holden-extreme-impression-blog

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

So I am officially leaving the RP. I would like to say this isn't solely about losing Marina. A lot of things factored into my decision, including the fact I am now living in a city and will be starting university soon, not just things in the roleplay that upset me.

Holden has been my BB for a while so will be weird not to be checking up on him. I'm really sorry to everyone that this has left high and dry. Especially Ash who just took up Violet. I promise it was not my intention to suddenly disappear on you.

Basically just posting to say goodbye. Was fun. Met some really cool people I'm proud to call my friends. If anyone wants to contact me I am avaliable almost everywhere.

Facebook, Instagram, Twitter ( which is basically just my instagram feed ), and my skype name is areyoutenyen ( I also have a tumblr at this account that has been inactive basically since I joined CHW. Haha. ). I am also up for texting because my phone plan is like 'hey you get like no internet BUT SO MUCH TEXT CREDIT.'

But yeah, just saw someone messaged me. Once this is posted probs best to contact me on the methods above. I am up for chats and stuff.

I will be leaving Holden's page up. I tried to do like a run down cheat sheet for whoever gets him but it was hard and got super long so I gave up. But I'm sure you guys will help them and you know my tags for everything "chat: character's first name" "para: characters first name." So hopefully that will help them just a little.

Thanks guys. I'm sorry. Don't be afraid to contact me if you want to.

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

As she shouted about October he didn't really know what to do. He had kind of assumed she knew Holden had cheated on October, the gossip blog had announced it and everyone knew. He didn't even have time to break up with her. The news broke, he texted and she said goodbye. That was that and he kind of just dealt with her friends, the ones she was still talking to. He didn't expect Violet to be so aggressive about October. "She's fucking gone anyway, or at least I haven't seen her, not since our trip overseas, it's like we came back and she was gone so don't worry about getting your hands dirty," he said, head in his hand. He didn't like thinking about how stupid he looked for the weeks leading up until Junior Prom, sure she would show up for him and then, nothing. "Violet you did want me to hate your 'best friend' when we were last dating, you smashed your 'best friends' head against a wall to knock her out and watched me cut her," he said. "It's not that much of a reach to think you'd want me to hate her."

Holden stared down too, becoming angry when she said 'you knew it Holden.' God, he'd known it for the first month and even the second and going into the third but eventually you have to start contemplating the notion that you're just not wanted. "I waited months Vi - months - it's not like you were gone a week and I just gave up on you. I get that you couldn't but I didn't know in the end, okay?" Holden asked. He thought Violet would get it, especially since Holden still wondered every day whether or not his own mother had loved him in the end. If she had loved him so much why would she leave him? Why wouldn't she just get a divorce and take him away unless she couldn't stand the thought of being chained to a child like him the rest of her life. 

Not Even a Day in Paris, merely a Night || Violen

This was what she wanted, the insight, she wanted to understand, because without understanding she didn’t know what to make of the things Holden did. That’s why when people pointed out how ‘psycho’ he was or whatever before Violet never paid them any mind, they didn’t know what they were talking about because they didn’t understand him, but she did, and she loved him for exactly who he was, end of story. 

When it came down to the lowest denominator, this was Violet’s fault, all of it. She didn’t see a time when she would not feel terrible for what she had did. She had underestimated greatly the impact her ‘vacation’ would have on him. Frustrated, she rubbed her forehead while she continued to listen, she owed him to let him get it all out. A lot of it was tough to hear, and when he told her he had cheated on Tinsley she was 100% furious. It was strange being pissed that the guy she loved cheated on her best friend, but Tinsley was her best friend, and a familiar feeling of protectiveness washed over her in waves. 

She stood up once he was finished, her tiny frame probably not that all intimidating, but she didn’t care. She took his face in between her hands and squished it, “I want to slap you so hard right now, you don’t even know, Holden Deaton. And not because of anything having to do with me, you cheated on Tinsley…..UGH, HOLDEN!" She let his face go and was almost pacing, “I don’t like that October girl, if the bitch wasn’t on my shit list before she is now. No, actually she IS my shit list. And I don’t care if she was like Vlad the impaler I will take her down, who does she think she is, I’m sure she knew you were taken and even if she didn’t she should have!" She crossed her arms, and huffed, actually huffed, “And if you think I want you to hate my best friend, Holden. You don’t know me as well as I thought you did." 

