iamaprofessionalloner

[iamaprofessionalloner]

It is my intention to listen, but my hands keep giggling while reminding me I don’t get to be a human being for very long, as if this were the punchline to a joke whose first half I missed. I arrived too late. I typically arrive about three years too late. I wish I had been able to sit in that white, aromatic kitchen and look you in the face, but I was not ready. I was still on my way.

— Mikko Harvey, from "Wind-Related Ripple in the Wheatfield," Let the World Have You

[iamaprofessionalloner]

Doctor Who Lockscreens (Part 3)

☾reblog if you saved | send your request☽

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“And when you told me what your favorite book was, I bought it and read it over and over… trying to find pieces of you in it.”

— Unknown

[iamaprofessionalloner]

[iamaprofessionalloner]

I remember Kitty saying we shared a deep longing for

the consolation prize, laughing as we rinsed the stagecoach.

I remember the night we camped out

           and I heard her whisper

“think of me as a place” from her sleeping bag

           with the centaur print.

I remember being in her father’s basement workshop

when we picked up an unknown man sobbing

over the shortwave radio

and the night we got so high we convinced ourselves

that the road was a hologram projected by the headlight beams.

I remember how she would always get everyone to vote

on what we should do next and the time she said

“all water is classic water” and shyly turned her face away.

At volleyball games her parents sat in the bleachers

like ambassadors from Indiana in all their midwestern schmaltz.

She was destroyed when they were busted for operating

a private judicial system within U.S. borders.

 

Sometimes I’m awakened in the middle of the night

by the clatter of a room service cart and I think back on Kitty.

Those summer evenings by the government lake,

talking about the paradox of multiple Santas

or how it felt to have your heart broken.

I still get a hollow feeling on Labor Day when the summer ends

and I remember how I would always refer to her boyfriends

as what’s-his-face, which was wrong of me and I’d like

to apologize to those guys right now, wherever they are:

No one deserves to be called what’s-his-face.

[iamaprofessionalloner]

1. You will look for love in all the wrong places. In a pack of cigarettes. Underneath the tires of an airplane. In the arms of a boy who is scared of your fire. In the eyes of one who lights it. Between the pages of an encyclopedia. At the bottom of the wine bottle. In the concrete tunnels beneath your city. This is okay. It’s called trial and error for a reason. Hint: it’s a lot closer than you think. 2. When you find out who you are, your first instinct will be to fight- to rip the poetry from your veins and tear your notebooks into shreds. You will do these things and the words will still come pouring out of you. Give them a home. 3. You will kiss boys who are mean to you. You’ll even think you love a few of them and it’ll take years but when you finally leave, they’ll think they love you too. Keep walking. 4. When you get your first F in college, you will drive to your parents’ house and cry in their laps. Your grandmother will call you stupid for crying over a test and remind you that her sister is dying in the next state over. Kiss her cheek and sleep with your door open. It helps with her nightmares. 5. You will go back to someone who treated you badly and he will treat you badly again. It will not kill you. Don’t you give him that power. Your name means warrior, means fortress, means determination. Cry it out, scream from your rooftop, fill an entire notebook with curse words. Then keep going. 6. You will walk into some places and feel the weight of the world slip from your shoulders. These are called safe places. They are few and far between. Covet them. 7. You will get drunk and scream at your ex-boyfriend on your birthday. Your friends will join you. This is how you know you will never let them go. 8. You will experience moments of sublime happiness. Tiny glimpses of ecstasy. They are meteors. Bask in their light. 9. It will take you 20 years to learn to love yourself. Some days, you will forget how. On these days, call your mother. Go home and look at old pictures. Drink tea with lots of honey in it. Spend time with people who remind you who you are. Be patient with yourself. It gets easier with every passing year. 10. You will fight the good fight. And sometimes you will lose. Sometimes you’ll even think that you have no fight left. On nights like this, watch a silly movie and go to sleep. Wake up and put your gloves back on.

Fortesa Latifi - the poet talks to herself. and to you. and you. and you. (via madgirlf)

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“Nothing is more heartbreaking than when you try your hardest and it still isn’t enough.”

— Unknown

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“In the end, I cared about him so much that I just thought he deserved someone who loved him more than I did.”

— Lisa Unger, Beautiful Lies

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“People who need help sometimes look a lot like people who don’t need help.”

— Glennon Doyle Melton

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather have more than somebody loving me.”

— Sue Monk Kidd

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“When I talk to you I am happy. Because you listen, and my words find a home.”

— Edmond Jabès, The Book of Questions Volumes 2 and 3 (via meineluft)

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“When someone loves you, the way they talk about you is different. You feel safe and comfortable.”

— Unknown (via thoughtkick)

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“I’ve never been so scared of losing someone in my entire life, then again nothing in my life has ever meant as much to me as you do.”

— Unknown

[iamaprofessionalloner]

“I don’t care, I love you anyhow. It is too late to turn you out of my heart. Part of you lives here.”

— Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait in Letters

[iamaprofessionalloner]

Ways of Being Lonely

by Kim Addonizio

Like a haunted river no bridge wants to lay itself down over. Like a taxidermied grizzly in the student union. You cry at a frequency only subatomic insects can hear. That time with him in Houston. Sometimes you flame into a scary flower. An eruption of coherence in the postmodern seminar. You stand in a shallow creek and your reflection floats slowly downstream without you. Alcohol is your emotional-support animal. The fan hums erratically. An unclaimed suitcase of miniature toiletries, burst open on the baggage carrousel. Like an amoeba without an e-scooter. An extra in an epic battle scene, trampled by a non-Equity horse. You’re a red-breasted flute, but everyone else is a dowel. A Zen koan growing in the White House Rose Garden. Sun-damaged curtains in the parlor of an abandoned friendship. You’re the queen, but you’re a bee being swept into the pool’s filtration system. Like a version, touched for the very last time. Spooky piano music rising from the dishwater. You wake up alone to a bird reciting Keats.

[iamaprofessionalloner]

When will they ever learn?

[iamaprofessionalloner]

INFJ Confession #3203

With me I rarely romantically like someone. But boy when I do I’m obsessed (not literally) I get jealous when they aren’t as affectionate with me as they are with others. I don’t necessarily get clingy but I show them more attenation than I give anyone else. I’ll think about them a lot and try to figure them out. I find myself always liking the mysterious ones that’s been or going through a lot & it always messes me up but I don’t usually really care until they leave and I’m all alone.