honest-apricot

[honest-apricot]

On Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood

It took me a while to watch FMAB, because first off, I didn’t grow up with it, and second, the first time I watched it, it was right after I finished Hunter x Hunter, and both had an exhausting amount of world building that took me a while to get used to, so I still haven’t fully processed HxH by the time I started FMAB. But now that I got the time (and got two people’s urgent recommendations to watch it), I watched and got immersed in its world.

My first thought is that I wish that I watched this as a kid. It has the same youthful idealism as Avatar: The Last Airbender but I think it has even heavier philosophical themes about death and what constitutes humanity. It furthers the idea of a strict moral compass, really showing how cool it is to be both brave and strong, as well as earnest in the preservation of human dignity. 

What struck me the most about Ed and Al were their uncompromising ways of never breaking their promises, especially to each other. They have full respect of each and every person they meet along their journey, always treating them equally, taking a neutral stance with them always, never pitying or patronizing, or praising and being pushovers. When Ed talks to Major Miles, he doesn’t hesitate to say that there were Ishlavans who also killed people who were dear to him. He could easily be taken as insensitive, but he is also endeared to because he’s so honest and transparent.

I’m much more like Al, who is quiet and gentle, always taking time before saying what’s on his mind, and overthinking if something is true on not (especially when he was thinking that Ed just made him and inserted his memories into his body). But even Al is incredibly brave, always moving forward even without his rock of a brother, wise and gentle and faithful. In short, Al is my baby don’t hurt him!!! When I thought the author had really killed him off, I was so sad because he’s such a sweet character and he so deserved to have his body back.

But still, Ed is someone whose personality is really the best, and I wish I had it. He’s brave and idealistic, but also has such strong determination to find their bodies back without having to resort to using a Philosopher’s Stone. His creativity and wisdom in his humility in how he faced Truth at the end, when he gave up alchemy to bring back Al in his body, is truly inspiring. How he always just saw himself as equal to everyone else, all of the people he helped and those who helped him—they were all the same to him, all equally flawed, all equally with potential for goodness. He has a really inspiring personality—well, both of them to—that I just wish I had watched as a kid and was able to act out from that inspiration of courage as I grew up.

I like how gray, still, the characters of Ed and Al were. They were good kids, and they were idealistic in how they were never going to kill people or use human lives as objects, even as alchemists. But Ed was still rash and had a temper, while Al was sometimes weak-minded. They made a number of mistakes, making them relatable and extremely likeable. At the same time, they’re young and while they could be easily impressionable, they also always question what they’re faced with and believe in the worth of a human life, as their core. They do not only question faith, being scientists and not truly believing in a God with a face, like Leto, but also question science itself, the evil that lies in alchemy, how it objectifies people’s lives into objects as they are used as test subjects and natural resources for energy.

And the truth is that one should not have blind belief in one thing, like a God of religion or of the science of the world, but one should always question and pursue the truth constantly, and in that, find what is really true and real by the hand of their own thoughts. On the other hand, the other truth, at the end of the day, is that we are human, and as humans, we should not see ourselves as above anybody else, and especially not above the power of the universe, or God.

So basically, we need to remain humble and compassionate and understand our place on this earth, but we should always pursue, with our humility in one hand and our curiosity in the other, what is real and good, in our own loving ways. 

[honest-apricot]

Independence Day Thoughts

Today is the Philippines’ Independence Day, but I can’t bring myself to see the Philippines as an independent nation. This is mostly colored by the Anti-Terror Bill awaiting our president’s signature that would give the police, the military, and the government the power to tag and arrest anyone they see as threats as terrorists. As many of my peers are, I am against this because of the lack of nuance the bill holds that gives too much power to the police and government, like withdrawing compensation for innocent civilians who get detained or arrested, and legalizing surveillance of absolutely anyone they deem a terrorist, including protest-attendees. But I think a major reason that I felt that I lacked the right to have an opinion is that I wasn’t sure about the situation that made the government deem the Anti-Terror Bill as urgent, whether or not it’s a veil to create a authoritarian rule ala Marcos-era Martial Law.

Terrorism is not a big issue in Metro Manila or Luzon, which is what I understand of what is relevant to the Philippine law. But I know that it is in issue in Mindanao, and therefore maybe the bill is something to combat a situation that is brewing there. I was able to talk to Nelly, who grew up in a city in Mindanao, and who was able to tell me that the law is something being supported by those who have experienced the fear of that terrorism back in her hometown, and that there were situations in Mindanao of criminals or terrorists being let go by the military because the Human Security Act was a hurdle in their arrest. So it made me think—is it right that I am saying to junk the terror bill?

