hazelgatoya

[hazelgatoya]

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. They wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

[hazelgatoya]

[hazelgatoya]

finally, the last of my bit-related @comicaurora tarot cards (cards 1 2 and 3 here). honestly probably the most appropriate i feel?? guys who don't even know the horrors. yet

#o the fool #I love erin #This display is so cool #and it's always a pleasure to see his goggles

[hazelgatoya]

autism is living by vampire rules. light sensitivity. eating the wrong food makes you want to die. need to be explicitly invited places. weird sleep schedule. eating the same thing every time. specific rituals and routines. burst into flames at the sight of a crucifix. etc.

[hazelgatoya]

man I wish people understood how much it sucks ass to be neurodivergent and trying to find the middle ground where people like/tolerate you. like, I'm either "boring" (trying to wait my turn in conversations, holding space for other people, taking a back seat to let others get some spotlight) or "too much" (too loud/talking too much, getting excited to share, trying to participate in group conversations/activities). No one really talks about how much of being neurodivergent is just sort of trying to make yourself palatable.

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

it's just... lonely and sucks bad.

[hazelgatoya]

Say the line!

[hazelgatoya]

i have a feeder cam up on my board and a mourning dove is trying and absolutely failing to seduce a lady mourning dove and my students are all making fun of his rizz game

[hazelgatoya]

anybody else in the club feeling this one

[hazelgatoya]

Young bull elephant politely stepping over a walkway at a nature preserve 

(Source)

[hazelgatoya]

shoutout to aromantics who feel sexual attraction

shoutout to asexuals who feel romantic attraction

shoutout to aromantic asexuals who don’t feel either but are in sexual/romantic relationships

shoutout to aromantic asexuals in queerplatonic relationships

shoutout to aromantic asexuals who don’t care for romantic/sexual relationships

shoutout to aromantic asexuals who are disgusted by romantic/sexual relationships

basically, shoutout to asexuals, aromantics, or any a-spec people

[hazelgatoya]

[hazelgatoya]

dwellings of the ancient gods (2020)

[hazelgatoya]

The fae smiled, sharply: “Give me your name, child.”

“Uhhhhh. Stick.”

“What.”

“Does Leaf work better? I’m just kinda looking around this clearing. Look, I’m trans, I haven’t decided on one yet, I’m throwing some spaghetti at the wall, you know how it is.”

[hazelgatoya]

[hazelgatoya]

that one meme going around on twt

[hazelgatoya]

When I was younger, I wish someone had told me straight-up that not all adults experience “a calling”. That many of them never find particular purpose in a career. That sometimes, their job is just what pays the bills and they have to seek satisfaction and fulfillment elsewhere. 

Because as an adult, this pervasive notion that there exists a perfect path for everyone, that people should love what they do, and that work is meant to function as a vehicle for fulfilling a person’s grand life destiny is not only inaccurate for many of us, it can be toxic.

The ideal is so ingrained that I have to remind myself constantly I’m not a failure because I don’t adore my job, and because I’m not rocking the world with my work. That is okay. 

Sometimes, work is just work. There isn’t always a perfect career path, magically waiting to be discovered. There might not be this THING you were born to do. Sometimes, you discover that what you really want to be when you grow up is “paid”.

[hazelgatoya]

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