god-shapedhole
grace-given giving grace
learning to hear God in the whispers, and learning to fill the God-shaped hole in my life with the only One who can fill it
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on easter, god whispered - the chains have been broken, you are free. why do you still live like you are a prisoner to shame, guilt and fear?
Matthew 28:6 He is not here, for he has risen, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay.
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times when all i want to do is run away are times that i have to show up and resist these earthly urges
somehow afraid of how god will speak on maundy thursday...
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have i been demanding signs and wonders, strong wind/earthquakes/fires, to know you are with me, when you have been coming in the sound of sheer silence? the funny thing is when i ask these qns, i know the answer is always yes. how wilful i am
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so many broken hearts - and my complaint/cry is so trivial compared to the rest. in the chorus of voices crying out for your peace and presence today, there was a further assurance of the way forward (icu mopex > apply residency > pall mopex > residency after). s told me that God affirms the person more than the decision, but thank you that You did both today.
as i continue to struggle w this other desire within, teach me to rest in sweet surrender, you can use me in my wilfulness/stubbornness/overwillingness and unwillingness to move. you have never failed me yet, great is your faithfulness
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The more we believe that God hurts only to heal, the less we can believe that there is any use in begging for tenderness. A cruel man might be bribed...But suppose that what you are up against is a surgeon whose intentions are wholly good. The kinder and more conscientious he is, the more inexorably he will go on cutting. If he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped before the operation was complete, all the pain up to that point would have been useless. But is it credible that such extremities of torture should be necessary for us? Well, take your choice. The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary. For no even moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't. Either way, we're for it.
C S Lewis
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after my solo travels, ive somehow gained the courage to give up a ?supposed ideal, a place of refuge i stumbled into - anaesthesia. applying for MOPEX this rotation has never been easier, but at the same time, seeing old colleagues enjoying this specialty does stir up some strange feelings in me (largely wistfulness). haha but Lord you lead me to places that are right for me, and i will trust in the quiet promptings.
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Above all, trust in the slow work of God. We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. We should like to skip the intermediate stages. We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress that it is made by passing through some stages of instability -- and that it may take a very long time.
And so I think it is with you; your ideas mature gradually—let them grow, let them shape themselves, without undue haste. Don’t try to force them on, as though you could be today what time (that is to say, grace and circumstances acting on your own good will) will make of you tomorrow.
Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be. Give Our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.
—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
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a rough night wrestling and praying for relief
so often i know not what to say, nor what to pray for anymore :(
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today it occurred to me: ive been begging to be able to let go - but you ask me to hold on
(its so easy to be convicted that its You in the moment! but then the worries of the world come back into mind and i doubt once again - is it really You God?)
Matthew 14:31 ESV
[31] Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”
https://bible.com/bible/59/mat.14.31.ESV
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no where to except into Your presence
whether in the grief of my pain or my joy uncontained,
or in the weary of days or the hope that i gain,
let my song be the same - hallelujah king of days
this tabernacle body is yours
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d3 of fasting from lunch for lent
today during the closing 2 min of silence i was brought to a green pasture - lying on the grass staring at the sky next to Jesus, prancing (yes...) in a field of flowers with Jesus, dipping my hands into the still streams that flowed through the garden
when i imagined my dogs in heaven this was always the picture i got, but this was the first time i experienced the green pasture for myself. what a joy, what a privilege
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thank you for conviction that i am favoured. blessed to belong, blessed to be Yours God! teach me to pray bigger
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