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I still don't understand how some people base their attraction solely on physical characteristics. Have you tried asking someone what their favorite book is? Their enthusiasm about it can just be really hot sometimes...just putting that out there.

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I think I’m going to think about this youtube comment forever

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Here's a thing I think: your wife hasn't opened her own doors or pulled out her own chairs since she met you because you won't allow it.

Have I got you correct in my head?

Yes.

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I'm just absolutely charmed by how many hot wings my wife can eat in one sitting...and how fast. It's fluid, elegant, artistic...very professional.

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#soupcore

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So...your ex-wife was a cunt then?

Um...yes. Thank you for asking.

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This has been a topic of discussion lately and I thought I'd get your take since you seem pretty non-toxic: how do you feel about "cake smashing" at a wedding, like when the spouses feed each other the first piece? Did you do it to your wife or she to you?

Here's a tale of two weddings I've had:

My first wedding, my now ex-wife told me she didn't like that tradition...too much time, money, and effort went into her dress and makeup/hair for it to get ruined and honestly she was always very easily embarrassed. So when the time came I politely fed her the smallest possible bite of cake (with a spoon, to hand feed her was "lewd and suggestive") and she proceeded to smash the entire rest of the piece into my face, up my nose, and in my hair. Knowing her as I do now I'm convinced this was a weird show of domination, a power move...which is what it turns into at a lot of weddings, I've noticed.

My second wedding, to my favorite little babymama sweetheart wife...I asked her to at least not get cake that far up my nose and she said "why would I smash cake on you? That's so rude! Can't we just eat it?" (Nevermind the fact that her protégé/bestie at the bakery she used to work at made the cake for us and would have been pissed as fuck to watch us waste any of it)

What I'm saying is...it all depends on who you're rocking with and what the vibe is. If it's fun and *both* parties consent I don't see a problem with it. But a lot of times it seems unnecessarily aggressive and like it definitely didn't get discussed ahead of time. I recently read about a woman who left her ceremony and filed for an annulment after she got caked by her new husband despite explicitly and emphatically telling him not to do that shit to her because it told her a lot about how their marriage would be going forward and...honestly I love that for her. I probably should have done that after my first wedding but, you know what they say about hindsight 😬

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An hour into however many episodes of Tiny Chef, kids have been sleeping for 45 minutes, we have been arguing whether or not said chef is an avocado.

We could watch something else but why?

My wife is doing the Tiny Chef voice and has said "I'm AVO-cating for my guacamole heritage"

At least it's not Bluey again.

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Alphabetically by subject, author, title. Pretty much the same as at work.

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I tripped over the dog going into the babies room and kind of...tumbled in like a drunkard and my one year old daughter said "papaaaa...ow"

Two things: one...literally a fucking genius and no one can convince me otherwise and two, comedic timing is on point already and I think that's what I'm most proud of honestly.

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people who don't wear glasses don't get the added benefit of taking off your HD eyesight for a while. just. fuck it! i'm done. 240p vision time

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My wife: "can you be a guy for me real quick?"

Um, no...sorry. I identify more as an ominously pulsing wormhole.