hcgwartsquad

[hcgwartsquad]

hogwartsgirls‌:

“Fine.” Ashleigh echoed, not even bothering to get into a conversation about Shiloh very obviously didn’t believe her. As much as she loved these girls, she hated that they could read her like an open book. If it was up to her, she would want to be close to them and help them with any curve ball life throws at them, but they would only catch up with the things she brought up herself. The way things are right now were nice, sure, but it didn’t fully feel like it. Instead it more and more felt like there was no place where she didn’t feel alone. No place to call her home. Not with her parents and their high expectations, that could only really be topped by her own, not with the school that seemingly made her self esteem evaporate into nothing and — apparently not with the girls as Ashleigh couldn’t let them close enough to even try to allow them to lift the heavy weight from her shoulders. Maybe she just didn’t belong anywhere. Potentially she was just too hard to love, too hard to please. Once she kicked the machine, the thoughts didn’t stop picking up speed and spin in her head like an overwhelming blur of words and increasingly suffocating feeling. Ashleigh was just about as ready to just tuck her covers a little tighter and attempt to go to bed, blocking out whatever was happening around her or within her, when Sammi answered her questions. The distress expressed on her friend’s face was enough to shake her just a little out of her all-consuming self-loathing and fear, as she met the other girl’s gaze with as much calm as she could possibly muster up right now. “You didn’t. Calm down, Sam. Just go to her tomorrow and ask her then. Who could possibly blame you for being a little caught up with the events of the night to set up formalities? Besides, you’re the smartest Gryffindor. She’ll come around with your charm and tricks either way. And if she doesn’t, she’s not bloody worth it.” Ashleigh exclaimed firmly, the hint of a smile playing on her lips. “Though I have to mention that it doesn’t take a lot to be considered the most intelligent Gryffindor.” She couldn’t help but tease. “By the way, I care, because I care about you, silly. You’re my ridiculous friend.”

“Possibly. But people are never just one thing. It’s not that black and white. People can be blunt and honest for most of their life and still hide a secret.” Maxine pointed out, but with no real heat behind her words. The more her words referenced her own feelings, the more she wanted to abandon the conversation and go back to her nightly activities. Not even because she felt uncomfortable or targeted. She just didn’t know what was going on with herself either and it’s starting to drive her mad. It hardly was something she wanted to draw unnecessary attention to. That’s another reason why she kept her expression carefully blank when Shiloh turned to her to express how right she was with her earlier words. It was no reason to get worked up for or roll her eyes. Maybe she was right in that circumstance, but that didn’t mean it was as obvious as her friend portrayed it to be — however she wouldn’t put a damper on her victory. Or the relief she surely felt after just being worried for her friend. Smiling briefly in Sammi’s direction, she was a little surprised about the interaction between her friend and Ashleigh that followed, though that particular feeling lasted for merely a moment before it was replaced with another. Annoyance. Could they just stop talking about relationships and sneaking around for dates? It’s so overexposed. Holding back a tired sigh she waited for a pause within Sammi’s panic and Ashleigh’s reassurance, before interrupting their conversation. “Yeah, I totally agree. Tonight you could hardly do anything. How about we go to bed now and you go right back on your mission tomorrow? Possibly during breakfast?” She proposed gently, hoping she hid her frustrated attempt of cutting off the topic short well. There was no way she wanted to attract Shiloh’s worry or anyone else’s. 

“I can understand that, but unless there’s a meaningful secret that requires hiding, I don’t see why Sammi would hide her whereabouts from her best friends. That’s not who she is. She most likely forgot to warn one of us that she would be late, or she was caught up somewhere and didn’t find the time.” Convincing herself that Sammi was still the person she knew was necessary. She didn’t want to consider the possibility of the Gryffindor distancing herself from them. “The person you’re describing doesn’t sound like Sammi.” As soon as she spoke the words, she realized that it indeed wasn’t. Maxine was projecting her own feelings on Samantha. “But you know that,” she added, her voice quieter than before. She let Maxine know that she figured out that she was describing herself, but without pressuring her to explain what she meant. Shiloh didn’t know what was happening with her best friends, but they were both keeping secrets from her. She attempted to not feel left out — she had to accept that they all had their personal issues, and she understood if they preferred to figure them out on their own. However, part of her wondered if she wasn’t at fault. If she had done enough to show them that they weren’t alone. She always felt that way as she was growing up, and she needed to make sure no one else did. Loneliness was an awful feeling. Her thoughts were interrupted by Sammi’s arrival, making her set aside her worrying thoughts concerning her roommates, but without forgetting about them. Hearing Sammi’s promise that she would tell one of them where she was next time caused a smile to appear on her lips, even though she didn’t believe her completely, she was glad to know at least the intention was there. Laying down on her bed after making her remark towards Maxine, she listened to the interactions between the other girls without saying anything. She just hoped her mind would allow her fall asleep, without overthinking what the girls’ might go through at the moment or if she was good enough as a friend. 

