historyisajoke

[historyisajoke]

somewhere in my mind there is an alternate version of the odyssey where odysseus died at troy and it's just his ghost trying so desperately to get back to ithaca. the fates won't let him go home because it's not right for a corpse to want to live

[historyisajoke]

I had a triggering week so I got silly and it’s everyone’s problem.

[historyisajoke]

I’m so fond of athena and odysseus conceptually.  like here’s the goddess of wisdom and warfare and craft and art, and here’s her pet liar.  he does tricks.

#fave

[historyisajoke]

RIP to everyone killed by the gods for their hubris but im different. and better. maybe even better than the gods

#alol #fave

[historyisajoke]

the fucked up and unhealthy nature of greek myths is a feature, not a bug. if you're going to engage with greek myths you need to be prepared to engage with fucked up narratives at face value. send post

[historyisajoke]

Anyway, if you read marriage certificates from church records, a full 85% of first marriages for young women were around 18-19 years old. The rest skewed higher, into the early twenties, with only a few being below that age and only one in a thousand was younger than 16. 

The age of puberty has declined over the centuries as girls get better nutrition, as well, so throughout the middle ages the age at which a girl could expect her first period was around 16, where modern girls often get it much younger. 

The idea that women in earlier ages were married and mothers in their early teens is a myth. Marriages of children were usually only between noble families, and made for political reasons, or creepy old bastards who wanted a child-wife and could get away with it because they were rich and powerful. They often would point to the fact that the Roman elite did the same thing as justification. The Romans, of course, would point to the Greeks doing the same thing as justification, the Greeks pointed at the Assyrians, and so on back through the ages. 

It was considered disgusting by normal people then and still is. 

This myth is still brought out and touted by sick fuckers. Know it for what it is; a falsehood. 

[historyisajoke]

the cool thing about the iliad is that almost everyone in it is a horrible person and/or literal war criminal, so you get to judge characters EXCLUSIVELY by vibes. anyway i don’t blame paris for the trojan war but he IS a little shitheel and i want him out of my city

#queued

[historyisajoke]

all those years studying greek were worth it just to make dumb trojan war cycle memes

#queued

[historyisajoke]

how to tell if your teen is texting about homer

smh: “sing, muse”- homer

rn: righteous nostos

ok: obtaining kleos

omg: odysseus, my guy

atm: agamemnon, that motherfucker

dilf: dardanian i’d like to fight

afaic: achilles fighting agamemnon in camp

#queued

[historyisajoke]

–

based on these passages from the odyssey and the aeneid (and i think it might have happened in the iliad too, though i can’t remember where):

athena and aphrodite know EXACTLY what matters and that is HEROIC BIMBOFICATION!

#classics #queued

[historyisajoke]

also speaking of jakub różalski this painting of his is my FAVOURITE like yes girl snitch on the knight!!! get his ass!!!

#queued

[historyisajoke]

💋 WHAT IF WE KISSED 👀 💋

🗡 OVER CAESAR’S DEAD BODY 🗡

(😍 AND WE’RE BOTH CONSPIRATORS 😍)

#ooh swoon #queued

[historyisajoke]

#mood #queued

[historyisajoke]

same energy

#queued

[historyisajoke]

#S T OP #queued

[historyisajoke]

#IM SCREAMING WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME #fave

[historyisajoke]

feeling cute today. might commit acts of hubris