Violet fell silent, first staring down Holden, then breaking the eye contact looking at the carpet and drawing invisible patterns with the pointe of her toe, “Look, I’m not saying it as an excuse, but more as peace of mind for you: I didn’t just go a vacation. My mom went on a ‘family togetherness’ kick. Some new age crap about technology was a distraction that was eating away at the American family so phones, internet, it was all a no go. It was family meeting, ok give me your tech, we’re leaving tomorrow. I could have tried harder once I got there, but I didn’t so it was my fault, but I never thought you would think I wouldn’t want you when every part of me while I was here was completely head over heels for you, and you knew it Holden. So I’m sorry about that." 

#para #para: violet

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

"You care that I don't have embarrassing socks that reveal my toes?" he smirked a little, not able to completely take the words seriously but it was something. Something not serious that reminded him of how they were when things didn't suck. Reminded him of what he was working for.

Holden nodded, about October. That was it, plain and simple. He connected with her because they were the same but that didn't mean it was like Violet. Hell, he'd never even said he loved her to October because he just hadn't. He'd wanted like, like he had wanted a lot of girls. Hell he'd slept with Melissa and took Tai's virginity. But spending time with her was either that or more of a friend thing like he had with well Tai. It was semi-sexual and only serious when it needed to be but never more than that.

Tinsley? Yeah, Tinsley was different. "I don't know how it felt for you when you left or when you came back and I didn't consider us to be together anymore but when you left and I was alone for so long I was just lonely. I'm not friends with people like you're friends with people - I smile and joke and none of them know me, they didn't know who I was, the things I did and so all I did was be alone and hate myself for being like this because you - in my mind - obviously didn't want me. Tinsley felt just like that, Stef just left her. He said he loved her and he still left. Even though she was with Benny she still felt alone and I don't know, it's like we deluded ourselves into thinking if we were together then we wouldn't be alone and she felt for me and I felt for her because we knew how much it hurt to be like that. And then you came back and I yelled, you went on a fucking Holiday Vi and you just didn't call or say anything, and I just - I couldn't stand to look at you and know that you just didn't even care enough to say 'hey I'm over us, I'm going away and I think we should just end' you couldn't say anything, so I stayed mad and when the opportunity arouse that Tinsley was willing we started dating and it was different. We weren't friends the way we'd been, it was awkward and forced and we tried to fix it but I just became this delluded version of myself and I wasn't me and she yelled at me and wanted the old Holden back and I just - I couldn't be that guy because you didn't want him and if you didn't want him then no one was getting him because he was yours. I don't know, I tried and I failed and Stef came back and I thought 'perfect.' She and Stef, that makes sense, and I was going to break up with her - I swear to god, that was my intention, to let her have fun at Olivia's birthday and break up with her after but October was there and fuck you don't want to know this but I'm not going to lie to you, she just got naked and basically asked for it and to me I wasn't really with Tinsley anyway. We weren't anything but friends and I just did and I'm a dick. I know I'm a dick and I know it sounds like I'm blaming you but I'm not, I'm really not, I'm just saying how I felt. So yeah, I'm nice to Tinsley because we did become friends and she did share with me and I fucked her over and I can't just be that guy to her anymore that calls her names and threatens to stab her and actually does. Not when she helped me cope when I felt like everything was over. And I'm sure that sucks for you and I won't buy her things anymore and I won't remind you of the brief time we dated but I can't be the same guy to her. I can't."

Not Even a Day in Paris, merely a Night || Violen

"I guess socks don’t count as a priority for you. When I get home I’m buying you a few pairs, because that is tragic, not that you care, but I do." 

After she had started and Holden responded, Violet still felt like she was expressing herself in the wrong ways, it wasn’t her goal to make Holden feel like crap for what he did, but she felt like crap because of what he did. “October fine, maybe you didn’t do that out of spite, you said she’s you with a Chanel purse right, so you probably connected with her. Holden had seized her hand, but she still shifted away slightly so her body wasn’t completely oriented towards him, it made for a slightly awkward position, but she was too close, and couldn’t deal, not when she was whining like a pathetic little girl. “But Tinsley? Before I left it was pretty clear how you felt about her, but I come back and then I hear you were in a relationship, not even just sex, a relationship." 