Hearing Ashleigh reassure her that she hadn’t messed up, her heartbeat became regular. Making a mistake wasn’t unusual for Sammi, but unlike what the girls might think, she took them to heart. She knew she was impulsive, and there wasn’t anything she could do about that, but she felt guilty whenever she made mistakes because of impulsiveness. She was still a little bit worried, but she set that aside, reminding herself she wasn’t Shiloh. She wouldn’t overthink before she had the full picture. Besides, Erica hadn’t brought up the conversation either. They were both caught up in the moment, there was no need to make herself feel guilty. Once she came to the conclusion, she felt better. She smiled towards Ashleigh. “You’re right, even though I doubt that last part,” she said. Sammi had a tendency to think she wasn’t enough whenever someone didn’t like her, not the other way around. She knew that was one of her flaws, but there wasn’t much she could do about that besides occasionally telling herself that wasn’t the case, but still remaining unconvinced each time. She was confident in herself, but as soon as there was someone that wasn’t charmed by her, her self confidence weakened. The girls were aware of that, since she couldn’t hide her feelings. Hearing Ashleigh’s remark, her jaw widened in shock, faking her offended expression. “I’ll remember that,” she said. “And I won’t hesitate to remind you of what you said next time I surpass your intelligence, Miss Ravenclaw.” Her smile indicated she was joking. Hearing Ashleigh’s answer to her rhetorical answer, she felt a little bit emotional, not hesitating to show that on her features. “Awwww, babe,” she said, getting up from her bed to give her a hug. “That’s so cute. I care about you too, friend.” Her arms were still wrapped around her, as if they were cuddling. “This is actually comfortable, I don’t wanna go back to my bed now.” Sighing, she detached herself from her. “But I gotta let you girls sleep, you’ve stayed awake enough because of me.” 

#i wrote this months ago #thats why it's different writing #para. #001.

[hcgwartsquad]

hogwartsgirls:

Ashleigh rolled her eyes slightly, unable to repress the urge given how exhausted she felt. Deep down she knew that tomorrow she would regret being so snappy, that her mood swings kept getting worse and worse, but right now she was too tired to actually care. “Nothing is up with me. I’m just thinking that worrying brings us absolutely nothing.” She muttered, continuing her work on the rubric’s cube. For a second she felt the familiar fear sink in, that her friends could read her like a book and find out everything that’s on her mind. She didn’t want to admit to her bad grades. It was bad enough that her parents would eventually realize that their daughter was just an average student at best, she didn’t need their pity as well. Luckily enough it seemed like only Shiloh could be on her tails, while Maxine seemed to have her own problems and well — Sammi was busy being Sammi. As she was actually able to listen to the girl’s story, she slightly wrinkled her forehead. “Is this going to be a daily occurrence now? Because sometime around you guys will get caught. Just so you know.” She stated, sitting up a little straighter in her bed. For a moment she hesitated, before forcing kinder words out of her. Eventually she really needed to get a grip on her emotions or she might as well just can tell what is bothering her. “But hey, I’m happy for you. It sounds… cheesy. But cute. Very cute.” She commented with a small smile playing on her lips. “Did you talk about it afterwards? Like… are you dating now? Or was this just a one time snogging session?” Ashleigh wondered as her gaze studied her solved rubric’s cube under narrowed eyes. For a moment she considered passing the item to Maxine once more, but then she settled on putting it on her nightstand and tuck herself underneath her blanket a little. She couldn’t fully concentrate anyway and Maxine seemed too spaced out to snap her out of it multiple times. It just wasn’t worth the effort.

