i-gotta-tell-someone-blog

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Oh look, a few hours at work and I still want to die. Revolutionary.

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I 👏🏻 want 👏🏻 to 👏🏻 die 👏🏻

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Next time someone says you look familiar, tell them you do porn.

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I swore I'd never kill myself but does it really matter if the last person I let down is myself?

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If you do it enough, it becomes really easy – almost habit – to lie to yourself about your mental health. You think, “I’m handling this. I’m functioning the best way I can.” And then you find yourself needing a few drinks to go to the grocery store. To go the doctor. To go to sleep. You lose a job. And then another one. Friends start to disappear. A relationship starts to fall apart. You see it all going up in flames, but you ignore it.

Erika Keller, “Anxiety, Alcohol, and a Second Chance at Joy” (via twloha)

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for the record, ‘not feeling anything’ is a valid and not unusual response to trauma or grief

so if you feel empty and devoid of feeling, it’s not because you’re a cold and uncaring person.

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s/o to every closeted person hearing about the pulse shooting who has to act normal and unconcerned so as not too act ‘suspiciously upset’ I see you & I understand

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3 things you said in 3 days

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Please let me die

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They say people buy flowers for the dead because regret is stronger than gratitude, than appreciation.

With this feeling eating me up, hoping that buying flowers will show I really did care. Hoping that showing up to his grave will bring me the peace I have been searching for for 3 years. I will pour out my soul in front of the living. I will compliment people I think are beautiful. I will tell those I love how much I appreciate the little things they do and how they brighten my life.

And so, my dear, I hope you do not get sick of hearing how sleeping next to you calms my nervous mind when I cannot sleep. Your ability to make me laugh when I feel certain I am about to crumble into nothingness with the sadness that weighs me down. Your patience as I overcome this battle each day. And if it ever happens that I get overwhelmed and frustrated, I forget to look at all the wonderful things you do, and I do not kiss you before falling asleep please do not take this as a sign I love you any less. Remember all the times I have said I love you with each small reminder of how much I appreciate you.

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Happiness is like a candle. You can share your light with people without loosing any of your own flame. You can help people relight their happiness by being happy yourself. When you are feeling low, you can surround yourself with happiness. Happiness brings light in the darkest times.

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I’m terrified of the day my parents find out I have tattoos. I have been explicitly banned from having tattoos and when I started dying my hair (only natural colours allowed) it was on the condition that I never got tattoos.

If this is before I leave uni my parents might stop giving me pocket money and I’ll have to find more work (I work a part time job and freelance work when I can get it) and that could make life very difficult considering I’m already struggling to keep up with my studies, and they’re only going to get harder, as well as suffering from depression and anxiety. If it’s after uni they might just kick me out the house.

Now you might wonder why I got tattoos if they are gonna cause me such a problem?

My tattoos have saved my life. I have two tattoos so far. Lyrics reading “ a little’s enough” reminding me that a little love for myself is enough to help me with my depression, a little self care as well as accepting love from others. The second is a semicolon. A promise to myself that I will never commit suicide. I have been suicidal for the last 4 years but I am going to make it through and this is a sign to myself that I have made this decision and I will keep making this decision every day.

I jump through every hoop my parents throw at me. I’m at a brilliant university studying a very employable degree that I love. I have good friends. I have a loving boyfriend that gets on with my parents (better then I do even). I did well in school. I have done everything they asked of me. I follow their house rules but my body is my home, my temple and I will decorate my alter as I see fit.

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And you make jokes because you’re afraid to take anything seriously. Because if you take things seriously, they matter.

“Damned If You Do,” House M.D. (via wnq-movies)

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IS NOONE GOING TO MENTION HOW HARD IT IS TO MAKE DIRECT EYE CONTACT? DO YOU STARE IN THE LEFT OR THE RIGHT IDK