She was sure she sounded like a whiny little girl, but she had pretty much bottled up all the frustrations she had about it for the sake of reconciling her relationship and just not speaking to Holden at all. “Were you in love with her? You must have been, you text, you, you’re civil after a break-up she has to be something special to you, and  I can’t do anything about it, you feel how you feel, but I’d at least want to know."

#para #para: violet

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

#Holden got her a necklace that said 'taken' #tots says that #obvi #photo #violet #photo: violet

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

...that it's really fast...like the silver surfer?

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#poor blair #and violet #holden why you so dim #holden is me when it comes to dim #i didn't know that you couldn't have sustainable fire without wood #apparently you can't just have paper...

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

I don't know. Ask Violet.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#holden is too stupid to know what she means #soz bro #haha #chat #chat: blair

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

But it's just basic bullshit. Personally I don't think spinning things so you look great or like a victim isn't too hard.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#geddit #chat #chat: blair

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

It's like a fake career anyway.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#chat #chat: blair

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

Well hey PR can be my fail safe.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#chat #chat: blair

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

Fuck about until my Dad dies then probably just you know own the company so...fuck about.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#chat #chat: blair

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

That seems like an interesting career path but I think I have a set career path already.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#I will #plus I got called into volunteer and we have a designer rack in our store... #hmm #and because holden hates freddie and blair is a cool dude #thats why I'm evil #either that or it's genetic ;) #chat #chat: blair

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

Holden wanted to grab her leg, start to tickle her and get distracted in the moment but he knew he couldn't so he just smile with a nod. "Very cute, I only wish I could pull off something like that rather than something like this," he said raising his own leg, extended further out than her own with holes in them. He replaced socks as often as he remembered which was never really.

"If you want," he said. Holden sat and listened, heart feeling like it was twisting and turning in his chest, convulsing. He didn't like knowing that Violet was hurting and that it was his fault. He wanted her to be happy and with him and just able to let him love her but he had fucked up. He knew that even if she did leave he'd been a dick. He'd done some things that weren't right, even in his own mind where things were a little muddled. 

Unable to resist himself he reached out, taking one of her hands and squeezing it. "It's not, yeah, you left and I'm not going to lie and say that didn't fucking kill but it's not you who made me do all those things, okay? You can yell at me and blame me, don't think you can't be mad because you left, okay?" he said. Her actions had put things into motion. If she'd never left he'd never had looked at another girl for even a moment. He'd never have needed to. "I know, I know it mustn't make sense when I say I love you and that I only want you and then do things like sleep around and date people I shouldn't but I didn't do those things to spite you, I have reasons, even if they're stupid and fucked up, I just want to forget they happened and I know we can't but if you'd just let me try and prove that I mean everything I say to you I know I could. I can explain everything you want me to and never mention things you don't," he said. "I can stop buying things for anyone but you, I can stop whatever you want, I just - I just want you."

Not Even a Day in Paris, merely a Night || Violen

Violet took a quick swig from her bottle, (she really did need it the way she felt with Holden so close) before screwing the top back on and putting it and Holden’s unopened one on the ground. With her hands free she pushed his shoulder, “That’s for making fun of my hair." She pushed his other shoulder, “And that’s for the  shoes dig. I was sleeping jerk, and my socks are cute so don’t even." For good measure Violet stuck out one of her feet, putting her socks on display for a brief moment, a small reprieve from the serious vibe in the room. She sighed, he’d come all the way to Paris to have this talk.

"So I guess I should be the one to start?" She took a deep breath, everything in her mind so screwed up she didn’t know where to begin, so she thought back to their conversation from earlier. “We don’t want to re-hash things if we don’t have to right? But I know that how screwed up everything is goes back to me, it’s my fault, but God, Holden." It wasn’t starting off well, Violet had to stop herself from going off into a psycho tangent. I just don’t get you. Before I thought I did, I thought I know you and why you do the things you do and the motives behind them, but what you say you want and what you do, how you act it’s…different. I seriously feel imbalanced thinking about you it drives me crazy."

#para #para: violet

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

I think it gives it a positive spin.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#she texted back saying jewelry #makes sense #haha #and roque that's why I use it #to do things to you and blair ;) #jk #he'd only befriend her to piss off freddie #chat #chat: blair

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

Yes, people have been telling me that a lot lately. 