But still, I realized that if it is made into law, it will be in the hands of people I do not trust. Even if it will help combat terrorism in Mindanao, it can also be used against innocent people, or just people who want to express their disdain for the government’s actions, no matter where they are in the country. I already do not trust the police, especially after their arrest of a group of jeepney drivers whose protest was just to ask for justice for their lack of security, and the arrest of protesters against the bill. These people have the right to speak up, yet they were stripped of that right.

Still, there’s a widespread lack of understanding of the struggles that the people of Mindanao are experiencing. This is the first time I truly went out of my way to try and understand what exactly happened to Marawi and why Martial Law was placed on Mindanao for so long—I didn’t even exactly know when it ended. I didn’t know how complex the matter truly is. And I only scratched the surface.

What I did find out is that more than 90% of those who join terrorist groups join because of the money, because they are usually out of stable jobs and the terrorist groups offer them that stability (however, oftentimes, they’re not actually fairly compensated). As usual, capitalism is the root of the problem. If our Manila-centric economy was able to circulate properly, if 0.01% of the richest people in our country could pay fair wags and use their lands fairly, if the government wouldn’t pocket our taxes and use their position to their advantage, then the probably of this happening would probably go down by more than 80%. 

In terms of the religious background of terrorist groups, the ideology of the Maute group, which was connected to ISIS, was to create a caliphate that catered to their extremist Islamic views—a contrast to the ideology of the MILF, former enemies of the Philippines govt, and current allies, as the MILF navigated the peace process and aim for a diplomatic autonomous state. But there are also Muslims who want to coexist peacefully with the Christians, who do not care for independence, and these are usually civilians. However, even Christians civilians are afraid of their Muslim neighbors, are they view them as looters and intimidators. There is clearly a rift in terms of the mindsets of all of these people, and that makes it especially difficult to have an opinion, because while I and other liberal, Manila-educated millennials probably would agree that religious tolerance and friendship and civility between different religious people would be best, we also have to take a step back and let people decide for themselves what they would want for the place they call their home. I have yet to read up enough about the desire of Mindanao to be autonomous, and that’s homework for me. 

The unity of the Philippines is a mystery to me. Even if the Philippines may be considered small by some, to me it is so large and disconnected that I don’t really understand why it was decided that these sets of islands in particular should be regarded as a country, with one government to rule over it. I think different areas need different rules to cater to the problems each place may face, whether it’s agricultural or religious—I don’t know why we must keep Mindanao as part of the Philippines if they don’t want to. Do they want to? Still my homework.

The unity we feel, I think, is overly sentimental. I would love to say I love the Philippines, and there is some truth to that, but it is very, very difficult to be born into this country and find love for it. Of course, I have privilege, so it is much easier for me to both find love for it because I can just zone into the parts that are beautiful and rich—our tropical fruit, our beaches, our traditional clothing that are a symbol that I can gentrify, our beautiful flora, our animals, our eternal summer—and so on. It is also easier for me to hate it and detach from it, because I can easily say I hate the traffic, the corruption, the heat, and not actually have it oppress me, because Noel is employed to drive me, because I was born into a family with enough income that we don’t have to rely on public services, because I can turn on the aircon in any room of the house my father owns. So it’s difficult to navigate my privilege and how I feel about being Filipino.

So I will not end my reflection with the thought that I love the Philippines. I will end it by saying that I am Filipino. I believe I was born into this country for a reason, and I want to accomplish what I can with my God-given talent and education to help the people of the country rise out of poverty and experience peace. I just want everyone to have less problems, to experience life as they are meant to, and not be taken advantage of and made to suffer every day of their lives. I, as a Filipino, hold myself accountable to being part of the problem, the capitalist, colonial cycle—my education itself was taught 95% in English, and it cost millions of pesos, and that’s the education deemed as good in this country. This is not to say that I will save the country—I really cannot. But I must do what I can in my own little way to help, and it’s a worthy cause.

To do my part, I will do my best to write and read more in my mother tongue (Side note: speaking to my cousin in Filipino in my childhood is something I will hold with pride—knowing that Filipino was more likely than not, my first language), educate myself about the Philippines outside Metro Manila, especially in terms of current events and culture, try to do sustainable local travel more often, and create art that will communicate what I learn about all of these. 

Of course, my true dream is to make a true Filipino bookshop, one that will really inspire young Filipinos to be creative, to be literate, to enjoy learning about the country they are born into and experience and the world. Now, my dream is to also include voices of people from all over the country, especially those which are hardly heard. I’m so excited to lean into this dream. Homework: read more local literature, visit Mt. Cloud and La Solidaridad when able.