Hesitating briefly, Maxine just shrugged her shoulders in a helpless gesture. “Yeah. Sure. But sometimes there are things you don’t wanna share with your friends. Maybe because they’re too private or because you’re not ready. And honestly, some secrets spice up your day to day life.” Shrugging her shoulders she glanced at the letter one last time before folding it and putting it in one of her books again. “You shouldn’t worry so much. When she comes back you have all the time to interrogate her. And if she happens to be acting weird, I’ll help you, okay? But now it’s just… pointless really.” She finished with a grimace. Somewhere in the middle of her response the lines have somewhat began to blur. It’s not just because of Sammi and she had the unsettling feeling that everybody knew it. It’s also about Ashleigh who seems to blow up every few days without ever mentioning any issues, it’s about herself — even when she couldn’t fully comprehend what is going on with her. At this point Maxine is willing to go to the school healer to check if she’s coming down with a flu or something along the lines. Or maybe it’s just her parent’s expectations of a good daughter. Whatever it was, she was well aware that she was acting equally secretive, just with no reason. Even with the return of Sammi, the letter kicked out of her head for a later moment, she couldn’t fully relax. Maxine wasn’t homophobic. Not in the least. However she was tired of talking about girl crushes. Fact for the matter, she was tired of talking about love related things period, if pushed by her clingy boyfriend or just because the whole concept seemed over-hyped to her. What’s even so great about kissing? It’s boring. Maxine had never felt anything like a heavenly kiss with any of her boyfriends before. It was just a way of shutting the up. Nothing more and nothing less. And relationships in general seemed overexposed as well. Not that she would actually let Sammi know that she felt like that about it. “Congrats.” She hummed instead. “I would’ve preferred my theory, but hey — yours is definitely sweeter.”

“Fine,” Shiloh replied to Ashleigh’s explanation. She didn’t trust that everything was alright with her —  after all, she had known the other for years, she knew when she was lying — but she wasn’t going to insist when she clearly didn’t want to talk about what was bothering her. She made a mental note to talk to her later in the week, since she wasn’t going to let her friend struggle on her own. Listening to Maxine, she bit her lip. “I mean, you might be right, but this is Sammi we’re talking about. The girl who told us her life story four months after we started at Hogwarts? The girl who told us when she had her first kiss with that Slytherin girl right after that happened?” A smile appeared on her features as she remembered the moment. “It’s unlike her. But thank you for willing to help me.” Minutes later, as Sammi finished her story, she smiled to herself, happy to discover she was right. Sammi hadn’t hidden secrets from them — she just didn’t get the chance to tell them where she was. “I’m happy for you, but next time you decide to run with your crush and don’t come back until late in the night, could you let one of us know? You know, just so we don’t report you as a missing person.” Although her words could have been interpreted otherwise, she wasn’t upset at her. Personally, she didn’t understand how Sammi had a girlfriend without even trying, but she wasn’t going to let her own issues with love get in the way of being happy for one of her closest friends. Besides, it made sense that Sammi was great at flirting. She was confident and wasn’t afraid to take risks — the opposite of Shiloh. She didn’t want to think of her insecurities, though. Turning towards Maxine, she offered her a smile. “What did I tell you?” 

Too caught up in her reverie, she didn’t pay too much attention to Shiloh’s request. Her mind just registered that was why her friend seemed to be upset at her. “Sure, I’ll do that next time,” she answered. She thought about how she might regret her promise later, but she was too euphoric at the moment to care about the details. Turning her head towards Maxine, she offered her a smile. “Thank you.” Staring at the ceiling again, Sammi closed her eyes for a few seconds, replaying the moment in her mind again. However, she was soon brought back to reality by Ashleigh. Standing up from the bed, she turned her attention towards her. “Would that be bad? I mean, you wouldn’t have to listen to me complaining about how no one likes me,” she replied. “And I don’t think we will get caught. Are you forgetting you’re talking to one of the most intelligent Gryffindors in the castle?” Sammi hoped her friend realized she wasn’t talking about her classes — she didn’t care enough for school to be a great student, but she cared enough to pass. The knowledge she was referring to was purely based on avoiding getting into trouble, which didn’t work all the time but she didn’t mind. “Anyway, Erica’s one of the most reputed Ravenclaws in our year and she doesn’t worry about us getting caught. Why do you care?” Her tone wasn’t reproaching, just curious. However, a smile appeared on her lips as she heard Ashleigh’s next words — an expression that didn’t last long as she asked those questions. “I... don’t know. Oh my god, I fucked up, didn’t I?” She was panicking now. Despite having a few girlfriends in the past, she wasn’t great at relationships. Which was proved once again as the current situation settled in. “Oh my god, I’m the worst. What if I just ruined my potential relationship?”

