groversahil2009

[groversahil2009]

ghost dancing the window shopping

walking the mall

just as the doors open

for the staff

early birds

in the small a.m.

ghost dancing the window shopping

& the delights of a freshly scrubbed

marble floor

first person to use

in to the toilets

servicios

senors hombres caballeros

m’sieurs gents herren

what have you

reflected pale in the bright mirrors

hoping the coffee shop is open

put some cheer in these cheeks

& the peace

before the storm

before the canned music

people

is all yours

neil benbow

[groversahil2009]

“I’m often surrounded by the darkness inside me. All these demons they rage a war. They want me dead, I can’t compete. After every defeat I get up strong, don’t want to die. Want us to long. Just hold my hand and give me hope. I’ll be the knight, they can’t poke. Every night my sun sets down. In your arms I am reborn, after each set back, you make me rise. And that is why, I love you and you are my life.” https://www.instagram.com/p/Bwq8cOwnWst/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=corjeo2nr5ra

[groversahil2009]

“I will never be able to love you in the way you love yourself. But that’s the thing, I want you to take care of yourself for me as I look after me for you. Promise me that you’ll love yourself for me as I love myself for you.” https://www.instagram.com/p/BwFT9ZlBNfh/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=3wdqdz4og6kb

[groversahil2009]

“At the time when I was all surrounded by chaos, anxiety and depression. You held my hand and I was home. It was then I realised, home is not a place but a feeling.” https://www.instagram.com/p/BwBUHk1hxK2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1jfjhnkwscyi

[groversahil2009]

//. “Sure I light up the night sky, people look up to me in utter darkness. But I need you. You were the sunlight to my moon, I am nothing without you.” https://www.instagram.com/p/BvvNzxJBm9H/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13ocaohyeo0yt

[groversahil2009]

//. “Some of them are born great, some have greatness thrust upon them. Some have to build their greatness. You weren’t born just to be ordinary. Find your greatness, become a legend.” https://www.instagram.com/p/BvvNxhMh2QI/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17wsf0iadqbqg

[groversahil2009]

//. “Not everything will always go your way and you won’t always get what you want. Learn to lose, but most of all learn to move on. Remember to always get back up” https://www.instagram.com/p/BvvMaRjBwhB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15vfba4t55nfr

[groversahil2009]

//. “This one is special. You guys have no idea...” https://www.instagram.com/p/Bvj6ATFBr1u/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=vzgls13noqs8

[groversahil2009]

//. “The road to hell is very often paved with good intentions...” —John Ray https://www.instagram.com/p/BvPz_SRBtCP/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=speaf1ssyomt

[groversahil2009]

//. “…This message was deleted…” https://www.instagram.com/p/Bugeti7hHEB/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=nokotwabexo9

[groversahil2009]

we start at the end. not of a story, i mean, a hallway. your hand on the exit, eyes cradling an apology your mouth doesn’t give while my own stays shut. you were never one to apologize. and i watch as you turn to leave

but if this is our novel then flip to the middle. where you find me in night time car rides, where i let my eyes follow the streetlights, skip from one lamp to the next, but we drive too quickly for my eyes to ever land. so i settle on the gaps between them, the snippets of sky contained by streetlight divisions and telephone poles. i find you in the spaces between blurred lines. where i form you from pitch black, trace you from constellations until i remember what you look like. i close my eyes on the way home

i skip back to the beginning. where i meet you again, but only as a memory. a flickering image down the hall, fluorescent light casting a halo behind your head, you are a poltergeist, spinning silk between your fingertips and weaving fractions of our past until they make something whole

you are a seamstress. and you stitch a quick fix for the bed we never made, a blanket to drape over open wounds. you wrap me up in covers until i remember birdsong spilling from the curve of your mouth and the warmth of your hands cradling my cheeks and the murmurs, soft as i fall asleep. your memory holds me until i do not remember the lash of your tongue and your words coated in acid. you make me forget the toxin. i only taste the honey

because you are a hornet’s nest i jostled within my arms when i held you too close, mistaking rot for honeycomb, a cut tongue for cherry gumdrops

so i always return to our prologue. where you are still honeycomb, and cough syrup, and we meet apart from hallways and car rides, and we watch as light trickles between my fingertips when i hold them up to the sun. you raise your hand to join me so we can see our skin turn pink. my cheeks do the same, and only the sun rivals your laugh as you turn to look at me. you encompass warmth in one body

but epilogue, you are not the only source. and i do not need you to warm my hands when you tell me that i’m draining. that i strip you of heat, whittle you down until you’re less than what you started as

epilogue, i never stole your warmth. never asked why it took more out of you to hold me than to have my arms around you. you wanted to be held, so i gave you my hands and hoped they were enough for you, swallowed my pride when they weren’t. i gave you a home within my chest, but you didn’t want a place to stay, nor a body to hold. you wanted something to own. so i gave you myself and hoped it was enough, swallowed my pride when i wasn’t

epilogue, i’m sorry i wasn’t enough for you. but i won’t apologize for leaving

i wish i could smooth out the dog-ears so you wouldn’t see how many times i’ve flipped back to our prologue

but for now, i stand at the end. not a hallway, a story. i close my eyes and when they open

you do not haunt me

v.m.

[groversahil2009]

//. “…Love yourself like someone you have loved…” https://www.instagram.com/p/BuLgF6ihSyk/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1e2jvc8u74usz

[groversahil2009]

//. “Not your best-friend Not anymore.” https://www.instagram.com/p/Bt20AdjB-X9/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fr9kseywvfvp

[groversahil2009]

//. ”A note to self.” (at Lajpat Nagar IV) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtL5sIdhXC6/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1e198q0ix0n6i

[groversahil2009]

//. “…beauty is pain and she’s the most beautiful thing that ever happened to me.” (at Central Perk) https://www.instagram.com/p/BtDxIxChSwp/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=t9h6lo7rzsnu

[groversahil2009]

//.
“…you run away from things when they’re good fearing what if tomorrow isn’t the same. What if it all comes crashing down to you? You try so hard but these what-ifs they keep you from being happy. All you need is a little love and assurance, but it was love which gave you anxiety in the first place, so you never let anyone in. You shut everyone out. This is what anxiety does to you. It destroys you from within.” https://www.instagram.com/p/Bs7QzfMhYH9/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17o5bpoe2nv4w

#savagewords

[groversahil2009]

//. “The love which we once had but could not hold onto...” (at Love) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsOlhV_BqYS/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1eng410mtcavx