hecalledmehanbana

[hecalledmehanbana]

New jobs are fun because you’re asking questions like ummmmm how do you open. A door

[hecalledmehanbana]

Me: *passes phone around to share with all the stoners in my life*

Everyone: *laughs and agrees* 😂😂

so my roommate is completely straight edge like no drugs no alcohol etc and so im sure y’all can imagine my surprise when i saw she brought home this sign

so i immediately inquired

and now you may ask. what the fuck did my roommate think that sign meant? well

anyways i moved the sign so it’s now front and center in our living room and ive been laughing every time i pass it

#me irl

[hecalledmehanbana]

I just want queer safety and queer happiness

[hecalledmehanbana]

I need everyone to know that the ship Götheborg, the world's largest ocean-going wooden sailing ship, answered a distress call the other day.

Imagine waiting for the coast guard or whatever to show up and instead a replica of 18th century merchant ship pulls up and tows you to the coast.

[hecalledmehanbana]

wanna hear a wild story? my brother’s history professor is closing in on 80 and basically lives at the university. one night my brother visited him for a meeting, and it came up that my brother was gonna be performing as a court jester at the castle the following day. and his professor busts out: “ah, that reminds me of my youth!”

he then proceeded to tell the tale of when he and his friends went backpacking to greece back in their early 20s. then one day they found themselves completely penniless. so they decided that the only reasonable thing to do was to set up acrobatic shows in skimpy outfits on the beach at day, and then drink up the money at night.

after a week or so they gained some traction, and a gang of young greek men walked up to them like “hey y’all are cool as hell, can we join y’all for drinks tonight?” and my brother’s professor was like “of course! y’all have to wear these revealing outfits and do somersaults with us tho” and the greek gang said “sounds dope. y’all are invited to live with us for however long y’all want.”

anyhow, they proceeded to live like this for the better part of 3 months, doing shows, drinking, and sleeping at the greek gang’s apartment. but after a while they decided enough was enough, and said thank you for everything, but we’re going back to sweden now. and the greeks said “sure! love y’all have a safe trip xx”

half a year later my brother’s professor gets contacted by the greek police. they ask him about the months they spent in greece, and then informs him that their greek friends have been convicted of serial homicide and robbery. that the group of young greek men had joined up with several tourist groups for several years “for drinks”, and then killed and robbed them all, terrorising the beach city for several years. with one exception, of course, because “this one group of swedish acrobats in slutty strongman suits were just ‘so damn nice’”.

and that’s the story of how one swedish history university professor survived sharing a flat with a group of serial killers for several months by performing acrobatics in slutty outfits on the beach. moral of the story? be kind of heart, thicc of ass.

[hecalledmehanbana]

imagine getting this review

[hecalledmehanbana]

[hecalledmehanbana]

[hecalledmehanbana]

Could you guys imagine the drama if mad scientists had tumblr?

0 notes

💀dr.undead follow

Can you guys stop putting @normal-civilian on my dash?? They LITERALLY don't support graverobbing??? Like it's 2023 get over yourself some of us need corpse parts for experiments grandma isn't using her liver anymore it's fine!

37 notes

💉modernprometheus follow

Just in case you haven't heard it today, it's totally valid to call yourself a doctor even if you dropped out of college! It's basically a mad scientist tradition at this point

🦇dr-bats follow

Nah fuck this. I didn't spend years defining and documenting a scientific method of turning people into giant animal mutants through gene manipulation to get lumped in with some fresh faced collage dropout who just happened to stumble onto the secret to reanimating corpses. Words have meanings.

5k notes

🩻 exposedspine1 follow

Hey guys what do you think would happen if I jumped into the open vat of glowing green mystery chemicals we all keep in our labs? Super powers right?

🩻 exposedspine1 follow

Hospital.

2k notes

🤖 inatorlover3000 follow

Aha! But I bet you didn't expect this! It's my latest invention, a giant death ray that detects the biggest LOSER in the room! And look! It's pointing right at you! Better run while you still can hero!

🔫 henchman13 follow

Good one boss!

2 notes

🫁 gutz-n-stuff follow

Literally if you don't keep living brains in jars of green goo unfollow me now.

245 notes

[hecalledmehanbana]

Male Scifi and Fantasy writers: Look at this !Strong! female character! She can fight and solve puzzles, and ends up with the sidekick not the hero! Isn’t she a great character?

Everyone: No, she’s one-dimensional and still only exists to please the hero’s ego

Male scifi and fantasy writers: You’re never happy! This is how characters are written! Besides, it’s much harder for us to write women because we are men!

Terry Pratchett: *creates a female character who is literally the embodyment of a dog, sets her up to be the love interest of Protagonist Hero Man.* *writes her as clever, emotionally tortured, lonely and powerful* *uses her to explore difficulties of bisexuality and masculine dominated workforces*

Terry Pratchett: *Creates a pair of old witches, one of whom is a virgin and the other who has slept with lots of men.* *makes them best friends, never dismisses one lifestyle of the other, explains lifestyle choices based on characters history and personality, uses this to develop each character as the books progress*

Terry Pratchett: *Writes Sybil Rankin* *makes the powerful rich lady heavy set but beautiful, never plays her by her looks, develops her as she ages, acknowledges the way society views such people and then spits on their attitudes* *does it again with Agnes*

Terry Pratchett: *Writes a book about an entire army secretly being women, creates complex female relationships, introduces same sex relationships completely naturally*

Terry Pratchett: *takes old joke about female dwarves and uses it to explore gender identity without making it seem forced or unnatural, carefully discusses some of the issues and complextities whilst still making funny and witty observasions and maintaining genuine fantasy tropes*

Terry Pratchett: *DOES THIS ALL OVER AND OVER AGAIN, DEVELOPING CHARACTERS AS HIS VEIW OF THE WORLD DEVELOPS AND CAREFULLY APOLOGIZES FOR EARLY MISTAKES*

[hecalledmehanbana]

egg

[hecalledmehanbana]

[hecalledmehanbana]

James: That guy over there called me an idiot

Regulus: So? I call you an idiot all the time

James: Yeah but he made me sad :(

Regulus: Good enough for me let's go kick his ass

[hecalledmehanbana]

Regulus: Look, anytime James is being loud and annoying, I just have to kiss him and he’ll shut up

[Later]

James: Y’know, anytime I want a kiss from Regulus, I just have to be loud and annoying and he kisses me

Remus (having been present at both events): Idiots

[hecalledmehanbana]

Regulus: Those of you praying for my downfall, please pray harder.

Regulus: Like let’s just wrap this shit up.

[hecalledmehanbana]

[texting]

Sirius: WHERE ARE YOU AND MY BROTHER??

James: WE’RE FUCKING

James: GETTING [not delivered]

James: DRINKS [not delivered]

Sirius: IM SORRY WHAT

James: WAIT [not delivered]

Sirius: YOU BROTHERFUCKER YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST STARTED

[hecalledmehanbana]

Remus: I'm just going shopping with Dorcas to help them with their Christmas presents for Marlene, do you want anything?

Sirius: No thanks Moony, love you, bye!

Remus: I love you too, see you later!

Regulus: Merlin, you guys are so gay

Sirius: Homophobia doesn't work when you are quite literally fucking my best friend Reg

James: *jaw dropped*