[honest-apricot]

Thoughts on BA test Kitchen racism and fan culture in general

Bon Appetit videos have been stress-relievers for me for a while: watching talented people cook and have nice, human interactions and show their personality while doing an activity that is creative was really fun for me and for millions of others. So when it was declared that some of the BA test kitchen staff, especially the higher ups, are either racist or have certain pettiness to them, it bummed me (and a lot of people) out. The fantasy of a family atmosphere in the test kitchen was completely wipes, and watching BA Test kitchen videos won’t quite be the same.

And so it made me think—all fandoms and anything you will get into will disappoint you in one way or another, because no one is perfect and people have good and bad sides. Anime like Haikyuu!! have close to no women in it and have some pervy, cringey moments, RuPaul has made transphobic comments and contestants of Drag Race themselves seem to harbor a bit of resentment towards him, and Queer Eye had some questionable decisions and ways of going about their Japan trip, like hiring a cishet, conventionally attractive (one of THE MOST conventionally attractive haha) woman as their guide. Everything you can get into and be a fan of has its downsides, and it’s always hard when you realize this.

Does this mean you always need to maintain distance when you get into something? I think yes and no. Pop culture is an escape, a way of coping and viewing the world in a lighter way, so I think it’s very difficult not to fall into the hole of being a fan. Is it wrong? I think it isn’t wrong to be invested in something, because if there is something, be it music or a movie or television that resonates with you, it was created for that reason and is a source of inspiration.

So is it wrong to be emotionally invested in a source of inspiration? I think not. I think that emotional investment can be beautiful. Even the shallowest things like a sports anime for example can make people really creative! People explore themselves through fanart, fanfic, even cosplay, and realize their desire to create, that’s one beautiful perk. But in general, repressing that desire to enjoy and be inspired isn’t correct, too, after all. There’s no need to deny yourself that experience fully, unless you truly don’t enjoy it.

But I think with that should come the maturity to realize when something is wrong and to acknowledge those things, and not turn a blind eye to them.

The pain that will come when you realize that your fave isn’t perfect is real. It’s like meeting your idol and realizing they’re a jerk. There will be people that will downplay your pain but I think people can take their time with it. I think realizing that there isn’t a perfect thing out there is ok. Pain is human, and it is an emotion that needs to be felt before action happens.

So I think this whole thing leads to justice, because when you get invested, and later on realize the wrongs, you become acquainted with what work you have to do in the world. That’s one point of emotional investment. Of course, the other points are to make you happy and to have fun.

So if anything, there’s no need to be scared when you invest in something that, for sure, will disappoint you, because everything does! In fact, be prepared to experience a whole new world, in many different ways.

[honest-apricot]

Notes on COVID-19 and Capitalism

It’s time for a cultural reset! Capitalism is not working. Not to say that socialism or communism will work (but socialism just might, if no one abuses it—tough call, because there will always be the temptation for certain people), but the social classes as they are now are unjust to the highest degree and things need to change. While the privileged can stay indoors and have the world at the palm of their hands on the internet, still getting paid on time and with time to spare to finally workout/draw/write/whatever they’ve been waiting for a break for, there are people out there walking for two, three hours to get food. It just might get to the point where they’ll just have to steal. Sometimes there’s no other choice. The scary thing is there really is no other way than to revolt.

I’m scared, of course, because I am part of the 1% and probably deserve to be guillotined, and it’ll definitely shake up my comfort. But what is my discomfort compared to the discomfort they face everyday?

This is really not the time to “finally do the things you really want to be doing.” Thankfully, I’ve cut out people in my life who are like that but I’m aware at the peripherals of people who are still not thinking beyond themselves and what they can do at this time. One more thing: frustrating how people do not make the effort to do things that they want to do on a daily basis! Why not spend an hour a day doing yoga, or painting, or whatever? They can’t “afford” to do it because their corporate jobs require them to work overtime, but man, face it: there’s no real need to overtime, there’s really no need to be efficient every single day. It’s good to roll out work for something you believe in, but there are days that you don’t have to be. It’s ridiculous.

I hope people realize it’s really the time to shake things up and accept it. EAT THE RICH. I am rich in a certain sense but I don’t hoard material wealth: I don’t have any to call my own. These are alarming times, both health-wise and socio-economically.

Yes, this is a public health issue, but with intense repercussions on society and economy. I understand that some government heads are trying to do something about how it is a public health issue, but it’s much, much more than that, and we, who cannot do anything on the public health side, can take this time to realize that these systems are not working! That we need to do something about it.

This was terrible and rambly but I just wanted to get it all off my chest. Just awaiting the cultural reset and listening to Doja Cat while trying to draw for donation money.