And once again i was wrong,
I made up a story in my head
To tell myself i am worthy of being loved
Not seeing things as they were again
Escaping into a wonderland
And as usual when it burns and crashes
I am left thinking there is no good in this world
When can i ever be too careful
When can i ever not invest
When can i just be happy with myself
When can i just value myself
When can i ever stop dreaming
So that these dreams don’t kill me in return
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Making my reality better than my dreams
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The sky inside
Eternal abyss
Falling from the sky
Only air
Wonder flies by
It’s only fair
To create
and smile
With my mate
and the sky inside
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Yellow Dust
If the rain stopped
And blackbirds could fly again
The breeze brought in darkness
Only for it to pass away
Layer upon layer
Of unfolding with time
A song that i sang with just a few
Could be heard
And the beauty in this monochrome now
With a bit of yellow dust
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Dreaming of a cigarette
The wind is calm. I'm tired of crying, I long for a cigarette, for the one minute of calmness to let my emotions bury within. Don't know if it's tobacco or just the fact that you are taking a moment to breathe which calms your emotions for a moment which were otherwise going all over the place
It's my birthday, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I don't want anyone wishing me, I don't want anyone being happy about me or trying to cheer me up. I don't feel like pretending. I don't want anyone to wish me because I'm sick of pretending to put up a smile. I want to left alone with my pain and grief, I don't have to smile when I don't feel it.
Then they'll say do this, do that. And I'm tired, honestly I'm tired of trying again and again, doing everything possible to work on myself or to make my situation better only to fail again and again. Honestly it feels just fine to sink into this hole, it's safe, it's comforting to know that life won't get any better, because it doesn't. I'm tired of disappointment. I just want to be left alone with my pain and disappear into oblivion
Sometimes I don't need people around
A little earlier I felt like what if I could be blown away with the wind, it would be such a nice feeling. And what if there was rain And it was a bit cold And I would take each breath with the wind Letting it fill me up completely , my hair and my chest.
And the grief washes over again And the endless tears
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Momentary pleasures - like how it feels to dip your feet in the ocean, and the wave goes back again.
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Memories of pain comes back in flashes
You scream in your pillow, drenching it with tears
Night after night, you cry till everything crashes
Swollen eyed you wake up, wonder if there is an end to this despair
Maybe you needed closure which never came
cos he never even felt your pain
or worse, ran away to avoid the guilt
one moment, and everything was spilt
‘Why me, what wrong did i do to you’
Then a voice says at the end
He never called you or ever cared
You were led on and used, why cant you comprehend
And maybe once again, you erred
You dreamt too much on what was never there
You kept forgiving thinking they never had it fair
But
What happened to the woman who despised such men
Men who never grew up, who only look for their gain
Who hurt women and make them cry
Who leave them hanging, without a word as to why
They say they never intended it so its alright
That woman who had fire in her heart, bigger than the sun
Who protected herself and her sisters fiercely; braving all the guns
From the players, abusers and all such foe
That fire mellowed down a while ago
To take a chance, to believe in something good
To hear everyone out, empathise like she could
But
Again, she didn't realise this would also cost her, her mind
You wonder, if there is a middle ground
For a person of extremes, if peace of mind can ever be found
Where is that fine line, between believing and disbelieving?
Between anger, and care, between closing off and opening
Between rising up to fight, and breaking down again...
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I pray to god, universe, to what is above, to all the colliding planets, to the blinding white light which fills across the sky and the shooting stars disappearing into the night
To move what is to to be moved, to still and explode what is to be removed
To free fall, to flow, to rush the invisible energy flowing through each every atom particle matter
To connect the stars, move the time, and the invoke the invisible force, the love, the gravity, the energy, the destiny, the inevitable
Across the universes, across time, across endless nights, across our little imaginations, across our little dreams
To show the true self, to reveal the truth, to become one with this energy, to become one with the universe
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Monsoons
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In a mood to over-analyse
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So much scream is inside me
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#daydreaming
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Sway me now
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Rain...
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Over and over again
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Waiting for an eruption
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And then i...just drifted away
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