greenlittlefeet

[greenlittlefeet]

Stranger, I promised myself I’d never forgive you the night you threw me into a wall and the day before that when you punched me right in the face it happened in just a span of one week but I still did. I was pregnant at that time but I didn't know yet. I forgive you for everything. But, I’ll never forget the terror I felt as you stood over me with rage in your eyes. You later assured me it was only because I wasn’t listening to you. If only I’d done what you said, you wouldn’t have had to do that to me. You told me I was blowing it out of proportion, that no one would believe me. I’d never feared for my life until that night and my world has never been the same since. Over time though, I’ve realized that none of these reasons are why I can’t forgive you. I can’t forgive you because I can’t forgive myself for loving you. I can’t forgive myself for not seeing at the time what is now so vivid in hindsight. How could I believe you every time you swore it would be different? How could I trust your words when your actions spoke so loudly? I can’t forgive myself for letting you dim my shine. I went from being a carefree spirit to being paralyzed by the grip of your control. I became scared, confused, and paranoid. I found myself wondering if something was wrong with me. I can’t forgive myself for believing the lies you told me about myself. The pain still persists years later and until now that we have our own child. I still analyze what happened and hate myself for accepting any of the blame. I know I will never forgive you but I hope one day I can heal enough to forgive myself.

[greenlittlefeet]

I forgive him because the man I married is a good man.

The man I love is a good man.

The man I want to spend forever with is a good man.

Because he loves me despite my shortcomings.

Even if I didn't say it during our wedding vows, I promise to forgive you and I promise to ask for forgiveness.

I promise to say sorry whenever I hurt you.

I promise to do better whenever I do something wrong.

I want our kids to learn that, too.

To learn that a person who loves asks for forgiveness. And gives it too.

You are my person. You are worth fighting for.

I love you always and forever.

[greenlittlefeet]

Mahal. Mahal na mahal.

[greenlittlefeet]

Stranger,

I choose us even when you don’t. I choose us when all the signs point to me giving up. I choose us when my heart aches to be near you but I must let go. I choose us silently on days I want to reach out but don’t because I have faith in time. I choose us because I trust in my heart. I choose us because there is so much I need to say and I believe in us. I choose us when I am hanging on by a thread and the weight of staying is too heavy. I choose us when my heart feels like giving way but being with you feels like home. I choose us because every song I hear are words that remind me of you and I can feel you. I choose us because you bring me joy more than I have ever known and I will never be the same. I choose us every time I hear the wind chimes sing and remember the way you used to look at me. I choose us on all the bad days; I choose us on all the amazing days. I choose us on all the days apart, because I can’t wait to find you by my side. I choose you because I love you.

[greenlittlefeet]

To my precious little boy,

Finding the words to express how I feel about you is not easy, especially when sleep-deprived from our late night feeds together, sore from giving birth to you and shocked from the overwhelming emotion of getting to know you these past months.

But let me try.

Let me try to tell you just how perfect you are, how I could spend every second smelling your baby scent, touching your tiny fat feet and stroking your fragile face. Let me tell you how every time I look at you, my heart aches with happiness, how the little things in life that mattered last week don’t mean a thing to me anymore.

Suddenly you are everything

You may only be five months old but you already have my whole heart. Even before I was carrying you, I knew I was destined to be a mom and now that you are here, it just feels right.

You may only weigh a few kilograms, but you are the strongest part of me. Having you in my arms makes me feel like I can move mountains if I need to, if that’s what I have to do to keep you safe.

So, to you, my darling, I thank you. And to you, my son, I make these promises:

I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I promise to always try my best. I promise to always put you first – forgive me when I fail! I promise to do my best to keep you safe. I promise to always make you smile. And when there are tears instead, I promise to be the one to wipe them away.

I will be the one to cuddle you when you feel scared, to hold your hand when you feel sick, to read just one more book to you when you can’t fall asleep. I will watch you take your first steps, hear you speak your first words, be there on your first day of school. And, when it’s time to let go, I will be the one to wave goodbye, and to watch you become a man.