#para. #001.

[hcgwartsquad]

hogwartsgirls:

Ashleigh’s fingers did quick work with the rubric’s cube in her hands, most of her attention focused on the task beforehand instead of the drama that occurred in their dorm. While it was true that it was rather late in the night, she didn’t doubt Samantha’s capability of knowing her limits and finding her way back without getting in any real trouble. As she finished the puzzle once again, she passed the cube over towards Maxine so she could give her another one, before straightening her back and looking over towards Shiloh. “”If you want to get into trouble as well, that’s your call. But Sammi is a ninja. She’ll be fine.” Ashleigh commented with a soft shrug of her shoulders. Her voice sounded cooler than it usually would and she knew that it must be obvious to the others. Her grades were really slacking lately and it made her feel uneasy. She felt like a bad Ravenclaw, like she would have to do better and yet she didn’t know how. Of course she hated that she let out her frustration on her friend’s, but she just couldn’t help it. For a moment she tried to search for the right words, anything she could say to ease the tension, but eventually she just gave up. With a sigh Ashleigh leaned over the new cube Maxine passed her, narrowing her eyes slightly as she began to solve it, feeling herself get completely lost in it until the door to their dorm opened — revealing Sammi. “Told you.” Ashleigh practically sang as she looked over towards Shiloh, before continuing on her work, only listening to the conversation with one ear. How great could the story actually be, after all?

Bringing the letter as close to her face as it was physically possible to do while still being able to read it, Maxine didn’t even really realize that anything was wrong for a long time. Her boyfriend was getting pushy and tried to corner her in a way so she would finally give in and skip a lesson to sleep with him. She was neither particular interested in the contact, as well as treating her education with such little respect, but she still felt herself stuck. She should want to snog him whenever she can, right? Why was it different? And would her parents be more angry with her when she wasn’t getting even more serious with him or when she was not focusing on studying? Maxine was uncertain. On one occasion they kept on repeating the importance of family and the next they were going on about knowledge and being ambitious — which she was. But she still felt torn on who she was suppose to be. As a sigh passed her lips, Maxine finally looked up and suddenly felt Ashleigh’s rubric’s cube hitting her leg. Glaring at her friend for the split of a second, she quickly messed up once more before throwing it her way once again. “Are you sure she wants that?” She asked slowly as she faced Shiloh, sucking her lip between her teeth a little nervously. “Who even knows what she’s up to. She could be blowing up the school for all we know.” Resting her head against the wall behind the head of her bed, Maxine practically jumped once Shiloh entered the room. Looking at her with raised eyebrows, she waited for her friends to speak before saying her part. “I believe just about everything. You can ask Shiloh — I’m for certain I imagined something greater than what you were actually doing.” She said, voice slightly teasing.

Shiloh stared at Ashleigh for a few moments, not being capable of believing what she was hearing. She was used to being the one who overthought everything, but she would have thought the others would care about their friend’s safety. “What’s up with you?” she demanded. Her words concerning Samantha’s disappearance weren’t the only ones making Shiloh make the inquiry — her tone was different too. She hated not knowing what was happening with her best friends. Of course, they were allowed to have their secrets, but when matters had an impact on their usual selves, she couldn’t mind her own business. Both of her friends seemed caught up in their own lives, and Shiloh was starting to worry more about them than Sammi. She was surprised when she heard Maxine’s voice, thinking she was too focused on her letter to even notice someone was missing. “Well, she could at least let us know if she was planning to do so,” Shiloh protested. “We’re her friends, aren’t we?” That last sentence was spoken softer than the previous ones. She would never tell anyone, but Shiloh was terrified of being alone. Growing up, she always felt like the odd one. No matter the situation, she would never blend in. Turning eleven and receiving her letter, she found out there was a specific reason behind the loneliness — she was a witch. She discovered her parents had hid that from her the entire time. Since her mother decided to distance herself from the wizarding world and married a Muggle, she hoped her children wouldn’t be magical. Shiloh knew her parents would never voice their thoughts, but she ruined their plans of having a perfect family. Shiloh thought she was over not fitting in with her family, but moments like these reminded her too well of her past. Rolling her eyes at Ashleigh’s remark, she spoke her words towards Sammi then kept quiet while waiting for her to continue.  