I like to think of myself as romantic and dynamic.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#my mum just told me buy some baubles for yourself girls need baubles #what?!? #and naw #blair should forever be team blair #she's cute #and I love her face #gobby lips fo lyf #chat #chat: blair

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

Good. That's better.

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#chat #chat: blair #if she was on freddie's side he'd just think she was lame #come on freddie ain't cool #she's too cool for him

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

Holden laughed as his arms coiled around her, hunched down a little so he could hold onto her body tightly. She smelt different but he suspected that was due to company and setting. He was used to her smelling like her dorm room or his jackets that smelled of sweat and cigarettes. Mostly he just revealed in the fact she held him back for a moment. "Uh, kind of just what I always wear," he said. A lie of sorts, it was what he always wore...now. He'd never really spoken to Violet about his hair no longer being a bleach blonde or why his wardrobe suddenly had hints of designer labels amongst the thrift stores and superstores. 

He let her lead him though, a part of him - the animalistic part that made his eyes go a jet black and made him kill or love - started to get excited, remembering the old days when she would lead him and he'd let her be there for a moment, let her have the control that she wanted because deep down she was the only one who could control him. Even if he let her have that position, he wouldn't for anyone who didn't hold his heart in their hands, able to crush it in a mere moment.

"Good hottesses wear shoes, and have brushed hair, Vi," he joked, a playful smile on his face as he watched her. Even without the heels to make it sway he stared at her arse. He knew he shouldn't, that he should stay serious but he hadn't, in a long time. Forcing himself not to be attracted to her in anyway because she had hurt him and he didn't want that again. Even though he always said he'd protect her from dickhead guys he didn't want to think about possibly being that dickhead guy.

Holden took the bottle but didn't drink it. He'd started drinking when she had left, he'd only had a glass of champagne to look good in front of her parents at the deb ball before that. Once she'd been gone a few months though he'd started up, drinking everything and anything, staring out his window at Rosewood and feeling more hatred and lonliness than he had since he was ten years old. "I don't need it to talk to you," he said, sitting it down on the ground.

Not Even a Day in Paris, merely a Night || Violen

Violet’s eyes never left Holden’s once he’d entered the hotel room. If the atmosphere wasn’t so tense she would have found it amusing how comfortable he was with just kicking his shoes off right away. While he was doing that, Violet peeled her eyes away from his face for the first time to take in the rest of Holden, and it was as if he’d literally just thrown on whatever was nearest and headed to the airport, a vision so clear of him doing just that in her head she wouldn’t be surprised if that was exactly what happened. 

"God, what are you wearing?" Was al she gave in response and crossed the small distance between them moving into his arms, her own wrapping around the trunk of his body, her palms flat on his back. Violet involuntarily exhaled, her body betraying her, as it probably longed to be as content as it always was when she was in his arms. Violet was the one to let go,as it seemed like Holden had no intention to, and ran her hand through her hair again, mostly trying to correct whatever bed head was still happening up there, she made a note to try to sneak a peek at a mirror when he wasn’t looking. 

"Sit down and let me try to be a good hostess." Truth be told, Violet was stalling, the conversation Holden came to be had not the most pleasant. He did look pretty…off, probably tired from the long flight among other things, and she helped him along, grabbing Holden by the lapels of his trench coat and guiding him to the edge of her bed, sitting him down. It used to be that when they were alone like this in her room and she would play hostess she would almost imagine what domesticated life would be like between them. Of course Violet wasn’t one to conform to those anti-feminist ideals of a housewife, but there was something nice about playing house for a while. 

She went to the mini-bar and picked out a small bottle of rum for herself, and Jack Daniels for Holden, sitting next to him on the bed (but not to close) her body oriented towards him, Violet placed the small bottle in his lap, she never said she was particularly good at playing house. ���I thought you could used a drink." She uncapped her bottle and held it up, “I could…to….this talk, it’s probably going to need all the luck it can take." 

#para #para: violet

[holden-extreme-impression-blog]

I said moutain lion...

While I don't have a summer tan, I have a new school year resolution.

#he's sus as hell #WHAT HAS FREDDIE TOLD THIS BITCH!?! #He's crazy #Poor kid #If I wasn't so c #razy he'd be fine