Even if I am not present, my heart will always be there with you

There will come a time when these overwhelming emotions won’t always be happy ones. There will be days filled with anger, with frustration, with sadness, with despair. One day we may fight over your clothing, why you can’t have chocolate for breakfast and how long you have to stay in the bath.

But today there are no arguments. There are no words. There are no sounds except your beating heart against mine and your sweet sigh as you drift off to sleep in my arms.

And that’s all we need right now. No matter what our future holds together or what mistakes I make along the way, my love for you is stronger than anything I’ve ever known.

Love always and forever,

Momma ❤️

[greenlittlefeet]

Heavenly Father, our marriage means a lot to us and we want to see it grow in grace and deepen in love. But for starters, Lord, we must remember that we are first and foremost prisoners of You - serving and honoring You in our heart, mind and body. Let everything we do and say in our marriage reflect this submission and surrender to You.

Let humility cause our words to each other to begin by giving each other the benefit of the doubt when concerns arise. May what we say and the actions we live out be seasoned and clothed with gentleness. Our marriage bond is a covenant under Your love, Lord, and it is a bond You desire us to live out in peace. Remind us of this importance of preserving our unity and living in peace with each other when frustrations arise or needs aren't met. Remind us before we say or do things we would later regret so that we honor You and Your will for our marriage relationship. In Christ. Amen.

[greenlittlefeet]

One day closer, one day easier.

[greenlittlefeet]

Dear God, I’m Scared But I Will Choose To Trust In You.

I’ve been going through a lot of fearful experiences these days, Lord. I don’t know what will happen next. It feels like any moment from now, everything will change in an instant, and the worst case is I might end up losing myself. I’ve recently experienced a lot of unexpected events in my life that really challenged my faith in you. I am so devastated and broken inside.

I am scared, Lord. Things slowly became unfamiliar, and the vision of my future seems so blur. I can’t figure out what I need to do next, but I know you are there, guiding me deep inside. I may have fears, but I will choose to trust in you, Lord. I can’t think of any other ways. You are my only hope. So whatever it is that you wanted me to learn and experience. Please give me the heart that’s willing to stay and endure.

Trusting in you in this kind of season in my life is not easy. Sometimes I am tempted to listen to the negative voices inside me, but your grace is always enough Lord. You sustain me all this time, and you continue to bless me with the things that I need. I may be fighting a battle right now, but I know that you already hold the victory.

I have so many “what if’s” and so many questions in my mind. I’m scared to feel the pain again and again. But despite what I feel inside, I still believe that you will heal me one day. I know that this will not last. You will perform miracles in my life Lord, and you will continue to bless me with your love.

I will choose to believe in your promises. I’ll be waiting for that day when everything will be okay. I do trust in your goodness Father God. You are always enough. This life may not be perfect, but I will try my best to treasure it. I pray for your love Lord. Please teach me how to open my heart so that you can live within. Your love alone can take away all my fears.

Encounter me with your love, every day Lord. Remind me over and over again that you will never leave me. Give me the courage Father to take the next step. Have your way in my life Lord. I surrender to you all my worries and cares. I do believe that you will perform miracles in my life.

[greenlittlefeet]

Dear God, give me strength.

Strength to raise my head, to get out of bed, to rise to my feet and begin this new day. I am so tired. Mentally tired. Physically tired. It’s like I can’t shake yesterday’s ghost from my shoulders. It’s like I’ve forgotten who I am, how far I’ve come.

Everywhere I turn, I’m reminded of all the ways I’ve fallen short, all the goals I didn’t reach, all the lessons I still haven’t learned. Every time I open my eyes, I’m reminded of the people I’ve lost, of the words I spoke in anger, of the promises I’ve broken. And no matter what I try to do, it’s like I can’t break free.

I’m so tired, Father. And I need your strength to fill me. Please give me your love—pour it into my spirit. Let it warm me, let it course through my veins, let it remind me that in you, I can do all things. God, please give me the strength to face today, to face the obstacles, to face whatever pain is destined to come knocking at my door. I know that when I trust in you and lean on you, you will carry me forward. So this is me acknowledging that I can’t face this alone—this is me, giving my heart and lungs and legs to you. Guide me forward.

Amen.