Sammi was under the impression Shiloh was upset at her, which surprised her — why would she be upset in the first place? — but didn’t distract her from the excitement following her evening. Hearing Maxine’s comment, her usual self would have matched her teasing, but she was looking forward too much to telling her story. Finishing to dress up with her pajamas, she walked to the middle of the room and remained on her feet. “I was in the astronomy tower,” she began, her wide smile indicating her hapiness. Pausing for a moment, she then added, “With Erica.” Erica was her crush, the one person who managed to make Samantha embarrass herself whenever they crossed paths. Somehow, she developed the ability to hold a conversation with her. “We talked again today, right at the end of the day. She asked me if I was up for an adventure, and you know me, I accepted. I didn’t understand she meant like, right now, but she did.” Thinking back on the interaction, she realized how stupid she probably appeared. She asked Erica twice if she was serious, before being convinced she was saying the truth. “We wandered around the castle for a few hours, and we overheard lots of conversations. We talked too — I know, I’m surprised too.” Taking a deep breath, she attempted to slow down for the next part of the story. “Around ten o’clock, I thought we would go back to our rooms. We had spent four hours together, and I didn’t think Erica was someone who would stay out late. Turns out she is. She took my hand and guided me towards the Astronomy Tower,” she stopped, leaving a break for the girls to process her words. “The night was so beautiful, everything was perfect. We were surrounded by the stars, as well as a comfortable silence neither of us wanted to fill. And then she kissed me.” She walked fast towards her bed, letting herself fall on the soft cover. She stared at the ceiling, the memories vivid in her mind.

#para. #001.

[hcgwartsquad]

Sammi wasn’t surprised when she entered the common room and noticed no one was present. The clock showed her arrival was past midnight, therefore past the curfew, which would have been worrying for most students but Sammi wasn’t intimidated by danger. She wasn’t scared of getting caught because she knew how skilled she was in making herself unnoticeable. At least when she didn’t want to be noticed. The mindset wasn’t available for usual days. Although she couldn’t care less about the attention she received, her personality was enough to make her known around the school. Despite that, she was able to tone down her voice and remarks when she didn’t want to be discovered, tonight being a perfect example. She tiptoed to her room, climbing the stairs with slow movements. Opening the door, she expected the girls to have already fallen asleep, though they were all awake. She was caught off guard by the matter but one moment was enough to recover from the surprise, excited to share her shenanigans with the others. Checking that she closed the door, she turned towards them again, a wide smile on her face. “What’s up, nerds?” She said as she approached her bed, the second one starting from the left. After searching for her pajamas, she started to change her clothes. “You won’t believe what I’ve been up to,” she said, pausing to let suspense build between them.

Earlier in the evening, Shiloh had visited the library, searching for new books in subjects she was interested in. Although she was too occupied during the day to read, she planned on reading during the night. The whole castle would be asleep, including her roommates, and since her eyesight was perfect and her bed was close to the window, she considered the moonlight would suffice. However, her plans had been ruined when she noticed the hour was past ten in the evening and Samantha wasn’t back. Shiloh was incapable of focusing on her preferred activity knowing she was out there alone. She needed to know all of her best friends were safe. “If she doesn’t show up in the following thirty minutes, I’m searching for her,” she told the girls. Despite Shiloh holding the book in her arms, reading was out of the discussion. She knew the worries would prevent from her processing the words. Although she was aware Sammi appreciated being out at night, she was never gone without telling at least one of them where she was. She started discussing with Maxine and Ashleigh, figuring they could at least reassure her nothing was wrong. The conversation was interrupted as the room’s door was opened, showing the one occupying Shiloh’s thoughts. “You better have an interesting story,” she told her. “One that makes up for the fact that you didn’t tell either of us where you were.”

#para. #001.