growingupcoloredvents

[growingupcoloredvents]

Haven’t posted in a while, not many people probably read this anyway. Im not the best writer or the best at explaining how i feel. I just know what I’m feeling just doesn’t feel very fucking good. Not complaining I grew up with both of my parents but neither one of them feels like they’re actually there for me. Especially my father, he treats his step kids and my younger sister with more remorse and understanding. I get nothing. I don’t understand why im not good enough i try not to blame myself because he has his own issues within himself that causes him to act in such ways but it hurts so bad. I used to make sure everything was done. Literally nobody else would jump up and make sure but me but i dont even get respect. I get nothing. I do nothing in his eyes. I get treated like im just such shit. I close myself off in my room, skip dinner. And i still manage to fuck up. Im not even that present. Im just tired of hurting, all the pain keeps building up and i dont have anymore fight. Im trying to fight I want better for myself. I have dreams. I just dont have any motivation or drive anymore. I feel weak. Im exerting more energy …

Havent been able to finish.

[growingupcoloredvents]

Before I had to come live with my dad, he tried to get me to take my three dogs to the shelter. Why would I get rid of the only three physical loving creatures in my life. My dogs are my reason of living, I don’t have anything else. No one cares about the way I feel at all. #Miserable #emotionallyscarred #verbalabuse #unhealthyfathers #heartache #hurt #mistreated #help #dontknowwhattodoanymore

[growingupcoloredvents]

Why wont I just leave.. I’m 20. Its not that easy… I wish I had someone who just understood the pain I feel. Can’t believe he doesn’t think my anxiety and depression is real.. my newly found heart problem should’ve told him right there. He doesn’t fucking care why?! I just don’t understand 😭

[growingupcoloredvents]

I say I feel no emotion but truth is I do. Everything has hurt so bad for so long & has been unhealed I’m just numb. I know I’m not perfect but why cant my dad just care about me? he only wants control of my life and if i don’t do as he says its hell. I miss my dogs, my dogs aren’t even sleeping next to me anymore. Hes not home yet & I know im just waiting to be yelled at. #strength #needlove #healing #verbalabuse #verbalabuseawareness #someonetotalkto #venting #vents #brokenheart #imtryingtohangon

[growingupcoloredvents]

My dad laughs at my mental state & its not fair because everyone else in the family can come to him & he’ll listen. Im supposed to be his first born .. & blood daughter. I want my mom 😞

#momsareusuallybetter #suicidal #unhappy #hurt #mentallyexhausted #unhealthymindset #givingittime

[growingupcoloredvents]

I know nobody is reading my post but i just feel genuinely exhausted. I cry every single day & nobody cares. This is the only venting space I have. I cant think about how many times ive thought about not being alive. I hate being singled out, mistreated… feels like i have no other path but to feel helpless and lost. I feel so alone. Wish my dogs could talk. #imtryingthebestican

[growingupcoloredvents]

Having an African American dad & Caucasian/native american mom, growing up I wish my dad cared about my feelings as my mom would. My parents split when I was 14 years old and after that everything changed. #childhoodtrauma #verbalabuse #mentalabuse #emotionallyexhausted #herewegoagain #venting #blacklivesmatter #growingupblack #vents #lesbian #LGBTQ