how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

I made my mom watch The Lorax (2012) with me ironically, and now we're talking about getting a stuffed Lorax toy or something like that. And she just came to my room, stared at me dead in the eye, and quietly said "tell me the truth... have you been seeing Ed Helms porn online?"

Not even Once-ler porn.

ED HELMS PORN.

#the lorax (2012) #the lorax #the once-ler #the onceler

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

Tumblr classified this as delicate content. Mr. Once-ler’s big dick energy is just too much.

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

Me, when the Lorax comes back and forgives Oncie: Omg this is so beautiful everything’s going to be alright 😭❤😍😭❤😍😭❤😍😭

Also me: NO BITCH WTF DON’T BE PROUD OF HIM HE’S LITERALLY THE REASON WHY WE’RE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND DON’T ACT LIKE YOU DIDN’T TRY TO MURDER HIM THROWING HIM DOWN A WATERFALL WHILE HE WAS ASLEEP, YOU HIPPIE REVOLUTIONARY WHORE.

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

if you hate the once-ler youre just twinkphobic

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

I'm still around. Actually, I'm new, I always loved the book but despised the movie, but now that I hit my twenties I kind of get the Oncehype and I'm so here for it. So, yeah, I'm new but I'm old and I hate and love this movie.

It’s been 6 years and I’m still thinking out the Once-Ler, what the fuck.

But in all seriousness, I want to write a fanfiction about him or something and talk about The Lorax to somebody. But there’s probably only, like 6 people in the fandom.

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

No, you don’t get it, I genuinely want some good Oncelax shit. Just a twink and his hairy daddy planting trees or making pancakes together. But all I can find is some weird kinky crack shit, usually involving eating actual shit and Oncie having a thing for the Lorax’s moustache. Like, I know that bitch definitely has a thing for the Lorax’s moustache, but let them just hold hands and cuddle under a warm thneed in cold winter Sundays, you cowards. Let furries be soft.

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

I other news, I'm writing this bitch.

Yes, but consider a super complex 2012 x 1972 Oncest slowburn? Like, I’ve been thinking about how Oncie’s family is constantly abusive to him but the movie doesn’t seem to care. They just go for the “it’s tragic when it happens to a kid but it’s funny when it happens to a twenty-something guy because lol men who can’t defend themselves are hilarious” approach, which is really sad. I think it would have been interesting if they played Oncie’s family abuse a bit more seriously. It makes sense for a guy who has been humiliated by the people who should love him all his life to go full supervillain mode after having the smallest taste of success and respect, and it would also have been an interesting moral. “Just because a succesful man has the cliché backstory of overcoming abuse/poverty and proving everyone who didn’t believe in him wrong, it doesn’t mean his business practices aren’t questionable.” I know it’s not the moral of the original work, but they didn’t make a lot for that message that goes beyond “nature = good/capitalism = bad” either.

Anyway, I’m not here to complain about this movie (even though I’d love to). So, Oncie’s family is really toxic and the poor boy hasn’t had a bite of actual affection in his whole life. I’m sorry, but if 1972!Once-ler took him under his wing and showed him the slightless bit of respect, Oncest shit would happen.

And I really need that Oncest shit happening. A complex, mature slowburn of these guys having the most unhealthy relationship but eventually learning to work out their flaws as individuals to make it work. Oncie understanding his family doesn’t love him and he doesn’t have anything to prove to them, and the alpha bitch Mr. Once-ler realizing money is not everything and he’ll have to give up some shitty practices to keep dating this dorky hipster hillbilly.

Where the fuck do I sign?

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

1972!Once-ler: Yeah, I mean, it kinda sucks, but I can’t just tell all these people to go home, y'know? And sure, I’m kinda ashamed, poor animals, but business is business and…

2012!Once-ler: I’m a bad bitch, fuck the bitch, bitch get slick, I'ma cut the bitch🎶

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

Send Me Your Assumptions About Me And I’ll Respond With “Correct,” “Nope” or “Kinda”

this sounds fun and im sleepy but send em

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

What kind of gays would The Lorax (2012) characters be

Oncie: yells "this is homophobia!" when called out and every time someone tries to tell him how to improve himself.

