hindikitakilala

[hindikitakilala]

i'm just putting this out there, incase, i (who is dumb), will forget what self-love actually is.

to tell you the truth, it's far from what social media has been telling you. it's hard to swallow that, of course, because we have romanticized the idea of self love and we think its all face masks and nice clothes (it can be a part of it tho but that's not all of it.)

self-love is tons of breakdowns and deciding to pick yourself up and thank yourself for letting yourself feel. it's crying in the bathroom floor, thinking you can no longer get through it and choosing afterwards to wash your body well enough to make yourself feel better. bunch of failures. it's skipping that one song in your playlist that made your heartache for the longest time. screaming in your pillow. it's deciding to eat one whole meal after days of not eating well. it's you, getting off your bed in the morning instead of drowning in your social media. it's saying no when you're so use of saying yes.

it's ugly. self-love can start out ugly and uncomfortable.

with so much expectations that you put yourself into, you think love is synonymous with aesthetic. you are wrong. you are a human being who is meant to be imperfect. you are both your flaws and your beauty and what's so wrong with that?

self love is treating yourself the way you deserve to be loved. it's you not looking for it in the arms of a stranger. it's setting your boundaries right in front of those you love because you now know that loving them doesn't give them the right to treat you like shit. it's learning how to make it known for others where they should be in your life and it's not in your personal space. it's communicating what you feel so that you won't have to wait for them to decipher you and disappoint yourself when they don't. it's forgiving yourself. it's letting them walk out of your life and showing them the exit.

self love is looking at the mirror and know that everything you ever needed is right in front of you.

[hindikitakilala]

nature series 3/∞

[hindikitakilala]

these anon hates slipping in my inbox really tot i'm gonna be pressed with their hateful comments about me. be careful child, i'm actually a lot more worried about you. insecurities & hate can't be washed away in our hearts that easily. be careful of how you take good care of your soul. i suggest you take your time to heal so you don't project your insecurities this way.

[hindikitakilala]

sana ol, ina-iloveyouhan hay.

i love you madam!! 🧚‍♀️

[hindikitakilala]

Is your recent post is about on that Ask?If it is, it's not a hate comment. It's just a song lyric. The reason why that song pops out in my head that time which is the "Emoji of Wave" by John Mayer,because of of your blog title "oh honey". Which was the first words in that song. And also because of your "what went wrong" post. I got same feels with that song while reading that post. I'm sooo sorry for the misunderstanding and for what it cause to you. Have a good night sleep :)

no!!!! that post is for general. i keep on seeing anon hates from certain blogs that's why i found the need to rant abt it.

as a matter of fact, i thank you for reading my blog posts and i love john mayer how could i find it as an anon hate. that made my heart flutter. 🥺

have a nice day ahead, dear. i love you already. drink lots of water. 🧚‍♀️

[hindikitakilala]

this might be out of the blue but i actually feel really bad about these people who send anon hates to their fellow blogger. like honey, come on, who hurt you? are you THAT broken? i mean, are you that broken that you'd rather spend time hating on other people than take that time to heal?

no offense ha but that's just so low and inappropriate. no class at all.

you have problem with certain blogger? hit them up and say it to them privately. deal with them privately, send them a message and not anonymously.

but i think i understand that most of you are just blown by the fact that most peeps that you see here in social media are perfect na when someone make even a tiniest bit of mistake, you begin to celebrate by sending them hate.

anw if sending hate makes you feel good about yourself. i hope one day you take some time to check your ego.

[hindikitakilala]

delicate

[hindikitakilala]

You don't have to try so hard, to hurt me. Don't worryI been thinking bout you too. (I just passed by your blog, and this John Mayer's song instantly played in my head unconsciously haha)

this made my heart skip— WHAT THE HELL HAHAHAHAHAHA i didnt mean to hurt u 🥺

[hindikitakilala]

"what went wrong?"

for a while, it was silence that embraced the two of us. the whisper of the wind was the only thing that has been keeping the both of us grounded to our seats.

we were too ashamed to look at each other's faces so you chose to sit beside me.

until i let the air out of my lungs, i couldn't look at you. it's hard.

"sometimes i'd like to think of it like a small hole under the ship. we both know it was there but we never decided to fix it. we let the hole pass each time thinking it was too small to sink our boat. until this small holes piled up beneath us and here we—" i couldn't finish it.

you are looking at me, i'm sure of it. but my eyes are set down the floor, i can't look back. if i did, i will have to grab you back into my arms. i can't. we shouldn't sink with this ship, you shouldn't.

"here we are, darling. a sinking ship. and we both know where it went wrong. we know all too well where it went wrong."

but we're too scared to admit it.

a sob escaped from my lips, it is too late to realize that there are tears rolling down my cheeks that i can never take back. i can never take you back.

[hindikitakilala]

The person I reblogged this from deserves to be happy

I tried to scroll past this. I really did

[hindikitakilala]

a hard reminder:

do not let yourself become a placeholder for anyone. LITERALLY anyone. you are not a temporary value that was appointed to a place just because it is empty. you have a place and it is not somewhere that is filled with maybe & doubt. you have a place that is meant for you.

you have to see that all by yourself before you'll have it.

