hmasfatty

[hmasfatty]

basically i'm checking to see who likes pickles and who doesn't 💚🥒 (<- pretend that is a pickle thanks)

#picklessssssssssssssss #*grabby hands*

[hmasfatty]

I fully understand that the preponderance of evidence is that George Lucas put absolutely zero thought into what Naboo’s culture was actually supposed to look like outside of what we see on screen, but as far as unintentionally effective worldbuilding goes, establishing that Naboo a. has a tradition of electing literal children as figurehead rulers of its planetary government, and b. apparently also has a tradition of assassinating these children with sufficient frequency that dressing up a bunch of other children as decoy targets has become standard operating procedure by the time of Padmé Amidala’s reign suggests that maybe the fact that this random backwater is a breeding ground for Sith Lords isn’t as unlikely as it initially appears.

[hmasfatty]

You, a heroic paladin have successfully slain a fearsome dragon. But the dragon warns you that death is but a door, and dragons don’t die, they reincarnate. You paid it no mind….until your son was born with golden, slitted eyes.

[hmasfatty]

#sent to me

[hmasfatty]

psychoanalyzing the gender/identity dichotomy between ice skating and ice hockey and coming to the more objectively correct conclusion that ice hockey is rooted in motherly feminine behavior of protecting the nest and that ice skating is about masculine peacocking of one's own physical prowess in seeking a mate

#sent to me #it’s true

[hmasfatty]

[hmasfatty]

The supermarket had this massage wand in their line-up of Mother's Day specials.

I have decided not to get one for my mum, though.

#my mother and i would both die instantly #if i even THOUGHT of giving her this #Mothers Day Vibrator Incident #two dead #two onlookers in serious condition

[hmasfatty]

we still get immediately shoved out of our immersion in tv shows or films when The Girl find a dead body and immediately shrieks - we just don't find it realistic because we're pretty confident most people would gasp rather than shriek (i.e. sharp inhale rather than sharp exhale) and it also feels unnecessarily (and predictably) misogynistic too, as men encountering corpses almost never do the same on screen

also of course please do tell us if you've actually encountered a corpse unexpectedly, because tumblr is absolutely a place where some people have done this thing and we love a good anecdote

suddenly imagining "burst into song" as a potential response

#I've walked into a room #and found someone dead #who i had last seen alive #but I was a nurse in a hospital #and they were my patient #and their death was not a huge surprise #it's still A Lot the first time it happens though #I think I might have said “oh!” #you can really tell #when someone is not alive #even if they've been #almost not alive #for a long time beforehand #i did not immediately start singing him a requiem #though I had one stuck in my head #the whole time we were doing post-death activities

[hmasfatty]

[hmasfatty]

Jake:

Nice. Hi everybody. My name is Jake and we're back with Wilbur our binturong here at the Nashville zoo. Binturongs are really great climbers. You can see him getting all up in my business today. Binturongs love to live up high in the trees use their really strong nails and feet to help them climb. They also have a prehensile tail. They can use this to wrap around tree branches (or my arms and my neck) to help them stay up high and move around really quickly. Their back ankles can rotate 180 degrees from here to here. So they can climb headfirst down a tree just like a squirrel. Although if I saw a binturong coming down a tree at me, I would think it was like a nightmare squirrel or something quite large. Binturongs nails are always growing just like any other mammal. And we like to keep our binturongs nails pretty sharp and long so that they can help them hold on. They've got a variety of natural perching in their homes so that they can climb up to about 10 feet and they use those claws to kind of dig in while they're moving, especially when they're moving really quick. You can see them also kind of digging into my flesh and my jacket while he's climbing all over me. But luckily he's pretty gentle which is really nice.

Voice Off-Screen:

Perfect

it is once again... binturong appreciation hour

[hmasfatty]

#I’d take my chances #on killing one of my grandfathers

[hmasfatty]

#I NEED IT

[hmasfatty]

seen in Portland Oregon

#I literally dropped my breakfast #in my haste to reblog this

[hmasfatty]

#we have #mechanical keyboards #in this house #so keyboard go clicky clacky #which is so satisfying

[hmasfatty]

A bronze model of an otter

Meiji era (1868-1912), late 19th century, Japan.

Cast as an otter holding a fish in its mouth, the animal’s fur rendered with fine lines and the fish highlighted with gilt, signed on the underside Toryuken.  Bonhams.

[hmasfatty]

doing a free cyber security class

some of my classmates are computer people

some are not

they come to me for help and they get great advice like "before you hack the server, the server must be turned on"

[hmasfatty]

I have been waiting all year to post this.

#the real reason #for today's public holiday