Lorax: "move, I'm gay" and "this is a gay only event" at every situation.

Ted: thinks adding "no homo" to everything and always making clear how hot women are makes him look less gay. It doesn't.

Audrey: hippie lesbian who deserves a hippie girlfriend. Always says "I'll just marry a tree" at the smallest inconvenience to get one.

Grammy Norma: probably pretended to be Oncie's girlfriend at some point of their youth, as in m/m-w/w solidarity.

O'hare: takes advantage of his gayness to get other gays to buy his products. Uses the "gay" adjective before evey word when promoting them. Makes a gay version of air.

O'hare's delivery guy: frequents gay bars and probably performs in drag. Vogue, YMCA, It's raining men; bitch dances to everything.

#the lorax (2012) #the lorax #once-ler #ted wiggings #the greedler #grammy norma #o'hare #o'hare delivery guy

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

True love

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

Okay, but Oncie is the most accurate representation of Tumblr. Bitch started cool and we, the gay forest creatures, loved it, and then it got a taste of success and became a cartoon villain overnight. And still will put "<3" and "yeah, we know" in everything, to create the illusion of being cool and relatable, just like Illumination did when they decided to turn the Once-ler into a guitar playing hipster, because "that's what kids these days like, right?"

Hot take

Tumb-Ler

He just tumbles around aimlessly not listening to anyone’s suggestions on how to improve himself and it’ll probably get him killed within like a month or so.

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

This is homophobia.

Tumblr crossed the line.

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

They're bitches, but they're our bitches.

anotherler

lov them Once-lers….theres so many to adore…canon and fannon…like ya got book Once-ler and TV special ler and 2012 ler we’re so spoiled

dam u rite….

Reblog If You Think All Once-lers Are Beautiful

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

The Official “Log Off” Protest F.A.Q! 

The “Log Off” protest is in response to the recent NSFW ban announced by Tumblr. The ban flags all content the filtering system detects as NSFW, reducing visibility to the community. The system has proven time and time again that is inefficient, oftentimes flagging SFW material as NSFW. 

This SFW material includes art, memes and so on. This ban directly hurts the community and will not solve the actual problems at hand due to the poor flagging system. Because of this, the entire community will suffer.  

So to respond, I propose that every user on Tumblr logs off of Tumblr for 24 hours on December 17th at 12 am EST. 

Times are listed above depending on timezone! 

This post responds to some very common questions about the protest. So make sure to read it over! 

How to Export Your Blog: 

https://tumblr.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/360005118894-Export-your-blog

Alternative Sites: 

Pillowfort

Mastodan 

Wordpress 

Twitter 

There is also an official Tumblr blog (ironic, huh?) and Twitter for the protest! It’s at: 

Twitter - https://twitter.com/logoffprotest

Tumblr - https://logoffprotest.tumblr.com/

There will be official updates on each account. Make sure to tag us in any posts, or use the hashtag #logoff2018 ! 

Thanks for your support guys. Let’s fight to make Tumblr better. Actually better. 

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

A few nights ago I dreamed I found out a famous/iconic character looked a lot like Oncie (or dressed like him or had the same aesthetic idk) and I ran to my mom with a pic on my phone like "BITCH, THEY REALLY COPYPASTED THIS CHARACTER, WTF, LOOK!" and she was like :o

But when I woke up I couldn't remember what character it was.

#onceler

[how-life-consuming-can-oncest-be]

People saying fetishizing Oncie is disrespectful for the movie, like a bunch of Illumination creatives (the people behind Minions) who probably studied marketing wouldn’t guess, in fucking 2012, that a twenty-something hipster who is kind of dorky and naive, plays guitar and becomes a cartoonish charismatic villain through an evil song, would end up starting a fixation in some sectors of the TUMBLR FANDOM. Sorry, Oncie is a marketing strategy designed to be cool and hip and adorkable, and even if he wasn’t meant to be fetishized, at least one person in Illumination should have guessed some weirdos online would want to fuck him.

And by weirdos online I mean me. Sue me. Nothing is sacred and certainly anything that comes from Illumination isn’t sacred, either.