[greenlittlefeet]

Loving Father, You are the model for what our love is to look and feel like in our marriage. Your love comes with strength. You defend and rescue us in our times of need - a victorious warrior. This also means Your love is imbued with courage, it's a courageous love which seeks our safety, security and freedom. Let our marriage relationship reflect this courageous love for each other. Let us seek to defend or rescue each other from whatever life serves up - whether it be difficulties at work, in other relationships, in the home or even with our own emotional well-being. Let us be quick to come to the other's needs, and to do so with joy and happiness - as You do.

God, You also demonstrate to us the power of a quiet love. This is a steady love which we know is there. It doesn't need to be announced. It doesn't need to be decorated by gifts or outings. Rather, Your quiet love gives us calm in knowing You are present, attentive and available. Make us both in our marriage present, attentive and available to each other. Give us the gift of a quiet, steady love in our marriage relationship.

And let us also experience those moments of joy and rejoicing - whether in activities we do together - or in learning how to support each other in our own various hobbies or interests. Give us hearts that seek to make our spouse joyful simply due to our own joy in them. In Christ's name. Amen.

#prayer #marriage

[greenlittlefeet]

[greenlittlefeet]

Please help me to find strength in you. Please take this pain and show me how to let it go. Help me to forgive, to begin again, to trust that this brokenness is a part of your plan. God, help me to see new beginnings. Help me to heal. Help me to start over, because I know you have better plans for me. This is so hard, but I’m trusting in you. Save me from this feeling.

[greenlittlefeet]

[greenlittlefeet]

There's nothing more I want in life than to become a mother.

[greenlittlefeet]

[greenlittlefeet]

I’m so tired, I feel like I’ve been at a party and it’s gone on for too long and I’m drunk and all I want to do is go home. I can sleep, I can eat, I can talk, and I can breathe, so I should be fine. Objectively, I am fine, but I’m not. It’s just one of those things and I honestly think I’m going crazy.

[greenlittlefeet]

To my everlasting love,

I married you because you simply get me. In a crowded room, in the stillness, and in the midst of chaos, I can always count on you. Your strong shoulders to lie on, your amazing ability to push my dark anxiety at bay, and your ceaseless affection that never stops caring for me.

You know when I’m feeling nervous and squeeze my hand encouragingly. You listen to me patiently even as I recount the past happening for the tenth time letting me vent away my frustration. You’re the person I dreamt of meeting since I was young. Every single time that I think of how far we’ve come, I cannot believe that I get to call you mine. Your perseverance, your kindness, and your generosity in the way you love me greatly inspire me to open my heart and love you back just as fiercely.

I married you because I’m utterly, deeply in love with you, and you’re the only one I want to be with. When I think of love, you’re the first thought that comes to my mind and I feel a big wide smile spreading across my face. I think of how all the clichés of how you’ll know when you meet the right one and agree vehemently because, with you, I just know; ever since the day we met. I just know that you’re someone I can trust my heart with. Someone who will never let me down and who will never stop loving me with everything you have. I just know that we’re the right fit together because we share the same dreams and aligned goals for our future. I just know beyond any doubt and uncertainty in my mind that I love you and you’re my right person.

I married you because you never stop trying and fighting to give me the best you have. You’re my lighthouse, a beacon of hope for my future and your warmth burns perpetually in my life. You’re my soulmate I believe I found who compliments my differences and I rejoice over how blessed we really are. You’re the happy ending I want to kick start my upcoming days with, except that this is not the end. It’s the beginning of our life together.

You are worth the risk, every bit of it, and I have no regret knowing you. I have no regret loving you. With you, I have found my best friend and my soulmate. I have found my home in you. I have found a love that never leaves. You are my family now.

I knew God would wait until I was less focused on myself and my desires, and more on my purpose. I knew I had to be patient, had to trust He would bring you to me, me to you, us together. And He did. God answered my prayers with you. He brought me someone far greater than I could ever imagine, someone who challenges me, grows alongside me, and chooses me, every single day.

Thank you for embarking on this journey with me and doing your absolute best for us. Thank you for being the best husband that I could ever wish for — I’m so incredibly fortunate to have you. I hope this letter reach you.

Love, your Wife.