ginnyshits-blog

[ginnyshits-blog]

Day 1

July 6,2019

Today's the first day na wala ka na sakin. I really don't know why things ended up this way. Sobrang bigat. Sobrang sakit. Sobrang lungkot. I slowly began to realize na wala na talagang tayo. Na hanggang dito na lang tayo. 2 years and 7 months kitang nakasama. We fought really hard to make this relationship work. Akala ko enough na yung mga binigay natin kaso hindi pala. Sobrang laki na ng nagbago, sakin, sayo and sa environment na ginagalawan natin. We changed ourselves para maka survive na new environment. Yes we did, pero di natin napansin na pati pala yung relationship natin nagbago. From the boy na nakilala ko before na sanay i keep lahat sa sarili to the man na onti onting binubukas yung sarili niya sakin. And ako, from the girl na sobrang ma pride to the woman na kaya nang magpatawad and ibaba yung pride. Sobrang daming what if's. What if di ko sinabi na makikipag hiwalay na ko? What if inintindi na lang kita that night? What if sinunod na lang kita? What if kinausap muna kita bago ka umalis nang bahay? Kung ginawa ko ba yan, tayo pa rin ba hanggang ngayon?

Sobrang dami kong gustong sabihin. Sobrang dami ko pang gustong gawin. All the plans that we talk. All the memories that we had, lahat yun wala na. Sobrang bigat ng gabi na we decided to end this because I saw how happy you are with your officemates habang umiinom kayo. These are one of the things na sabi mong nagpapasaya sayo pero pinipigilan ko minsan, but apprently, i began to accept it and let you do your own kaso di pa rin pala sapat. I saw how you enjoyed being with them. I saw how you smile. Baka ito na talaga hinihintay mo para sumaya ka ng totoo pero ang sakit eh. I want to ask why did you do it? Bakit ka nakipag inuman and nag overnight sa bahay ng isang ka officemate mo eh kaka break lang natin. Gusto kong sabihin na sana inisip mo muna mararamdaman ko bago mo ginawa yun. Gusto kong mag demand ng respect from you kasi kaka break lang natin pero naalala ko, wala na nga palang tayo.

March 25, 2019

"....promise, i'm going to fix myself without losing you"

Those were the exact same word na sinabi mo sakin na pinanghawakan ko. Akala ko gagawin mo. Umasa ako. But after this, mas worst pa yung nangayare satin. You didn't fixed yourself and you lost me. My life will never be the same again. I have to deal with the pain. Mahal na mahal kita pero nakakapagod na.