clearly, start to finish. At 9:47 A.M. GST (Galar Standard Time), Project Recovery officially began testing. Our first subject was a Parasect, missing a claw and several legs due to a battle gone horribly wrong. The replacement DNA strands, taken from a Venisaur, were inserted, taking over the defective DNA that only allowed the Parasect (like most other creatures that aren't Grass types) to scar over wounds...

Except it didn't take over. They fucking, according to our best theories, fused together and somehow, some way, that fuse melded the entirety of the Parasect's DNA with the entirety of a Venusaur's DNA, despite the fact only a fraction of Venusaur DNA was ever used.

Mind you, this is theoretical, we have no idea what actually happened, but that's the best guess we can take. It's happened before, back in the infancy of our company when we were just a small group of crackshot scientists trying out crazy theories to see what stuck... But never the entirety of a Pokemon fusing. At worst, it was a fusion of coloration, patterns, maybe even facial structure. But that was it.

All cameras began to malfunction during the test for an unknown reason and eventually ceased to function entirely.

So, something happened with the experiment, and now that that entire wing of the main building has been locked down, we're not going to be able to understand until the Rangers arrive. It's not been that long, and the only reports we received were from people who ran- barely getting a look at whatever happened. All we know is that whatever had gone wrong was occurring with the Parasect and that it was starting to seize and lash out.

So for the love of Arceus, get out of here. We knew the possibilities and errors that could be made, and thought we were prepared. None of you are knowledgeable of this kind of stuff, and if whatever happened to the Parasect is genuinely dangerous, I'd never be able to cope with someone getting hurt by this entire situation.

This is a certifiable PR Disaster, but fuck it, let the disaster come, and get the hell away from the Synthesis Association HQ in Northeast Galar, and get to the exact opposite side of Wyndon. I'll see if I can't get any alerts discretely sent out over TV and radio, so stay tuned if you still have a radio or TV.

#... is anyone else seeing this post on their feed? anyone else? #high stakes pokereality #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

Oh, I don't think you understood... I teach your class.

OH NO BRO.

#oh this is hilarious. rest in peace kid. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

aw. you're welcome, pippin!

okay, i'll admit the togepi is cute.

#i don't have a clue what he wrote. ha #❄️ snow warning. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

okay, i'll admit the togepi is cute.

#it also confirmed what i was thinking. this is a mess. #❄️ snow warning. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

even with all the maps you likely have in stock? hm.

can i have 6 pokeballs

Your all horrible to me.

#❄️ snow warning. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

do you even know where alamos is?

can i have 6 pokeballs

Your all horrible to me.

#genuine question. #❄️ snow warning. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

indeed.

i give him three days before he has a mental breakdown like the other two. at maximum.

#i can only wonder how this even works if my assumption is correct. #❄️ snow warning. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

there are two other accounts run by individuals that bear an uncanny resemblance to you, and by extension each other. their names are also rather similar to yours, if not appearing outright derivative. i won't tag them, it's their choice should they want to talk with you, but you three all appear very alike in looks in mannerisms.

i give him three days before he has a mental breakdown like the other two. at maximum.

#❄️ snow warning. #pkmn irl

[icyalabaster]

i give him three days before he has a mental breakdown like the other two. at maximum.

#❄️ snow warning.

[icyalabaster]

do you think togepi eggs would make for banger omelettes

Do you think god reads these posts and hates them as much as i do?

#quite bold of you to assume god watches anything here anymore. lol

[icyalabaster]

i think i'm starting to understand why he did that now.

#❄️ snow warning. #[[ snow seeing volo's askbox get raided immediately

[icyalabaster]

fine then, since you're out of pokeballs, do you have any type plates?~

Not for you~

#boooo. oh well.

[icyalabaster]

do you have ultraballs though?

Ultraballs fall under our pokeball category, but thank you for at least being unique with your- pestering.

#it was a genuine question! it's hard to tell if 'pokeballs' were meant to be taken categorically or just specifically the regular ones.

[icyalabaster]

would you want to live forever?

Seems like it'd be horrible for your mental health.

[icyalabaster]

Volos on rotomblr count: 3 known

What.

#oh grief. another one. #pkmn irl