[hindikitakilala]

miss u

i miss u more :< im sorry im busy

[hindikitakilala]

"kailangan mo ng tulong at hindi ako yon"

i just watched on vodka, beers & regrets and honestly, in a romantic film, this is what i've been waiting to hear. bcos yes, you are not responsible in fixing someone, you can only support them but you can never be the cure. healing starts from within & if you try to fix them, you're just probably concealing the wound in the first place. i love how he knows all too well that he loves her but saving her was beyond his reach & so he has to point that out.

reminder, kahit gaano pa natin kamahal ang isang tao, we can never change a person unless they are willing to. may mga tulong na hindi dapat saatin galing & we should respect that.

[hindikitakilala]

nasa phase na talaga ako ng buhay ko na all i want is the calm and the peace. i know most people find it boring pero as of this moment, i can't handle all the extremes and most of us wanted that. i used to want that. now, people would pressure me to go beyond my limit but i realized, it's my life, people have no say about what's best for me.

it's scary tho, how i'm so used of the pain and all of the "too much" in my life na when i reach the point of calmness, i always panic and unconciously do something to sabotage my peace.

i got so scared of how good it feels na it always scares me how bad things would get once it get to feel so good. i find that sad. but also happy that i am recognizing this things.

[hindikitakilala]

where do we go from here? guess there's no other way but to go forward.

may you start this year with hopeful hearts. not the kind that burns, nor the one that leaves you wondering for so long. may this year come in favor of what you've been looking for. and with that, may you never stop looking for more, by more i mean chances. i mean commitment. answers. possibilities. chase them with intensity, with the hopes that you'll get them slowly, one step at a time.

this year, may you never close your eyes to your mistakes, your failures. let them pave the way. let them cultivate your soil (or soul, if we're feeling a little bit spiritual here). and with the road smoothen, may you learn to let yourself in. shower yourself with love, with forgiveness, with what is left in the happy. and with that, may you learn to let go of the hollows that pull you down, slowly, one step at a time. the hurt, oh the hurt. wear them off to the point of exhaustion. free them, let them bury themselves.

may you find the right kind of heavy. not the kind that holds you down, but the one that makes you want to lift yourself. may it open you, seething, blooming.

with the start of a new decade, go be big. be happy. be kind, be intensely kind. to yourself. be brave, you unwavering soldier. you, one surviving oasis. go extra, be exaggerating. love with urgency but not with haste. make them wonder. make them surprised.

[hindikitakilala]

How do you fall back in love with life?

clean your room.  clean space, uncluttered space, space that doesn’t have miasma clinging to it can work wonders.  clean the dishes.  sweep.  take out the trash.  peel the clothes off the floor and wash them, and then actually fold/hang them.  take a long shower.  scrub behind your knees.  brush your teeth.  (this can be utterly exhausting, but try to get it done in a day, if you can.  the end result is worth it.)

pull out your notebook.  it doesn’t need to be a new notebook, but preferably one that you don’t usually write in, or that you haven’t touched in a while.  fuck moleskins.  the yellow legal pad will work fine.  sit in your room, or in the park, or in the library, and write a list.  count clouds.  describe all the colors that you see, and note patterns that arise.  sketch the cracks in the walls.  note the shape light makes when it enters a space.  talk about what the air tastes like, smells like.  what sounds are there?  even the white nose, break that down: air planes, fans, cicadas, anything.  remind yourself that you are sitting in the middle of a space brimming with detail.  remind yourself that you are not in nothingness and emptiness.  your world is fathomless.  it has potential.

drink cold water and try to eat something that isn’t processed.  it does not need to be fancy.  buy yourself an apple with the change between your couch cushions.  eat it outside.  if you’re someone who walks, walk somewhere afterwards, just to stretch your legs.  take your fucking meds.  remember that its a good thing that you are inside your body.  your body is a fantastic and endlessly intricate machine, and even though society has smacked a bunch of poisonous ideas on it, that doesn’t change its inherent worth and splendor.  take care of it.

read a novel.  underline your favorite lines, and write phrases that twist your heart inside your chest on the back of your hand with an ink pen.  read a novel like it’s poetry.  read poetry, something decadent but unpretentious.  watch a movie you haven’t seen before.  if there are free art galleries near you, walk through one.  take your time.  let yourself bask.  if there are patterns in what makes your soul ache, write those patterns down – marbles arches or soot crumbling bricks or dandelions or descriptions of dresses or whatever it is, write them down.

your chosen family is important.  remember, they picked you as much as you picked them.  the love has no obligation.  it is given freely and it is given from a place of compassion.  you are not a burden.  if you need to breathe, take a minute by yourself and just exist, but remember to go back to your people.  when they need you, listen and be gracious.  always be gracious.  the universe sometimes remembers things like that.

listen to new music.  link jump on youtube or related artist jump on spotify or ask the chap beside you in the cafe what their favorite band is, and listen to that.  listen to something that you don’t usually listen to.  we tend to tie up a lot of memory with music.  we are falling in love again.  the soundtrack needs to be specific to that.  

allow yourself to indulge in romantics.  press flowers in old books.  play movies with subtitles and mouth the words.  dance in your room.  wear something that makes you feel good, even if you wouldn’t wear it in public.  write your chosen family letters, even if you hand deliver them.  write poetry, even awful poetry.  revel in its awfulness.  eat dark chocolate and when your chosen family want to go out, try to go out with them sometimes, even if its just to the market.  

[hindikitakilala]

i was planning on breaking up with by 5 yrs boyfriend, but i'm feeling empty. :(

ok but the question is, why would you want to break up with him?